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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Asya on January 26, 2004, at 22:48:32
I posted a few weeks back that I discovered thru a little research that my T's young daughter (I think she was 6 or 7) drowned in a nearby lake about 6 years ago. I found a newspaper article on it that was available online. Does anyone have any supportive suggestions besides talking to my T that might help? I am kind of hung up on it. I think about it a lot and feel horrible for her, but I truly feel that it is disrespectful to bring up such a painful event to her. I don't think it is really affecting my therapy too much when I am there, but I guess I just have those general weird feelings of the relationship being so one-sided that are intensified with this. Do you guys sort of instinctively ask your Ts "How are you?" or answer 'Good. How are you?" when they ask? I mean, are we NOT supposed to ask how they are? WHY AM I SO OBSESSED. ARGHHH. Thanks in advance.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 27, 2004, at 7:12:18
In reply to More T obsessive stuff, posted by Asya on January 26, 2004, at 22:48:32
It's okay! Being obsessed means you are invested in the therapy relationship. I sometimes ask "how are you" and sometimes just jump right into it. I think the times I start with social niceties are times when I am more anxious about what might come up...or I'm avoiding what I know I should talk about. Sometimes my T answers, sometimes not. I know he interprets it, because he also has interpreted the fact that I came in wearing jeans one day on my day off (T: "you seem to be loosening up" , me: "no, it's my day off, and I never get to wear jeans." you big dummy! He also used the fact that I was wearing boots one day to suggest that I was "wading through the muck, and you need proper protection for that." Well, actually, they're fashionable right now, but whatever.) Sorry for the aside, but sometimes he cracks me up.
Anyway, as hurtful as it might be to have a reminder about her daughter, if it is bothering you, I would bring it up. It's very thoughtful and kind of you to be concerned about your T's feelings. Remember, however, that managing her feelings is HER job, not yours. She is there as a professional, for YOU.
Good luck,
gg
Posted by pegasus on January 27, 2004, at 15:12:20
In reply to More T obsessive stuff, posted by Asya on January 26, 2004, at 22:48:32
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I tend to obsess about things as well, and my therapist is at the top of the list. Last summer his father passed away, and I found out about it as I was googling my therapist. I really thought about what to say, if anything, but in the end I decided to keep it to myself. It didn't really have anything to do with my therapy, and bringing it up would have just distracted from our work. He would have been uncomfortable, and it did't really serve any purpose. But I was still glad that I knew about it, and I thought a lot about him that week.
-p
Posted by Bell_75 on January 27, 2004, at 18:15:29
In reply to More T obsessive stuff, posted by Asya on January 26, 2004, at 22:48:32
Like a few other people here curiosity got the better of me and I did a google search on my T. I found out about his research in science labs at the city university and other non-therapist related stuff. It was like I was uncovering this enigma piece by piece and when I ran out of new information it was kinda disappointing.
When I went to therapy next I felt as though I had didn't something I shouldn't of behind his back (which isnt the case because everyone's entitled to do as they please with their own home internet using) but I didn't mention this info I found. Then oneday I mentioned in conversation that I was against animal testing but I wasn't really actively protesting it. He joked and said "well you wouldn't want to know what I do for a living then" i was shocked and asked if it was animal testing he said yes but not with cosmetics, for science research. I acted surprised as though it was something new to me but in my mind I already knew about it...the first time I've actually sort of lied to him.
I find I obsess over personal info about my T like others do. Reccently we were talking about getting blood taken and he said he throws up everytime he does and when he was in the hospital the other week he did the same thing when they took blood. He just moved along with the conversation like that was no biggie and I'm left thinking " :( what was he is hospital for?"
of course i didnt ask but I was concerned that he might be sick. He did look rather pale and its been on my mind ever since he said that.
Last week when i walked into my usual session and sat down he was fiddling with something on his desk and there was a silence so i thought i'd make small talk and say "so how are you?"
His reaction was "who me?" lol we were the only people in the room. I think I took him by surprise but i didnt mean to ask as though i was prying, just making convo. He replied "eeh uhh you know..getting there." So I took that as tho he wasnt good but he didn't really want to talk about it with me.
Its only the second time I've asked how he is but he always asks me how i am as soon as he sees me so i feel inclined to ask in return but dont want to sound as though I'm getting too personal.
Its an akward situation when it comes to talking to your T as though hes another human like us that sometimes isnt feeling well or may be tired or stressed. They put on this super-human act each week as though everythings always good.
Maybe its just best for us that we don't stress over how they are if we're not going to find out.Sorry for rambling, heheh. Just thought I could relate to how you're feeling.
My advice is to go with your gut instincts and if you think its best not to reopen old wounds then dont but if you need to get it off your chest do so. *hugs* good luck!
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