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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by MidnightBlue on September 18, 2006, at 14:42:06
We have a new family member (adult) who has finally said she used to be bulimic. I don't know for how long or how long ago that was. She appears to be a normal weight and says she doesn't throw up anymore. I am never sure how to cook for her or how to please her. She says she hates big slabs of meat--chicken, etc. and hates the way it stays in her stomach. But she sometimes loves to go out and eat a steak. But other times she hates beef. And she'll order chicken if we go out.
She isn't into organic or all healthy foods. I honestly can't figure it out. And she is not a vegan. Usually she hates sweets, but sometimes she likes them. When she was pregnant she was terrified of gaining a stomach. She didn't like that she showed or needed maternity pants. By the way, the baby was born healthy.
What can I do to not put pressure on her to eat, but to provide something she might like? It honestly seems to change from day to day. The only thing I know she likes is salad.
MidnightBlue
Posted by Poet on September 18, 2006, at 20:41:46
In reply to Question to better understand (trigger), posted by MidnightBlue on September 18, 2006, at 14:42:06
Hi Midnightblue,
I thank she might be controlling her bulimic urges by being very picky about what she eats. She might be afraid she'll lose control if she eats too much meat or sweets, but once and awhile lets herself eat a reasonable amount of them?
I'm bulimic and there are certain foods that are binge favorites and I try hard to stay away from them except in small quantities. In other words a single scoop of ice cream, not a quart of ice cream. Maybe your relative uses the same control technique.
Since she likes salads, maybe you can ask her if she wants some chicken or steak or whatever you're cooking that night in a salad? It's a start to figure out what she might want to eat.
She'd definitely be frustrating to try to plan meals for.Good luck.
Poet
Posted by Jost on September 18, 2006, at 22:20:59
In reply to Re: Question to better understand (trigger) » MidnightBlue, posted by Poet on September 18, 2006, at 20:41:46
I'm a little strange about eating, but I hate to put other people out, or let them know that my eating preferences are unusual.
I always am very grateful if someone likes to know what I want, or remembers. And especially if they go to any trouble to make something for me.
Maybe you could ask her, each time she comes over, for a while-- or ask her husband, if that's more comfortable-- what she'd like for dinner.
Poet's idea that she's being picky to control what she eats sounds very plausible. So maybe she has some general idea, but also it depends on how she's feeling or what she's eaten. After a while, you might get a much better idea of what she'd really be happy with.
It's really sweet, though, that you care.
Jost
Posted by MidnightBlue on September 19, 2006, at 0:00:06
In reply to Re: Question to better understand (trigger) » MidnightBlue, posted by Poet on September 18, 2006, at 20:41:46
Poet,
Thanks for answering me. I'm guessing, hoping that she is no longer bulimic. (She said she wasn't, but I do know she easily gets a "nervous stomach.") She is an important member of our family now. I think it is the inconsistancy that drives me nuts!
Gotta learn how to make good salads...........
MidnightBlue
Posted by MidnightBlue on September 19, 2006, at 0:01:45
In reply to Re: Question to better understand (trigger), posted by Jost on September 18, 2006, at 22:20:59
Jost,
Thanks so much for your suggestions. I really AM trying to understand her.
MidnightBlue
Posted by Racer on September 19, 2006, at 1:21:27
In reply to Re: Question to better understand (trigger) » Jost, posted by MidnightBlue on September 19, 2006, at 0:01:45
I'm a picky eater, even at the best of times, and I have a hard time eating at other people's houses. There are a few things I do that help me, maybe there's a way you could use them to help you?
1. If I know I'm going to someone's house who'll be cooking for me, I will often ask to "help" cook. Sometimes that makes it possible for me to eat things I might not otherwise be able to eat.
2. I know I'm a problem, and I try to take responsibility for it. That means if someone doesn't know me, I may make some joke about holding the record as The World's Pickiest Eater, and then only eat what I'm comfortable with eating. Some foods I can be polite about, others I can't. (I'm not bulimic, but I do get sick if I try to eat something that isn't "safe" for me.)
3. If it's a family thing, where people know I'm a problem -- huh, notice even I think I'm a problem, when maybe they're part of the problem, too? -- anyway, at a family thing, I may actually say "hey, I know you planned to have pork, but you know I don't eat that -- could you maybe throw on a chicken breast for me?" or whatever. If they're more concerned with their menu than with whether or not I eat, well...
4. If it gets to be a big deal, I can always leave... (I know you don't want to hear that one. It really is part of being responsible for my own eating problems, though.)
5. The biggest problem I have, far more of a problem than not having something I want on the table, is when a big deal is made out of it. It's much better for me if someone either asks quietly and privately whether I think what's going to be served will be OK, or just ignores the fact that I'm only eating salad/veggies.
AH! Vegetables are a problem for me with most of my family -- because they put butter and salt on them. If you can do little things like naked veggies that people can butter/season themselves, that would probably be a nice thing...
Those are some of my ways to handle it. The biggest problem I have is when people start talking about it at the table. I would guess that your family member would appreciate someone saying -- authoritatively -- "It's OK, she knows what she wants and how hungry she is -- let's talk about something else." (No one in my family listens when I say "I'm fine, thank you, and I don't care for anything more." Having someone else to speak up for me would be a blessing.)
Honestly? I think it's worth asking her how she would be most comfortable with this. Let her know that you want to make her most comfortable, and please her with your meals, and ask her what suits her best. It could be that just making sure there's plenty of salad would be the best thing for her right now.
I hope that helps...
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