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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on February 1, 2004, at 15:26:32
I have been in therapy for a while and doing really well, yet I find myself becoming confused when my therapist is asking me a question about a certain issue...this is really hard for me to explain over the internet but, it isnt like she is using big words or anything but I get to where I have to ask her to repeat herself or..I just stare at her confused until she re phrases into simpler terms. It makes me feel so dumb that I cannot understand her and Im sure she gets frustrated that she has to rephrase everything that she asks me...im really not that out of it..but, I just get SO CONFUSED. I was doing a CBT worksheet a few weeks ago and I had to change a negative statement into something positive but first I had to read the statement and figure out what was wrong with what was being said before I changed it. This was totally difficult for me because I am a negative thinker..but it made me feel completely stupid that I couldnt realize why the statement was wrong...It was all stuff that I would have said...:(Why do therapist have the ability to make you feel so bad about yourself? I know she is only trying to help me and I keep that in my mind..but I feel so small compared to her...and so confused. I guess im finding out how confused I really am and it really hurts me. I can tell she is frustrated at me at times that I will not go out and get involved but I have stopped doing that because of my confusion and fear of rejection...(I have been rejected too many times) But now..im starting to feel like a hermit!!! :( Yet, I like being by myself...I am truly happy by myself..but that doesnt look to great to others...I should have more friends and more things to do in my life yet im too scared to do ANYTHING. Im too young to be feeling this way...why am I so scared.
Posted by Racer on February 1, 2004, at 15:44:42
In reply to confused by therapist..and myself..., posted by Pandabear on February 1, 2004, at 15:26:32
{{cyberhug}}
That sounds terrible, feeling so alone and vulnerable. It also sounds as if a different therapist might be a better match for you. It sounds as if you're falling into a maelstrom where the more you feel unworthy because your T's questions confuse you, the more you expect to be unworthy and unable to understand what she says, and therefore unable to gain any helpful insights into what you might do to improve your emotional reality for yourself. Does that make sense? (Listen, I get to where I have to diagram sentences and *still* don't get them -- even words of one syllable or less. I have felt that pain, and I think it's pretty common with depression.)
My next comment is a lot less concrete. If I understand correctly, you think with a negative perspective, and are therefore being asked to restate negative comments in a more positive light? If so, here's a big pat on the back, because it's very hard to learn a new skill. It's even harder when that new skill is so alien to our temperament. If it were easy, you probably wouldn't need to do it. If it's hard for you now, you're probably doing it right.
{{cyberhug again}}
I hope that helped. From what you wrote, it sounds as if you need a more reassuring and supportive therapeutic relationship. I encourage you to look into other therapists. (I once went to 12 "practice sessions" with different Ts before finding one I could work with well. I told them upfront that it was just practice, and that I'd pay them, but it might be only one or two visits. They understood, and I knew I was working with the best option for me. Very empowering feeling.)
Posted by Pandabear on February 1, 2004, at 15:53:05
In reply to Re: confused by therapist..and myself... » Pandabear, posted by Racer on February 1, 2004, at 15:44:42
Thank you for your response, although i dont think i could leave my therapist..she really is helping me with SO MUCH..and when I am talking to her and she is helping me by listening and offering suggestions and ways to improve a situation or whatever, im fine..its just when she starts asking me questions..it just takes me some time to realize what it is im asking..but you know...i do have a learning disability of understanding things so maybe that is coming into play...i forgot about that until now..And, she does know about my learning disabilities so maybe that is it. I wouldnt know what to do if I had to change therapists....but thanks for your post. You are right about it being hard to learn new things..im trying my best...:) Take Care.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 1, 2004, at 16:27:18
In reply to Re: confused by therapist..and myself... » Racer, posted by Pandabear on February 1, 2004, at 15:53:05
Why not just tell her you get the feeling she is frustrated with you when you ask her to restate or rephrase things? Maybe she just doesn't realize that you are picking up on her frustration. Or maybe she isn't frustrated at all and it's just that you are having negative thoughts. She could help by being more reassuring when she has to rephrase things for you. I tell my therapist all the time that I think he's becoming frustrated with me and he simply says no. Well, one time he said he gets frustrated all the time with me, but I tricked him into saying it. I'm a trickster, you know!
Posted by thewriteone on February 1, 2004, at 19:07:20
In reply to confused by therapist..and myself..., posted by Pandabear on February 1, 2004, at 15:26:32
I went through this with my T. It's entirely possible I have a learning disorder, though I've never been diagnosed with one. I do have a lot of the same problems you mentioned. It's almost like I space out on my T except that I'm trying really hard to listen to what she's asking me. I was terrified that she was getting frustrated with me. I mentioned it all the time and she always denied it. After a really long time I was able to trust her and just became really honest about things. There was one question she used to ask me all the time and I couldn't answer, so I just started making up an answer. The turning point was one day she asked me and I snapped. I just said, "Look, I don't know how to answer that. Any time that I ever answered before was a lie because I didn't want to disappoint you." She assured me that it was perfectly fine if I couldn't answer her questions and I've done so much better with that since. It's a hard place to get to, but once the trust is there, it's easier.
Posted by cordy on February 1, 2004, at 20:16:48
In reply to confused by therapist..and myself..., posted by Pandabear on February 1, 2004, at 15:26:32
What is it with this constant badgering of people to be social? If you are happy alone, then be alone. Nothing wrong with that. I think everyone just wants to stay home and relax some friday nights. me more so then others. So whats wrong with that? Whatever makes you happy...
Posted by alexandra_k on February 1, 2004, at 23:05:54
In reply to confused by therapist..and myself..., posted by Pandabear on February 1, 2004, at 15:26:32
Hiya pandabear. I have the same problem with CBT. I don't think it is a learning disability issue - it is just that some people are not suited to CBT, I am one of those (and if I am reading your situation correctly) then you may be one of those as well.
I can talk about stuff that is going on for me (more or less). I can see that some of it is not helpful to me. I can collaboratively work towards trying to figure out why I do such stuff. Also figure out alternative options etc etc. But give me a little handout or drill me on my 'cognitive errors' and the simple sentences no longer make sense.
That is kind of what CBT is about though. My T's tried to back off and chat, but they always did it just till I relaxed and then would home in again - and I couldn't do it, every time. I would sieze up and their words no longer made sense. It is hard because it sounds like you are getting on with your T quite well and would be sad to move on from her, but maybe she has been trained to do something that is not going to be terribly helpful for you in the long run... Some are willing to be flexable and adapt their program - but most are not able or are not willing to do this.
Personally I would check out some alternative types of treatment. That is just my opinion though... Maybe hang in there and see if it does get better as it sounds like you are working really hard - but don't think you have a learning disability or are stupid or anything on the basis of your exp. with CBT... It is the style of treatment, not you dear.
Posted by DaisyM on February 2, 2004, at 0:40:09
In reply to Re: confused by therapist..and myself... » Racer, posted by Pandabear on February 1, 2004, at 15:53:05
Something else to consider: anxiety can cause a certainly level of "zoning out"...it gets hard to concentrate because you are using your emotional part of the brain, not the processing part. This is sometimes why you can't find the words to say how you feel...
Dissociating during sessions is another problem. Sort of "floating away"...watching what is going on without really being there...
I don't know if this applies to you...
Posted by cubic_me on February 3, 2004, at 6:11:09
In reply to confused by therapist..and myself..., posted by Pandabear on February 1, 2004, at 15:26:32
I have difficulty concentrating and understanding in therapy too. It doesn't happen noticably outside therapy, so I think its more to do with the situation than a disability. I think it might be hard for us to understand some things because it is such an unusual situation, and there is often so much to think about at once. Sometimes I go into my own little world for a bit and don't have a hope of remembering what she said, however simple.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 3, 2004, at 7:03:26
In reply to Re: confused by therapist..and myself... » Pandabear, posted by cubic_me on February 3, 2004, at 6:11:09
Some T's make an audio tape of sessions to give to clients after each session. This way the client can review the session, because you are right, especially in CBT, there is a lot of information coming in at once.
You might consider asking for this, if you feel like it would help.
Good luck,
gg
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