Shown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by CleverGuy on October 31, 2005, at 23:56:39
Hello all! After many many hours research and a life-time of depression, I have found this forum. While quite internet savvy, I have never much used it as a source for psychiatric support or communication. But after reading many posts here in the course of my research, I can see its thereputic, if not just basic informational, benefit. I hope I can contribute as well as learn.
I suffer from Chronic Anergic Depression. I don't know if that is a real name, but it describes me well. I have had diagnosises ranging from Bipolar 1 (still don't get that) to OCD to GAD to Major Depressive Disorder. While I might fall into some, if not all, of those catagories, that means little to me. I have a much more prevelant and pervading problem that must be dealt with first. Basically, I have no energy or motivation.
As many know, "lack of energy and motivation" or "feelings of melancholy" are basic symptoms of depression. This symptom, however, IS my depression. It is profound and unrelenting. I often think of this example as it absurdly shows the extent of my "Anergy".
I have a habit of running out of gasoline in my automobile. In fact, I carry an extra tank in my trunk because of my frequent need to retrieve gas however possible. I have no good explanation for this recurrant phenomenon. My gauges are not broken. I am fully aware of how low on petrol I have become. I pass just as many service stations as the rest. Yet for some reason, I will not preemptively (or even more ridiculoulsy, if already there for other reasons) pull over and fill up. The amount of energy and motivation it would take, at that very moment, to perform such a minute task, is just over the threshold of "too much". I put it off as long as humanly possible. Of course and contrastly, I end up spending far more energy walking miles or catching rides with strangers to rescue my stranded vehicle. It is a running joke among friends. I wonder if anyone can relate.To combat my illness, I have tried most SSRI's and been to an array docs (medical and psychological). Yet, ultimately, I am left with the same, quite debilitating life. As a result, I have fallen in and out of alcohol/drug abuse for a good portion of my youth. Only now, 27 and disabled, am I ready to move on. I am finally and completely sober with plans to remain as such. My hopes are this forum might help me find better and more complete treatment.
Recently, I have titrated down my 300mg VENLAFAXINE extended release (Effexor XR) dosage to, what by the end of the week will be, 0mg. I am starting entirely clean by design, and I want to get it right this time. Hopefully, here, I can find a direction to the help I desperately need. Albeit a strange hello to the community (I am sure most are use to it), a hello it is none the less. HELLO!!!! If anyone has questions or suggestions for me I am ready and willing to receive.
Posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 1:16:11
In reply to Anergic Deppressive, posted by CleverGuy on October 31, 2005, at 23:56:39
Hi. I'm days new here myself, and say Hi, but don't feel I've been here long enough to serve as a sort of "official" welcome, but let me say I am SO THERE on the low to no energy/motivation thing. I can't say completely, as our lives our different, and perhaps our areas of problems might be different, and yours may be worse than mine, but oh, man, do I SO know the feeling. Even if I've never had the gas station problem, oh boy do I so empathize with you.
And people think you are LAZY or something. And when I say LAZY, I mean in galactic-sized capital letters . . . . .
People think you are trying to escape responsibility for yourself and/or actions, by trying to "blame" it on an illness, but they SO don't "get it". I know, after three decades of trying, that it isn't just me, cause if it was, I would have overcome it through hard work, persistence, desperate desire, and many other things.
Anyway, a warm Hello from me. And I so "get" what your example was saying. I'm sorry you've had to suffer for so long, and hope this clean start will be a good beginning for you.
Posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 3:48:24
In reply to Re: Anergic Deppressive, posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 1:16:11
Yes!!! I am Chemically Lazy. A new way to explain myself. Lazy is a word I know too well from others. I have been torn for some time about my own thoughts of my condition. The inner torment of wondering if you are just, as they say, lazy, is nearly just as horrid as the "anergy" I feel (or don't feel, whatever). It really has messed me up, made me depressed and feel worthless. Finally and gratefully, I have gotten so low that I believe myself. Something isn't quite right in my brain, and I would love some help. Those who think I am lazy can Fck off (sorry). To me, it would be much more logical for them to know it must be something more than just being lazy. I would do something, wouldn't one think, if i could. How could I possibly enjoy life in bed or in front of the tele, watching the world go by? Yet, I still get that from most of my friends. They think I am the ultimate bum, who does as little as possible to get by. Oh well, thanks for the hello. Nice to find somebody understands. My gasoline story was a bit overexagerated (although mostly true), but I thought it was the perfect way to explain how I feel. Glad you got it. Not glad you sympathise. Wish neither of us knew anything about being "lazy".
Posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 3:52:32
In reply to Re: Anergic Deppressive, posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 1:16:11
By the way, what are you doing about this Anergic Deppression (AD as I am now calling it. It fits the progression, no? AD>ADD>ADHD....lol)
Posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 4:42:34
In reply to Newbie But Oldie, posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 4:40:09
Sorry it is nearly the exact same post. Didn't realize it was the same board.
Posted by ClearSkies on November 1, 2005, at 5:26:01
In reply to Re: Newbie But Oldie, posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 4:42:34
Welcome again, CleverGuy. Do you think there is a connection between depression and drinking? I have read about Rational Recovery, bought the book and all. I'm a non 12-stepper myself, and am using the organization Women For Sobriety for my support.
Also, Effexor worked really well for me for a year and a half. Then my hormones went wonky and nothing I was taking worked anymore, and I had to back to square one. Cymbalta and Lamictal are my magic combination now.
BTW I found that adding Wellbutrin to the Effexor helped with my energy level and motivation.ClearSkies
Posted by Cleverguy on November 1, 2005, at 5:38:28
In reply to Re: Newbie But Oldie » CleverGuy, posted by ClearSkies on November 1, 2005, at 5:26:01
Of course there is a relation between the drinking and the depression. Although it is very "chicken or egg" by nature, I honestly believe the alcohol abuse to be a symptom of the larger problem. I wasn't drinking when I was 11 years old, and I can see, now, how prevelant the symptoms were. I wish I could say with all certainity that drinking had nothing to do with my overall state in life, but that would just be lying to myself. Judging its impact is much more difficult. Again, looking at it with as much honesty as I can muster, I think drinking has always been a way to cope with my depression and not the cause of it.
Posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 11:15:18
In reply to Re: Anergic Deppressive, posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 3:52:32
I had never heard the term before you, but I've been on Effexor since the summer, and recently started Neurontin to stabilize my bipolar (although I'm having my doubts about that . . . although there have been SOME positive results there).
But still low to no motivation. UGH. Just trying to "accept" that sometimes I just need to "rest", because I don't have the resources inside to "give" to anyone in much of any capacity right now.
Trying not to label myself . . . my husband has been great at accepting and learning that I'm having trouble. When he's home, he fixes me things to eat, because I don't for myself. Things like that that there's little to no motivation for. He fixed alot of my banana splits last week, lol!.
I like your "progression" thingie. Funny! I think that way myself, too.
With the Neurontin, my focus has gone down the drain, and that compounds the little to no motivation problem. Even when I can summon some up, I frequently cannot do whatever it is for more than a few minutes. UGH.
I am so glad that you posted. It is "nice" in one way, to know I'm not alone, but in another way, wishing that someone else didn't suffer from it either.
Posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 17:20:22
In reply to Re: Anergic Deppressive, posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 11:15:18
I am very interested in Provigil (modafinal) as a non-amphetamine psychostimulant. Look into it straw and tell me what you think. Anyone who has experience with Provigil as a means to and end of the melencholic anergic depression I suffer, please post your experience. It would be greatly appreciated.
P.S. I stray from the amphetamine based stimulants do to my aptitude for abuse and their high potential for such.
Posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 18:05:20
In reply to Re: Anergic Deppressive, posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 17:20:22
Found this very interesting. Here is the link to my reply on the subject, on the meds board. I don't know how to make it a clickable link though, as html doesn't work.
Posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 18:06:05
In reply to Link to my Provigil/Modafinil response on MedBoard » CleverGuy, posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 18:05:20
Posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 18:23:15
In reply to Link to my Provigil/Modafinil response on MedBoard » CleverGuy, posted by StrawberriesYum on November 1, 2005, at 18:05:20
Good source. Thanks for more info. I can't think of many pharms that will give you significant energy other than psychostimulants, and nervousness will always be a possible side affect. What is great about Provigil is how different it is from amphetamines (or so I hear anyhow). It stimulates without the "speediness" or jitters that amphetamines can cause. If your doc thinks it is a good idea, I would definately suggest giving it a try. I hope to as well. I have fairly severe anxiety problems and even dexedrine and the like did not make it worse. In fact, the confidence level I acheived from being motivated and doing things actually helped my anxiety.
Posted by HKristina on January 11, 2006, at 0:44:17
In reply to Re: Link to my Provigil/Modafinil response on MedBoard, posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 18:23:15
CleverGuy,
I have very similar symptoms. How much anxiety do you have in your head while you are in bed or watching TV? Do you have alot of jumbling, inner monologues that drain you of your energy? Please let me know.
Posted by shasling on January 14, 2006, at 19:36:18
In reply to Re: Anergic Deppressive, posted by CleverGuy on November 1, 2005, at 17:20:22
Hi all,
I have the same subtype of depression you've been describing (Google "Atypical Depression"). That just kills every day, doesn't it? Anyway, Provigil gets my body moving, and can even speed up my thinking, but to me something is still very much missing. Its like you are doing things because you're on speed and have no choice.
I just started a comination of Parnate and Lamictal that has me in remission for the first time in like 30 years. I'm energetic like when on Provigil, but I'm doing things because I want to -not because I have to, if that makes sense... Hope that helps shed light for you.Welcome.
Suzie
Posted by john2009 on June 2, 2009, at 19:18:59
In reply to Anergic Deppressive, posted by CleverGuy on October 31, 2005, at 23:56:39
Sorry for bumping such an old thread. This is for "cleverguy" but I can't pm for some reason.
I'm writing this on the outside chance that you're still active here. By chance I came across your very old post from 2005:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20050601/msgs/573992.html
What you describe is EXACTLY the hole I'm in too. Like you, a lot of the descriptions of ADD/depression relate to me and, like you, I've been frustrated with the fact that for me these aren't symptoms (lack of motivation, etc), they are THE CAUSE. How can I explain to the "concerned people" how broad and non-selective my lack of motivation and irrational inertia is? Am I still lazy when I don't even do the things that I enjoy? Not because I don't WANT to like in a "depressive" sense, and not because I won't get any joy out of doing it, but just because...I don't. In fact I suck every last bit of enjoyment out of what little I DO do because its such a f*ck*ng accomplishment. Do they think I enjoy wasting my life in front of the tv? Do they think I choose to constantly lose contact with people? Or that I choose not to just get a screwdriver and tighten that one little screw thats causing my side-mirror to flap uselessly around on my motorbike even though it bugs me EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Anyway you get the point I won't carry on, especially since I know that your post from 2005 was most probably written, like this one, on the back of some temporary drug-fueled motivation and you've never been back.
I'm 27, the same age as you were at that time, so you know what my life is like. I want to know if you've found any answers to this fundamentally simple bitch of a problem and if not, how the f*ck you are coping, because man I've read a lot of personal reports on ADD and depression and such but none of them hit the mark like yours did.
Thanks
John
Posted by Muffin on March 5, 2013, at 8:01:07
In reply to Re: Anergic Deppressive » CleverGuy, posted by john2009 on June 2, 2009, at 19:18:59
I'm so glad I found this thread about anergic depression. I've been taking various combos since 1988, mostly SSRI's and things like Wellbutrin, Buspar, Neurontin etc. No matter what, I am ALWAYS left with a profound lack of energy and no motivation whatsoever. Everything that's been described on this thread is me. Before the SSRI's I took Parnate. It was fabulous. I had energy, I never gained weight and i could write (I am or was a writer). But at time point for reasons unexplained I had 3 hypertensive episodes and had to come off Parnate. Then I was hospitalized for 3 months, put on Prozac and gained 40 lbs in those 3 months. I have never lost the weight and each time I've had to switch from one SSRI to another because they stop working I have gained even more. That in itself is depressing. But the worst part is the lack of motivation. I can't write, or if I do I never finish anything. The shame and humiliation and self-castigation that comes from that is unbearable. Reading about Reboxetine and anergic depression is what brought me to this thread. After I was hospitalized (years later) I was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder. This was the explanation for why my meds always stopped working. But I frankly don't know if I believe this diagnosis. I have never experienced anything close to a true manic state. Hypomania (med induced) yes, mixed state possibly. But nothing makes the lack of energy, the LAZINESS go away. I am desperate. If I have to spend the rest of my life like this (I'm 66) then I opt out. I am presently in France for 6 months and there are a couple of psych docs here in town. The rest of the time I live in Italy. From what I know, Reboxetine is available here. What about modafinil? (I have also taken Dexedrine and it was a miracle worker, but eventually is stopped working)). Sorry for the rambling in this post. Can anyone out there advise me? Thank you.
Posted by Dr. Bob on March 8, 2013, at 16:41:46
In reply to Re: Anergic Deppressive, posted by Muffin on March 5, 2013, at 8:01:07
> Can anyone out there advise me? Thank you.
Welcome to Psycho-Babble!
Have you checked out the other boards? I reposted your post to Psycho-Babble Medication:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20130308/msgs/1039883.html
in case people there don't see it here.
Bob
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