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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Rigby on November 21, 2003, at 17:47:12
Just checking in--things sounded intense. I hope you're making some progress, maybe feeling a bit more grounded?
Thinking of you!
Rigby
Posted by crushedout on November 22, 2003, at 17:07:06
In reply to Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by Rigby on November 21, 2003, at 17:47:12
Rigby,Thank you so much for thinking of me. Things have been so intense. It's been a roller coaster ride. I guess I'm doing well right now. Grounded? Hmm. Yeah, maybe a little more than I was.
I'm about to quit drugs so I'm gearing up for an even more intense bout of emotional stuff. My T said she thought we'd have to fasten our seatbelts.
I'm really glad we're doing three times a week. I think that's a big part of why I've been such a wreck but it's work that really needs to get done. And we're making fast progress, I think. Sometimes it's so hard to tell that you're making progress when you're in the middle of it, you know?
Crushed
> Just checking in--things sounded intense. I hope you're making some progress, maybe feeling a bit more grounded?
>
> Thinking of you!
>
> Rigby
Posted by Rigby on November 24, 2003, at 9:48:51
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by crushedout on November 22, 2003, at 17:07:06
Hi Crushed,
What drugs have you been on if I make ask? Anyway, yes, it *does* sound like you're making very fast progress--good for you!!
> I'm about to quit drugs so I'm gearing up for an even more intense bout of emotional stuff. My T said she thought we'd have to fasten our seatbelts.I think when things start changing in your "real life" in terms of relationships, etc.--that's when you can feel the progress. At least that's been my experience--it's not conscious at all--quite subtle but very effective.
>such a wreck but it's work that really needs to get done. And we're making fast progress, I think. Sometimes it's so hard to tell that you're making progress when you're in the middle of it, you know?Good to hear the good news--stay in touch!
Rigby
Posted by crushedout on November 24, 2003, at 15:35:36
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by Rigby on November 24, 2003, at 9:48:51
> What drugs have you been on if I make ask?coke, pot, and beer.
i'm kind of upset that you seem so much further along in therapy than i am. i know it's not a race, but i've been doing this for so dang long, and it seems like i've gotten nowhere. but i know that's not true.
Posted by Rigby on November 24, 2003, at 17:39:56
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by crushedout on November 24, 2003, at 15:35:36
Is she recommending additional support like AA?
> > What drugs have you been on if I make ask?
>
> coke, pot, and beer.I know it's hard not to but in the end it's probably impossible to compare people's progress--we're different people with different issues and most likely at different places in our lives. In terms of getting enough out of therapy, it's hard to figure out if you just feel like it's not moving fast enough or if, truly, it's not worth the time and money you're investing--that you're simply not getting enough out of it. I go through periods of thinking it's a waste and then I'll have a breakthrough. I've "quit" therapy five times in the almost two years I've been going (it never stuck but that gives you an idea of how torn I've been about staying in.)
> i'm kind of upset that you seem so much further along in therapy than i am. i know it's not a race, but i've been doing this for so dang long, and it seems like i've gotten nowhere. but i know that's not true.
Posted by crushedout on November 24, 2003, at 17:49:04
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by Rigby on November 24, 2003, at 17:39:56
> Is she recommending additional support like AA?
yes, but i don't want to go. i used to do that, and i feel like i can't go back. it fills me with dread to think about going to a meeting. and i know it's going to be very hard to do it without that kind of support. but i'm gonna have to try.
> I know it's hard not to but in the end it's probably impossible to compare people's progress--we're different people with different issues and most likely at different places in our lives. In terms of getting enough out of therapy, it's hard to figure out if you just feel like it's not moving fast enough or if, truly, it's not worth the time and money you're investing--that you're simply not getting enough out of it. I go through periods of thinking it's a waste and then I'll have a breakthrough. I've "quit" therapy five times in the almost two years I've been going (it never stuck but that gives you an idea of how torn I've been about staying in.)
yeah. unlike you, i haven't wanted to quit. but that could just be a result of the strength of my attachment to my t.
can i ask how old you are? and whether you're in a serious relationship/married?
Posted by Rigby on November 24, 2003, at 19:07:08
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going? » Rigby, posted by crushedout on November 24, 2003, at 17:49:04
Yeah, although obviously I don't know the specifics I can see how that scene might have some pretty heavy triggers to it.
> yes, but i don't want to go. i used to do that, and i feel like i can't go back. it fills me with dread to think about going to a meeting. and i know it's going to be very hard to do it without that kind of support. but i'm gonna have to try.I get yah. The reason I haven't been able to quit has been because of my attachment. I eventually needed to honor that but funny, the more I confronted how wrapped up I was in her, the less I felt that way. So it's calmed down--at least for now--who knows what the future holds. I can't forget it wasn't long ago I was pretty focused on bedding my therapist. Yikes. I feel really different now.
> yeah. unlike you, i haven't wanted to quit. but that could just be a result of the strength of my attachment to my t.I'm 42 and have been in a relationship with another woman for 12 years. And you?
> can i ask how old you are? and whether you're in a serious relationship/married?
Posted by crushedout on November 24, 2003, at 19:15:16
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by Rigby on November 24, 2003, at 19:07:08
> I get yah. The reason I haven't been able to quit has been because of my attachment. I eventually needed to honor that but funny, the more I confronted how wrapped up I was in her, the less I felt that way. So it's calmed down--at least for now--who knows what the future holds. I can't forget it wasn't long ago I was pretty focused on bedding my therapist. Yikes. I feel really different now.
that's reassuring. and also not. because i guess i'm not ready to give up the fantasy, and the thought that it could go away means it's not as real or something.
> I'm 42 and have been in a relationship with another woman for 12 years. And you?
> > can i ask how old you are? and whether you're in a serious relationship/married?i'm 32 and i've been single for a few months. which i basically like. although if i could marry my t, i'd give it up in a second.
how'd your girlfriend deal with the crush on your t?
Posted by Rigby on November 24, 2003, at 20:00:35
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by crushedout on November 24, 2003, at 19:15:16
Having had some *huge* crushes and having "been with" several of them I feel like I have sense of how intense they can be--and for how long. Also I've learned that crushes absolutely fade. Reality sets in--invariably. Crushes are definitely drug-like.
> i'm 32 and i've been single for a few months. which i basically like. although if i could marry my t, i'd give it up in a second.I dealt with my crush on my therapist mainly privately--confided a tad bit to my gf but not a lot. And then I talked to my therapist about the attraction. I had several extremely sexy dreams that I wrote down and sent her. It was not easy--not at all--but the crush faded. I used to have to "have" everyone I had a crush on--*everyone*--but not getting someone I want has taught me alot--not painless but I look back and thank gawd I didn't sleep with, yes, my therapist but a few other women too.
> how'd your girlfriend deal with the crush on your t?I think early 30's is a great time. It's a time where at least I felt like there was much to be done--wanted to find a relationship that would last, wanted to make my mark professionally, needed to come out to everyone in my family, needed to decide about kids (didn't have 'em), etc.--I think it's that time where you start feeling like you need to Get Real.
Posted by crushedout on November 24, 2003, at 20:25:31
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by Rigby on November 24, 2003, at 20:00:35
ouch, i want her so bad. what is wrong with me? i'm convinced it's her, not me. she's just too dang cute. and she's been trying even harder these days, i wish she would stop.is this all just my insane transference? i swear she's *trying* to seduce me these days.
Posted by crushedout on November 24, 2003, at 20:27:21
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by crushedout on November 24, 2003, at 20:25:31
if i don't get to make love to her, i will go insane, i promise you.
Posted by Rigby on November 24, 2003, at 23:01:03
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by crushedout on November 24, 2003, at 20:27:21
I'd talk to her. Sounds like you may be becoming addicted to her--I only say this I've been there and I know the feeling (it's not fun.) If she's as good a person and therapist as you say she is, it won't be happening in the romance department with her. Facing that will be hard though--withdrawl city.
> if i don't get to make love to her, i will go insane, i promise you.
Posted by crushedout on November 25, 2003, at 19:26:12
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by Rigby on November 24, 2003, at 23:01:03
well, if i'm addicted to her, i've already been it for a very long time. but i take your point. as i've said before, i know i need to talk to her more about this than i have (she's already known about it for several months), i've just had too much else going on to get to it! ok, that's partially an excuse cuz i'm really just too scared to talk about it and have all my dreams shattered. but i will i will!
> I'd talk to her. Sounds like you may be becoming addicted to her--I only say this I've been there and I know the feeling (it's not fun.) If she's as good a person and therapist as you say she is, it won't be happening in the romance department with her. Facing that will be hard though--withdrawl city.
> > if i don't get to make love to her, i will go insane, i promise you.
>
>
Posted by Rigby on November 26, 2003, at 8:38:50
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by crushedout on November 25, 2003, at 19:26:12
Did you check out the Jellibabe thread "Oh Please Help?" It's relevant and has this link which looks good but I haven't spent much time there yet: http://www.mhweb.org/mustread/articles8.htm
> well, if i'm addicted to her, i've already been it for a very long time. but i take your point. as i've said before, i know i need to talk to her more about this than i have (she's already known about it for several months), i've just had too much else going on to get to it! ok, that's partially an excuse cuz i'm really just too scared to talk about it and have all my dreams shattered. but i will i will!
>
>
> > I'd talk to her. Sounds like you may be becoming addicted to her--I only say this I've been there and I know the feeling (it's not fun.) If she's as good a person and therapist as you say she is, it won't be happening in the romance department with her. Facing that will be hard though--withdrawl city.
> > > if i don't get to make love to her, i will go insane, i promise you.
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by crushedout on November 26, 2003, at 8:46:24
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by Rigby on November 26, 2003, at 8:38:50
oh, yeah, i read that article. it was amazing. i think i might try to bring it up in therapy today. but it will be very heavy if i do.the truth is, i've been making good progress on talking about the transference. for example, i told her this week about almost succeeding at something really important, and just as i thought i was going to do it, i realized that the only thing i cared about was telling her about it (not the actual success). see, i tell her stuff like this all the time. plus, she knows i have romantic feelings for her. so it's out there.
i'm just sayin', cuz i think you have the idea that i conceal my feelings from her completely, which i don't at all. i just haven't diven (?) into the *really* hard stuff just yet.
god, i'm so defensive. i wonder what that's about.
> Did you check out the Jellibabe thread "Oh Please Help?" It's relevant and has this link which looks good but I haven't spent much time there yet: http://www.mhweb.org/mustread/articles8.htm
>
> > well, if i'm addicted to her, i've already been it for a very long time. but i take your point. as i've said before, i know i need to talk to her more about this than i have (she's already known about it for several months), i've just had too much else going on to get to it! ok, that's partially an excuse cuz i'm really just too scared to talk about it and have all my dreams shattered. but i will i will!
> >
> >
> > > I'd talk to her. Sounds like you may be becoming addicted to her--I only say this I've been there and I know the feeling (it's not fun.) If she's as good a person and therapist as you say she is, it won't be happening in the romance department with her. Facing that will be hard though--withdrawl city.
> > > > if i don't get to make love to her, i will go insane, i promise you.
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by Rigby on December 1, 2003, at 11:06:19
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by crushedout on November 26, 2003, at 8:46:24
Awesome! Tough stuff but you're making progress!
> the truth is, i've been making good progress on talking about the transference. for example, i told her this week about almost succeeding at something really important, and just as i thought i was going to do it, i realized that the only thing i cared about was telling her about it (not the actual success). see, i tell her stuff like this all the time. plus, she knows i have romantic feelings for her. so it's out there.
Posted by crushedout on December 1, 2003, at 12:18:00
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by Rigby on December 1, 2003, at 11:06:19
i quit drugs today. and i have therapy every day this week except friday! (exciting! also, structure, which is good.)and i'm eating vegetables. this is all really good. i feel optimistic.
> Awesome! Tough stuff but you're making progress!
>
> > the truth is, i've been making good progress on talking about the transference. for example, i told her this week about almost succeeding at something really important, and just as i thought i was going to do it, i realized that the only thing i cared about was telling her about it (not the actual success). see, i tell her stuff like this all the time. plus, she knows i have romantic feelings for her. so it's out there.
>
>
Posted by Rigby on December 1, 2003, at 16:18:16
In reply to Re: Crushed, How's It Going?, posted by crushedout on December 1, 2003, at 12:18:00
Excellent!! Therapy *every* day--amazing!!! Good luck with this!!!
> i quit drugs today. and i have therapy every day this week except friday! (exciting! also, structure, which is good.)
This is the end of the thread.
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