Posted by malcolm64 on May 10, 2007, at 16:51:31
In reply to It's attacking me again, posted by JerryPharmStudent on May 10, 2007, at 7:13:34
> I'm...barely hanging on. So many thing on my mind - creditors calling, finacial problems, love life problems ( = no love life). I've accepted the fact I will be alone until then end of my life.
>
> I sit on my couch daily just wanting to sleep to escape because to be awake is too painful. I hear people outside walking by and enjoying life and the weather. I have no joy.
>
> I'm tired of trying to find the right pdoc, the right drug...everything.
>
> You people are the ONLY people in my life who listen and understand what I am going through. If only I had that in real life. But as history has shown - It hasn't and won't happen.
>
> The aching in my heart is tremendous...my eyes welling up with tears.
>
> WHY do I keep myself alive??? I don't get it? 15 years of pain. And now all I want to do is sleep and avoid life/reality which is like being dead anyway.
>
> I'm not going to commit suicide. And I'm not going to a hospital. I'm done with it.
>
> Just could someone talk to me?
>
> In pain.....
> JerryFor what it's worth, I definitely feel your pain. And I don't make this comment likely, but suicide may not be such a bad thing. It sure beats having to live in shame, the way I do on a daily basis (the shame of not having any close friends, career sucess, and just an overall sense of underachievement over what might have been had things been different). Again, I'm 42, so it's not as though I haven't had enough chances to turn things around. The issue becomes how much more I can take when every day is pure agony.
About 6 years ago, I almost succeeded by taking about 40 50 mg imimpramine (a trycyclic med). I made the very huge mistake of calling my doc immediately afterwards (and he of course called the paramedics to my apt); I guess I panicked. I should have let the med run its course and done it's job. Sure, my family would have been devasted but they would have gotten over it.
And I'd finally be at peace. So again, I'm not trying to discourage or encourage you. All I'm saying is that I can relate. It's not a decision to be made lightly.
For me, the major hurdles are what happens to my condo and my bank account, not to mention all the other personal things that have to be dealt with when a family member dies suddently? Leaving things this way sort of puts my family in a real bind with a mess to clean up.
It's one of the things that gives me pause. I just wish there was a way you could just disappear.
Malcolm
*NOT having a very good day today*
poster:malcolm64
thread:757358
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20070509/msgs/757547.html