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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by med_empowered on December 20, 2005, at 6:25:49
OK, here's the deal: sometimes, when I'm out and about, I think people are talking about me. Its worst at restaurants--I'll be with friends, and I'll see a table near by of people laughing, having a good time. WELL, the bad part comes in when I think these happy people are laughing at **me**--thinking I'm fat, balding, unattractive, whatever. It even happens with my friends. Tonight I was in the backseat of my friend's car, and she and another friend were talking in the front. The stereo was blasting, so I couldn't hear what they were saying; but somehow, in my mind, they were talking about me. When they turned down the stereo, I could hear that they were just talking about something else--school and work.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? I told a shrink about this a long time ago. Her solutoin was an antipsychotic. That is *not* an option for me--I'm glad the atypicals are available, but I despise those drugs. They destroy my inner-life, and I never want to take them ever, ever again. What am I to do?
This didn't happen to me until high school. I used to be able to just sit, oblivious to other people. Then I became the school outcast. Kids would talk about me--teachers would talk about me. I developed a weird nervous tick b/c of my social anxiety; kids noticed it, and thought I was "crazy". I'd hear people behind me and around me talking about me sometimes during class (I know this sounds nuts, but it is what happened--I became the crazy-in-residence at my high school...teachers would always come up to me to express their "concern" and ask if I "wanted to talk").
Maybe this just reflects a fundamental distrust of people on my part? And its kind of a reaction to the trauma of high school? Also, some of my symptoms--thinking people are talking about me balding, for instance--are indicative of "Body Dysmorphic Disorder" (according to my friends, I'm not balding--and yes, I ask them **everyday**. I also ask them if I'm fat and/or unattractive).
I feel so self-absorbed. OK, I **am** so self-absorbed. But its not b/c I think I'm the coolest kid on the block or anything...I'm just too neurotic and self-conscious to function properly. I've been looking into plastic surgery (even though I'm a decent looking guy) and anti-hair loss treatments (even though my friends say I'm not balding). ARGH! I sometimes want to go to a shrink, but what could they do? Give me Abilify? Thanks, but...no thanks. I need to learn how to deal w/o being drugged to the gills.
So what do I do? I constantly think people in public are talking about me, even though I think (know?) its unlikely--highly, highly unlikely. And my obsession with my appearance is getting weirder and weirder...I avoid mirrors like the plague. I either dim the lights when I must use one, or cover them up or avert my eyes. When there are mirrors in public, I quickly avert my gaze and focus on something else.
Then, I have days when I obsess over my appearance--I'll gaze in the mirror analyzing my hair line, looking at skin imperfections, etc. It is **SOOOOO** tiring. I'm tired of it. My friends don't quite understand the extent of it (I haven't told them how I hear people talking about me, etc.), so they just think I'm neurotic and self-absorbed.
HEEEEEEELLLLLPPP!!!!! This really is impairing my functioning a lot. Its been going on for years (particularly the part with me hearing people talk about me in public). I don't know what to do. Would therapy help? Is this social anxiety pushed to the max?
Posted by inquisitive1 on December 20, 2005, at 8:55:23
In reply to Am I paranoid? Or just self-absorbed?, posted by med_empowered on December 20, 2005, at 6:25:49
Hi Med-empowered,
I'm not able to give you an absolute answer to your questions due to the fact I'm not present to observe. If you feel your not delusional, I don't think Abilfy is your "magic" answer.
Most of us know that genetic vulnerabilities mixed with traumatic events in life make a nasty combination. Your perpection and thought processes may be causing you to continually looking for "qualifiers" to show your perceptions are accurate. Until some cognitive insight can be acquired, your faulty perceptions will continue to miscolor your world.Good Luck,
My friend
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 20, 2005, at 8:59:45
In reply to Am I paranoid? Or just self-absorbed?, posted by med_empowered on December 20, 2005, at 6:25:49
A few different questions/ideas come to me.
1. Yes, I think therapy could be very helpful. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tends to be very helpful with these sort of issues. Have you been in therapy before? I think it could be very helpful for you whether or not you are taking meds.
2. I don't remember your med history. Have you tried meds to target anxiety? Was your pdoc giving you an AP to deal w/ out of control anxiety or psychotic symptoms or both? Have you tried SSRI's and TCA's?
3. It is hard to say whether this is social anxiety or something else, but it sure sounds like it has at least some social anxiety component. It seems like it would be really helpful for you to hook up w/ a mental health professional that you trust. Someone who could say, "It seems like you are experiencing what we call (social anxiety, or whatever). I think this because you described .... I think that the best course of action is..." I think that having some clarity in this regard might help you feel more in control of your treatment and your life.
Best,
EE
Posted by med_empowered on December 20, 2005, at 9:31:39
In reply to Re: Am I paranoid? Or just self-absorbed?, posted by Emily Elizabeth on December 20, 2005, at 8:59:45
hi! First of all, thanks for the input. I appreciate it!
I've been in therapy, and I've done (many, many) meds as treatment. I think the problem may be both my lack of open-ness with docs about this (it just seems so...crazy, for lack of a better word) AND my suspicion (which has been once confirmed) that this sort of thing would be viewed as some sort of psychosis; I admit that there seem to be elements to this that could strike one as psychotic, but the overall effect (for me, at least) is mostly **extreme** anxiety, rather than psychosis per se.
I guess part of the problem is that I can't bring myself to agree that this problem is truly "psychotic"; I'm not out-of-touch with reality so much as I am overwhelmed by extreme, irrational anxiety and low-grade paranoia.
I think I will discuss this with someone--probably a therapist first, since shrink appointments take so long to make. I just want to be prepared before I go into the therapist's office.
Please--if anyone has any more input, advice, comments, suggestions, experiences, or whatever, **let me know**. I really can't allow my life to be dominated by these utterly irrational fears, but I also can't allow my mind and personality to be obliterated by neuroleptics.
Thanks again for the input, and thanks also to anyone who has anything further to share. I truly appreciate any assistance y'all can offer.
Posted by Larry Hoover on December 20, 2005, at 10:12:18
In reply to Am I paranoid? Or just self-absorbed?, posted by med_empowered on December 20, 2005, at 6:25:49
> And my obsession with my appearance is getting weirder and weirder...I
> Then, I have days when I obsess over my appearance--
That's where I'm leaning. Obsession can lead to misinterpretations of reality. People really are talking, but the issue is the subject matter.
Obsession, not psychosis. Obsession can have a narcissistic flavor. Could be anything, really.
What to do, though.
I'd be leaning towards CBT and SSRI or even clonazepam.
I don't think you're over what happened in high school, because you're thinking about it in this context. What is most missing here, in my gut perception of this, is self reassurance. That you're okay, just the way you are. You can learn how to do that. At cognitive behavioural school, errrr, therapy.
Lar
Posted by med_empowered on December 20, 2005, at 10:27:28
In reply to Re: Am I paranoid? Or just self-absorbed? » med_empowered, posted by Larry Hoover on December 20, 2005, at 10:12:18
the more I think about it, the more cognitive-behavioral style therapy seems appropriate. I'm kind of in a bind at the moment..when I will myself to accept myself, and accept the situation, I do feel a sense of calm and empowerment. But then..that makes me feel anxious. LOL. So...there ya go.
I think I'm self-obsessed b/c this weird anxiety thing cuts me off from throwing myself into outisde projects, people, etc. I have nothing to focus on but myself, and so that is where my energies go. The question, then, is how to fix at least some of my problems so I can move my gaze outwards, which will then help with the remainder of my issues.
Ugh. Life is complicated.
Posted by sleepygirl on December 20, 2005, at 12:59:09
In reply to Am I paranoid? Or just self-absorbed?, posted by med_empowered on December 20, 2005, at 6:25:49
I think people are talking about me too... I know it's irrational, but I can't seem to help it. Would an atypical really help that?? Well seroquel (the only atypical I have tried) has blunted a good deal of my anxiety (and the rest of me too), but I don't know that it has touched this
> This didn't happen to me until high school. I used to be able to just sit, oblivious to other people. Then I became the school outcast. Kids would talk about me--teachers would talk about me. I developed a weird nervous tick b/c of my social anxiety; kids noticed it, and thought I was "crazy". I'd hear people behind me and around me talking about me sometimes during class (I know this sounds nuts, but it is what happened--I became the crazy-in-residence at my high school...teachers would always come up to me to express their "concern" and ask if I "wanted to talk").Oh geez....that sounds tough, and like it made the social anxiety a lot worse, it sort of fed the idea of yourself as an "outcast". Maybe you've gotten "used to" feeling yourself in that role (not that you've wanted to). I sort of feel like people "know" what a real freak I am, so I spend a lot of time feeling like they are talking about me.
It sounds like your anxiety has a real obsessive quality to it, and body dysmorphia sounds appropriate. It's hard to say where anxiety and obsessions become "psychotic" if that is part of your question. Besides whatever meds may or may not be appropriate CBT does sound promising. You need some relief. I think you've both learned to be tremendously self conscious and became that by virtue of your biochemistry.
I hope you find some answers.
-all the best,
sleepygirl
Posted by Phillipa on December 20, 2005, at 19:46:05
In reply to Re: Am I paranoid? Or just self-absorbed? » med_empowered, posted by sleepygirl on December 20, 2005, at 12:59:09
Med, just my opinion but you are too together and educated to be truly out of touch with reality and truly psychotic. Are you in any way afraid that a pdoc will suggest schizohrenia? Could this be fueling your anxiety. And blowing it out of proportion. Just a thought. Fondly, Philllpa ps you have my address.
Posted by Declan on December 20, 2005, at 20:07:19
In reply to Re: Am I paranoid? Or just self-absorbed?, posted by med_empowered on December 20, 2005, at 9:31:39
Hey Med
It's not remotely psychotic to think people are talking about you. Have you ever been in the presence of someone who, hearing voices, laughs innapropriately? In that situation we always think the laughter is directed at ourselves. My son, 4 at the time in that situation, said to the laughing one 'why are you laughing at me?', which was disarmingly honest. We mammalians are social and heirarchical (if only we were sloths) and naturally obsess about fitting into the group. Don't worry too much. Later on you will look at your photos from now and think that you used to look pretty good.
Declan
Posted by vbAgent on December 21, 2005, at 19:53:52
In reply to Am I paranoid? Or just self-absorbed?, posted by med_empowered on December 20, 2005, at 6:25:49
Hi Med, sounds like anxiety and a lot of self-consciousness. It's skewing your perception so you misinterpret what's going on around you, what people are saying, etc...Your mind is just playing tricks on you...Like you're externalizing your fears and social inadequacies. You're not psychotic or paranoid in my opinion, med. And I'm a crazy guy so I know crazy. I don't see it in your post.
Based on reading some of your posts I sense you're anti-med. Now you've reached the breaking point - So, what options do you have? The first step I would take is talk to a professional (yes, again). I have the same problem from time to time and it makes me think I'm crazy. My brother, who's married and in dental school, goes through the same kind of social anxiety sometimes. We both suffer from anxiety and ADHD (although my anxiety is worse). ADHD runs in our family. He takes Metadate and I take Adderall.
Best of luck to you.
It will all work out. No man is a failure who has friends.
Posted by fairywings on December 22, 2005, at 21:23:41
In reply to Re: Am I paranoid? Or just self-absorbed?, posted by vbAgent on December 21, 2005, at 19:53:52
That's funny (odd funny) I have the same thing and I'm ADD, it runs in our family too - brother w/extreme social anxiety, sister with ADD, kids with ADD. We all have anxiety, all lack confidence. Maybe that's something to consider Med.
As far as a therapist, mine is great. I told him I feared some terrible diagnosis, and he put my fears to rest. Must be they hear a fair amount of that. Just look until you find one who you trust and can work with.
I agree that you sure don't sound psychotic. REally anxious but not psychotic.
Good luck,
fw
Posted by lynn971 on December 25, 2005, at 20:02:09
In reply to Re: Am I paranoid? Or just self-absorbed?, posted by inquisitive1 on December 20, 2005, at 8:55:23
I often think that people are talking about me too. Maybe they are maybe they are not. We need to come to the conclusion that we do not care what other people think. As a christian I want to only care what God thinks.
You cant please all of the people all of the time. Now, I just concentrate on the people I love and the people who love me.
I still have problems with worrying about what people say are thinking they are talking about me, but the above statement is my goal in life.
med-empowered, you are a wonderful person and I really appreciate you. I even posted a message saying that I appreciate the people who helped me about two weeks ago. You were one of the main people on my mind.
As far as looks are concerned, beauty is on the inside. I know people who are not really "attractive." They are so wonderful that they are physically attractive.
Your friend,
Lynn
This is the end of the thread.
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