Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on August 17, 2011, at 20:20:11
Things have been very depressing lately. I've been acting like im very hopeful in my posts but truth is I cannot fight this depression alone anymore. I have lost my will to live since the stimulants have been taken away. Everything went to absolutle nothingness after rehab. I hated rehab, they just make you miserable and shame you for your addiction. I resort to alcohol and food. and I never tell anyone at NA that I relapse because they told me they where going to kick my *ss if I went out and used again. They care about me in their own way. This is where you can read the truth here about me. I buy many supplements and perfablly ginsing because it gives energy and stimulation. Yes you don't have to remind me this is what an addict does. I am one. I'm trying to improve my concentration so I can work. I start a job this friday, well its an interview but im very sure I will get it. Now, here's the thing. Much of my past I wasted everything I had and that is where it got me today to this. Everything happens for a reason and I guess life had it destinted for me to be doomed. Living in depression. Miserable. Sh*tty. But things always can change. Most of life is how we interpret it. I feel doomed because I can't get a career without something to help me with mental deficiets.
I know there are some mixed feelings about me here. There are people who are advocates and judge me for who I am. It's not who I am. It's what I've done. I need love, fellowship. And this is the only place where I can be truthful and honest because I have been posting here for 7-8 years.Now Can someone help me make a blueprint of how I should map out my life. I'm going to say this right now. Many people think I go to NA and live drug free. I do but its came to my conclusion that I can't function well with out a certain medication and its so hard to explain this to people who think this person Is a drug addict and has already admitteed to stay clean. It's the only way. I have no life. My life is over. I'm just trying to make something of what I have left, me. I weight 250pounds from eating for comfort and I can't stand to look at my self in the mirror anymore. It's discusting. I used to be better built.
Just please some support and advice.
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:994155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110809/msgs/994155.html