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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on September 7, 2003, at 13:23:45
My therapist says that his theory is that therapists provide a safe space, a holding environment, and acceptance. But that the other part of their jobs is to give a push where needed, a kick in the pants. And he expressed a sort of frustration that the latter doesn't seem to work with me. That when he pushes I push back. And that he therefore has to let me move at my own pace.
I prefer to think that I dig in my heels when pushed. But that I will do my very best to change when I'm accepted as I am. When he expresses fondness or caring for me, I'll do my best to make him happy. I can be easily led by love, but I can't be prodded an inch.
I know that some of my friends have told me things their therapists said that would have had me doing just the opposite of what they intended, or storming out. But they say that they like a bit of a prod. Tough truthfulness.
I was wondering what others thought. What gets you to change as your therapist would like in therapy? What causes you to get contrary?
Posted by justyourlaugh on September 7, 2003, at 13:59:02
In reply to What is your theory of change?, posted by Dinah on September 7, 2003, at 13:23:45
dinah,,
we are working on acceptance right now...
i walked out on him last week..said i didnt want to think about now..
i see him in the halls everyday at the hospital,,and my pdoc..
he keeps telling me how i think differently than others and its all good(he is an artist as well)
he knows how painful it is for me to be close to people...yet he touched me???
i want to change
i want everything to go away
j
Posted by Penny on September 8, 2003, at 7:35:03
In reply to What is your theory of change?, posted by Dinah on September 7, 2003, at 13:23:45
For me, I can't be pushed really either. My therapist refers to me as a sensitive person, and even when she's made comments that left me feeling hurt (which has only happened one or two times in the 9 months I've been seeing her), she's picked up on it and apologized, as she never says anything to me that she thinks might make me feel worse. She's always very supportive and does let me move at my own pace. Not that she never tells it like it is, but she does it in a caring way, not in a 'kick in the pants' kind of way. That wouldn't work for me.
In fact, when I was in the hospital, a couple of the nurses tried that 'kick in the pants' approach - telling me what I was doing wrong and what I needed to do to change that, and it just hurt and made me that much more suicidal. If I feel pushed, criticized, stressed, whatever, it just doesn't help matters in the least.
I can certainly see that in you.
P
Posted by Dinah on September 9, 2003, at 9:51:49
In reply to What is your theory of change?, posted by Dinah on September 7, 2003, at 13:23:45
That venerable unquestioned tenet of psychotherapy.
It backfires bigtime with me, making me feel insecure and overly anxious and clinging.
But deliberately lowering limits, inviting between session calls, etc. works to do exactly what limit setting is meant to do. When I know I *can* call, I don't *need* to.
Posted by Dinah on September 9, 2003, at 9:53:10
In reply to Re: What is your theory of change? » Dinah, posted by justyourlaugh on September 7, 2003, at 13:59:02
I understand, JYL. And I'm glad your pdoc understands the value of thinking differently. It sounds like he's someone you can trust.
Posted by Penny on September 9, 2003, at 10:44:57
In reply to Re: What about limit setting?, posted by Dinah on September 9, 2003, at 9:51:49
>When I know I *can* call, I don't *need* to.
Same here.
P
Posted by Dinah on September 9, 2003, at 19:19:45
In reply to Re: What is your theory of change? » Dinah, posted by Penny on September 8, 2003, at 7:35:03
Sounds like we'd like the same therapists. :)
I hope my therapist starts to feel better soon about not being able to push me. He sounded so flummoxed. (And after eight years, too.)
This is the end of the thread.
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