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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by crushedout on March 25, 2004, at 23:52:41
I think maybe it was because it was the last session of the week and I was trying to avoid the separation anxiety. So I was completely out of it, couldn't answer any of her questions about how I'd been feeling (when I'd been SI'ing earlier in the week), and was completely frustrating her. I was also smiling inappropriately throughout the session, which she remarked about. I felt embarrassed and psychotic.
I told her I felt like someone had shot me up with heroin or something. I was just numb and lethargic and could barely articulate myself. I wanted so much to be present for the session but I couldn't seem to be. When there were five minutes left, she asked me what I was feeling then, and I said, "Anxious. Anxious, nervous, scared, sad. Now I'm just sad." And I got a really sad look on my face and she said she felt sad with me and that it felt like a heaviness in her chest -- is that what I felt. I said yes. She asked me to talk about it. I said I had no words. Then I said I just was sad that our session was over and that I didn't want to leave and I started crying. She commended me for being present finally. She said it took a lot of courage and that she appreciated it.
I almost never cry in therapy. I'm glad I did today.
Posted by cubic_me on March 26, 2004, at 10:32:45
In reply to I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?), posted by crushedout on March 25, 2004, at 23:52:41
I completely understand crushed, my therapy yesterday was very similar, except i didn't really ever become 'present' - I think it's great that you could, and that you could allow yourself to cry and feel your emotions. That's got to be a positive step.
We all have difficult sessions, but often they can be the most revealing about ourselves. I hope you feel a little better soon x
Posted by DaisyM on March 26, 2004, at 17:43:15
In reply to Re: I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?) » crushedout, posted by cubic_me on March 26, 2004, at 10:32:45
I find myself floating away alot these days. My Therapist has two offices. The main one I go to is a small room on the top floor of an old victorian house. He calls it his "tree-fort". There are trees outside the window to look at and it is a really soothing room. I can float away there much more easily than in the other office, which is nice, but much bigger and you can't look out the window.
Cubic: I've been following your postings up and down the board today. It seems like you are having a hard time...I wish I could help and offer support. You are in my thoughts. Let me know if you need something.
Daisy
Posted by DaisyM on March 26, 2004, at 17:47:16
In reply to I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?), posted by crushedout on March 25, 2004, at 23:52:41
I think you were brave to come back at the end too. And I'm glad crying helped. I usually feel sick if I cry.
I know that oppressive feeling that permeates the room. I hate when I bring it in with me. I feel like it will crush us both. Do you feel sad about making her feel sad? Or is it a comfort that she "gets" how you are feeling?
Hugs to you. It sounds like you could use one.
Daisy
Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2004, at 21:00:34
In reply to Re: I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?) » cubic_me, posted by DaisyM on March 26, 2004, at 17:43:15
Oooh, I want your therapist. A tree fort? Oooooooh. What a guy. My therapist has a shiny office. :(
Posted by cubic_me on March 27, 2004, at 11:18:25
In reply to Re: I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?) » cubic_me, posted by DaisyM on March 26, 2004, at 17:43:15
The "tree-fort" sounds great! My T has her office in an old victorian house too, but it is big and there are often builders outside (not visible) who have music blarring. There is always something to distract me there - whenever I float away I am thinking about the plants or the chairs or the cusions etc. Maybe I'd be better off in a small, bare room!
> Cubic: I've been following your postings up and down the board today. It seems like you are having a hard time...I wish I could help and offer support. You are in my thoughts. Let me know if you need something.
> DaisyAwww, you are so sweet. I am having a really rough time at the moment, things are so so hard, but I don't have anything to say and I hate to worry you guys - I post so little that I don't feel I deserve it. I know that is a fault in my thinking, but I suppose that's one of the reasons I'm in therapy!!
*huggles*
Posted by DaisyM on March 27, 2004, at 13:25:53
In reply to Re: I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?) » DaisyM, posted by cubic_me on March 27, 2004, at 11:18:25
<<<I am having a really rough time at the moment, things are so so hard, but I don't have anything to say and I hate to worry you guys - I post so little that I don't feel I deserve it. I know that is a fault in my thinking, but I suppose that's one of the reasons I'm in therapy!!
>>>You don't have to "say" anything...just that you are having a rough time. You post plenty and your posts are helpful and insightful. And if it was about "deserving" I'd be in trouble. It is about mutal support, sometimes for me, sometimes for you. I have struggled myself this week and I told my Therapist I have no idea what I want him to do for me. His answer was that he would just be with me, sit with me physically, be with me emotionally, rest in my thoughts, so I don't have to be alone with the sadness. And guess what? This is what I wanted and needed. It doesn't make it all better, but it makes it a tiny bit easier.
Please feel me holding you in my thoughts, just being with you. Sometimes not being alone is the answer, even in cyber-space.
If you want to let me know what is going on, please feel free. Check Open today about 4ish West Coast Time if you can. I'll be there. Last night I was lucky enough to find a group there (Karen, Dinah, AllDone) and I really needed them. I hope to return the favor by helping you.
Daisy
Posted by cubic_me on March 27, 2004, at 13:52:05
In reply to Re: I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?), posted by DaisyM on March 27, 2004, at 13:25:53
You are such a sweetheart :)
I don't really know how Open works, but I've joined anyway. I probablly won't be there when you are tho, because I'm in the UK and have no idea how different our time zones are!
I'm sorry that I can't talk more, there are really no words to describe how I'm feeling. A friend was at mine last night and sat with me until I could get some sleep, I'm not really safe at the moment. I couldn't talk much in therapy this week, my mind was blank and I just wanted to curl up until I disappeared.
Thankyou for being *with* me
Posted by DaisyM on March 27, 2004, at 14:56:47
In reply to Re: I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?) » DaisyM, posted by cubic_me on March 27, 2004, at 13:52:05
I'm pretty good with figuring out time zones we just need to connect at some point...like it is 12/54 right now in California.
I'm worried about you. I'm really glad you have such a good friend to sit with you. Can you call your Therapist and say how awful you feel?
I know that place of no words. It is deep and dark and I believe where the phrase, "the world is on your shoulders" comes from. You will find your way up and things will ease off. Just take it minute by minute.
I'm still there with you...can you feel me?
Daisy
Posted by DaisyM on March 27, 2004, at 19:27:16
In reply to Re: I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?) » DaisyM, posted by Dinah on March 26, 2004, at 21:00:34
Sorry, you can't have him. I really, really need him right now.
The "tree fort" is very nice. I hope when he redecorates he doesn't change it too much. It is especially great when it is raining...I decided it needs a rocking chair though.
Posted by cubic_me on March 28, 2004, at 11:35:39
In reply to Re: I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?), posted by DaisyM on March 27, 2004, at 14:56:47
Thankyou Daisy, you are such a sweetheart.
I went to bed early yesterday, and stayed there until as late as I could, to try to sleep through the pain. I'm still here, and for the moment that's all I can ask. I have to go on a placement tomorrow, hopefully that will give me a distraction.
I've never been offered the option of calling my therapist, and I don't think I would ever call her. I'm thinking of cancelling next week's session if I still feel like this. The time is wasted because I can't put anything into words.
I can feel you sitting with me, and I appreciate it so much (((((Daisy))))
I hope you are ok.
Posted by DaisyM on March 28, 2004, at 13:10:12
In reply to Thankyou... » DaisyM, posted by cubic_me on March 28, 2004, at 11:35:39
No, NO, No --- you CAN NOT cancel. I know exactly what you are saying about not talking. Makes no difference. Your Therapist deserves to know that you feel so bad you can't even put it into words. Just say that. And Maybe take in this thread. It will help illuminate your feelings.
As far as calling, sometimes it is an assumption on their part that you will call if things are awful. But they forget to give us permission. Please ask. Then at least you know. I know things are different in the UK than here, as private insurance has a ton of rules.
I hope you are distracted today and come away feeling a tiny bit better. I appreciate you letting me know how you are doing as I am worrying. I have to drive my kid back to college today but I will check in again tonight.
Hang in there.
Daisy
Posted by crushedout on March 28, 2004, at 18:22:32
In reply to Re: I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?) » crushedout, posted by DaisyM on March 26, 2004, at 17:47:16
> Do you feel sad about making her feel sad? Or is it a comfort that she "gets" how you are feeling?I think it's a comfort and it amazes me how empathic she is. It makes me feel like she's helping me carry the sadness if only for a few moments, and it makes me feel close to her. But I guess that's pretty selfish in a way.
Posted by DaisyM on March 28, 2004, at 19:44:12
In reply to Re: I dissociated in therapy today (may trigger?) » DaisyM, posted by crushedout on March 28, 2004, at 18:22:32
I think it is really great that she can "hold" the sadness for a little while. It isn't selfish at all and it shows you trust her with your feelings. It works to make you feel a little bit better too...
So let her help this way whenever you need her too. It is part of your healing.
Daisy
Posted by cubic_me on March 29, 2004, at 3:39:38
In reply to You MUST Go...., posted by DaisyM on March 28, 2004, at 13:10:12
Hi there, I'm sorry this has to be short, I'm on my placement and pretty busy. I just wanted to check in and say I'm ok.
I had another rough night tonight but I think I'm doing ok, just taking it one day at a time. I'll think again about cancelling, but I don't want to feel stupid again for not being able to say anything.
Posted by DaisyM on March 29, 2004, at 10:12:13
In reply to Re: You MUST Go.... » DaisyM, posted by cubic_me on March 29, 2004, at 3:39:38
I feel sort of at the bottom of the pit myself this morning. I'm not going to work, but hopefully will get some of this mountain of laundry done.
I'll make you a deal...I'll keep my appointment today if you keep yours. I feel like I don't have anything "else" to say either. He can't fix the facts and the facts suck. But he *might* help me see that there is eventually a way to feel better. How about it??
Daisy
Posted by cubic_me on March 30, 2004, at 5:42:30
In reply to Re: You MUST Go...., posted by DaisyM on March 29, 2004, at 10:12:13
Sounds like a good idea to me. I hope your appointment goes ok, mine is tomorrow.
I'm feeling a little better today after getting some sleep last night. I'm taking things as easy as I can. I know that I am busy at work, but when I get home I'm trying not to have too much planned and to let the washing and cleaning pile up without worrying about it too much. Don't worry if you need to take some time for yourself too - this stuff can be exhausting.
cubic x
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