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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 10, 2007, at 7:13:34
I'm...barely hanging on. So many thing on my mind - creditors calling, finacial problems, love life problems ( = no love life). I've accepted the fact I will be alone until then end of my life.
I sit on my couch daily just wanting to sleep to escape because to be awake is too painful. I hear people outside walking by and enjoying life and the weather. I have no joy.
I'm tired of trying to find the right pdoc, the right drug...everything.
You people are the ONLY people in my life who listen and understand what I am going through. If only I had that in real life. But as history has shown - It hasn't and won't happen.
The aching in my heart is tremendous...my eyes welling up with tears.
WHY do I keep myself alive??? I don't get it? 15 years of pain. And now all I want to do is sleep and avoid life/reality which is like being dead anyway.
I'm not going to commit suicide. And I'm not going to a hospital. I'm done with it.
Just could someone talk to me?
In pain.....
Jerry
Posted by Squiggles on May 10, 2007, at 7:58:27
In reply to It's attacking me again, posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 10, 2007, at 7:13:34
Sorry to read your sad message.
Can you make an appointment with your
doctor and tell him exactly how you feel.
Let him/her decide how to help.Use that phone.
Hang in there.
Squiggles
Posted by Jay on May 10, 2007, at 8:16:59
In reply to It's attacking me again, posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 10, 2007, at 7:13:34
> I'm...barely hanging on. So many thing on my mind - creditors calling, finacial problems, love life problems ( = no love life). I've accepted the fact I will be alone until then end of my life.
>
> I sit on my couch daily just wanting to sleep to escape because to be awake is too painful. I hear people outside walking by and enjoying life and the weather. I have no joy.
>
> I'm tired of trying to find the right pdoc, the right drug...everything.
>
> You people are the ONLY people in my life who listen and understand what I am going through. If only I had that in real life. But as history has shown - It hasn't and won't happen.
>
> The aching in my heart is tremendous...my eyes welling up with tears.
>
> WHY do I keep myself alive??? I don't get it? 15 years of pain. And now all I want to do is sleep and avoid life/reality which is like being dead anyway.
>
> I'm not going to commit suicide. And I'm not going to a hospital. I'm done with it.
>
> Just could someone talk to me?
>
> In pain.....
> JerryHi Jerry...
Ohhh...I feel your pain my friend..maybe not 'exactly', but in the same general area. There is a little Chinese saying, even if it is hard to swallow.."Crisis is opportunity". It's been about 13 years for me being on meds. This idea that a doctor hands one antidepressant to everybody and all will be well, is obviously not quite true. I've had to try SO many combinations of psych meds...I can't even think about it..heh. But, thanks to a very intelligent and open, caring doctor, I've mixed some odd combinations of meds to suit my symptoms. First, though, can you tell what meds you are on, and how long have you been on them? Any 'partial-responder' meds from the past? Okay...and now for my part. After consistent medical checkups, my doctor allowed me to try 3 antidepressants at once. I am also on two antipsychotics...one PRN..the other daily. I've got a good, strong benzodiazepine, bromazapam (which seems to me as close as Xanax as can get..), that I take 3 times a day.
Even though I don't believe you can prescribe just an antidepressant for depression, when mixed with a good strong benzo, over time I eventually used less benzos. One of my main problems these days, though, is my sex drive and some weight gain. Once the mind is better at ease, your doctor can help you with the sexual thing (using testosterone, serotonin antagonists, etc) My sleep is quite amazing these days, because I can get up early if needed, and don't feel the dread I used to.(I just take a couple of Tylenol #3's.) IMHO...(No, I am no doctor..I just play one on tv..lol) I'd say ramp up to a good strong benzo dose, experiment a bit with different antidepressants, and possibly a good strong atypical antipsychotic for 3-4 weeks. Use your benzo to quash any anxiety.
So, that is my 'viewpoint'...and you do have to tailor your meds to what brings you relief. Please feel free to Babblemail me if you wish.
Hope is eternal,
Jay
Posted by Phillipa on May 10, 2007, at 11:38:20
In reply to Re: It's attacking me again » JerryPharmStudent, posted by Jay on May 10, 2007, at 8:16:59
Jerry are there any support groups in your area. I feel the same as you no more hospitals no more theraphy they mess me up more it is only real people that can help. The meds I don't know so far in ll years haven't found one. Love Phillipa
Posted by stargazer on May 10, 2007, at 13:48:12
In reply to It's attacking me again, posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 10, 2007, at 7:13:34
Yes, it is a curse with the way depression can plateau (I call it going underground)then returns with a vengeance. I've been up and down for close to 30 years myself and still not helped with any real solution for any length of time. The times we found meds to work was almost a fluke, especially when Celexa, Wellbutrin and Adderall worked. I had so many ups and down with the dose of Celexa, the addition of Wellbutrin, then Adderall that I'm surprised we ever hit on the right combination and dosage which was the harder of the two to regulate. It took about 8 mos. to finally get the dose right then I was good for a few years, stopped working in 2005 though. It's a wonder the fomula is ever arrived at for so many with TRD.
What are you going to do next? What are you currently on? Have you looked into another MD since yours was so unconcerned about your raeaction to geodon. Remember I said that twice a day dosing of geodon might be better than once a day, did you ever do that?
Hang in there, there's not much else you can do right now. If you get suicidal, I had a great reaction to Seroquel which broke the cycle of despair almost within a day or two.
Stargazer
Posted by Sebastian on May 10, 2007, at 13:50:12
In reply to Re: It's attacking me again » JerryPharmStudent, posted by Jay on May 10, 2007, at 8:16:59
I just started this one yesterday, and like it. Its over the counter. Anyone tried it? Its an anti-psychotic.
Posted by malcolm64 on May 10, 2007, at 16:51:31
In reply to It's attacking me again, posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 10, 2007, at 7:13:34
> I'm...barely hanging on. So many thing on my mind - creditors calling, finacial problems, love life problems ( = no love life). I've accepted the fact I will be alone until then end of my life.
>
> I sit on my couch daily just wanting to sleep to escape because to be awake is too painful. I hear people outside walking by and enjoying life and the weather. I have no joy.
>
> I'm tired of trying to find the right pdoc, the right drug...everything.
>
> You people are the ONLY people in my life who listen and understand what I am going through. If only I had that in real life. But as history has shown - It hasn't and won't happen.
>
> The aching in my heart is tremendous...my eyes welling up with tears.
>
> WHY do I keep myself alive??? I don't get it? 15 years of pain. And now all I want to do is sleep and avoid life/reality which is like being dead anyway.
>
> I'm not going to commit suicide. And I'm not going to a hospital. I'm done with it.
>
> Just could someone talk to me?
>
> In pain.....
> JerryFor what it's worth, I definitely feel your pain. And I don't make this comment likely, but suicide may not be such a bad thing. It sure beats having to live in shame, the way I do on a daily basis (the shame of not having any close friends, career sucess, and just an overall sense of underachievement over what might have been had things been different). Again, I'm 42, so it's not as though I haven't had enough chances to turn things around. The issue becomes how much more I can take when every day is pure agony.
About 6 years ago, I almost succeeded by taking about 40 50 mg imimpramine (a trycyclic med). I made the very huge mistake of calling my doc immediately afterwards (and he of course called the paramedics to my apt); I guess I panicked. I should have let the med run its course and done it's job. Sure, my family would have been devasted but they would have gotten over it.
And I'd finally be at peace. So again, I'm not trying to discourage or encourage you. All I'm saying is that I can relate. It's not a decision to be made lightly.
For me, the major hurdles are what happens to my condo and my bank account, not to mention all the other personal things that have to be dealt with when a family member dies suddently? Leaving things this way sort of puts my family in a real bind with a mess to clean up.
It's one of the things that gives me pause. I just wish there was a way you could just disappear.
Malcolm
*NOT having a very good day today*
Posted by Squiggles on May 10, 2007, at 17:13:33
In reply to Re: It's attacking me again, posted by malcolm64 on May 10, 2007, at 16:51:31
One depressed person talking to another--
it's almost a cult. Maybe you could both
ask to see another doctor?This is depressed thinking, not a natural
law.Squiggles
Posted by Malcolm64 on May 10, 2007, at 18:57:05
In reply to Re: It's attacking me again, posted by Squiggles on May 10, 2007, at 17:13:33
> One depressed person talking to another--
> it's almost a cult. Maybe you could both
> ask to see another doctor?
>
> This is depressed thinking, not a natural
> law.
>
> SquigglesI really apologize for the negative tone of my previous message. And I didn't really mean half of what I said.
After all, this board is supposed to be about lifting people's spirits up, not bringing them down. I obviously needed to use more restraint and once again I apologize.
Malcolm
Posted by Squiggles on May 10, 2007, at 19:00:19
In reply to Re: It's attacking me again, posted by Malcolm64 on May 10, 2007, at 18:57:05
> > One depressed person talking to another--
> > it's almost a cult. Maybe you could both
> > ask to see another doctor?
> >
> > This is depressed thinking, not a natural
> > law.
> >
> > Squiggles
>
> I really apologize for the negative tone of my previous message. And I didn't really mean half of what I said.
>
> After all, this board is supposed to be about lifting people's spirits up, not bringing them down. I obviously needed to use more restraint and once again I apologize.
>
> Malcolm
>It's OK - i took no offense; the ultimate
goal is to find a solution, not to give up--
that was my point. I hope you do.Squiggles
Posted by Quintal on May 10, 2007, at 22:34:47
In reply to Re: It's attacking me again, posted by Malcolm64 on May 10, 2007, at 18:57:05
Malcolm, when I first started Parnate it made me much worse, in fact I went into a deep depression and became suicidal. The only reason it lifted was because I raised the dose to 40mg and it went away. That's why I would not go back to the 30mg dose as my pdoc wanted. Hope you can try to understand this is probably a reaction to the drug, and it will pass in a few days.
Q
Posted by malcolm64 on May 10, 2007, at 23:46:33
In reply to Re: It's attacking me again » Malcolm64, posted by Quintal on May 10, 2007, at 22:34:47
> Malcolm, when I first started Parnate it made me much worse, in fact I went into a deep depression and became suicidal. The only reason it lifted was because I raised the dose to 40mg and it went away. That's why I would not go back to the 30mg dose as my pdoc wanted. Hope you can try to understand this is probably a reaction to the drug, and it will pass in a few days.
>
> QWell, I certainly hope that you're right. The unanswered question, of course, is whether if it worked for you at 40 mgs, will it work for me at the same dosage or do I need to be on something higher? And if the "something higher" does in fact work, will the results be sustainable indefinitely.
B/C the last thing I would want to experience is the 'poop out' that happened when I was on Nardil a year ago. I know, I know that I keep going on and on and on about how wonderful it was, but the effects were indescribable. Imagine after all of these years of living under a shell and finally finding something that worked, only to have it disappear in a few short weeks.
You can only imagine my disappointment! And my doc tells me that if I experience the same hypomanic reaction to the Parnate, it also won't last indefinitely. So the best I can hope for is to find another drug that I can take to augment the Parnate that will hopefully extend the effect as much as possible.
Unfortunately, there's so much hype with most meds that all they really end up offering is false, temporary hope.
Posted by Quintal on May 11, 2007, at 0:06:44
In reply to Re: It's attacking me again, posted by malcolm64 on May 10, 2007, at 23:46:33
Malcolm, if you're looking for a drug that will give you instant, boundless joy then opiates, amphetamines, cocaine etc are the most reliable substances for this, but such euphoria is unsustainable. Could you not accept anything less than this from your treatment? I know what it feels like - I had that on my clonazepam/tramadol combo and went around like a crazy person, walking up to complete strangers without a shred of inhibition. It felt wonderful but I made terrible decisions and did things that still make me cringe years later. It would certainly be wonderful to feel that again but no way would I want to stay in that state for very long.
I should point out that I was taking Parnate in combination with 200mg Lamictal and 4mg Klonopin. Lamictal is a well-known augmenter of antidepressants so that might be something to consider adding to Parnate to prevent poop-out? Studies have found Lamictal also prevents tolerance to opiates and some other drugs, so perhaps the same could be true for Parnate?
Q
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 11, 2007, at 0:32:26
In reply to Re: It's attacking me again » malcolm64, posted by Quintal on May 11, 2007, at 0:06:44
I'm gonna give up soon. I'll never have a family or kids or a house. I have no future. So why keep myself in agony? And who really cares how much trouble my family will have to go through if I die? AWW poor family who have turned their heads when I've needed money for food, etc.
They need a reailty check.
I'm really angry and suffering and need to be put out of my misery.
Posted by kaleidoscope on May 11, 2007, at 16:15:44
In reply to Re: It's attacking me again, posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 11, 2007, at 0:32:26
Oh Jerry, you might not be able to have kids but you can still have a loving partner. I wish you the best. Don't end things now because you've been happy before and you can be happy again.
Love
Ed
Posted by zenhussy on May 21, 2007, at 1:49:10
In reply to It's attacking me again, posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 10, 2007, at 7:13:34
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 21, 2007, at 4:51:57
In reply to good meeting you in chat....how's your dog? = ) (nm) » JerryPharmStudent, posted by zenhussy on May 21, 2007, at 1:49:10
She's good thanks....and thanks to everyone who listened in Chat....
Posted by zenhussy on May 21, 2007, at 9:44:34
In reply to Re: good meeting you in chat....how's your dog? = ) » zenhussy, posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 21, 2007, at 4:51:57
Posted by Phillipa on May 21, 2007, at 21:55:01
In reply to Re: good meeting you in chat....how's your dog? = ) » zenhussy, posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 21, 2007, at 4:51:57
Ahhh Jerry was in chat so glad all is well. Love Phillipa
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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