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Posted by kerria on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:56
tears
i'm so upset that the nerve block/steroid injection didn't work and the pain is coming back after just three days. Also now parts of my right leg and foot is numb and feels weird and tingly. It feels terrible. i thought that circulation wasn't working well but it doesn't help to exercise. TEARS.
i'm so upset. i can't life in the pain and with my leg feeling like this. tearstears,
kerria why is my life always such a nightmare?
Why do drs always treat me so horribly bad?
Because i have a mental disorder. i hate my life because i'm always abused. drs always think they have a right to abuse me because of my dx. as if it wasn't hard enough to live already.
tears
Posted by Phillipa on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:56
In reply to nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:(, posted by kerria on August 14, 2005, at 13:33:39
Sooooooo Sorry kerria. Do you have a herniated disc? I know how it feels when docs don't take you seriously. Why don't you Babble me? Love Phillipa
Posted by kerria on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:56
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » kerria, posted by Phillipa on August 14, 2005, at 13:52:09
Hi Phillipa.
no, not back pain but severe pelvic pain that i had since Dec. 2003. After gyn surgery and all kinds of tests done i was referred to a pain management dr who treated the pain with medicine for over a year, then became angry and accusitive when he found out i had a PTSD (maybe he knows i have DID also) dx. He forced me to get this nerve block, threatening not to prescribe anymore and the pain is way too severe to live in. Now i'm still in pain and so worried that the nerves to my right leg are damaged by the procedure and that's something that even medicine can't help. i hope that it's not permanent.it's humiliating to even go to a dr with pelvic pain and now this. i wish i could call this dr- i'm worried- but have a lot of problems with communicating . i'll wait until tomorrow i guess.
i don't want him to touch me again.What does it mean to Babble you?
Thanks so much for responding, Phillipa, when you're having a hard time now also,
kerria
Posted by utopizen on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:56
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » Phillipa, posted by kerria on August 14, 2005, at 15:21:37
I sympathasize with your concerns, having not been able to experience nerve block.
However, you feel hopeless, no?
Your nerve block isn't the only problem, and it's hard to do this, but focus on that other part of your problem, the hopelessness alone.
Will obsessing over how your doctor treats you make him treat you better? Has it in the past? If you can answer "yes" to these two questions, then feel free to scribble down on several pads of paper how demonic your sinister, apathetic, and uncaring doctor is, and all your problems will go away.
While you're doing that, see your pdoc and tell him how hopeless you feel, and he'll adjust your medicine and likely advise you to add/increase therapy with your therapist.
Hang in there. I've been you, and will be you again, and it sucks.
Posted by ed_uk on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:56
In reply to nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:(, posted by kerria on August 14, 2005, at 13:33:39
Dear Kerria,
((((K))))
Could you ask your pain management specialist to refer you to one of his collegues? Perhaps you could find someone who will treat you better.
>Also now parts of my right leg and foot is numb and feels weird and tingly.
I don't know why these symptoms would suddenly have appeared. You definitely need to call your doc. I don't think there will be any permanent damage.
Love,
Ed xx
Posted by Phillipa on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:56
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » kerria, posted by ed_uk on August 14, 2005, at 16:19:27
Kerria, Babblemail is an option you have when you register for this site. If a name appears in black it means no Babblemail. If it's blue or lit up the person's name who posted to you simply click on their name and Babblemail will appear. To turn on your own return to registration page and click on that you want others to be able to contact you. Babblemail is a way of communicating that is like an E-mail. No one can see what you write except the person you're writing to. If my instructions are wrong or if there is an easier way someone please correct me. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by kerria on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:56
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:(, posted by utopizen on August 14, 2005, at 16:12:18
i'm not on any meds except pain medicine.
Tomorrow i will talk to my psychiatrist who is calling this dr to communicate for me. i have DID and it's difficult for me to voice my symptoms and stand up for myself with this pain mangement dr.
The day of the surgery the dr changed his mind about giving the sedation that he agreed to (i needed it) and instead gave a large quanity of xylocaine. i couldn't feel anything from the waist down for two hours- especially it took a long time to wear off in my right leg. i'm afraid that the large amount of xylocaine hurt the nerves in my right leg.
i'm not sure why i'm having numbness in my right foot and leg but it's so scary for me. Wouldn't it be for you? It's the foot i use when driving- i've neve had numbness like this in my life before and i hope that it can get better.
i'm trying not to panic.i hope that it's reversable and that i can find a good dr to find the correct diagnosis and treat the pelvic pain.
Thanks for your support. i have a parts. One of my parts is very hopeless but not most of us. The rest of us are in better control of emotions but have a hard time communicating. I don't take medication for the dissociative disorder because there aren't any that help.
It's so hard to be misunderstood all my life.
Posted by 4WD on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:56
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » Phillipa, posted by kerria on August 14, 2005, at 15:21:37
> Hi Phillipa.
> no, not back pain but severe pelvic pain that i had since Dec. 2003. After gyn surgery and all kinds of tests done i was referred to a pain management dr who treated the pain with medicine for over a year, then became angry and accusitive when he found out i had a PTSD (maybe he knows i have DID also) dx. He forced me to get this nerve block, threatening not to prescribe anymore and the pain is way too severe to live in. Now i'm still in pain and so worried that the nerves to my right leg are damaged by the procedure and that's something that even medicine can't help. i hope that it's not permanent.
>
> it's humiliating to even go to a dr with pelvic pain and now this. i wish i could call this dr- i'm worried- but have a lot of problems with communicating . i'll wait until tomorrow i guess.
> i don't want him to touch me again.
>
> What does it mean to Babble you?
>
> Thanks so much for responding, Phillipa, when you're having a hard time now also,
>
> kerria
>Kerria,
Do you maybe have interstitial cystitis? I have heard that is terribly painful.
What is DID?
I can sympathize with you about doctors not believing your pain. I had a situation like that at one time and it made me feel terrible. You must be feeling frustrated and hopeless. Try to hang on - tell your doctor how you feel. Do your gynecologist and your pain management doctor talk to each other? Maybe they should discuss your case.
Marsha
Posted by kerria on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:56
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » kerria, posted by ed_uk on August 14, 2005, at 16:19:27
Thank you, Ed.
The numbness in my right leg happened at the same time the pain started coming back. The steroid that was injected took about four days to work and worked for my pain for only two days, then the pain started coming back.
i know that the pain management dr gave a lot more xylocaine than usual because another patient that had the same procedure after me was up and walking an hour afterwards and the numbness was still total- all the way down to my feet for more than two hours- especially in the right leg. The dr told me to lie sideways even- so that it would 'even out?'
i don't know why he used so much that my legs were so numb but i speculate that he used it instead of giving me the sedation because he thought we couldn't handle having the injection without it. i hope you're right about the nerves in my leg getting better. i hope that this numb feeling is temporary.Thanks for understanding, Ed and the comforting words. i'm a hiker and was going backpacking up until the time of the onst of this severe pain and it's so hard to have.
i need to get back on the trail and climb some mountains and see some more views soon or we'll go crazy.Thanks so much,
kerria
Posted by kerria on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:57
In reply to How to Babblemail Kerria, posted by Phillipa on August 14, 2005, at 18:23:36
Thank you Phillipa.
Posted by kerria on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:57
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » kerria, posted by 4WD on August 14, 2005, at 22:34:40
Hi Marsha,
Thanks so much. yes, i've had my own Gyn and two other gyn drs - one a gyn /oncologist at a large hospital send the pain management dr info. on my recent visits this year. Still trying to find what's causing pain.
i had a chemical spill on that area of my body at work. My TVK suit became ripped in the back and a chemical spilled inside and i wasn't able to change for an hour or so. That maybe caused inflamation. It's hard to find info on that.
Another thing might be pudendal nerve entrapment- i had a fall and a difficult backpacking trip about the time that the pain started also. Nothing shows up on PET scan and MRIs - but nerve entrapment or damage might not maybe. i don't know why i'm in pain but only that i am in severe sharp constant pain.
It is so frustrating when drs don't believe me- it's easy for drs to think that it's psychological pain if no physical reason is clear when someone has my dx.DID -dissociative identity disorder- is a severe form of PTSD - i also have that.
It used to be called 'multiple personality disorder'. It's when you have separate parts - not one person but the person is separated into parts. It happens when children have trauma before their personality is formed. It carries onto adult life and you can not know what your other parts are doing, switch to a child part and 'lose control' in a stressful situation like surgery, etc. If i'm in certain parts i can lose time- i can't remember what happened for periods of time.
It makes it hard to do stressful things. It makes it hard for other people to believe me because my different parts are so different. ('Why do you say this now when you said that earlier?')sorry if it's confusing- it really is:( but i can't help it.
My pain is physical origin and is real. i hope that the reason is found. i think the pain management dr believes me but has difficulty with prescribing opioids. So i had to have the nerve block and hoped it would work. these things are so hard for me to get through.
thank you, Marsha. It's good to meet you,
kerria
Posted by gardenergirl on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:57
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » 4WD, posted by kerria on August 15, 2005, at 0:14:18
Hi kerria,
I'm happy to see that you are getting lots of support and advice here. Babble's a great place.Just had a thought. Did you ever have an EMG--a nerve conduction study? I don't know if one could be done on the pudendal (sp?) nerve, but if so, it could show if there is damage or not.
And I know it's hard not being understood. I wish more people understood about mental illness in general, but also about your diagnosis. I'm happy to know you just as you are. I wish you could find relief from your pain.
gg
Posted by kerria on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:57
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » kerria, posted by gardenergirl on August 15, 2005, at 1:45:01
(((((((Gardenergirl))))))))) Thank you SO much for posting now.
i had to come out of the closet i guess. it'a always hard because of internal disagreement.Yes- i had a nerve conduction study done about six months ago. i've had so many tests. The cost is unbelievable. i have insurance but even the co pay- i might have to go bankrupt. Plus major gyn surgery.
There was no choice because the pain was too severe to live in.
What turned up on the nerve conduction study was slight abnormalities but nothing that was significantly pointing to the pain.Love,
kerria
Posted by jadah on August 15, 2005, at 20:34:57
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » kerria, posted by ed_uk on August 14, 2005, at 16:19:27
hi kerria. Sorry to hear the nerve block didnt work. They didnt work for me either. The feeling you have in your legs is a classic symptom of the epidural they gave you-it will go away. Talk to your doctor about an Occipital or Periphial Nerve stimulator. It is a box that is surgically implanted and it responds to pain receptors by giving off a mild electrical pulse (like a tense unit would). good luck. I think that one post was good in saying that obsessing about how the doctors treat you isnt going to change them. I still firmly believe that you are the one who needs to take an active role in your recovery. You cant change the doctors but you can change how you deal with them and you can change how you are going to handle your own feelings about the situation. Be proactive, stand up for yourself, dont take no for an answer, do your own research... Praying for you
Posted by 4WD on August 15, 2005, at 20:55:45
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » 4WD, posted by kerria on August 15, 2005, at 0:14:18
Kerria,
I'm so glad you're here. I hope we can help at least by offering support and encouragement.
I can't even imagine how scary it must be to have to deal with what you are going through.
Having to deal with condescending doctors is hard for the strongest of us. For those of us who have underlying issues with self esteem (sometimes directly because of our diagnoses) it can be almost impossible to stand up for yourself. Sometimes it feels like you can't win - if you do try to stand up for yourself, you get labeled "difficult." It's such a fine line.
Anyway, I hope you find the source of your pain and in the meantime, relief for it. And if any of the other parts ever post here, we'll be glad to hear from you too.
Love,
Marsha
Posted by kerria on August 16, 2005, at 5:26:51
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:(, posted by jadah on August 15, 2005, at 18:45:58
Thank you, Jadah,
It's too bad that i have such a difficult time standing up for myself because of the disorder. It's almost impossible for me to be an advocate for myself. i have to take my H to the drs with me to explain how much pain i'm in everyday. The hard thing is that it's so constant.
i've done so much research. maybe it's pudental(spelling) nerve entrapment? Maybe it's because of the chemical spill?
i have a small M spike- maybe a malignancy or a myeloma is developing in nerves? it doesn't matter- you just can't suggest to drs what's wrong- they want to find it themselves and label me as a nutcase if i say anything about research.
There'a a way to suggest but i can't do it because i go to the drs as a twelve year old or something else happens to prevent me. It happens when i try to do anything else also.Bad thing- i almost have no medicine left. i see this dr tomorrow and h can't come. It's so inhumane to be kept alive in terrible pain. This dr needs to find a way to get me out of pain because i can't live in it or be afraid of living in it anymore. i need a solution that works. now. i already had a lifetime supply of pain. i can't subject myself to living in torture.
No one should ever have to endure this kind of agony for this long a time- whatever they have that's wrong.
so tired trying so hard to manage,
kerria
The dr did mention the stimulator implant.
Surgeries are so difficult for me to have- there are some inside who don't understand anything and i'm not able to communicate with so much of my own mind.
Almost no one understands. My T and my psychdr. A few friends on another site that i'm afraid to go to. tears.
Tonight i woke up in terrrible pain tonight at 4am- just twelve hours after taking the morphine that i take every twelve hours now. 100mg makes just bearable. It STILL hurts alot- a 6 on a scale of 1-10.
How disfiguring would an implant like that be?
i wear size 0 or size 2 and it would be hard to find a place to bury a box of anykind in my body. It would be way upsetting to my parts. Did you get one put in?
Did it work?
Was your pain a 15 on a scale of 1-10?Why is my life filled with so much torture?
i really wonder- it's so hard to have this problem- i can't choose to live in this pain even if i wanted to. i'm so tired of asking for help for so long- it's been a year and a half.we see the dr tomorrow. i hope that my psychDr was able to contact the pain management dr.Living with terrible sharp constant pain is so bad for the PTSD and DID sx. i'm getting so worse. Communicating with parts is impossible because i'm jumping from one part to another so much because we all can't stand the constant physical pain. A normal person wouldn't have lasted this long.
Posted by kerria on August 16, 2005, at 5:28:35
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » kerria, posted by 4WD on August 15, 2005, at 20:55:45
(((((((((Marsha)))))))
tears,
kerria
Posted by ed_uk on August 16, 2005, at 7:16:23
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » 4WD, posted by kerria on August 16, 2005, at 5:28:35
Hi Kerria,
Why did your doc switch you from oxycodone to morphine?
Did you speak to your doc about the numbness and tingling?
~ed
Posted by kerria on August 16, 2005, at 10:22:55
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » kerria, posted by ed_uk on August 16, 2005, at 7:16:23
Hi.
The dr switched me from oxycontin to morphine - he made comments like "I don't want to treat you because of botched therapy" - as if i had psychological pain and because therapy didn't work i needed pain medicine.
The dr also said, "I'm afraid of losing my license because of prescribing"- "you don't have a diagnosis." "You never have drs send reports to me" AND I ALWAYS DID. When i remind him he acts like i'm not telling the truth.i guess that morphine is way more abused ? i don't know why he switched me. At the same time he told me he wouldn't prescribe to me anymore. i don't even know why i should go today- i never want him to do surgery on me again. i'm out of medicine and have to beg him to not have me live in torture until i find someone else, that's why i'm seeing him.
i called the offices again last week and saw two more gyn drs with even more information of their exams. They referred me to still more drs. i've seen four this year already.
i haven't spoken to him yet. i didn't return his call after the surgery because it was such a nightmare after having it without sedation unexpectedly. When the pain subsided for a few days i thought that it was gone forever and hoped i could just get off of medicine myself and never see or talk to him again.
i have an appt today . i HATE going there. i'm in so much pain. tears.
The pple in the office and he always treat me so terribly. They ask me to "come in at 1:00 for a 1:30 appt" on the phone reminder and make me sit there until every last patient that comes in after me is seen - i waited almost three hours last time. It HURTS so much to sit also so i have to stand up when the pain gets unbearable .i wish i had another dr that could treat me.
i'm so worried that i can't control my parts - that i'll end up doing something like screaming at him and everyone there because i'm in so much pain and my parts hate how unfairly he treats me.
i don't think i can manage to stay in a sane part anymore.It's so unfair to me.
Being in pain makes therapy impossible. i can't communicate with parts - T is trying to help but it's too hard when i'm in pain or worrying about being treated all the time. i have a therapy appt also later- if they ever let me out on time at the pain management drs. All i do is cry about how much it hurts in therapy. T can't help.Thanks for listening.
take care,
kerria
Posted by jadah on August 16, 2005, at 19:24:28
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:(, posted by kerria on August 16, 2005, at 5:26:51
I never had the CNS or PNS put in but it was an option. My friend has one and it has been helping thus far. I think that somehow you need to encourage all of your parts to come together to work for you so that you could go and talk to the doc. If they have any questions or concerns let them write it down and reassure them that you will talk to the dr about it. It is important that you be present and even more important for your ongoing recovery to try to integrate everyone. Some day Kerria, you will be strong enough to let them go and be whole again. You can do it! I realize this is not an easy task, but I am confident that one day you will be able to do for yourself what they are doing for you now. I know youve had a tough life. The grass is greener on the other side, i assure you.!
Posted by ed_uk on August 17, 2005, at 10:14:31
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » ed_uk, posted by kerria on August 16, 2005, at 10:22:55
Hi K, :-)
>i guess that morphine is way more abused ?
OxyContin seems to be more popular than morphine for recreational use. With the current 'crack down' on OxyContin, I guess your doc was more comfortable prescribing morphine.
Have you tried tramadol?
Kind regards
~ed
Posted by kerria on August 19, 2005, at 1:23:16
In reply to Re: nerve block didn't work and damaged my nerves:( » kerria, posted by ed_uk on August 17, 2005, at 10:14:31
Hi Ed :)
i only have to bear with seeing this pain control dr one more time, i think, until i can see the nice dr who offered to see me instead.
Good news- my right leg- the feeling of numbness and tingly weird feeling stopped. i'm so relieved.
What is tramadol?
Thank you,
kerria
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