![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 17, 2011, at 20:20:11
Things have been very depressing lately. I've been acting like im very hopeful in my posts but truth is I cannot fight this depression alone anymore. I have lost my will to live since the stimulants have been taken away. Everything went to absolutle nothingness after rehab. I hated rehab, they just make you miserable and shame you for your addiction. I resort to alcohol and food. and I never tell anyone at NA that I relapse because they told me they where going to kick my *ss if I went out and used again. They care about me in their own way. This is where you can read the truth here about me. I buy many supplements and perfablly ginsing because it gives energy and stimulation. Yes you don't have to remind me this is what an addict does. I am one. I'm trying to improve my concentration so I can work. I start a job this friday, well its an interview but im very sure I will get it. Now, here's the thing. Much of my past I wasted everything I had and that is where it got me today to this. Everything happens for a reason and I guess life had it destinted for me to be doomed. Living in depression. Miserable. Sh*tty. But things always can change. Most of life is how we interpret it. I feel doomed because I can't get a career without something to help me with mental deficiets.
I know there are some mixed feelings about me here. There are people who are advocates and judge me for who I am. It's not who I am. It's what I've done. I need love, fellowship. And this is the only place where I can be truthful and honest because I have been posting here for 7-8 years.Now Can someone help me make a blueprint of how I should map out my life. I'm going to say this right now. Many people think I go to NA and live drug free. I do but its came to my conclusion that I can't function well with out a certain medication and its so hard to explain this to people who think this person Is a drug addict and has already admitteed to stay clean. It's the only way. I have no life. My life is over. I'm just trying to make something of what I have left, me. I weight 250pounds from eating for comfort and I can't stand to look at my self in the mirror anymore. It's discusting. I used to be better built.
Just please some support and advice.
Posted by Jeroen on August 18, 2011, at 1:49:25
In reply to Ok. Here's more of my story., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 17, 2011, at 20:20:11
hey, hang in there, you're not alone
Posted by sigismund on August 18, 2011, at 2:36:23
In reply to Ok. Here's more of my story., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 17, 2011, at 20:20:11
Matt, you are taking a shitload of Rxd drugs that (you say) are not doing much for you.
If that is true, give them up and regain some vitality.
This will help you leave home and establish yourself on your own.
Is the Zyprexa and Prozac helping? I know they are not euphoric but that does not mean you should keep taking them forever.
Posted by Christ_empowered on August 18, 2011, at 6:27:34
In reply to Ok. Here's more of my story., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 17, 2011, at 20:20:11
I'm overweight, too. Its a mixture of taking a tranquilizer (Abilify--it DOES cause weight gain, I don't care what the shrinks say) and depression and social isolation. I'm contemplating a juice fast.
Now, for you, I think you should heed sigi's advice and try to wean off of some of the more mind-numbing medications you're taking. You're taking enough Zyprexa, as I recall, to tranquilize a violent schizophrenic. Add in the high-dose Prozac, and you've got a recipe for being completely numbed, over-tranquilized, and apathetic; this is not conducive to building a good life for yourself.
I used to take high dose Adderall, and I'd occasionally throw in some Rx diet pills I got off the net, plus lots of benzos. I was detoxed at a private facility and treated like crap. Shrinks went around talking about my private information. I looked like hell, and I was burned out and stupid.
What worked for me a severe diet, good skin care, and no drugs. Then I had a psychotic episode and needed drugs (including reasonably dosed benzos from an understanding doctor), so that's been a part of my life for the past 3-4 years now.
I'm telling you my story to tell you this: you can do it without stimulants. Maybe at some point you'll get an amphetamine prescription, I don't know, that's kind of beside the point. The main point is that the first step you should take (I think, anyway) is ditching or at least reducing your intake of your more mind-numbing drugs and focus on building a healthy life for yourself. Ditch your doc, too--like I said before, she sounds like a bully.
Posted by Jeroen on August 18, 2011, at 6:51:03
In reply to Re: Ok. Here's more of my story., posted by Christ_empowered on August 18, 2011, at 6:27:34
abilify causes anxiery too christ empowered
Posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2011, at 10:44:42
In reply to Re: Ok. Here's more of my story., posted by Jeroen on August 18, 2011, at 6:51:03
In some I guess it does. Matt listen to above and didn't you say you were now living with a relative? Phillipa
Posted by Meddy43 on August 18, 2011, at 11:10:27
In reply to Re: Ok. Here's more of my story. » Jeroen, posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2011, at 10:44:42
Hi !
I feel your pain. It's good that you post here.
How do the stimulants help you with your daily life ? Don't they cause anxiety ?
Things do get better. We just have to try our darnest to do all that is constructive.
Take care !
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 18, 2011, at 12:55:21
In reply to to you, posted by Jeroen on August 18, 2011, at 1:49:25
Thank you Jereon. I do have friends but I avoid them because I rather sit in isolation and self pity but I am starting to make a move. Your a good friend thank you.
Matt
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 18, 2011, at 13:06:54
In reply to Re: Ok. Here's more of my story., posted by sigismund on August 18, 2011, at 2:36:23
The Zyprexa used to have an sedating effect about 1 year ago. I take 20mg an its lost its effect or I've just became tolerant to it. There would be no diffrence if I stopped taking it and the prozac. I've became tolerant with the prozac and its pooped out. It would be a good idea to just stop it and see what happens. My doctor thinks the prozac helps with obsession and wants to continue it. I disagree with her. Actually I disagree with most of her treatment because she did a test on me and it conclueded that I have schiziod personality disorder and a low processing speed which basically means without the big words that im stupid and can't learn things fast. I've told her many times I have ADD and she says no you don't and doesnt do anything. I had to BEG her. Kiss her butt to let go on the strattera. This is not how im suppost to have a realtionship with my doctor. She's suppost to understand and reason with me, but she argues. It's very funny because she gotten all these awards of being a really good doctor and when It comes down to me. I can't get treated right. Now, the obvious thing is to dump her and a new doctor but there is something that is in way called my mother. She wants me to stay with her and doesnt listen to me about getting a new doctor. I have alot of things that are in my way to getting a better life. But when I leave home it will be very good because I won't have people chasing me making me accoutable to everything I do. I'll be free.
Thank you for post :)
regards,
Matt
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 18, 2011, at 13:34:16
In reply to Re: Ok. Here's more of my story., posted by Christ_empowered on August 18, 2011, at 6:27:34
The zyprexa is suppost to be for anxiety and tranqulization but I gotta say its lost its effect. I've taken it so long that I developed a tolerance to it. I took 80mg one time and all it did was make my vision bad and feel wierd. It's lost the tranqulization effect that its suppost to have. The only thing it hinders me from doing is having rages. It calms anger while it was still working. It doesnt do much anymore which I think its about time to ditch it. The Prozac has ... basically turned into a placebo with me. It lost its antidepressant effect. All my meds need to be redone. I may go on Wellbutrin but my doctor is extremely picky with medication. She thinks it may effect my anxiety. I mean basically at this point I have none to take for anxiety exepct this b*llsh*t medication called Clonodine. It's a rehab doctor choice for anxiety. I need something like Nuerontin again. I don't think I need to take benzo's I just need to take one stimulant and maybe I can take Tenex for anxiety. I know that I have a tendency to want diffrent addiction potential drugs.
Listen I know there is life without stimulants and that's the life im living right now and its not that great. You know I need not to focus on better things but how to fix the current things that in life right now. I will have time to sit and think about better things when I have nothing to do. I don't know where i'm going in life. I just sit at home and try to pretend im happy with my life. Evnetually I don't like it and this is why I post here on babble for some support and advice. And you know I've been posting here for about 8 years and I enjoy it. I've changed in my writings. After 4 rehabs i've looked over where i've been a live a little bit more humbly. I know there's people that disagree and that's how it does. You have to accept it. BUT its always ready for change. You can change your life really quick if you have the mental addiude. That's allThank you for your post
regards,
Matt
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 18, 2011, at 13:39:14
In reply to Re: Ok. Here's more of my story. » Jeroen, posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2011, at 10:44:42
I am so grateful the advice. I was living with my aunt and uncle in 2008. I am still looking for a place to go. I have been doing this too long. In 2006 i wrote posts about joining the marines to get away from here. It's the same Cycle. Only this time I'm acutally listening. All of my past I wasted my advice and everything I had.
I have a long way to go. I just feel i won't get there but posting here helps me.
Love,
Matt
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 18, 2011, at 13:42:55
In reply to Re: Ok. Here's more of my story., posted by Meddy43 on August 18, 2011, at 11:10:27
Stimulants usally improve my motivation to get things done. How my outward appearnce looks. I get things done. I talk more, I do more things than my regualar self does. And of course the improve my attention to read and study. It's when their abused is when they lose that effect and that is exactly what I wasted the past years of my life doing. I have a long way to go.
thanks for the comment:::)))
Posted by sigismund on August 18, 2011, at 14:41:59
In reply to Re: Christ Empowered, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 18, 2011, at 13:34:16
Once you lose your vitality it is hard to recover it. Not so hard at your age, but the older you get, the harder it is. You don't realise how precious it is until you lose it.
Some docs will Rx pretty much anything as long as it feels unpleasant. No abuse potential.
You can't rely on them to look after you. You have to do it yourself. The usual things...good food, no unnecessary drugs, exercise. Just to keep your mind and body strong to deal with your difficult life/mother/doctor.
Posted by Phillipa on August 18, 2011, at 19:50:20
In reply to Matt » rjlockhart04-08, posted by sigismund on August 18, 2011, at 14:41:59
And keep on with your meetings as those people do care for you and support you. Love Phillipa
Posted by floatingbridge on August 18, 2011, at 22:21:19
In reply to Ok. Here's more of my story., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 17, 2011, at 20:20:11
Matt, I don't know. Part of the addict thing you are going through just doesn't sit well with me. Seems like you might be being blamed for some stuff that isn't yours in the process and not being listened to. Coming to terms with one's self and one's addictive potential is good. I have found it a delicate process for myself not to become too extreme or let others dominate with their own agendas.
That said, I think NA can be a place of fellowship, and a place to get out, talk to people, and not feel alone in your
struggles. IMO the backstories of most NA folks or AA folks is riddled witH backslides, using and hiding using, feeling ashamed and confused.You have a sponsor you like and can really really talk to that listens and does not judge?
I think you're okay, Matt. No judgements on my part.
I think the advice some folks about reducing your overall med load could be sound.
BTW, ADD is known for slow processing speed. So, yeah,
people 'look' or 'feel' dumb, or your word, stupid. But I swear it is not true. Quickness is not the only virtue in this world. Slow processing speed refers to only certain functions. There are things your brain is doing very well and perhaps even better than the fast processing, but it is difficult to get recognition from others and self for these things because usually thevemphasis is on performance speed. And I am not saying ADD isn't a problem. It is. I have it. I don't know what to do about stimulants either because I respond but they have a cost for me health-wise.Hang in there, Matt. Good luck tomorrow with the interview. And getting out there and talking with people. My fingers are crossed.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.