Posted by Pandabear on March 31, 2004, at 22:46:04
In reply to Re: Bipolar yet getting a second opinion..., posted by gardenergirl on March 30, 2004, at 23:44:22
Listen to this...I had my session with both therapists today and they are NOT thrilled with me. I am not going to go into big detail but, Im SO frustrated. Im going back on seroquel tonight just because I am so worked up and I cannot sleep..IF im hung over tomorrow..which where im from is 30 mins from now...SO BE IT. I will truck myself over to her office and say.."look..this is what it does to me"...they have frustrated me so much. I just need lots of thoughts and prayers right now...they were realy pushing my buttons today..and i know they are only looking out for me but Im so worked up...when i get upset I become enraged and it was almost like they were wanting to see me explode...yet I dont want to. My dad doesnt think I should yet I told him if it is what they want to see...then i will show it to them. Im going to ask her at my next session next week...they were pushing every one of my buttons..my therapist said that it seems to her that I enjoy being depressed and irritable when not taking my meds...I looked at her and said .."what?" Thats not it at all..i dont feel that way..im not happy im so messed up...Im just really confused. and frustrated. I dont know what to do...she told me that she isnt returning my phone calls because it is theraputic for me to not do so.....and i know this every time..but its so frustrating...and yet she tells me im doing really good with the whole boundary issue..I want to scream at them so badly...but i cannot talk to her..i cant call her I cant do anything. I left a message tonight telling the receptionist to tell them that Im going to start my med tonight and to let her know that I was going to be making my appts tomorrow with her...but, I want so badly to talk to them..when i go there tomorrow..what makes them think that I wont be wanting to speak to one of them...hello...im so frustrated. They are trying to send me over the edge and they will succeed..my dad doesnt want it to happen because im afraid that he thinks that they will want to hospitalize me if they see me enraged..but maybe they will. When we were talking, I told them that i would never get enraged or yell at them but that i have with my mom..and my therapist interupts me and says to my psychiatrist..isnt this a sign of bipolar...rage and anger and hostility..and she said yes.... I CANNOT even express anger without them thinking its something like bipolar disorder. I asked them what we would do if my second opinion therapist sees something else..and she said that they would deal with it if it happened...(im fortune telling). They also got on to me about how im always trying to please them and to make things better when they arent and how that im always trying to take care of the two of them...its so hard for me to stop because i like to care for people and its hard ..im even doing it with my therapists...ahhhh.
Please think/pray for me..im so upset and confused. I dont know who is right or wrong anymore and I dont want to upset them...I know they are human and they have feelings and I KNOW they are frustrated with me. I cannot win..I feel so alone and lost right now. I need someone that understands where im coming from and I cannot find that person.
Pandabear
poster:Pandabear
thread:330550
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040327/msgs/331109.html