Posted by Adia on September 12, 2003, at 21:46:33
In reply to I've been wondering the same thing, posted by HannahW on September 12, 2003, at 18:29:11
Hi,
Thank you so much for thinking of me and being with me.. Thank you so so much. I can't tell you how much it means to me..I've just got home...
I am in tears but feeling hopeful in my heart...
She will keep on working with me if I open up to her...at least little by little...
She told me that we just can't delay things forever..that there comes a moment when we have to face things and start working...that I can't live forever delaying the things that truly matter...that if I don't react, years will pass and I will still feel like a little girl hurt and scared and feeling I don't deserve to be loved and to be heard ...
She said that I have to react...
I told her how frustrated I felt that I couldn't talk or open up emotionally. I was able to share a bit with her...about how I felt not knowing what would happen..how I lost hope..
and she said that she understood and that I had every right to feel angry at her..and that for the first time I allowed myself to show that anger and leave the place of the little girl that cannot ever defend herself or say "my feelings do matter"...
If I am able to open up a little each day she will keep on working with me..She said she didn't want me to just try now out of fear of losing her and then go back, that we need to work and move forward together....She explained what she wanted and how she felt..she told me that I have to understand that it is frustrating or was frustrating for her and that she can't, as a therapist, just let me do this, or watch how I do this to both of us...that I beg for help, desperately, and then I go and I can't take that help and I give in to fear...instead of trying with all of me to try to give of myself...
She wants me to open my heart to her...
She said I can't go just to check if she's still there or not..That she wants real healing for me..not just comfort...
I feel that she is really willing to work with me...
She explained about the kind of work she wanted us to be able to do, and the things she expects from me...
I had tears most of the time..she said we would have to be patient cause I am not used to talking or using words orally..that I am not used to name things..to express my feelings (only in writing)..that I am like a child learning to talk...but that if I do have the decision and will to try she will do her best to help me..
I told her I needed her to please give me some hope...
and she said that of course there is hope but that she can't work alone..that she needs me to risk sharing from my heart...
It was all very moving for me, she wants me to open my heart and just let go...
I feel relieved that she's not going to leave me...
She mentioned some painful stuff but I felt her trying to help me....
she gave me back hope... :o)
Thank you for being with me and for your support..
I am feeling soooo relieved to know she's not giving up on me and she's giving me this chance...feeling very emotional right now and can't even find the right words...
but I wanted to share..
thank you so much for your support and helping me through this...
Can't thank you enough...
love,
Adia.> I keep refreshing my page, looking for a post. I hope everything went well.
poster:Adia
thread:259462
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/259507.html