Psycho-Babble Eating Thread 695231

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A question on body image of others (trigger)

Posted by NikkiT2 on October 16, 2006, at 6:07:14

I've been trying to post this question for some time, but I do find it a little triggery, so its taken me time to work up the courage.

Many of you on this board discuss being disgusted with your body, when you are, technically speaking, thin. Skinny infact.

Do you feel disgust when you see fat people. People that are technically *obsese*?

Is it only fat on yourself that is disgusting? Or is all fat on any person disgusting?

Would you think less of an obese person? Would you be friends with them?

I'm truly interested..

Nikki

 

Re: A question on body image of others (trigger) » NikkiT2

Posted by Racer on October 16, 2006, at 12:45:11

In reply to A question on body image of others (trigger), posted by NikkiT2 on October 16, 2006, at 6:07:14

I'm not skinny at all anymore, and I hate it, but here's the best I can do on your question:

There are some obese people who do -- I don't know if "disgust" is the right word? But there are some obese people whom I don't necessarily look at charitably. They're not the "fat" people that one sees daily, though, and certainly not the average plump person. The ones that I am disturbed by have very uneven distribution of body fat, and are very, very obese. (I don't know if this is more common in America, it might be...) And it really does have something to do with how unhealthy it seems.

As for the subset of humanity who can be called "Plumper Than I Am," here's the really crazy part about my own ED-related body image distortion: most of the women I look at and think are stunning *are* considerably heavier than I am. In fact, there have been a number of women over the years I've thought of as just stunningly gorgeous who were/are probably technically obese. How's that for crazy?

For me, I don't think it's weight per se that affects my view of someone else. I also get upset by those people who seem to think that anyone overweight should never be seen eating -- although I do find myself upset when I see very obese children being fed triple-scoop ice cream cones. {shrug} That doesn't seem healthy to me. Someone who's heavy, though, eating a single scoop? That's OK -- everything in moderation, right? And I have a very unattractive attitude about truly huge people walking very slowly in front of me -- but I have the same sort of attitude about very skinny people walking very slowly in front of me. And average sized people walking very slowly in front of me. (Basically, if you're over 3 years old, and you're walking very slowly in front of me, this unattractive attitude is likely to kick in...)

Nikki, I think this is probably an awfully difficult subject, and I hope one day you and I will get a chance to talk about it over a glass or two of wine. (Or a Guinness?) I suspect you're asking because you're afraid that someone with body image problems might judge you by her/his own standards -- and that doesn't usually happen. (In fact, it seems as though a lot of anorexics seem to like other people to be a bit plump... Dunno why, but it seems like a real phenomenon.) I think there are some young girls who get off on being "anti-fat" in other people, but I haven't seen that in adults. (Except my mother, but she's nuts.)

And Nikki? You posted pictures of yourself -- very brave! -- and you're beautiful. I hope that you can see that, because you are truly beautiful, and don't need to worry about anyone who doesn't see that.

 

Re: A question on body image of others (trigger) » NikkiT2

Posted by Deneb on October 16, 2006, at 17:56:48

In reply to A question on body image of others (trigger), posted by NikkiT2 on October 16, 2006, at 6:07:14

> Many of you on this board discuss being disgusted with your body, when you are, technically speaking, thin. Skinny infact.

I'm not thin, my BMI is 23. Normal BMI is 18.5-24.9. For Asians normal BMI is 18.5-23. I'm on the verge of being overweight.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/10/16/health/main525887.shtml

> Do you feel disgust when you see fat people. People that are technically *obsese*?

I'm not disgusted by people who are obese, but I do admit that sometimes I stare because it is so strange looking (here I'm talking about people who are severely obese). I feel bad for them when I think of all the problems they must face. Then I think that my problems with weight are nothing compared to theirs. Theirs is a life and death struggle.

> Is it only fat on yourself that is disgusting? Or is all fat on any person disgusting?

I wouldn't call my fat disguising, but I really hate it and it looks horrible. I don't think that about other people.

> Would you think less of an obese person? Would you be friends with them?

I don't think less of them. I have friends who are overweight/obese. Most of my childhood friends were obese, maybe because I was an outsider like they were. I've had my friends teased by other children and I stood right by them.

I'm not sure why I hate my body so much, but it's specific to me and not other people.

Deneb*

 

Re: A question on body image of others (trigger)

Posted by ElaineM on October 17, 2006, at 19:41:13

In reply to A question on body image of others (trigger), posted by NikkiT2 on October 16, 2006, at 6:07:14

>>>>>>Do you feel disgust when you see fat people. People that are technically *obsese*?

At my worst I thought EVERYONE was disgusting when eating, and *because* they ate. I couldn't stand seeing or smelling anybody eat. The actual process of consuming food made me sick to my stomach, and I hated anyone who did it. Because of that, I stopped eating solids for five months and was in the process of stopping fluids when I was admitted the first time. I hate that that would once have been my answer, but I wanted to answer you honestly. But to give you an idea of how starved my brain was (and I've only ever told one non-pdoc this before) I used to want to bleed myself inorder for the scale to drop lower.

Losing weight was never about wanting to weigh the same as a model or anything. So asthetic judgment were never part of the disorder for me. At no point during my weight loss did I think that I was attractive. Actually, I'd bet that all the disgust I felt when seeing/smelling others eat was projection. Before the eating disorder, and Now, I'm totally different, or normal I guess. I so rarely leave the house that when I do I think I hold all others I see in awe. Also, I'm not thin at all now, so I'm quite sensitive to weight issues, and even more lenient to others.

> Is it only fat on yourself that is disgusting? Or is all fat on any person disgusting?

If the person wasn't eating then I was alright. I always thought that even if they were overweight that they had redeeming characteristics (that I believed I was also lacking) that made weight only be one piece of their makeup as a person, and consequently made them better than me. So I do judge my body waaaay harsher than others. BUt also, I used to just assume that weight didn't mean as much to regular people as it did to me - like another wouldn't find weight criticisms or stuff like that, upsetting or hurtfull. I seriously thought that being considered anything less than skinny was a stone that could only hurt me -- everyone else was strong enough to not care. Then I went into treatment (where I was alongside some hospitalized for binge-eating disorder and obesity) and I was shocked (in a dumb way) to hear others echo my feelings. It's embarassing to say how I thought then :(

> Would you think less of an obese person? Would you be friends with them?

I would PAY ANYONE to be friends with me. My best friend from highschool [way before I was AN] was quite overweight, and I didn't care at all. I wanted to apoligize to *her* for having such an ugly friend beside her.

 

Re: A question on body image of others (trigger) » NikkiT2

Posted by Poet on October 21, 2006, at 17:23:34

In reply to A question on body image of others (trigger), posted by NikkiT2 on October 16, 2006, at 6:07:14

Hi Nikki,

I am not thin, but my weight is in the range it should be for someone my height.

> Do you feel disgust when you see fat people. People that are technically *obsese*?

I'll be honest. I can feel disgust if I see someone who is extremely obese using those complementary scooters that some stores provide to customers. The first thing I think is *maybe if you walked more you'd lose weight.*

> Is it only fat on yourself that is disgusting? Or is all fat on any person disgusting?

I take water aerobics. My instructor is obese. Many of the class members are, too. I don't find their fat disgusting. I look at my thighs and see fat, fat, fat even though I am thinner than they are.

> Would you think less of an obese person? Would you be friends with them?

I have friends who are obese. Some have been heavy as long as I've known them others over the years have put on weight. I don't think less of them. At Christmas we exchange gifts and there's no distinction between normal weight or overweight among us. I'd never give one of my thinner friends something better because of his/her size. I've never even thought about telling any of my heavier friends that they should be eating carrots, not cookies.

So other than those scooter users, the fat that disgusts me is my own (real or not.)

Poet

 

Re: A question on body image of others (trigger)

Posted by Meri-Tuuli on October 23, 2006, at 12:41:25

In reply to Re: A question on body image of others (trigger) » NikkiT2, posted by Poet on October 21, 2006, at 17:23:34

Hey..

Well I guess my views are sort of with the others here...

I'm kinda somewhere in the middleground.

I definately hate the fat on my body... I'm pretty much normal weight at a BMI of 21...and I'm 5'10"... but still I always think I could be thinner.... I used to be 19 BMI and that is sort of my goal in my head.

Anyway I don't find people who are 'plump' disgusting or anything. I do struggle sometimes when I see someone very obese huffing away just walking down the street, and i wonder how/why they have got themselves like that (I work hard at keeping myself healthy). I think 'disgusted' is too strong a word. I feel concern for them and wonder what it must be going to their health, but thruthfully, I do find very obese people, well I don't know, I find them.... I dunno, I don't actually personally know any. I have to say all my friends are normal weight. Not even over weight! I have no idea why this is. But I wouldn't treat them any differently, I guess. How bizarre, I've never thought about til now - all my friends over the years are normal weight. No! There was one...very nice actually. And my best friend is overweight, but she's 6'1" so I guess she can carry it off, but she's not very overweight.... more just abit plump. Size 16-18 (UK sizes)...sooo...

Also the other side -- when I see someone outrageously skinny, I get freaked out too. So it works both ways.

I think its normal to get curious about extremes of body weight.

Kind regards

Meri


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