![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bell_75 on June 10, 2004, at 7:55:09
In my therapy session today my T spoke about how therapy is not forever and our sessions will have to come to an end someday. Now, he's mentioned this before and I've acknowledged to him that I know this and have implied that when the time comes I will accept it.
However, I feel as though there's pressure from him for me to be progressing quicker than I am, as though he believes I've overcomed issues with depression and social anxiety alot better than I have.
I can give myself praise when I make positive steps in my recovery stage and I've noticed how much therapy has changed me but I feel there's pressure to move forward.
He's not outrightly pressuring me and is a very understanding T I guess thats why I pose the question, is this pressure real? Could I just be anxious about termination therefore having less confidence about my "readiness" to do so?
I was just wondering if anyone here has found themselves in this situation where they're feeling pressure from their therapist to be making progress.
I worry that I'm somewhat of a failure in therapy when we work hard and I work extra hard at my homework assignments and I'm still so writhed with what it is we're working on.
My T reassures me that he'll tell me the truth about what he's thinking if I ask and will answer my questions honestly. I believe him on this too. But I don't yet want to approach him on this subject because I feel that if I mentioned this after he talked about termination it would seem like I'm clutching at straws to hold onto our therapeutic relationship even if I have the skills to live without it. As though I'm staying out of seperation anxiety rather than a need for therapy. I've been in therapy for 13 months now. Its a free clinic setting and I feel this denies them any obligation to give more time. I understand the waiting list and demand are high also.
I feel this is something I want to talk to babblers about first and see if this feeling of pressure (inadvertly or direct) has been felt by them coming from their therapist.
Thank you in advance fellow babblers.
Kudos!
~Bell
Posted by lifeworthliving on June 10, 2004, at 8:34:40
In reply to Therapeutic pressure, is it real? do u relate?, posted by bell_75 on June 10, 2004, at 7:55:09
i sometimes have a "i better hurry up and heal" feeling because i'm certain she thinks i'm moving too slow, whatever. when i ask about it, she is reminds me that i will know it's time, we will both be in agreement, etc. about termination. it causes me anxiety so i try not to think about it. i guess i feel pressure to "work" is all but i don't feel so much pressure to heal. is there a difference? i do feel sometimes like i can't live without her. on a thinking level i know this is ridiculous, but my heart doesn't agree, so i wonder what i can do to ensure my spot for years. i've thought often that i hope to get sick of therapy because it's the only way out for me that won't cause me to be sad and heartbroken for the rest of my life. i love my therapist more than i've ever loved another person. man, if i could transfer all those warm feelings into a love for myself the sky would be the limit!
Posted by DaisyM on June 10, 2004, at 18:00:20
In reply to Therapeutic pressure, is it real? do u relate?, posted by bell_75 on June 10, 2004, at 7:55:09
"You seem stronger around this today. That is a good sign."
"I felt your excitement about your experience and I liked it."
Both of these statements were made by my Therapist in the past month. Both were about or during sessions when I *was* doing well. I told him (today in fact, good timing) that I keep hearing him say these things and I worry that he is getting frustrated at our pace. I told him I was working really, really hard to not let the stuff we are working on overwhelm me and take me back down. I even admitted to hiding some of how bad I've been feeling all week from him.
He went through the whole spiral analogy again, about how we go forward and then back again. And he expects that. He said he doesn't have a level of "progress" that he gages each session by...that it is overall progress that counts. And that he doesn't have a time line for therapy either...many people go years. He said his only frustration is about finding a way to convince me that he isn't frustrated!
I think what you are feeling is pretty normal. I think you have to ask yourself if the pressure is internal, not external. I also think that it is normal to have fears about termination, that simultaneously we want to "hurry up and get better" and also to be so much worse to prove we aren't ready to leave.
I think you should talk to him, regardless of the timing. It might surprise him to know that the level of progress you think he is seeing doesn't match yours. You might also find out that he doesn't think you are ready to leave yet. (how would that feel)?
Posted by bell_75 on June 10, 2004, at 19:37:05
In reply to Re: Therapeutic pressure, is it real? do u relate? » bell_75, posted by DaisyM on June 10, 2004, at 18:00:20
First Daisy, thanks for your reply :)
He has said to me awhile ago that he doesn't think I'm ready to terminate and that made me feel as though he had compassion to see that I was in a difficult time and also that he had given my case some thought.
Its a good point you made that it might be internal because I thought about this and I think some of the pressure maybe be coming from me because I want to "make him proud" and not frustrate him as you've experienced with your T.
I mentioned to my T in yesturday's session that I had done something that wasnt a safety behaviour in a situation that I was really anxious about and he literally got excited about this. He was really happy for me and I was surprised by this but nontheless felt good about it. This made me think 'does one good day mean I'm cured in his eyes?'. Maybe I'm being abit irrational and jumping to conclusions. Afterall, I can't read his mind.
He also mentioned that we should start having fortnightly sessions soon and we'll discuss that further in our next session. This gave me the picture that he's planning on weening me off. Sometimes we have really productive and neccessary sessions and other times it seems as though we're stuck on finding concrete things to talk about as though we're dealing with things I could probably deal with on my own.
I also think maybe, like you mentioned, that progress is an overall thing not on a weekly basis. Some weeks are good and some weeks not so and I feel as though on the good weeks he's picturing me as being good from every week on.
Blah! Its brain straining to think about.
Thanks for the advice. I will bring it up tactfully in our next session because its been playing on my mind. I've got a week to think of what I'm going to say lets just hope i say it when the time comes.~Bell
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.