Posted by Racer on September 19, 2006, at 1:21:27
In reply to Re: Question to better understand (trigger) » Jost, posted by MidnightBlue on September 19, 2006, at 0:01:45
I'm a picky eater, even at the best of times, and I have a hard time eating at other people's houses. There are a few things I do that help me, maybe there's a way you could use them to help you?
1. If I know I'm going to someone's house who'll be cooking for me, I will often ask to "help" cook. Sometimes that makes it possible for me to eat things I might not otherwise be able to eat.
2. I know I'm a problem, and I try to take responsibility for it. That means if someone doesn't know me, I may make some joke about holding the record as The World's Pickiest Eater, and then only eat what I'm comfortable with eating. Some foods I can be polite about, others I can't. (I'm not bulimic, but I do get sick if I try to eat something that isn't "safe" for me.)
3. If it's a family thing, where people know I'm a problem -- huh, notice even I think I'm a problem, when maybe they're part of the problem, too? -- anyway, at a family thing, I may actually say "hey, I know you planned to have pork, but you know I don't eat that -- could you maybe throw on a chicken breast for me?" or whatever. If they're more concerned with their menu than with whether or not I eat, well...
4. If it gets to be a big deal, I can always leave... (I know you don't want to hear that one. It really is part of being responsible for my own eating problems, though.)
5. The biggest problem I have, far more of a problem than not having something I want on the table, is when a big deal is made out of it. It's much better for me if someone either asks quietly and privately whether I think what's going to be served will be OK, or just ignores the fact that I'm only eating salad/veggies.
AH! Vegetables are a problem for me with most of my family -- because they put butter and salt on them. If you can do little things like naked veggies that people can butter/season themselves, that would probably be a nice thing...
Those are some of my ways to handle it. The biggest problem I have is when people start talking about it at the table. I would guess that your family member would appreciate someone saying -- authoritatively -- "It's OK, she knows what she wants and how hungry she is -- let's talk about something else." (No one in my family listens when I say "I'm fine, thank you, and I don't care for anything more." Having someone else to speak up for me would be a blessing.)
Honestly? I think it's worth asking her how she would be most comfortable with this. Let her know that you want to make her most comfortable, and please her with your meals, and ask her what suits her best. It could be that just making sure there's plenty of salad would be the best thing for her right now.
I hope that helps...
poster:Racer
thread:687125
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20060628/msgs/687304.html