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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on September 12, 2003, at 18:09:09
Did your session go ok?
Posted by HannahW on September 12, 2003, at 18:29:11
In reply to Adia, How are you?, posted by Dinah on September 12, 2003, at 18:09:09
I keep refreshing my page, looking for a post. I hope everything went well.
Posted by Adia on September 12, 2003, at 21:46:33
In reply to I've been wondering the same thing, posted by HannahW on September 12, 2003, at 18:29:11
Hi,
Thank you so much for thinking of me and being with me.. Thank you so so much. I can't tell you how much it means to me..I've just got home...
I am in tears but feeling hopeful in my heart...
She will keep on working with me if I open up to her...at least little by little...
She told me that we just can't delay things forever..that there comes a moment when we have to face things and start working...that I can't live forever delaying the things that truly matter...that if I don't react, years will pass and I will still feel like a little girl hurt and scared and feeling I don't deserve to be loved and to be heard ...
She said that I have to react...
I told her how frustrated I felt that I couldn't talk or open up emotionally. I was able to share a bit with her...about how I felt not knowing what would happen..how I lost hope..
and she said that she understood and that I had every right to feel angry at her..and that for the first time I allowed myself to show that anger and leave the place of the little girl that cannot ever defend herself or say "my feelings do matter"...
If I am able to open up a little each day she will keep on working with me..She said she didn't want me to just try now out of fear of losing her and then go back, that we need to work and move forward together....She explained what she wanted and how she felt..she told me that I have to understand that it is frustrating or was frustrating for her and that she can't, as a therapist, just let me do this, or watch how I do this to both of us...that I beg for help, desperately, and then I go and I can't take that help and I give in to fear...instead of trying with all of me to try to give of myself...
She wants me to open my heart to her...
She said I can't go just to check if she's still there or not..That she wants real healing for me..not just comfort...
I feel that she is really willing to work with me...
She explained about the kind of work she wanted us to be able to do, and the things she expects from me...
I had tears most of the time..she said we would have to be patient cause I am not used to talking or using words orally..that I am not used to name things..to express my feelings (only in writing)..that I am like a child learning to talk...but that if I do have the decision and will to try she will do her best to help me..
I told her I needed her to please give me some hope...
and she said that of course there is hope but that she can't work alone..that she needs me to risk sharing from my heart...
It was all very moving for me, she wants me to open my heart and just let go...
I feel relieved that she's not going to leave me...
She mentioned some painful stuff but I felt her trying to help me....
she gave me back hope... :o)
Thank you for being with me and for your support..
I am feeling soooo relieved to know she's not giving up on me and she's giving me this chance...feeling very emotional right now and can't even find the right words...
but I wanted to share..
thank you so much for your support and helping me through this...
Can't thank you enough...
love,
Adia.> I keep refreshing my page, looking for a post. I hope everything went well.
Posted by fallsfall on September 13, 2003, at 6:18:54
In reply to she will keep on working with me... :o) » HannahW, posted by Adia on September 12, 2003, at 21:46:33
Adia,
That sounds like a wonderful session. It will be very hard for you to be as open as you need to be, but I can tell that you are determined to try your hardest. And your therapist really wants the best for you. She wants to help you, and right now helping you means getting you to open up. Sometimes when I am afraid of talking, knowing that my therapist really does want to help and really is looking out for my best interests gives me a little more courage to take the risk and tell the truth. It is often scary, but when I do take a risk I find that my therapist understands how hard it was, and how important what I said was, and they keep me safe.
I'm so glad that you and your therapist want to work in the same direction. It won't always be easy (lots of the time it will be hard). Babble is here when you need us.
Posted by Dinah on September 13, 2003, at 9:08:35
In reply to she will keep on working with me... :o) » HannahW, posted by Adia on September 12, 2003, at 21:46:33
I think it's great that you've worked out something with her that you feel positive about. And clearly she does want to help you.
I know it will be scary, but I also trust that you can do it.
Dinah
Posted by Poet on September 13, 2003, at 11:12:55
In reply to Re: she will keep on working with me... :o) » Adia, posted by Dinah on September 13, 2003, at 9:08:35
Adia,
It's so wonderful that your therapist wants to keep on trying.
I know how it hurts to talk about painful things especially those
that the little girl in you feels. I am trying to open up, you keep trying, too.Poet
Posted by stebby on September 13, 2003, at 21:42:10
In reply to she will keep on working with me... :o) » HannahW, posted by Adia on September 12, 2003, at 21:46:33
I'm so glad she is going to stick with you and you are going to face the challenge. She wants you to get better.Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Posted by HannahW on September 13, 2003, at 22:09:55
In reply to she will keep on working with me... :o) » HannahW, posted by Adia on September 12, 2003, at 21:46:33
That sounds wonderful, Adia! What is especially encouraging is that you were able to show your anger. GOOD FOR YOU! Anger is a tough one for me, but you did it! I tend to be afraid the person I'm mad at won't like me anymore. But your therapist welcomed your anger and accepted it. I take strength from your courage and will carry that with me to my next session.
>>She mentioned some painful stuff but I felt her trying to help me....
Was this painful stuff related to your past, or related to your relationship with her? Thank goodness for those painful feelings. It's that painful stuff that pushes our buttons that lets us know exactly what we should be working on. The stuff we don't want to talk about is exactly the stuff we HAVE to talk about.
Did she give you an "assignment" for next week? Is there a particular issue you're going to be working on first? I don't mean to pry, I just wondered if you're already thinking about what to say at your next session in the name of progress.
Truly, I'm thrilled that this is working out for you. You've tapped into your ability to take more than one baby step, and now you can continue with that momentum. Maybe your new goal should be a grow-up step--not a giant step--but just a grown-up step--two or three baby steps at a time. Are you up to it? This last attempt of yours has brought you nothing but victory, acceptance, and understanding.
The cliche about the longest journey beginning with a single step is true. You took that first grown-up step, so you're on your way! Now for the next step. You've done it before, you can do it again! Way to go!
Hannah
Posted by allisonf on September 14, 2003, at 15:47:37
In reply to she will keep on working with me... :o) » HannahW, posted by Adia on September 12, 2003, at 21:46:33
Adia,
I am *so* glad for you that you and your therapist were able to work things out at your last session. You have demonstrated a lot of strength getting thru these past few weeks not knowing where things stood with her. I know you will use that strength again as you restart the healing process with her. Good luck to you.
Allison
Posted by Adia on September 14, 2003, at 16:17:21
In reply to Re: she will keep on working with me... :o), posted by fallsfall on September 13, 2003, at 6:18:54
Dear fallsfall,
Thank you so much for your support and understanding through this...it meant a lot and it helped me try to take a little risk with my therapist..I do feel so relieved that she's going to work with me if I open up..I will try somehow not to give in to fear and shame and silence..
I am glad that you feel that safety with your therapist and can open your heart knowing you're safe...
Thank you so much for sharing with me.
I really feel it will be like learning to talk, because I never could talk about feelings or show feelings..but I will try to trust her..if i don't I might lose her so I will try..
Thank you again..
I am glad to have found this place :-)
lots of support,
Adia.> Adia,
>
> That sounds like a wonderful session. It will be very hard for you to be as open as you need to be, but I can tell that you are determined to try your hardest. And your therapist really wants the best for you. She wants to help you, and right now helping you means getting you to open up. Sometimes when I am afraid of talking, knowing that my therapist really does want to help and really is looking out for my best interests gives me a little more courage to take the risk and tell the truth. It is often scary, but when I do take a risk I find that my therapist understands how hard it was, and how important what I said was, and they keep me safe.
>
> I'm so glad that you and your therapist want to work in the same direction. It won't always be easy (lots of the time it will be hard). Babble is here when you need us.
Posted by Adia on September 14, 2003, at 16:18:48
In reply to Re: she will keep on working with me... :o) » Adia, posted by Dinah on September 13, 2003, at 9:08:35
Dear Dinah,
Just wanted to say thanks...it means so much that you tell me you trust I can do it...
Thank you so much,
Adia.
(It helps more than I can say..)
> I think it's great that you've worked out something with her that you feel positive about. And clearly she does want to help you.
>
> I know it will be scary, but I also trust that you can do it.
>
> Dinah
Posted by Adia on September 14, 2003, at 16:21:51
In reply to Re: she will keep on working with me... :o) » Dinah, posted by Poet on September 13, 2003, at 11:12:55
Hi Poet,
Thank you for understanding and for your message..
I'm glad you are also trying to open up...
It is scary to give words to what you feel in your heart and what you've kept hidden and reveal the deep hurt and fear of the little girl..and it is scary to let someone close...but we will try :o)
I hope you can try to take little risks with your therapist too...Thank you again for your message..
all the best,
Adia.
> Adia,
>
> It's so wonderful that your therapist wants to keep on trying.
> I know how it hurts to talk about painful things especially those
> that the little girl in you feels. I am trying to open up, you keep trying, too.
>
> Poet
Posted by Adia on September 14, 2003, at 16:25:09
In reply to Re: she will keep on working with me... :o) » Adia, posted by stebby on September 13, 2003, at 21:42:10
Hi Stebby,
Thank you so much for your message...
I am feeling relieved to know she's going to stick with me...
I am here for you if you need to share or need support ...
:o) Good luck to you too...
Adia.ps: been reading your posts about self-injury..I wanted to share that I've struggled with that and now I don't give in as often as I used to, but I understand and I am here if you need anything okay?
> I'm so glad she is going to stick with you and you are going to face the challenge. She wants you to get better.Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Posted by Adia on September 14, 2003, at 16:49:32
In reply to Re: she will keep on working with me... :o) » Adia, posted by HannahW on September 13, 2003, at 22:09:55
Dear Hannah,
((((hugs and thank you so much)))
Thank you for sharing with me ..I really can't express how much it meant and means to me...
Thank you from my heart.
I am glad that you are going to risk sharing your feelings with your own therapist next time you see her :o) I will be thinking of you...
I had never expressed anger before, because my need to be loved and accepted is much greater than any other feeling..but she said she wants me to show her all I feel inside, and everything I am..because I always go to her with the fear and fragility and smallness of the little girl that wants her protection...She told me that it was good that I could feel I could defend myself or had the right to defend myself or to say that my feelings matter, I had never said that or felt that I could matter a little..
Thank you for saying that it will help you to talk and open up to your own therapist too..
I really wish you the best in your next session...
It encourages me to try to take little steps ...I'm glad you are going to try...Let me know how it goes...You are right that experiencing that pain instead of keeping it inside is what can help us know where to go or what we truly need to work on inside...
she did a kind of roleplay for me to see how I go to her or what I say and what I am hiding, what I don't say but I am feeling..and she put into words most of what I feel...She talked about my fears of letting go and losing control,that deep hurt I feel inside, as if I were a little girl still being hurt ...and the feelings I have about that, physical and heart feelings...how I cannot control that and when it happens I look for her to 'rescue' me or help me inside..or know all I hide...how I beg her for help and she can't help me if I don't tell her what's happening..then she talked about touch and how I can't stand that at all (I am losing my partner because of that)..and it brings me back to that terror and helplessness I used to feel...)
I will try to share with her next week somehow, I can't go backwards, I will really try to open up to her, I'm scared of not knowing how or not being able to, but I will really try not to give in to silence and fear and to take one more baby step...I gave her the letter I had written sharing about my feelings of despair and of being in danger and about some of the feelings of the little girl inside...and how I had felt that time with her, that it was happening and she was leaving me somehow at the mercy of someone doing that to me..
She told me she would read it and we could start from there...
It's hard to know what to work on, because I have this feeling of urgency inside, I cry myself to sleep almost every night because I feel so afraid...but I hang on to the hope of knowing that I don't have to hide anymore and nothing bad will happen...
I will try to go deep and open up to her...
I do feel it's like learning to talk 'cause I am not used to name things or give words to things out loud....and risk being rejected or not liked or accepted..but I do believe it is the best thing to do...
Thank you again for all your support and for sharing with me ....You make me feel so safe...Please let me/us know how it all goes with your therapist next time you see her...
I will be thinking of you...
Thank you for letting me share and thank you sooooo much for your encouragement.. :o)All my support to you,
THANK YOU !!
Adia.> Did she give you an "assignment" for next week? Is there a particular issue you're going to be working on first? I don't mean to pry, I just wondered if you're already thinking about what to say at your next session in the name of progress.
>
> Truly, I'm thrilled that this is working out for you. You've tapped into your ability to take more than one baby step, and now you can continue with that momentum. Maybe your new goal should be a grow-up step--not a giant step--but just a grown-up step--two or three baby steps at a time. Are you up to it? This last attempt of yours has brought you nothing but victory, acceptance, and understanding.
>
> The cliche about the longest journey beginning with a single step is true. You took that first grown-up step, so you're on your way! Now for the next step. You've done it before, you can do it again! Way to go!
>
> Hannah
>
Posted by Adia on September 14, 2003, at 16:53:44
In reply to Re: she will keep on working with me... :o) » Adia, posted by allisonf on September 14, 2003, at 15:47:37
Dear Allison,
Thank you so much for your message...
and for making me feel hopeful inside..
Thanks for believing that I can be strong and restart the healing journey with my therapist..
I am hanging on to that..
Thanks again for your message, it means much more than I can say..
sending you my support,
Adia.> Adia,
> I am *so* glad for you that you and your therapist were able to work things out at your last session. You have demonstrated a lot of strength getting thru these past few weeks not knowing where things stood with her. I know you will use that strength again as you restart the healing process with her. Good luck to you.
> Allison
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