Posted by CleverGuy on October 31, 2005, at 23:56:39
Hello all! After many many hours research and a life-time of depression, I have found this forum. While quite internet savvy, I have never much used it as a source for psychiatric support or communication. But after reading many posts here in the course of my research, I can see its thereputic, if not just basic informational, benefit. I hope I can contribute as well as learn.
I suffer from Chronic Anergic Depression. I don't know if that is a real name, but it describes me well. I have had diagnosises ranging from Bipolar 1 (still don't get that) to OCD to GAD to Major Depressive Disorder. While I might fall into some, if not all, of those catagories, that means little to me. I have a much more prevelant and pervading problem that must be dealt with first. Basically, I have no energy or motivation.
As many know, "lack of energy and motivation" or "feelings of melancholy" are basic symptoms of depression. This symptom, however, IS my depression. It is profound and unrelenting. I often think of this example as it absurdly shows the extent of my "Anergy".
I have a habit of running out of gasoline in my automobile. In fact, I carry an extra tank in my trunk because of my frequent need to retrieve gas however possible. I have no good explanation for this recurrant phenomenon. My gauges are not broken. I am fully aware of how low on petrol I have become. I pass just as many service stations as the rest. Yet for some reason, I will not preemptively (or even more ridiculoulsy, if already there for other reasons) pull over and fill up. The amount of energy and motivation it would take, at that very moment, to perform such a minute task, is just over the threshold of "too much". I put it off as long as humanly possible. Of course and contrastly, I end up spending far more energy walking miles or catching rides with strangers to rescue my stranded vehicle. It is a running joke among friends. I wonder if anyone can relate.To combat my illness, I have tried most SSRI's and been to an array docs (medical and psychological). Yet, ultimately, I am left with the same, quite debilitating life. As a result, I have fallen in and out of alcohol/drug abuse for a good portion of my youth. Only now, 27 and disabled, am I ready to move on. I am finally and completely sober with plans to remain as such. My hopes are this forum might help me find better and more complete treatment.
Recently, I have titrated down my 300mg VENLAFAXINE extended release (Effexor XR) dosage to, what by the end of the week will be, 0mg. I am starting entirely clean by design, and I want to get it right this time. Hopefully, here, I can find a direction to the help I desperately need. Albeit a strange hello to the community (I am sure most are use to it), a hello it is none the less. HELLO!!!! If anyone has questions or suggestions for me I am ready and willing to receive.
poster:CleverGuy
thread:573992
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/newbs/20050601/msgs/573992.html