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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 28 to 52 of 69. Go back in thread:
Posted by crushedout on July 23, 2005, at 11:27:05
In reply to P.S. to Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on July 22, 2005, at 16:43:39
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 23, 2005, at 12:07:07
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by Nickengland on July 22, 2005, at 16:54:32
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 23, 2005, at 12:14:35
In reply to What about coming back under another name » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on July 22, 2005, at 16:41:22
> After being blocked this time? Does that add any time?
Sorry, I forgot about that! Since that post was uncivil toward a particular individual, 6 * 3 = 18 weeks?
Bob
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 12:21:30
In reply to Re: the length of the block, posted by Dr. Bob on July 23, 2005, at 12:14:35
Well, that's better.
Ok everyone, open season on deputies in emails!
But really, the dog aspect has been done rather often. There are lots of other things I post that can be used to hurt me.
I can't tell anyone which pieces of my private life should be used to hurt me, of course. It was just a suggestion for the sake of variety.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 12:23:21
In reply to Re: the length of the block » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 12:21:30
Sorry I posted in haste.
I should have said that I might feel hurt at reading, not "used to hurt me". I can't of course know the reasoning behind anyone's saying...
Well, I won't go there.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 12:27:22
In reply to Re: the length of the block, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 12:23:21
But I suppose I could have been a bit more direct in asking Dr. Bob why the civility rules that state that emails to deputies be civil is not being upheld.
And I want to be clear that any anger is directed at Dr. Bob, not at anyone else. Because no one else (except for a few posters who I've gotten to care about) can really hurt me anyway.
I tend to rely on him a bit too much. It's unwise of me.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 13:00:51
In reply to I'm not actually aiming for sarcasm, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 12:27:22
I should have taken my hurt and anger with Dr. Bob directly to him in an email. It showed poor judgement on my part to bring it to the board. I'll try to be more careful in the future to remember that he can be reached directly.
Posted by NikkiT2 on July 23, 2005, at 13:16:40
In reply to I apologize to everyone else, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 13:00:51
Dinah,
I think the usual way it works is one block for all the offences by the time Dr Bob gets to it, and then once blocked the only offence that creates further blocks is posting on here, or via babble mail.
Thats my understanding, so this isn't anything personal to you..
Though, in my opinion, as the deputies have their emails displayed in the FAQ, any emails to them should be classed the time as babble mails. Though, a blocked person could want to discuss why they were blocked with a deputy, so a blanket ban on emailing a deputy while blocked could be tricky..
Sorry it hurt you *hugs*
Nikki xx
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 23, 2005, at 14:39:24
In reply to Re: I apologize to everyone else, posted by NikkiT2 on July 23, 2005, at 13:16:40
> I think the usual way it works is one block for all the offences by the time Dr Bob gets to it, and then once blocked the only offence that creates further blocks is posting on here, or via babble mail.
>
> Though, in my opinion, as the deputies have their emails displayed in the FAQ, any emails to them should be classed the time as babble mails. Though, a blocked person could want to discuss why they were blocked with a deputy, so a blanket ban on emailing a deputy while blocked could be tricky..Right. So let's say not a blanket ban, but a ban on uncivil emails?
Dinah, if you get another one, please forward it to me. Thanks, and sorry about what you've had to go through.
Bob
Posted by crushedout on July 23, 2005, at 14:47:26
In reply to Re: the length of the block, posted by Dr. Bob on July 23, 2005, at 12:14:35
i could be wrong, but don't you always double blocks for each additional offense? that should then be 6 weeks, x 2 = 12, x 2 = 24 (not 18).unless I'm missing some other rule.
Posted by thuso on July 23, 2005, at 14:53:00
In reply to Re: the length of the block » Dr. Bob, posted by crushedout on July 23, 2005, at 14:47:26
>
> i could be wrong, but don't you always double blocks for each additional offense? that should then be 6 weeks, x 2 = 12, x 2 = 24 (not 18).
>
> unless I'm missing some other rule.From FAQ:
"Usually I start with a week and double it each subsequent time. If the post is uncivil toward a particular individual or group, I may triple it instead."
Posted by crushedout on July 23, 2005, at 14:57:44
In reply to Re: the length of the block » crushedout, posted by thuso on July 23, 2005, at 14:53:00
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 15:03:36
In reply to Re: I apologize to everyone else, posted by NikkiT2 on July 23, 2005, at 13:16:40
Of course, so had already been blocked for the second time by me (for posting as a blocked poster) when so emailed me. So it wasn't two actions at the same time with no intervening action from administration. It was one action, an intervention, a second action, another intervention, and then the emails.
But it makes no difference. My purpose was not so much to get increased block time. It was hurt that Dr. Bob said nothing about the emails.
Certainly a blocked poster can email a deputy, and they have many times in the past. It was the contents of the email.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 15:57:24
In reply to Re: emailing a deputy, posted by Dr. Bob on July 23, 2005, at 14:39:24
> Thanks, and sorry about what you've had to go through.
>
> BobAs usual, I didn't get all that upset until I interacted with you about it, Dr. Bob. What does your book say about that?
I had a momentary flashback to the "Dianah" stuff which caused me distress in my already raw state, but other than that, it didn't particularly bother me until you appeared to find find it unworthy of comment or action.
Tis weird, Dr. Bob.
I think I let stuff roll off my back easier if I feel assured that you will deal with it appropriately. Protect us as it were.
But it's like with posts that I find uncivil that you let stand. I get mad because I have every expectation that you will protect us, or me, and I am more angry that you don't than I am about what it is I expect you to protect us, or me, from.
Because you're important enough to me to have the power to make me angry. And I don't give that power easily. (Aren't you appropriately touched?) Or take it back easily.
Anything in the book about that?
Because it isn't terribly pleasant to experience.
And I've experienced it often enough that I would really rather it stop.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 16:41:39
In reply to Re: emailing a deputy » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 15:57:24
> I think I let stuff roll off my back easier if I feel assured that you will deal with it appropriately. Protect us as it were.
> But it's like with posts that I find uncivil that you let stand. I get mad because I have every expectation that you will protect us, or me, and I am more angry that you don't than I am about what it is I expect you to protect us, or me, from.
> Because you're important enough to me to have the power to make me angry. And I don't give that power easily. (Aren't you appropriately touched?) Or take it back easily.
> Anything in the book about that?There was stuff about idealisation and about how people tend to feel angry and let down when the object of idealisation doesn't live up to the ideal...
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 16:50:00
In reply to Re: emailing a deputy » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 16:41:39
I never really think of myself as idealizing Dr. Bob though. (grin)
Posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 18:21:33
In reply to Hmmm... I remember that. » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 16:50:00
maybe it is hard to figure whether he is wonderful because you idealise him, or whether you idealise him because he is so wonderful
:-)
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 18:30:57
In reply to Re: Hmmm... I remember that. » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 18:21:33
Ummm... Not quite what I meant.
I think I recognize both Dr. Bob's strengths and his weaknesses.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 18:43:48
In reply to Re: Hmmm... I remember that. » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 18:30:57
> Ummm... Not quite what I meant.
Sorry. That was an attempt at a joke.
> I think I recognize both Dr. Bob's strengths and his weaknesses.Yeah. I didn't mean to suggest that you didn't. I'm sorry - that post really didn't come across at all well...
I don't think I idealise him particularly.
But it is something I think about because I am aware that it is something that can happen.
I disagree with him sometimes. I don't always agree with his decisions. I don't think I place unrealistic expectations on him. I don't think I expect him to be perfect or superhuman.But... Sometimes I do feel pretty mad at him.
So... Why do I feel so mad?
Because I do feel that he has let me down.
So maybe there are some expectations that are there after all...Thats what I meant.
I'm not sure what to do except... That when I feel mad at him then that might indicate that some of that is going on so I need to have a bit of a look at my expectations...
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 18:52:43
In reply to Re: Hmmm... I remember that. » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 18:43:48
But some expectations are quite appropriate. I should hope that we would all have expectations of others that vary based on their role.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 18:57:13
In reply to Re: Hmmm... I remember that. » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 18:52:43
lol. I think I've worked out the answer to my original question. The key is expectations.
Grin.
I love figuring out what previously seemed incomprehensible.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 18:59:52
In reply to Re: Hmmm... I remember that. » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 18:52:43
> But some expectations are quite appropriate. I should hope that we would all have expectations of others that vary based on their role.
Oh yes, we can't do away with expectations altogether.
I am really just making this up as I go along...
But I would have thought that if one feels very intensely upset then that might indicate fairly strong idealisation. Because one is really upset because one feels really very let down.
But then... I guess it is hard to assess those expectations and see whether they are realistic or not.
How things are described has a lot to do with it.
How you describe your expectations.
But if you can come to a description that seems natural AND might be a little on the high side. Then if you adjust the expectation you might feel a lot better.If you can
If you can
Dunno about if you can't.
But thats what I try and do when I'm starting to get upset.
It's worked for me.
But I dunno.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 19:07:30
In reply to Re: Hmmm... I remember that. » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 18:59:52
Oh, I'm well familiar with downwardly adjusting expectations.
I was angry with myself because I thought it was my fondness for Dr. Bob that was causing me pain. And I think I see it now in a different way. It also explains different reactions to different people.
Now I feel the right to be justifiably angry, instead of feeling angry at myself for feeling angry. :)
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 19:08:19
In reply to Re: Hmmm... I remember that. » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 18:59:52
In fact one of my favorite, if less than optimistic, sayings is that low expectations are the key to happiness.
Posted by Racer on July 23, 2005, at 19:19:52
In reply to Re: Hmmm... I remember that., posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 18:57:13
> lol. I think I've worked out the answer to my original question. The key is expectations.
>
> Grin.
>
> I love figuring out what previously seemed incomprehensible.I swear when I first started teaching, I didn't understand half of what I was trying to teach -- but I understood it pretty well by the time I got through explaining it! Funny how that happens, ain't it?
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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