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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by 4WD on June 22, 2005, at 23:13:07
In reply to Re: Down and out, posted by Maxime on June 22, 2005, at 0:24:26
> The crappy part of my appointment.
>
> My pdoc is big into exercising to fight depression. But he knows that when you are really down you can't motivate yourself to exercise. But I have been hiking and cycling every day. It hasn't helped yet. He keeps on stressing the exercise. I used to be a compulsive exerciser. I've told him this sevral times but I guess he has forgotten. So today he said try to exercise more. I just kept my mouth shut. At this point I figure what is the point?
>
I understand completely. I don't have the exact situation but I told my pdoc when I first saw him that I couldn't take more than 10mg of Celexa because the muscle tension it causes in my neck and shoulders causes really intense pain. On my last visit, he told me to increase the Celexa to 20mg. Idiot! I mentioned it again and he just said try it again. Idiot! Idiot!> I have to keep a mood journal for my pdoc. I plot my mood on a scale on 1-10 and then right in any situational factors that may have contributed to my mood.
>
> This time across the top, I made some extra notations.
>
> 1 - My tiredness
> 2 - Some stuff I can't mention here
> 3 - How much I hate the way I look and feel about myself and how I want to be at low weight again.
>
> Re. # 3 - He said that if I exercise enough and eat properly I can reach my low weight again. HELLO MY LOW WEIGHT WAS 70 POUNDS!
>
> I've talk to him before about my ED and my history with anorexia. I guess he forgets. I guess he sees a big fat person in front of him and doesn't worry about it. I take it as a green light to continue to starve myself. I am not thin enough for him to be concerned. Again, I just kept my mouth shut because I thought "are you a moron?" and "I am worthless fat nothing who doesn't deserve help". He probably doesn't believe me that I have a problem. But I have been given the go ahead to get back to low weight.I also have an eating disorder - bulimia. I'm in remission but he (the pdoc) knows I've only been in remission for a few months. So what atypical does he prescribe? Zyprexa. Idiot!
>
> I also wish he could have thought of alternatives for the Parnate like taking the Manerix is super high dosages. Or increasing my Trileptal. I mentioned it (the trileptal) and he said no. He believes it cold be bringing my mood down. Well there is only one way to find out, right?
>
> So that's the crappy portion of my appointment. Do I have the right to be angry over the low weight comment? Or am I over reacting?
>
I'd have asked him whether he remembered you were anorexic. It's ridiculous that he told you to use exercise and diet to get to your "low weight." Stuff like that is why I think they don't have a clue who we are when we walk in their office until they look at our charts. ANd then they just glance in order to get our names and what med we're currently on. It makes me furious for you and for me and for all of us.> Maxie, the beached whale
Maxime, are you actually overweight or are you caught up in the negative body image thing?
Marsha
Posted by MidnightBlue on June 22, 2005, at 23:40:45
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed, posted by Maxime on June 22, 2005, at 22:29:13
Maxime,
This is the most AWESOME news! Didn't I tell you God would come through at the last minute!
Of course you can do this job. And of course they did NOT make a mistake giving it to you! You are smart, funny, and such a kind person. How could they not want YOU above all others?
I haven't posted for over a week, but you have lured me out of my silence! I am sure you will find the right doctors in your new province. Meanwhile keep posting here and we will help you keep it all together.
Many hugs and best wishes,
MidnightBlue
Posted by Declan on June 23, 2005, at 0:36:06
In reply to Re: Down and out, posted by Maxime on June 22, 2005, at 0:24:26
Hi Maxime
Good luck with Mannerix in super high doses. I'm titrating *up* to 75mg am. Any more so far and I feel worse. At this dose I don't know if it helps or not. (When I fail this perhaps the dr will Rx Parnate. But maybe I shouldn't be too optimistic about that if I try it.) Moclobemide is supposed, I think I read, to mainly increase available 5ht, which surprised me. I thought those awful feelings came from NA, but maybe it's some agitating 5ht subtype receptor being stimulated. You'd know what Scott said about his experience with moclobemide. But then you can tolerate stimulants so perhaps......
Declan
Posted by Mildred on June 23, 2005, at 12:55:44
In reply to Re: Down and out, posted by Declan on June 23, 2005, at 0:36:06
Fantastic, Maxime - congratulations!
A sign of more good things to come . . .Mildred
Posted by ed_uk on June 23, 2005, at 13:48:39
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed, posted by Maxime on June 22, 2005, at 22:29:13
Hi Maxi :-)
That's great news :-)
>There were over 300 applicants for it!
You're the BEST! What did I tell you :-D
>So that means finding a new pdoc where I will be living.
New pdoc = new ideas = hope for the future :-)
Lots of love,
Ed xxx
Posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 15:50:34
In reply to Re: Down and out, posted by Declan on June 23, 2005, at 0:36:06
Hi Declan
No, it was only an idea the psychopharcologist had. I won't be able to try it now that I am moving. Everything is going to have to stay the same until I find new doctors as I am moving next week. It will take months. Sigh.
Yes, I can tolerate stimulants along with a high dosage of Parnate! Everyone is different.
So is it anxiety that you are feeling from the Manerix? I read that nausea is a side effect and that worried me. Do you feel nauseous on it?
Maxie
> Hi Maxime
> Good luck with Mannerix in super high doses. I'm titrating *up* to 75mg am. Any more so far and I feel worse. At this dose I don't know if it helps or not. (When I fail this perhaps the dr will Rx Parnate. But maybe I shouldn't be too optimistic about that if I try it.) Moclobemide is supposed, I think I read, to mainly increase available 5ht, which surprised me. I thought those awful feelings came from NA, but maybe it's some agitating 5ht subtype receptor being stimulated. You'd know what Scott said about his experience with moclobemide. But then you can tolerate stimulants so perhaps......
> Declan
>
Posted by Declan on June 23, 2005, at 16:25:27
In reply to Re: Down and out » Declan, posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 15:50:34
My dr described it as butterflies in the stomach, so that could be seen as nausea, especially if severe. I'd call it agitation.
Perhaps I can take enough to get some useful AD effect but not enough to get that.
Declan
Posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 16:30:50
In reply to Re: Down and out » Maxime, posted by 4WD on June 22, 2005, at 23:13:07
Hi Marsha. I can't believe your doctor prescribed Zyprexa! Is he crazy? All the hard work you have been doing to recover and Zyprexa would undo it ALL.
My BMI is in normal range ... which is FAT to me. I'm short so every pound shows. And I am pear shape. FAT PIG! At one point I had a BM1 of 12.
I won't be seeing this pdoc again since I am moving. But I am going to ask him if I can call him if I need to talk. I don't know if he will agree or not, but I need something until I can set up support where I am going. I'm scared.
Maxime
>
Posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 16:34:09
In reply to Re: Down and out, posted by Mildred on June 23, 2005, at 12:55:44
> Fantastic, Maxime - congratulations!
> A sign of more good things to come . . .
>
> Mildred(((Mildred))) You are so sweet! I would love to meet you in person!
No doubt about it's a good thing. But I am worried about my meds and not having a pdoc or even a regular doctor for several months. I guess I can go to a clinic or the ER if I have to.
Plus it's going to be a stressful job. I hope it doesn't through my body chemistry off too much and affect my meds. So I am scared from that perspective.
Maxime
Posted by Mildred on June 23, 2005, at 17:29:26
In reply to Re: Down and out » Mildred, posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 16:34:09
Maxime -
> (((Mildred))) You are so sweet! I would love to meet you in person!
I would love to meet you, too, Maxime! The closest I am to Canada is that I have a friend who is visitng Montreal right now . . . she is actually from there, but lives here now - I'm way down in Florida.
>
> No doubt about it's a good thing. But I am worried about my meds and not having a pdoc or even a regular doctor for several months. I guess I can go to a clinic or the ER if I have to.
I certainly understand that you are scared. I never had the guts to take any risks in my life, and, consequently, I have been kind of limited. Not that I have a bad life . . . I just often wish I had been a little daring. Perhaps things might be a bit more exciting.>
> Plus it's going to be a stressful job. I hope it doesn't through my body chemistry off too much and affect my meds. So I am scared from that perspective.
There is nothing wrong with being scared - as long as it's not keeping you from taking action. I think it is great that you have identified your fears and know how you will address them if a problem should arise. Now, the trick is to let go of them - a lot easier said than done, right?Do you have enough medication to keep you going until you actually do see a new doc? I know you are not secure with your meds at this point - can your current pdoc make some contacts for you in your new province - so that you might be able to have continuous access to a doctor should you need it?
Such an exciting (and scary!) time -
Warmly (literally - well, actually, it's only in the high 70's right now - a cold front!),
Mildred
Posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 17:34:25
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed » Maxime, posted by Phillipa on June 22, 2005, at 23:03:15
Thank you Phillipa. I am not feeling good. However I am a high functioning depressive. My pdoc even said so. At one point he wanted to do a case study on me. So now the challenge is to keep up the act under stressful conditions. I've done it before. I know it's not healthy ... but what other choice do I have?
Nope, my mom will be staying behind. Actually, it's going to help me a lot to be away from her. That might help depression somewhat. We get along better when are miles between us! LOL! Sadly, I am leaving my dog. This is going to be hard. But there are reasons for this decisions. Still, she is my therapist and I am going to miss her terribly.
I'm still crashing from the Dexedrine so I am looking forward to Tuesday when I can try the Provigil. The dexedrine makes things better during day but worse at night. I have even been self injuring (ashamed).
Maxime
> Congratulations Maxie! I knew you would get the job. And you kept telling me that you really didn't feel good. Well, you must put on a pretty good act! I know what you mean about moving and getting new docs and all. Right now Greg and I are looking at doing the same thing. There are no jobs here. What about your Mother? Will she go with you? Congratulations to you Congratulations to you! Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Mildred on June 23, 2005, at 17:38:40
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed, posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 17:34:25
How soon will you be moving? Do you have plenty of time to get done what you need to? Lots to do!
Mildred
Posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 17:41:15
In reply to Re: Down and out, posted by Declan on June 23, 2005, at 16:25:27
> My dr described it as butterflies in the stomach, so that could be seen as nausea, especially if severe. I'd call it agitation.
> Perhaps I can take enough to get some useful AD effect but not enough to get that.
> DeclanFor me butterflies in my stomach is when I am nervous. But nausea is "I want to throw up or I am going to throw up". I have a fear of throwing up so nausea is bad for me. When I tried Stattera the nausea was bad. That is one the reason why I stopped taking it.
I hope the med works out for Declan :-) Keep us posted. Not many people use the med so your feedback will be really helpful on psycho-babble.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 17:53:01
In reply to Re: Down and out » Maxime, posted by Mildred on June 23, 2005, at 17:29:26
Hi again Mildred!
I don't know if my doctor has any contacts. I am moving to a small town. Well compared to where I am now!
For 3 months I have to use the medicare card from my Province. I pay into a medication plan through my Province. So there is a price cap on what all my meds cost for the month (of course I am paying for this "insurance"). So for three months I am going to call the pharmacy for my refills and my mom is going to ship them off to me. There will be one month where I will have to pay out of pocket (ouch!) because my benefits at work don't kick for 4 months! It's going to be so expensive because I have asthma and the inhalers are expensive. Plus the mood stabiliser alone is over $100 and the AD is about that as well. I will have to shell out about $400! Not sure how I am going to afford it.
I guess I just have to trust that everything will work out. I CAN'T AFFORD TO GET SICK! I'll lose everything.
Hugs,
Maxime> Maxime -
>
> > (((Mildred))) You are so sweet! I would love to meet you in person!
>
> I would love to meet you, too, Maxime! The closest I am to Canada is that I have a friend who is visitng Montreal right now . . . she is actually from there, but lives here now - I'm way down in Florida.
>
> >
> > No doubt about it's a good thing. But I am worried about my meds and not having a pdoc or even a regular doctor for several months. I guess I can go to a clinic or the ER if I have to.
>
>
> I certainly understand that you are scared. I never had the guts to take any risks in my life, and, consequently, I have been kind of limited. Not that I have a bad life . . . I just often wish I had been a little daring. Perhaps things might be a bit more exciting.
>
> >
> > Plus it's going to be a stressful job. I hope it doesn't through my body chemistry off too much and affect my meds. So I am scared from that perspective.
>
>
> There is nothing wrong with being scared - as long as it's not keeping you from taking action. I think it is great that you have identified your fears and know how you will address them if a problem should arise. Now, the trick is to let go of them - a lot easier said than done, right?
>
> Do you have enough medication to keep you going until you actually do see a new doc? I know you are not secure with your meds at this point - can your current pdoc make some contacts for you in your new province - so that you might be able to have continuous access to a doctor should you need it?
>
> Such an exciting (and scary!) time -
>
> Warmly (literally - well, actually, it's only in the high 70's right now - a cold front!),
>
> Mildred
>
Posted by Phillipa on June 23, 2005, at 17:54:47
In reply to Re: Down and out » Declan, posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 17:41:15
Maxime, I see your Babblemail is off. Is this just until the move is complete? Oh I almost forgot I have your E-mail. Unless you are changing it. So sorry you have to leave your dog. What kind is he/she/it? Is your Mother able to care for herself? 300 applicants! Wow! That's really something. But only a week to move? How will you do it? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on June 23, 2005, at 17:58:04
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed, posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 17:34:25
Sorry when I scrolled down the message board I thought your Babblemail was off. Now after checking I see it isn't. I wouldn't think you would shut it off when so many people want to congratulate you. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by 4WD on June 23, 2005, at 22:18:09
In reply to Re: Down and out » 4WD, posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 16:30:50
> Hi Marsha. I can't believe your doctor prescribed Zyprexa! Is he crazy? All the hard work you have been doing to recover and Zyprexa would undo it ALL.
>
> My BMI is in normal range ... which is FAT to me. I'm short so every pound shows. And I am pear shape. FAT PIG! At one point I had a BM1 of 12.
>
> I won't be seeing this pdoc again since I am moving. But I am going to ask him if I can call him if I need to talk. I don't know if he will agree or not, but I need something until I can set up support where I am going. I'm scared.
>
> Maxime
>
>
>
>
> >Maxime,
I am so happy for you about the new job. What do you do? And while having to move to a different province (especially in such a short time!) is definitely overwhelming-making, I think it's going to be great for you. Like someone posted above, new doctor, new ideas.
It seems to me like your current pdoc ought to be able to refer you to a new doc where you are going. Can't he do that? It just doesn't seem right that you have to start all over and wait months again. Can you ask him to give you a referral?
Yeah, the Zyprexa was awful. I had been in recovery for about two months, tried the Zyprexa for a week and was binging everyday again by the third day on it. After going off it, I was back in recovery within 3 or 4 days. "Let's just see about that depression, honey, and then you go on home and worry about your eating disorder on your own time." Jacka**es.
Marsha
Posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 22:53:03
In reply to Re: Down and out, posted by Phillipa on June 23, 2005, at 17:54:47
> Maxime, I see your Babblemail is off. Is this just until the move is complete? Oh I almost forgot I have your E-mail. Unless you are changing it. So sorry you have to leave your dog. What kind is he/she/it? Is your Mother able to care for herself? 300 applicants! Wow! That's really something. But only a week to move? How will you do it? Fondly, Phillipa
I'll babble mail you next week about it. I am actually going away until Sunday (so I will have 5 days to pack). I don't want Dr. Bob to throw this thread into social.
Maxime
Posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 23:00:20
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed » Maxime, posted by ed_uk on June 23, 2005, at 13:48:39
> Hi Maxi :-)
>
> That's great news :-)
>
> >There were over 300 applicants for it!
>
> You're the BEST! What did I tell you :-D
>
> >So that means finding a new pdoc where I will be living.
>
> New pdoc = new ideas = hope for the future :-)
>
> Lots of love,
> Ed xxxThanks Ed. :-)
If only I didn't have to wait so long to get a pdoc. First I am going to have to wait to find GP.
I'm worried about it. I don't know if a doctor's prescription can be used in another province. I don't think it can. So I don't know how I will get my meds etc. It's going to be a bit of a nightmare.I can't wait until Tuesday to try the Provigil! I pray it won't make me crash like the dexedrine.
xxxxxx
Maxie
Posted by ed_uk on June 24, 2005, at 10:35:38
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed » ed_uk, posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 23:00:20
Hi Maxie!
>If only I didn't have to wait so long to get a pdoc. First I am going to have to wait to find GP.
Do you think you could get high-dose Manerix from a GP?
>I pray it won't make me crash like the dexedrine.
Me too :-D
Love,
Ed xxxx
Posted by TamaraJ on June 24, 2005, at 16:03:14
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed » ed_uk, posted by Maxime on June 23, 2005, at 23:00:20
Maxime,
First, I want to offer you my congratulations on your new job. That is great news, although I can understand why it would be overwhelming at this time.
I also wanted to tell you that, in Ontario at least, there is a website for the College of Physicians and Surgeons (http://www.cpso.on.ca/ ), where you can do a search for doctors who are accepting new patients. I don't know what province you are moving to, but I would imagine that other provinces have a similar resource. Anyway, being able to make a few calls before moving may be useful as a starting point. And, if there is anything I can do to help you with research, I will be happy to do so.
Anyway, I am very happy for you. I hope everything starts working out for you.
All the best,
Tamara
Posted by Maxime on June 26, 2005, at 19:22:31
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed » Maxime, posted by TamaraJ on June 24, 2005, at 16:03:14
Thanks Tamara, as usual you are a wealth of information and kindness.
Hugs,
Maxime
> Maxime,
>
> First, I want to offer you my congratulations on your new job. That is great news, although I can understand why it would be overwhelming at this time.
>
> I also wanted to tell you that, in Ontario at least, there is a website for the College of Physicians and Surgeons (http://www.cpso.on.ca/ ), where you can do a search for doctors who are accepting new patients. I don't know what province you are moving to, but I would imagine that other provinces have a similar resource. Anyway, being able to make a few calls before moving may be useful as a starting point. And, if there is anything I can do to help you with research, I will be happy to do so.
>
> Anyway, I am very happy for you. I hope everything starts working out for you.
>
> All the best,
>
> Tamara
>
Posted by Maxime on June 26, 2005, at 19:37:00
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed » Maxime, posted by ed_uk on June 24, 2005, at 10:35:38
I think I would have trouble having a PDOC prescribe a dosage of Manerix ANYWHERE. My current pdoc is very open to my ideas. I have him to talk to my new pdoc if I ever get in to see one. Who knows, I might not make through the probation period. You never know. You know never know what life will throw at you. If I get an MS episode ... bye, bye job. But it will be bye, bye Maxie as well. That much as I know is true.
Maxime
> Hi Maxie!
>
> >If only I didn't have to wait so long to get a pdoc. First I am going to have to wait to find GP.
>
> Do you think you could get high-dose Manerix from a GP?
>
> >I pray it won't make me crash like the dexedrine.
>
> Me too :-D
>
> Love,
> Ed xxxx
Posted by ed_uk on June 26, 2005, at 20:04:41
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed » ed_uk, posted by Maxime on June 26, 2005, at 19:37:00
Hi Maxie,
I sent you an email :-)
Ed xxx
Posted by MidnightBlue on June 26, 2005, at 23:15:18
In reply to Re: Down and out ... Now just overwhelmed » ed_uk, posted by Maxime on June 26, 2005, at 19:37:00
Maxime,
You will make it through the probation period. You will do FINE. Don't borrow trouble that isn't there. That's my (sorry mind went blank no good word).
Live each day to the fullest. You can do this, I know you can!
MB
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