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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by verne on September 17, 2004, at 0:14:29
I have BPD and PTSD with alot of other stuff thrown in. Hyper-vigilant, agoraphobic, alcoholic, online-shopoholic. I don't go off my property much. I live in a self-imposed prison. Rides take me out and deliver me back.
I live in Iowa (i hope to escape some day) and doctors around here are unwilling to prescribe benzos. I'm on inderal LA 60mgs per day which greatly reduces the binges but, in the end, I still have no real life.
Most of today I worried over a toilet that mysteriously ran every 5 minutes. I have a few friends, from "back when" who still tolerate me, one a former plumber, who took a crack at my toilet - none solved the problem. This eats at me. I can't go out, and I can't go in.
Like I said, I hardly ever go off the property, so a malfunction in the house is a whole day - or a black hole.
I'm trying to get ready for my Monday's doctor appointment (md, no shrink in this county will even see me because of past BPD behavior). I would like to ask for a long-acting benzo, or any kind of benzo. I know they are uninhibiting but I don't drink when I take them so what's the harm? I might actually socialize more. But every doc I see is deadset against them.
I'm trapped in Iowa. I hate this place. Can't leave until I'm out of debt. Feel like an indentured servant. Been abusing herbs not meant for human consumption lately. Morning glory seeds, blue lily and lotus from ponds in Egypt and Nepal. I've messed with poisons for an escape.
My link with the outside, someone who's delivered the beer for 12 years, is terminally ill and no longer answers the phone. I think she's in the hospital or worse. I know, she's been an "enabler" but quite the shock to no longer have her. We became friends, especially recently when she needed something to do and I let her completely reorganize my house. Yesterday she drove over here to tell me she was sorry she couldn't shop for me anymore, she could barely stand. She may be gone (lung cancer since last Winter, given few weeks to live back then)
I'm in alot of emotional pain. I'm so tired of begging doctors for what really works - any benzo. I haven't taken any for 9 freaking years but since I ask for them, I'm considered "drug seeking". I'm 100% VA but they won't prescribe them either. Endless load of crap AD's with anti-cholengeric effects and the rest.
I need to move. Like faraway. I would rather be dead than go through this crap called life. Next thing on my "list" is to burn my Christmas tree.
verne
Posted by Sad Panda on September 17, 2004, at 4:58:02
In reply to benzo request, posted by verne on September 17, 2004, at 0:14:29
> I have BPD and PTSD with alot of other stuff thrown in. Hyper-vigilant, agoraphobic, alcoholic, online-shopoholic. I don't go off my property much. I live in a self-imposed prison. Rides take me out and deliver me back.
>
> I live in Iowa (i hope to escape some day) and doctors around here are unwilling to prescribe benzos. I'm on inderal LA 60mgs per day which greatly reduces the binges but, in the end, I still have no real life.
>
> Most of today I worried over a toilet that mysteriously ran every 5 minutes. I have a few friends, from "back when" who still tolerate me, one a former plumber, who took a crack at my toilet - none solved the problem. This eats at me. I can't go out, and I can't go in.
>
> Like I said, I hardly ever go off the property, so a malfunction in the house is a whole day - or a black hole.
>
> I'm trying to get ready for my Monday's doctor appointment (md, no shrink in this county will even see me because of past BPD behavior). I would like to ask for a long-acting benzo, or any kind of benzo. I know they are uninhibiting but I don't drink when I take them so what's the harm? I might actually socialize more. But every doc I see is deadset against them.
>
> I'm trapped in Iowa. I hate this place. Can't leave until I'm out of debt. Feel like an indentured servant. Been abusing herbs not meant for human consumption lately. Morning glory seeds, blue lily and lotus from ponds in Egypt and Nepal. I've messed with poisons for an escape.
>
> My link with the outside, someone who's delivered the beer for 12 years, is terminally ill and no longer answers the phone. I think she's in the hospital or worse. I know, she's been an "enabler" but quite the shock to no longer have her. We became friends, especially recently when she needed something to do and I let her completely reorganize my house. Yesterday she drove over here to tell me she was sorry she couldn't shop for me anymore, she could barely stand. She may be gone (lung cancer since last Winter, given few weeks to live back then)
>
> I'm in alot of emotional pain. I'm so tired of begging doctors for what really works - any benzo. I haven't taken any for 9 freaking years but since I ask for them, I'm considered "drug seeking". I'm 100% VA but they won't prescribe them either. Endless load of crap AD's with anti-cholengeric effects and the rest.
>
> I need to move. Like faraway. I would rather be dead than go through this crap called life. Next thing on my "list" is to burn my Christmas tree.
>
> verne
>
>Hi Verne,
Benzos would probably be bad for you given that you are an alcoholic that likes to abuse drugs. Have you tried Effexor or the MAOI's? An AP might not be a bad thing to try too.
>Endless load of crap AD's with anti-cholengeric effects
>Does this mean you have tried TCA's?
Cheers,
Paul.
Posted by iris2 on September 17, 2004, at 10:05:53
In reply to benzo request, posted by verne on September 17, 2004, at 0:14:29
Verne,
Just wanted to let you know in case you're not keeping track of the thread that I redirected my post to you at Psycho-Social-Babble. Perhaps I was wrong but I am overly sensative as I have been rediredted a couple of times myself by Dr Bob. If you read the posts there you will understand why I did this.
Irene
Posted by woolav on September 17, 2004, at 10:37:13
In reply to Re: benzo request » verne, posted by iris2 on September 17, 2004, at 10:05:53
If possible, suggest klonopin to your MD. Its a longer lasting benzo and not as addictive as xanax (this according to my pdoc)
Good Luck
S
Posted by iris2 on September 17, 2004, at 11:12:07
In reply to benzo request, posted by verne on September 17, 2004, at 0:14:29
> I have BPD and PTSD with a lot of other stuff thrown in. Hyper-vigilant, agoraphobic, alcoholic, online-shopoholic. I don't go off my property much. I live in a self-imposed prison. Rides take me out and deliver me back.
>
> I live in Iowa (i hope to escape some day) and doctors around here are unwilling to prescribe benzos. I'm on inderal LA 60mgs per day which greatly reduces the binges but, in the end, I still have no real life.
>
> Most of today I worried over a toilet that mysteriously ran every 5 minutes. I have a few friends, from "back when" who still tolerate me, one a former plumber, who took a crack at my toilet - none solved the problem. This eats at me. I can't go out, and I can't go in.
>
> Like I said, I hardly ever go off the property, so a malfunction in the house is a whole day - or a black hole.
>
> I'm trying to get ready for my Monday's doctor appointment (md, no shrink in this county will even see me because of past BPD behavior). I would like to ask for a long-acting benzo, or any kind of benzo. I know they are uninhibiting but I don't drink when I take them so what's the harm? I might actually socialize more. But every doc I see is deadset against them.
>
> I'm trapped in Iowa. I hate this place. Can't leave until I'm out of debt. Feel like an indentured servant. Been abusing herbs not meant for human consumption lately. Morning glory seeds, blue lily and lotus from ponds in Egypt and Nepal. I've messed with poisons for an escape.
>
> My link with the outside, someone who's delivered the beer for 12 years, is terminally ill and no longer answers the phone. I think she's in the hospital or worse. I know, she's been an "enabler" but quite the shock to no longer have her. We became friends, especially recently when she needed something to do and I let her completely reorganize my house. Yesterday she drove over here to tell me she was sorry she couldn't shop for me anymore, she could barely stand. She may be gone (lung cancer since last Winter, given few weeks to live back then)
>
> I'm in alot of emotional pain. I'm so tired of begging doctors for what really works - any benzo. I haven't taken any for 9 freaking years but since I ask for them, I'm considered "drug seeking". I'm 100% VA but they won't prescribe them either. Endless load of crap AD's with anti-cholengeric effects and the rest.
>
> I need to move. Like faraway. I would rather be dead than go through this crap called life. Next thing on my "list" is to burn my Christmas tree.
>
> verne
>
>
Verne,I agree with woolav about the Klonopin. I am not sure what symptoms you are wanting to take it for though?
If you don't mind my asking, what meds are you currently on?
You said you have PTSD and BPD among other things. What is your diagnosis? From what you wrote it seems you have some OCD symptoms too. Just an observation. I am not diagnosed with this but I have tendencies toward it myself.
Maybe you can find a pdoc not in your county. Is there anyone who could take you to appointments? I usually ask my family to drive me to mine as he is over an hour away and I have a difficult time getting dressed and into my car yet not driving it an hour and a half in traffic.
Also some pdocs and therapists will have "phone appointments" especially after they get to know you a little. I have most of my "appointments" on the phone as getting there is usually an impossible task.
I don't think it matters so much if it is Iowa or Pennsylvania or timbucktoo if you cannot get out. You could be in the middle of New York City and it would not matter much if you do not go out. That is my experience. Location becomes pretty irrelevant if you never see the outside of your house/apartment. I would not dwell on the where of my living situation (I do this sometimes too) as much on taking advantage of whatever is available by getting there. At that point I might decide there is not much to do and want to move. Again just MHO.I think you could benefit from finding another doctor. Does not have to be a pdoc but you sound like you have complicated issues. I am not so sure a pcp is trained to deal with them. Actually a pdoc has only the med training if that. A therapist might be helpful if you are willing to go that road?
What is the Inderal for?
Hoping you are feeling better soon,
Irene
Posted by verne on September 17, 2004, at 13:02:41
In reply to Re: benzo request » verne, posted by iris2 on September 17, 2004, at 11:12:07
Thanks all for the suggestions. I will suggest klonopin to the doctor.
I've tried all the AD's, SSRI's, TRC's, mood levelers, and everything but MAO's. My diagnosis has varied from schizophrenic or schizo-affective to atypical depression to bipolar. I think I've seen OCD in there a couple times too.
I have alot of features of borderline personality disorder and PTSD. I used to self injure until I was in my 30's and I fit the BPD profile. The PTSD stems, not from my military service, but from childhood. My mother tried to kill me and my siblings and put my dad in the hospital with a knife wound to the chest which I witnessed when I was about 3 years old. They were both alcoholics and probably had all kinds of undiagnosed stuff. I ended up in a foster home for 5 years.
Anyway, I'm definetly BPD with depression thrown in. The reason I want a benzo is for the almost constant anxiety. The inderal actually helps with that although it is prescribed for high blood pressure. Years ago at the VA hospital they gave inderal to patients who lost control because it is so calming.
I hope to start the borderline skills course soon - by myself at home. I also want to get back into meditating. I know benzos are disinhibiting and probably not indicated for BPD and PTSD but the anxiety, or what one doc called emotional pain, is too much at times.
Thanks for all your responses.
Verne
Posted by Sad Panda on September 19, 2004, at 11:10:26
In reply to Re: benzo request, posted by verne on September 17, 2004, at 13:02:41
> Thanks all for the suggestions. I will suggest klonopin to the doctor.
>
> I've tried all the AD's, SSRI's, TRC's, mood levelers, and everything but MAO's. My diagnosis has varied from schizophrenic or schizo-affective to atypical depression to bipolar. I think I've seen OCD in there a couple times too.
>
> I have alot of features of borderline personality disorder and PTSD. I used to self injure until I was in my 30's and I fit the BPD profile. The PTSD stems, not from my military service, but from childhood. My mother tried to kill me and my siblings and put my dad in the hospital with a knife wound to the chest which I witnessed when I was about 3 years old. They were both alcoholics and probably had all kinds of undiagnosed stuff. I ended up in a foster home for 5 years.
>
> Anyway, I'm definetly BPD with depression thrown in. The reason I want a benzo is for the almost constant anxiety. The inderal actually helps with that although it is prescribed for high blood pressure. Years ago at the VA hospital they gave inderal to patients who lost control because it is so calming.
>
> I hope to start the borderline skills course soon - by myself at home. I also want to get back into meditating. I know benzos are disinhibiting and probably not indicated for BPD and PTSD but the anxiety, or what one doc called emotional pain, is too much at times.
>
> Thanks for all your responses.
>
> Verne
>
>Hi Verne,
If you have psychotic features to your ailment then you should try an anitipsychotic. A little Geodon, Risperdal or Zyprexa might be just what you need.
Cheers,
Paul.
Posted by rvanson on September 19, 2004, at 14:26:20
In reply to benzo request, posted by verne on September 17, 2004, at 0:14:29
Fact:
Not many Pdocs are going to prescribe a benzo for a person with alcoholic tendencies.
You shouldnt be drinking anyway with all the problems you have now, IMO.
Perhaps an alcholic treatment plan could
help you out in this regard ?Best of luck!
This is the end of the thread.
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