![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 9, 2008, at 0:22:40
My doctor has me on 80mg of fluoxetine, and....it's not helping at all. And actually i'm seeing a decrease all over. I need to get off antidepressants, i've been on them since, 2004...and i dont see any benefit from them.
I take Xanax, Seroquel (seroquel is not an effective, even at 200mg, it causes derealization)
Complazine (short acting antipsychotic) would be much suitable because it treats "direct" syndroms of anxiety, and "derealed thinking".I've had almost enough...my mother does nothing but scream and yell at this house, even when i'm suffering. I cannot do anyhting back, exept yell at her so hard, that she will leave the house. I've put her down, she's hanicappped me, she kept me to herself, and then at 21 she let's me go, with a mental condition. The woman, it an lazy idiot, who cares nothing exept herself.
I would like, if there is any parents that read this, to see the mental torchure this woman has put me thought, she blames me, and she says "dont blame me, your the problem" no sympathy. And i'm writing this statement, if anyone hears this. If you dont.....oh well, God will Judge every wrong doing, maybe after death, or in this current life, he does it "indirectly", lose your belonging's as Job did in the bible. So, i can't do anything, i know i will move out, the only problem no understands, i do not know how sometimes to do things...(i'm an average-american looking guy) but doing things on my own, i've prayed to the lord, Abba almight himself, deliver me out,
Revelation 22:11 *Let the evil doers still do evil, and filthy still be filty, and the rightous still do right, and the holy still be holy.That verse applies to me, because i see myself, fitlhy, misery, and i beg the mercy of the Creator, God, to understand why i did these things, because he has the "authoritive power", it's just alot....alot of people dont care, and dont relize what he can do.
And also what the dwellings of Satan can do, believe me....i have been through similar, moments in my head, of being attacked, and "directly" while all this is happening, it's like "he's" killing me, while other think i'm fine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpPwC7QRvFQThere been points, when i'm left alone, i want to just give my mother a gun, and say "kill me", you had me, you can take away.
And, i've had night, i just have cried so much....the original me, was deformed, or changed, and i can't stand it. I've destroyed the horrid, trama, i've made myself. This scene...."is graphic" but, sometimes, i want this to happen. Your going to have to login in to youtube to see it. And i'm not doing this for any other purpose, this feeling, this dread, of being the way i am, But i'm not going to do this, but do understand, what it feels like to stay like this? and "no pity". I really, at times, ask god, the "spirit" to take me on home. But.....you have to live whatever you lived through in your past.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPtc_PEW1Lw
If someone, handicapped a person, and now that person wants to die, in my own view, that is morally right. The damage, the trama, i dont give a danm, because "pity" or empathy will turn into "anger, resulting from having to see the same thing over and over.
That's why i change. But.....it's been, obvious, the past few weeks what i've gone through inside.
I'm fine, i just have to vent this out.....
Please take it into consideration, this is "mental agony, pain, distress" to the point, you "want to die" but you can't. That is the worst, punishment you can ever endure.
This is a trigger, but, this is not in anyway to upset anyone, this is actually "in me", forgetting memories, having to take Xanax, (which, in turn, i take it for anxiety, but alprazolam gives the relief of this intense feeling)
If you have an eye, let that eye see what has happened. And, it's my fault, i should of acted, and knew i was not normal, and did something, but what i could i have done?...actaully nothing.
I'm just, you have to have mental toughness, and "hold on" during these attacks, or breakdowns. Then it's all better.
take care
rj
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 9, 2008, at 0:50:51
In reply to Severe mental disturbances, that do not show., posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 9, 2008, at 0:22:40
I cannot hold this any longer....
This is a trigger, but the nights, i cannot even rerember they where so painful. No one, here understands it, because it dwelled with in me so long, it became "not regognizable", "dont know whats wrong"
If you see this, you are going to see.....how i see myself inside, the emotional breakdowns.....have let to alter personalites, and asking the Lord himself to remove me from existance.
This has to be seen: it's a (crudly) awful clip, but it shows what i feel inside after 8 years of asking what wrong with me? this is a result.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPtc_PEW1Lw
I never knew why.....but i know now, and i know that, i'll have to have other "personalites"....actually inside, to slpit off, and care for the original personality that declined.
last words.
What caught my attention about "The Written Word" was this (even though it's online, i saw the verse myself)
Which makes me actually want to suffer, so i wont suffer "complete agony, in the lake the burns with fire and brimestone, after Judgement of God"http://bibleencyclopedia.com/slides/revelation/21-8.htm
My conclusion: i rather be miserable right now, then have my spirit endure the horrid, burning of the lake of fire.
rj
Posted by Phillipa on December 9, 2008, at 1:03:02
In reply to Re: A moral debate, if a person is handicapped?, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 9, 2008, at 0:50:51
Are you okay? Love Phillipa
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 9, 2008, at 1:17:19
In reply to Re: A moral debate, if a person is handicapped? » rjlockhart04-08, posted by Phillipa on December 9, 2008, at 1:03:02
hi....
it's late, i came home today, early, i just "passed out" at 3:00pmish woke up at 10:09pm
There is so much.....to explain, but i really rather help other's because i know, in reality, no one can help. Too many times....and it's failed.
But, love ya phillipa, i just "had to get this out" tonight, because who listens? God? my parents? no.....
people need to see this.
Thanks, and thanks for always being here all the time.
rj
(i'm not myself right now, so dont take it personally, it's just, i put the pain away)
Posted by Racer on December 13, 2008, at 20:23:17
In reply to Re: A moral debate, if a person is handicapped?, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on December 9, 2008, at 0:50:51
> No one, here understands it
Is it possible, do you think, that perhaps your perspective is a little bit distorted?
You've said before that no one understands -- and that's true, in the sense that no one can completely understand what another is experiencing. In the looser sense, that no one here understands that you are in a difficult situation, can't see a way out, and are experiencing a great deal of pain -- well, I think your perspective might be distorted.
I realize that I'm probably the person here you believe understands you the least -- which I happen to believe is an example of that hypothesized distortion, by the way -- but I'm going to make a few observations. I hope that they may be helpful to you at some point.
These are only my impressions, and I wish to be the very first to point out that I am incapable of reading anything at all without bring along my own set of biases. In other words, I'm not saying there's any accuracy about these -- I'm just giving you feedback from one reader's perspective.
1. In all of your posts, I don't recall I've ever seen you describe any behavioral changes you've tried towards improving your condition.
2. In your posts about medications, I haven't gotten the sense that you're willing to give alternate medications a fair trial. It may be that I'm biased in my reading, but I haven't seen anything that looked like optimism about other medications your doctor was discussing.
3. When I read your posts about your mother, I can certainly see that the two of you have a very difficult relationship, to put it very, very mildly. I just get a sense that you believe that she would need to change for anything to improve. My experience has taught me that sometimes if I make an effort to consider my reactions to certain family members, their behavior towards me improves, too.
4. When I read your posts, it almost seems to me as though you are diagnosing yourself with new conditions -- currently, it sounds as though you have diagnosed yourself with DID, for example. Yet, I think you said you've never mentioned any of this to your treatment team? It don't remember you referring to any of your psychologically healthy aspects? And you know what? I strongly believe we all have areas of mental health -- even at our sickest. It seems as though it would be more productive to stretch towards mental health.
I guess I reacted to reading "no one here understands," which I understood to include no one here can offer any help, by feeling hurt.
Note, please: YOU did not MAKE me feel hurt. No one can make me feel anything -- I am responsible for my emotional reactions, no matter what anyone else does. That doesn't mean that I can control them, by the way -- it only means that they are MY reactions. I alone am responsible for how I choose to handle those reactions, whether I go with my old, maladaptive patterns, or try to use healthier coping strategies.
I wish you the very best, and I hope you find what you are looking for. If I had any influence, I would suggest finding a therapist who could work with you more effectively than it seems your current therapist may be able to. (And you've never mentioned whether this might be pastoral counseling? Or a more formal sort?)
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.