![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 66. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 8:43:41
My husband has been very depressed since his father passed away 8 years ago. He has tried prescription after prescription, doctor after doctor in trying to find the "magic pill" to "fix" himself.
After about a year of not working much (he is self-employed and I work full time) I told him that he needed to get back to work. I told him that he had to stop waiting to "feel" like working and to just start doing it! He hemmed and hawed, telling me at first that the work is just not out there (which is somewhat true .. contractor work IS way down.) But, this excuse has not stopped his partner from bringing in MORE than his montly draw, last year. When I told him that he needed to get out there and "make" work for himself .. he then went on to tell me that he thinks that he is basically done working. (For his life-time.) He is only 51! He has asthma (and smokes) .. is on Effexor/375 mg for his depression, Mirapex for Restless legs, and Ambien for sleep. He drinks ALMOST every night and spends a lot of money at the bar. His doc has basically told him that nothing will help him until he stops the heavy drinking. I totally agree, but my husband does not. He believes that his drinking does nothing to exacerbate his symptoms .. and that the drinking just helps him to cope.
My question, after probably a lot of TMI above, is have any of you here had luck with taking something that compliments Effexor? I am wondering if there might be something that I could "suggest" or "ask" his psychiatrist about .. that would help his motivation, etc?
I am almost at my wits end with my husband and all of his problems. His lack of participation in our financial picture has really (almost) been the clincher in pushing me over the edge. I can't live like we have been much longer!
Posted by SLS on April 14, 2006, at 10:46:00
In reply to Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 8:43:41
It sounds like your husband may need psychotherapy in addition to his drug therapy.
As far as drug therapy is concerned, adding Wellbutrin 300mg to Effexor might help.
Has he tried either Parnate or Nardil? These are the two MAOIs that have shown the most potency in treating depression. A new MAOI has just been approved in the form of a patch. We have yet to see how effective it is. The problem with these drugs is that one must be responsible enough to follow a restricted diet and avoid certain medications.
Yes, it would be ideal if he were to stop drinking. I don't know that it would interfere too much with the medication, though. The problem is that certain medications might amplify the effect of alcohol. Very often, alcoholism becomes a problem with depression. This is called a "dual diagnosis". He might not be as inclined to drink were he not depressed, but it would be better if both conditions were addressed.
I know things are difficult for you. I hope you have the energy to continue trying to put your lives back together. Would your husband be resistent to psychotherapy?
- Scott
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 11:07:34
In reply to Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 8:43:41
As a recovering alcoholic, i will address the drinking while taking meds issue. It is my opinion and the opinion of many medical professionals that if you drink alcohol (a depressant) anti-depressants will not work, or definitely not work as well. It is like fighting fire with fire! Also, i personally experienced this myself drinking and wondering why aren't these meds working for my depression???
I feel bad for your husband, he's in a bad place, but he's got to give up the booze. Would he consider going to AA meetings?
My opinion is this; Do what ever is necessary to stop the drinking. Talk to your Doctor about trying something different for the depression-perhaps Remeron, a very potent snri, (remeron helped me for about 6 yrs.) it is great for pulling someone out of the pit of depression, and is more powerful than typical ssri's-prozac, zoloft, etc. Also, i think your husband needs some counciling, maybe not a lot, but some.
The sooner the drinking stops the better. If not, it'll probably just get progressively worse. I hope this helps a little.Sincerely,
-Crazy Horse
Posted by SLS on April 14, 2006, at 11:15:07
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 11:07:34
Hi C.H.
> Also, i personally experienced this myself drinking and wondering why aren't these meds working for my depression???
Which drugs do you feel that alcohol impeded?
- Scott
Posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 11:17:27
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by SLS on April 14, 2006, at 10:46:00
Hi Scott,
I appreciate your response to my post.Yes, my husband has been to a number of therapists. In my opinion, he can't and/or won't do the necessary therapy to get him over this depression. I spoke with a couple of his therapists, that he has had over the years, and they basically said that when he gets close to finding out what *his* problem is, he freaks out and quits going to the sessions. Any "epiphanies" that he may have come upon in any of his therapy sessions .. as far as things that he can do for himself ..in my opinion, he doesn't have it in him (or won't?) do *THOSE* things that he realizes and knows he should do.
I have read on a few internet sites that the Effexor that my husband is on may have brought on this sudden "need" for drinking every night. I don't know if anyone on this BB has had that same experience? It was approximately 6 months after he started the Effexor that he began frequenting the bar, more and more. I also think that he is on quite a high dose of the Effexor XR at 375 mg. (Is that high?)
If I remember correctly, years ago he tried Wellbutrin and he complained terribly that it made him *feel* absolutely nothing. He didn't like that at all, and got off of it quite quickly. So, I'm thinking that he would not even consider the Wellbutrin.
I had never heard of Parnate or Nardil until just today, while reading some of the posts on this BB. From just the few posts that I have read, it sounds like there are some serious side effects that could be had from these .. ? (Scares me!) Another issue with these two, for my husband, would be this: My husband has a very addictive personality, I believe. He is always looking for the easy way out and will gladly take that. In the past, he talked one of his family drs. into giving him ritalin because he couldn't concentrate and maintained that he had ADD. Well ... every month when he got his Ritalin prescription filled he would pretty much finish them off within a day or two. (I would not see him until the next night .. he would just drive off to somewhere until he came down off of his (Ritalin?) high. I went into all of this info, 'cause I am afraid if something (anything!) that might make him feel temporarily euphoric would be bad for him, 'cause he would be very intent/insistent on using more and more of it.
Does that make sense?
Posted by Phillipa on April 14, 2006, at 11:35:50
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 11:17:27
His pdoc knows all this right? Love Phillipa
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 11:45:20
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by SLS on April 14, 2006, at 11:15:07
> Hi C.H.
>
> > Also, i personally experienced this myself drinking and wondering why aren't these meds working for my depression???
>
> Which drugs do you feel that alcohol impeded?
>
>
> - ScottHi Scott,
I think it impeded nearly every med that i was taking when i was drinking. For sure the antidepressants, I've been on nearly all of them..all the ssri's, all the snri's, most of the tca's, and Nardil, Marplan and now Parnate. Not to mention many augmentation agents-lithium, thyroid 3, anti-convulsants, some anti-psychotics, and many i cannot even remember. This all in the last 25 years. For me, when i wasn't drinking(i would sometimes quit for 8-10 mos. at a time) the meds absolutely worked better. Now that i have completely stopped drinking for the past 2 yrs., my depression is less severe, and medications are much more effective for me. As you know alcohol is a depressant...it can cause a person who is depressed to be even more depressed.
Now Scott, i can't compete with you when you start using all your psychopharmacology knowledge, so be nice now..:)
-Crazy Horse
Posted by SLS on April 14, 2006, at 12:15:13
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » SLS, posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 11:45:20
> Now Scott, i can't compete with you when you start using all your psychopharmacology knowledge, so be nice now..:)
:-)
I think you overestimate me.
- Scott
Posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 12:18:17
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 11:07:34
CH,
I agree totally in how you liken the drinking while on antidepressants with fighting fire with fire!I really don't think that he would even consider going to AA. He doesn't believe that he has a problem. He says that he can stop whenever he wants .. that he just doesn't want to.
Definitely he needs counseling, but he won't!
The remeron ... being an SSRI .. his current doc told us that the Effexor is good 'cause it works as an SSRI AND another way .. (I forget what that was now ..?)
Do you think that the remeron works better than Effexor?
Thanks much for your reply to me!
Flame
Posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 12:21:53
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Flame, posted by Phillipa on April 14, 2006, at 11:35:50
Phillipa,
No, I don't think his current doc knows about the ritalin, etc. I am sure my husband wouldn't tell him about that. I accompanied my husband once to one of his appointments, and mentioned his heavy drinking. Since then, he hasn't/won't allow me to "accompany" him again.Flame
Posted by SLS on April 14, 2006, at 12:57:37
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 12:18:17
> Do you think that the remeron works better than Effexor?
The suggestion by Crazy Horse to consider Remeron is a good one. Unfortunately, it is all trial-and-error. We don't yet have in practice a way to determine in advance what drugs people will respond to. It is difficult to generalize that any one drug is better than another. Remeron is a drug that works very differently from Effexor. The two drugs actually complement one another. To combine the two drugs creates a treatment known as California Rocket Fuel. It is a potent combination. I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes. For my own treatment, since I have already demonstrated a resistence to many different drugs, I would favor simply adding the Remeron to Effexor.
Remeron tends to be sedating at first. I don't know how it would affect your husband when mixed with alcohol, but it probably isn't smart for him to drive until you see how he reacts. 30-45mg is considered therapeutic. It might be a good idea to begin at 7.5mg and titrate gradually.
- Scott
Posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 13:09:41
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by SLS on April 14, 2006, at 12:57:37
Scott,
I appreciate your explanation.Of course I know the responses to different meds are totally individual. I guess I was just wondering what the "general" thoughts about remeron were .. and you gave that to me. (Thanks!)
I just did another search on the remeron and it mentions weight gain as a problem. My husband has gained at least 25 pounds since he started on his Effexor, ambien and mirapex regimen. I am sure that we can attribute a good deal of that to all of the alcohol he is drinking .. (?) Also, when he gets home from drinking, he quickly takes his ambien/mirapex meds and eats his way through the kitchen. (He eats and eats!) I have heard that this is a side effect of ambien. Anyway .. he is very close to being 275 pounds on a 6 ft frame. He DOES NOT need to be gaining any more weight.
I know .. a lot of questions .. and all in regards to the individual situations. Something that I would like to pose to my husbands doctor, IF I can get that chance ...
Posted by gardenergirl on April 14, 2006, at 13:23:09
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » SLS, posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 13:09:41
Hello Flame,
I can appreciate your worry and frustration. I'm going through something a bit similar with my inlaws, and it's really difficult when the person doesn't seem to want to or may not be able to help themselves.I think there's a lot of good advice about your husband's care here. One thing you might consider is some therapy for yourself for support. It can be hard on a spouse or partner when a loved one is struggling so much. And there's no question that it affects the other person, too. A bit of supportive therapy can help you cope, which in turn will likely benefit your husband as well.
Take care,
gg
Posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 13:53:48
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Flame, posted by gardenergirl on April 14, 2006, at 13:23:09
Hi GG,
Thanks for your response to me!Yes, I have been in and out of therapy also .. in trying to learn how to deal with my husband's depression. As mentioned in my first post here, my current all time high frustration is now coming from the fact that my husband is advocating that he "can't" work because of his depression.
I have been VERY supportive thus far (married 27 years) of my husband. I am finding (for whatever reason) that I can't be supportive of him NOT working. As already mentioned, it is about putting me over the edge .. making me look at everything else that has gone in with my husband and thinking that this might be "it". The "it" that finally tells me that I am done.
It is so VERY hard to continue living with someone that refuses to help himself. I guess this is the way it always has been, but me realizing/understanding that my husband is NOT going to work anymore .. well, that is what really made me understand that nothing is EVER going to change.
As far as counseling for myself .. well, I don't do that anymore. Ultimately every counselor that I talk to about "our" problems always end up advocating (after about a half year of counseling) that they can see no reason why I stay.
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 14:02:08
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 12:18:17
> CH,
> I agree totally in how you liken the drinking while on antidepressants with fighting fire with fire!
>
> I really don't think that he would even consider going to AA. He doesn't believe that he has a problem. He says that he can stop whenever he wants .. that he just doesn't want to.
>
> Definitely he needs counseling, but he won't!
>
> The remeron ... being an SSRI .. his current doc told us that the Effexor is good 'cause it works as an SSRI AND another way .. (I forget what that was now ..?)
>
> Do you think that the remeron works better than Effexor?
>
> Thanks much for your reply to me!
>
> FlameYes I think remeron works better than effexor..it did for me anyway. Remeron is an SNRI..Serotonin Norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. You get mor "bang for your buck" with an snri, than an ssri. Effexor is an snri also, but i don't think it's as strong as Remeron. Effexor didn't work for me at all. Talk to his doc about Remeron, also tell him that your husband drinks. Good Luck.
-Crazy Horse
Posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 14:08:00
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by SLS on April 14, 2006, at 12:57:37
> > Do you think that the remeron works better than Effexor?
>
> The suggestion by Crazy Horse to consider Remeron is a good one. Unfortunately, it is all trial-and-error. We don't yet have in practice a way to determine in advance what drugs people will respond to. It is difficult to generalize that any one drug is better than another. Remeron is a drug that works very differently from Effexor. The two drugs actually complement one another. To combine the two drugs creates a treatment known as California Rocket Fuel. It is a potent combination. I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes. For my own treatment, since I have already demonstrated a resistence to many different drugs, I would favor simply adding the Remeron to Effexor.
>
> Remeron tends to be sedating at first. I don't know how it would affect your husband when mixed with alcohol, but it probably isn't smart for him to drive until you see how he reacts. 30-45mg is considered therapeutic. It might be a good idea to begin at 7.5mg and titrate gradually.
>
>
> - ScottYes, i agree with Scott combining the two could be just what he needs..a very potent AD!
-Crazy Horse
Posted by Racer on April 14, 2006, at 14:20:54
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » gardenergirl, posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 13:53:48
Hi, Flame.
Welcome to Babble, and I'm sorry about your situation. That's a rough one, and I've been in a similar situation after my husband was laid off from his job a couple of years ago. My quality of life certainly suffered... (Although I'm the one with major depression, so the dynamics are a bit different.)
I agree with GG that therapy for you, with maybe a starting point of, "Doc, I am staying with my husband, because that's the choice I've made -- but I need help to adjust to this situation." That might help, despite the T's almost certain frustration about it. Personally, I think it's a good choice, from the standpoint that you really don't sound like someone to leave until you're truly sure there's nothing left to try. It might get to that point, but you might still have a few options left before that.
My only new advice is this: while his doctor can't talk to you, he can *listen* to you. Legally, he can't even admit that your husband is his patient, but if you call him, you can say, "I know you can't talk to me, but listen: my husband drinks heavily every night; when he was on Ritalin, he would take it all the first day; he's saying that he won't ever work again; he refuses to stick with therapy; I'm at my wit's end, and can't stand to see him doing this to himself. Can you think of any way to get across to him that the alcohol really is a problem that interferes with anti-depressant response? And maybe help with the other issues?" Ideally, although I don't know many doctors who would necessarily do this, the psychiatrist might require that he be in therapy in order to continue treatment. Or might refer him for some residential treatment. Of course, it might be that the doctor would just say, "Gee, that's too bad..." But at least it's something else to try, right?
Another option for you to consider is marriage counseling. From what you've written, I think it would require you to say something along the lines of, "Honey, your choice: marriage counseling, or duelling divorce attorneys." Or, since you don't really want to do that, maybe "Marriage counseling, or you move into the guest room and pay rent there as a boarder until you choose to do something to help yourself." I'm fortunate, because my husband did agree to marriage counseling without quite that much in the way of ultimatums -- about the time the pdoc I was seeing had my husband take me to the psychiatric ER because he considered me a high risk for suicide...
Another option, which probably doesn't sound so great to you right now, is to kick him out until he is willing to be more responsible. Think temporary, rather than permanent -- "I can't live this way. Either you need to contribute in some way, or you need to find another place to continue your current path." But any sort of ultimatum like that really has to be something you can live with, and you have to make sure that he knows what would constitute acceptable contributions. Is it enough that he stop drinking and do some sort of work on himself? Or does he have to have a job? If he has to have a job, what's the time frame on that? And you need to be able to live with it if he doesn't choose to do that.
It might also help to keep in mind that depression really is a disease, and it has primary and secondary effects. The primary depression does damage, but then it also leads to secondary effects -- like not sticking with therapy because it's too hard, drinking because it helps you cope, etc. Your husband really is sick, and really is suffering. It's just that you're the tertiary effect: it's hurting you, too.
Weight gain is a dirty secret of many antidepressants, and if you add in the alcohol, that's a problem. Ambien is not supposed to be taken more than a few days at a time. And it doesn't sound as though your husband is responsible enough to deal with Nardil or Parnate. Many forms of alcohol are on the lists of Forbidden Foods. And "a little bit isn't going to hurt" doesn't apply -- a little bit might actually kill him.
{sigh} I don't know what to advise, really. Depression is a terrible thing, and it really can suck half the life out of you. (Speaking from first hand experience.) But you're right -- it's terrible to watch someone you care about NOT do anything to help him/herself. Good luck to you.
I'm sorry this got so long. And I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I had some answers for you, but I do wish you well.
Posted by Racer on April 14, 2006, at 14:41:29
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Flame, posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 14:02:08
> >
> Remeron is an SNRI..Serotonin Norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor. You get mor "bang for your buck" with an snri, than an ssri.Actually, Remeron isn't an SNRI -- it's a norepinephrine/serotonin ANTAGONIST, which is a bit different. But, it's also said to be a very effective drug for a lot of people. And I'm just a little nitpicky about things like this...
>>Effexor is an snri also, but i don't think it's as strong as Remeron. Effexor didn't work for me at all. Talk to his doc about Remeron, also tell him that your husband drinks. Good Luck.
I absolutely agree -- get the message about the drinking to his doctor. Call and leave a voicemail, if necessary. Make an appointment and go in saying, "Doctor, my husband [insert full name here] is scaring me -- he drinks to excess, says he has no problem, won't help himself, and wants a drug to do everything for him. Can you give me a prescription for relief from 'my' problem?" (Well, OK, that only works if the doctor has a sense of humor...)
And the one thing about Remeron is that it can cause a kind of rage in some people. I don't know how alcohol would affect that -- but that's in interesting question, if you ask me -- but it's something to watch very carefully.
Good luck
Posted by gardenergirl on April 14, 2006, at 15:02:49
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » gardenergirl, posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 13:53:48
>As already mentioned, it is about putting me over the edge .. making me look at everything else that has gone in with my husband and thinking that this might be "it". The "it" that finally tells me that I am done.
It's good to know your limits, but it also sounds upsetting.
>
> It is so VERY hard to continue living with someone that refuses to help himself. I guess this is the way it always has been, but me realizing/understanding that my husband is NOT going to work anymore .. well, that is what really made me understand that nothing is EVER going to change.Are you finding any relief at all in coming to that realization about change? I guess it could be both depressing and freeing to think that.
>
> As far as counseling for myself .. well, I don't do that anymore. Ultimately every counselor that I talk to about "our" problems always end up advocating (after about a half year of counseling) that they can see no reason why I stay.I can imagine that could be frustrating. Perhaps they were trying to validate your experience, but if that's not what you're looking for, I can see how it might not feel helpful.
Wishing you the best,
gg
Posted by blueberry on April 14, 2006, at 19:24:21
In reply to Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 8:43:41
I agree with so many...the drinking has to stop. Or at least slow down to one small glass a night.
Counseling or psychotherapy would be extremely helpful. Finding a church you both like would be incredible.As for med changes, I personally would actually lower the effexor dose some, and then add to it either zyprexa or remeron.
Posted by john berk on April 14, 2006, at 22:26:23
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Flame, posted by blueberry on April 14, 2006, at 19:24:21
Hi, I am dual diagnosed with depression and alcoholism, and i have to totally agree with Crazy Horse,
i have not gotten any good results with any AD unless i was at least 2 weeks sober, i was a binge drinker during the first 2 years of my prozac expeirence, and found relief in about 3-4 month's of continued sobrietry, [not complete relief by any means, but good response for ocd and major depression] but when i returned to drinking, even for a weekend, i was almost back at square one, maybe it is just my unigue chemistry, but alcohol fueled my depression, and vice versa for years.i can only relate my personal expeirence, but until at least a brief period of sobriety is found for your husband, i really don't know how any AD can be effective, or how you would even know what is and isn't working. Alcohol clouds the picture too much. one or 2 drinks is fine, but when you talk about a night of drinking, more than a few times a week, that is not only masking the symptoms, [and beleive me, i sympathize greatly with your husband and his pain]
but also doing very little justice to the pharmacutical picture and his depression recovery.it is the hardest struggle imaginable, because, [and i think Crazy Horse will agree here]when you self-medicate with alcohol, the alcoholism takes on a life of it's own, even if the depression were now to remit spontaneously, you still have the drive/need for alcohol, it is a vicious cycle. but here again i am only speaking from an affirmed alcoholics veiwpoint, mine] so i think you,[Flame] your husband, and a good therapist must decide if it is social, or medicinal drinking, it's a fine line at times.
but i still think that meds in the long run will work much better with a sober lifesyle, at least in the short run, good luck Flame to you and your husband, have a good holiday...john
Posted by Meri-Tuuli on April 15, 2006, at 4:51:28
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ..., posted by Flame on April 14, 2006, at 11:17:27
>I have read on a few internet sites that the Effexor that my husband is on may have brought on this sudden "need" for drinking every night. I don't know if anyone on this BB has had that same experience?
Yep, it was bizarre - I would feel 'plastic' and you somehow just needed a drink(s) to feel like youself again. It was weird. I haven't ever experienced anything like that on any other med I've been on! Also I was on only 75mg of effexor, so I can't imagine what the 375mg must feel like!!!
Well the urge left once I had stopped the effexor. Also, effexor can sort of sap your motivation and give you apathy. So I wonder if that is why your husband doesn't want to work as much. I was in college at the time, and well, I defiantely lost the drive to do well. Luckily my grades that semester didn't count.How much does your husband drink at the bar? I mean, if its only 3 or 4 beers, that isn't too bad. I don't know. Maybe its a useful vent for him, and to see his buddies.
Kind regards
Meri
Posted by flame on April 15, 2006, at 6:48:40
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Flame, posted by Meri-Tuuli on April 15, 2006, at 4:51:28
Hi Meri,
So obviously, with your reference to feeling "plastic" you were feeling basically nothing? .. And the alcohol brought you, once again, back to "feeling" again?There was another reference to how the Effexor just made you crave carbs (alcohol) because of how it worked in your system. (Really can't remember all the details.) But that was another's analogy. And then there was even another that said it was a bad drug to put someone that already had addiction problems on. Of course my husband's dr. would have no idea of his past, 'cause I'm sure my husband wouldn't mention it.
I'm wondering if you're right (once again!) about the Effexor sapping his motivation? Apathy? .. I don't know??
Let me tell you this. My husband can/will do all of the things HE wants to do. He has hobbies that he gets into BIG TIME .. devotes all of his time to. There are many things that my husband does DO, but in my opinion, it has to be something *HE* wants to do. That's what gets me so frustrated about his feelings about never working again. How can he say something to the effect of "I am pretty much done working for my lifetime. I just don't have it in me anymore." And then go on his merry way to spend large amounts of time doing something else? Makes no sense to me at all! (Maybe this is the Effexor talking?)
Yes, I wish it was just 3 or 4 beers a night .. nope! My husband has AT LEAST 10 beers (probably more) a night and always winds up the night with a shot or two.
I've been thinking the past couple of days. I am almost wondering if he gets a big time buzz out of taking his Ambien when he gets home from the bar at night. (So he looks forward to that buzz?) He looks and acts awful when he does this, but it has become common practice now. It has to be important to him, 'cause we CAN have very good sex, UNLESS he takes the ambien after drinking. I have told him this time and time again, but it doesn't seem to matter to him. Thus the theory of him looking forward to his nightly ambien/alcohol buzz.
I sure do appreciate you taking the time to tell me how Effexor made you feel. Some very important things for me to try to bring up to my husband's dr. (IF my husband will allow me to accompany him ever again!)
Thanks! ~Flame
Posted by flame on April 15, 2006, at 6:53:01
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up ... » Flame, posted by Crazy Horse on April 14, 2006, at 14:02:08
CH,
Do you think that the Effexor made you feel apathetic? Did it take your motivation away? Adding the remeron, would that maybe "help" this?Flame
Posted by flame on April 15, 2006, at 7:09:49
In reply to Re: Husband Giving Up -- response got VERY long » Flame, posted by Racer on April 14, 2006, at 14:20:54
Racer,
Wow! You really just layed it all out on the line, didn't you??? (Thats a GOOD thing! :-) )I know all of you folks think that "therapy" would help me "adjust" to my husbands depression. I really think that I had already adjusted to his depression .. UNTIL I realized that he was giving up working. THAT is the issue that I need to adjust to ..but don't think I ever will. I (for whatever reason) cannot accept that. Maybe it is because I *know* I have no control over my husband. And I've accepted that and don't nag him nor get myself upset about his depressive modes. (At least I try very hard!) So, I've accepted THAT part and work very hard to NOT let his depression affect me. But when it comes to the finances .. well, no matter how you swing it, that DOES affect me.
The counseling thing for either my husband or as a couple ..well, I'm very willing to do, but my husband is not. He tells me (I don't believe him) that he believes that counselors/psychologists are all in it just for the money. His real feelings about this ..is that he is scared to death to work with someone on his problems. (He wouldn't verbalize this, but after talking to several of his previous therapists throughout the years, we have all come to that conclusion.)
Kicking him out HAS crossed my mind. But how we would swing THAT. There is not enough money for him to live somewhere else. (Why am I worrying about him?)
Who knows? There (probably) are no real answers to my husbands complicated illness. I appreciate you and so many others great support. Thanks for *listening* to me here. It helps to be able to vent. .. And I have learned a few things, that maybe will help. Anyway, things I can at least ask his dr.
~Flame
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.