Posted by Racer on June 10, 2004, at 14:27:02
This is short, because I'm really exhausted today.
I had my first session with the new therapist today, and am cautiously optimistic about our prospects. She listened to me, although she doesn't yet know me well enough to "hear" some of what I'm saying -- and it was OK. We did start off with a quick word about my control issues -- feeling out of control, added with feeling unable to direct things toward a good outcome, and resisting control when I don't trust the person trying to control me, etc. That came up when she started out by telling me what she hoped for from our first session, and asking me what I wanted from it.
She wanted to get to know me a little, hear what I had to say a little, and see what I wanted from our first session. I told her that I had that control thing going on -- that I feel unable to direct things to a good outcome -- but wanted her to start me in a good direction for starting. So, she did. That worked, too. She started with my previous therapy experiences, what had worked, what hadn't worked, etc. I started off with general things, then she asked specifics about the last three -- which took the rest of the session. She did tell me she was angry to hear what I'd reported, which, of course, gets my back up a little -- that's something we can address later: why I get defensive when someone else is angry or sympathetic for something that happened to me -- but it was good overall. A gentle toe into the water thing.
It was better than I had hoped in most ways. She didn't let me play human steamroller, which I can do (genetic -- you should meet my aunt), and she didn't overwhelm me with "you need to do [x]" type things. She did put me on the spot, but she didn't know that she was doing it. She asked what I was going to do for the next week. Hello? Most days now I can't do more than read these babble boards and any email I get. And that really bothers me. But she didn't know how much I'm beating myself up about how little I'm doing, so that's something that I'm sure we'll get to. (And I know she had to ask: while I've rallied a little in the last 24 hours, it's after a marathon of considering different suicide methods, which one to choose, rather than whether to do it. The good news on that is that I did tell our marriage counselor and my husband, rather than hiding it, so they're aware and watching out for me. So, this new T had to ask.)
Dinah, I checked. Her ankles are nice, and it looks as if she shaves her legs. She did have less than ideal shoes, but they looked solid and comfortable. Her shirt was spun silk, which I like, and my only appearance complaint is that she's quite slim and pretty. Fortunately, she has one of those personalities that seems designed to help you forget how pretty she is and make her less intimidating. (Does that make sense? *I* know what I mean.)
poster:Racer
thread:355461
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/355461.html