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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on March 30, 2004, at 21:42:57
Alrighty, Well, my therapists both said that they feel that I am bipolar. I dont agree. Yet, I see the same signs that they are seeing. Howcome I cannot agree with them? I think I am scared. My therapist told me i have 2 options..one is to go to a support group for people that are bipolar and the other is to get a second opinion. I chose the second opinion. Why would i go to a support group for something that I feel I dont have?? Anyway, Im going to get a second opinion but how to I go about doing this. If I tell her my symptoms..which IM not even having very much anymore except for the depression...then of course she is going to say im bipolar. WHY CAN I NOT BELIEVE my therapists to begin with! I know that if I can be convinced that I am bipolar, I will be fine with going back on my seroquel and taking my medicine for the rest of my life..but until then, im not going to be putting something into my body that I feel I dont need. I think deep down, I do agree that Im bipolar but it is hard to fathom since EVERYONE that knows me and that i have talked to ..family included does NOT think that im bipolar.......this is so frustrating. AND to top it off...the told me to get a second opinion from a psychiatrist, yet I called a regular therapist..MSW to get an appt. and I dont think that they will be too thrilled. BUT, i look at it like this...Im going to cont. going to my psychiatrist..i dont need any advice on my medications...I just need an opinion on wether or not im bipolar..and the person im going to go to specializes in mood disorders..so it should NOT be a problem...hopefully they will be ok with my decision...Anyway, I have never gotten a second opinion and I dont know..can they tell just by talking to you if you are bipolar? Will she be asking me all the questions and be able to tell from my answers or should I be doing most of the talking. Its funny to me that ive been in therapy for almost 3 years and I dont know how this works...but IM so frustrated and confused...I just want to do whats right and yet, i dont know what is right..I dont know who to trust anymore and I feel so alone right now. I feel that my therapists are getting so frustrated with me ...hopefully im wrong... ahhhh...on a good note..my mom did tell me last night that she is proud of me and that Im doing well...(we dont get along so this is big)...but, at the same time she doesnt see the frustration that im going through and I can mask my depression from her..so oh well. I feel so alone...
Posted by gardenergirl on March 30, 2004, at 23:44:22
In reply to Bipolar yet getting a second opinion..., posted by Pandabear on March 30, 2004, at 21:42:57
It sounds like you are making good decisions. I think it makes a lot of sense to see someone who specializes in mood disorders. I would imagine it is scary, going into a situation when you don't know what will be expected of you. I suppose it could be more like an interview, but it depends on the person's style as well. Some are so good that they get everything they need to form a dx out of a free-flowing dialog rather than a structured interview.
That said, I wonder about what you are feeling about the consequences of a yea or nay to the dx. Are you looking for a definitive answer, so that you can feel good one way or another, knowing that there is more consensus? Or are you hoping she will confirm what you feel within yourself and what your family and friends feel? I just ask, because it might be helpful to think about what it means to you either way it turns out.
I'm so glad you had that moment with your mother. Those are SO important! And in many cases so few and far between if at all.
Take care and good luck! Let us know what you find out.
gg
Posted by Pandabear on March 31, 2004, at 22:46:04
In reply to Re: Bipolar yet getting a second opinion..., posted by gardenergirl on March 30, 2004, at 23:44:22
Listen to this...I had my session with both therapists today and they are NOT thrilled with me. I am not going to go into big detail but, Im SO frustrated. Im going back on seroquel tonight just because I am so worked up and I cannot sleep..IF im hung over tomorrow..which where im from is 30 mins from now...SO BE IT. I will truck myself over to her office and say.."look..this is what it does to me"...they have frustrated me so much. I just need lots of thoughts and prayers right now...they were realy pushing my buttons today..and i know they are only looking out for me but Im so worked up...when i get upset I become enraged and it was almost like they were wanting to see me explode...yet I dont want to. My dad doesnt think I should yet I told him if it is what they want to see...then i will show it to them. Im going to ask her at my next session next week...they were pushing every one of my buttons..my therapist said that it seems to her that I enjoy being depressed and irritable when not taking my meds...I looked at her and said .."what?" Thats not it at all..i dont feel that way..im not happy im so messed up...Im just really confused. and frustrated. I dont know what to do...she told me that she isnt returning my phone calls because it is theraputic for me to not do so.....and i know this every time..but its so frustrating...and yet she tells me im doing really good with the whole boundary issue..I want to scream at them so badly...but i cannot talk to her..i cant call her I cant do anything. I left a message tonight telling the receptionist to tell them that Im going to start my med tonight and to let her know that I was going to be making my appts tomorrow with her...but, I want so badly to talk to them..when i go there tomorrow..what makes them think that I wont be wanting to speak to one of them...hello...im so frustrated. They are trying to send me over the edge and they will succeed..my dad doesnt want it to happen because im afraid that he thinks that they will want to hospitalize me if they see me enraged..but maybe they will. When we were talking, I told them that i would never get enraged or yell at them but that i have with my mom..and my therapist interupts me and says to my psychiatrist..isnt this a sign of bipolar...rage and anger and hostility..and she said yes.... I CANNOT even express anger without them thinking its something like bipolar disorder. I asked them what we would do if my second opinion therapist sees something else..and she said that they would deal with it if it happened...(im fortune telling). They also got on to me about how im always trying to please them and to make things better when they arent and how that im always trying to take care of the two of them...its so hard for me to stop because i like to care for people and its hard ..im even doing it with my therapists...ahhhh.
Please think/pray for me..im so upset and confused. I dont know who is right or wrong anymore and I dont want to upset them...I know they are human and they have feelings and I KNOW they are frustrated with me. I cannot win..I feel so alone and lost right now. I need someone that understands where im coming from and I cannot find that person.
Pandabear
Posted by fallsfall on April 1, 2004, at 8:21:00
In reply to Re: Bipolar yet getting a second opinion... » gardenergirl, posted by Pandabear on March 31, 2004, at 22:46:04
I understand your frustration.
I do everything I can to do the "right" thing for therapy. But everytime I try to do the right thing, it is wrong. And it seems that if I then assume that I should do the "wrong" thing, that that is wrong, too.
I don't know how many times I have said "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it, I don't know what you want me to do". And he says things like "but if I tell you what to do, then you will make sure that it fails - to prove to me that what I tell you to do is wrong".
I completely understand your frustration. And things that you have always done (like take care of people). I do a little better when he tells me NOT to do things I've always done like that. I can intellectually understand why he says that, and I can force myself to behave properly, but boy is it painful!!!! Incredible anxiety.
My old therapist tried to deal with my dependency by reducing sessions and "forcing" me to be more independent. She wanted me to go from once a week to every other week. That was just always painful. My new therapist started me at twice a week, and we just went to 3 times a week. He is Pyschodynamic - she was CBT. There is a real difference in treatment philosophies. Time will tell if more frequent is better for me, but it FEELS better. I still have tons of anxiety after I see him (because he challenges everything that I know to be true) - but at least I don't have to hold the anxiety as long - I can go see him and get NEW anxiety.
I am going to start a new thread below on "Potential Unconscious". I don't want to deflect your "frustration" topic. Please read my new thread, too, and tell me what you think.
You are NOT alone. I can SOOOOO identify with your post!!!
(((Pandabear)))
Posted by gardenergirl on April 1, 2004, at 9:27:32
In reply to Re: Bipolar yet getting a second opinion... » gardenergirl, posted by Pandabear on March 31, 2004, at 22:46:04
I'm sorry you had such a tough time. They sound very challenging. I can tell from your post how upset your are. I hope you are able to get some distance from this so it's not staying with you 24/7?
I really hate it when people fling diagnoses around like you described. Your anger may or not be related to a dx, but it is YOUR behavior. Do you know why they are so invested in you accepting a dx? Will it change your treatment at all?
Please take care. I hope you can find some resolution to this.
gg
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