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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by stavros on December 30, 2003, at 0:07:21
After day 29 workinfg up to Lamictal 100mg/QD(which i have actually taken before, up to 250mg QD) I am feeling intesnsely enraged. It could be due to some relationship hurt but it's more over the loss of my own fun of living. I have a Dx somewhere between BP II, the flavor of the week that GAD presents to ruminations??? I am stark raving mad! It's middle of the night and I am pacing wanting to unload into or onto something! I worked out almost to the point of hurting self/ I am fuming angry over the fact that this "cancer of my mind" is ruining my desire to enjoy life when I have a fantastic life to be lived. I had some Remeron around and took 15 mgs just to stay inside my own skin but otherwise i cannot get away from this consuming global feeling. After blowing right through Ambien and 1 mg of Klonopin, the Remeron is finally kicking in.
One of the differences that I see between myself and others that post is that most of you have relationships or families. Normalcy outstide of the horrid effects that you all suffer from. Dating/ havning my own family seems like an impossibility to me and a huge block to my wellness. I am not lonely because my mind is busy trying to get awy from the circles that t goes in. Does anyone have any new ideas with blocked hidden emotions/past hurts? I couldn't quiet get to the hot places with EMDR ( who knows how the meds efect that) and hypnosis was OK but I was on 40 mg of Remeron so I could fall asleep standing up! Screw this shiz nit!! I waste so much $$ on therapy. I see my F*&^ing therapist once a week and aPdoc every other and while I drain my nest egg I am getting no where!! I wish i could jump off teh building but really don't want to die, just feel like it based on my lack of living! God is the only hope left and after asking for 10 years w/o a bone thrown my way i am in great despair. I don't even have a real issue, my piece of S*&t mind created it, it think? I will now end my vent and squeeze out a few more tears of anger while the Remeron puts me into a nice 10 hr state of unconsciouness! F me!
Stavro
Posted by m0nger on December 30, 2003, at 0:25:15
In reply to Lamictal and Anger? - Cancer of my consciousness, posted by stavros on December 30, 2003, at 0:07:21
Hey d00d, i can relate to being up in the middle of the night ranting, I'm doing it too :)
Do you think its possible at least some of your discomfort is due to the time of year? The holidaze are rough for lots of people, and relationship probs certainly don't help. If so, just think, in few more days it'll all be over :)
The Anger isn't so bad either, if you consider its better to be pissed off then pissed on! At least your venting in ways better then beating the shit out of somebody. Working out and writing rants in the 'net. Don't injure yourself with the weights (or whatever your workout routine involves) tho, you don't need the added expense of a physical injury added to whatever you're doling out for therapy, etc :P
Posted by zenhussy on December 30, 2003, at 0:31:04
In reply to Lamictal and Anger? - Cancer of my consciousness, posted by stavros on December 30, 2003, at 0:07:21
Lamictal isn't making me angry but is causing me to become stupid. Major cognition problems and coordination things going on. I've spent six weeks just getting to 37.5 mg. The pdoc thinks due to the trauma I experienced earlier that my brain development was changed and that I might be one of those weird super sensitive medication people.
Ten years. Yeah. It sucks. It really sucks.
>>One of the differences that I see between myself and others that post is that most of you have relationships or families. Normalcy outstide of the horrid effects that you all suffer from. Dating/ havning my own family seems like an impossibility to me and a huge block to my wellness.
Whoa there bub! I can guarantee you that most of us that post here do NOT have families of our own or relatives nearby. Plus read the social board. It waffles between a lonely hearts club and a dating service. So that alone shows that not all of us have the spouse, picket fence, 2.7 children, three car garage, etc.
Mental illness twists things ever so.
>>I don't even have a real issue...
Sure you do. You are dealing with the flavour of the month dx of BPII and GAD. Those are real issues. Those are disorders that are biochemical in nature. So please don't beat yourself up for not having any real issues. You do have issues and they are very valid.Rant away. Have you looked on the psychological board about therapy types? I know there are some links in threads explaining different types of modalities.
You are most certainly not alone in how you feel.
Take care and I hope the rest does you some good.
Kindly,
zenhussy
Posted by Dr. Bob on December 30, 2003, at 10:17:15
In reply to Re: Lamictal and Anger? - Cancer of my consciousness, posted by m0nger on December 30, 2003, at 0:25:15
> At least your venting in ways better then beating the sh[*]t out of somebody.
Please don't use language that could offend others, thanks.
Bob
PS: Follow-ups regarding posting policies should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration.
Posted by girl1969 on December 31, 2003, at 9:00:40
In reply to Lamictal and Anger? - Cancer of my consciousness, posted by stavros on December 30, 2003, at 0:07:21
Starvos,
I worked up to 400 mgs of Lamictil and it seemed painfully slow. Until I reached a therapeutic level, I was anxious and edgy. I didn't feel any rage, but I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. That has gone away now.
Maybe you just need to give it more time?
As for not having a relationship, I have been single for the past 2 years due to the effects of my illness (Bipolar 1). I have ruined a lot of relationships and damaged a lot of people. It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this and look to the future. I think we need to take care of ourselves first, get our heads on straight, and then worry about filling our lives with others.
Of course, this is just the way that I've learned to cope.
I hope that things work out for you.
Girl
Posted by katia on January 3, 2004, at 19:47:00
In reply to Lamictal and Anger? - Cancer of my consciousness, posted by stavros on December 30, 2003, at 0:07:21
Ditto here. I'm 33 yrs.old and have ruined jobs, relationships etc. and I'm looking at my life and cringing and am VERY alone. I feel like the biggest wierd-o in history and who could put up with me? You're not alone in feeling like this.
I know those stark raving mad moments. I almost shattered the shower door could barely contain punching it. thank god I did contain it. At times like that I can barely even cry I'm too angry, just howl!! As I was writing in another post, I've been having pretty bad anxiety and rage lately. I'm at 200mg of Lamictal and just started on Lithium two weeks ago and now am at 900mg. I've been on the Lam. for months now AND to top that off, I just got the rash - hopefully not the deadly one. It's all over my body. Don't know if it's because I upped the Lithium and activated the Lam.???? It's very scary. So I'm off the Lamictal now as of tomorrow. We'll see what happens to my INTENSE EDGINESS AND RAGE AND IRRITABILITY AND MY SNAPPINESS AT ANYONE WHO DOES THE SLIGHTEST THING TO ANNOY ME!!! I hope to be sane one day too and have a family and career etc. But for right now, I have to work this one out. I'm also somewhere around BPII/Mixed and was just recently diagnosed. I've been living untreated and undiagnosed for too long a time. At least we're on the road to getting proper help that will enable us to have those things. That's the bright side.
Katia
Posted by stavros on January 3, 2004, at 20:45:38
In reply to Re: Lamictal and Anger? - Cancer of my consciousness » stavros, posted by katia on January 3, 2004, at 19:47:00
> Ditto here. I'm 33 yrs.old and have ruined jobs, relationships etc. and I'm looking at my life and cringing and am VERY alone. I feel like the biggest wierd-o in history and who could put up with me? You're not alone in feeling like this.
> I know those stark raving mad moments. I almost shattered the shower door could barely contain punching it. thank god I did contain it. At times like that I can barely even cry I'm too angry, just howl!! As I was writing in another post, I've been having pretty bad anxiety and rage lately. I'm at 200mg of Lamictal and just started on Lithium two weeks ago and now am at 900mg. I've been on the Lam. for months now AND to top that off, I just got the rash - hopefully not the deadly one. It's all over my body. Don't know if it's because I upped the Lithium and activated the Lam.???? It's very scary. So I'm off the Lamictal now as of tomorrow. We'll see what happens to my INTENSE EDGINESS AND RAGE AND IRRITABILITY AND MY SNAPPINESS AT ANYONE WHO DOES THE SLIGHTEST THING TO ANNOY ME!!! I hope to be sane one day too and have a family and career etc. But for right now, I have to work this one out. I'm also somewhere around BPII/Mixed and was just recently diagnosed. I've been living untreated and undiagnosed for too long a time. At least we're on the road to getting proper help that will enable us to have those things. That's the bright side.
> KatiaKatia, So sorry to hear of the similiar challenges you face. Like yourself recently i could rip someone in half at the slightest thing. I have been like this for the last 10 yrs, more or less and have made no real progress. The uncontrolled anger is sometimes justified but i don't usually get that effect from meds? I am sure you will do better than I. Bummer re: the rash. SJ rash is very rare and I doubt you haveit. I have never heard of anyone getting it and i was in the medical industry.
I can't blame others for not being able to understand me as i can't even understand myself. In relationships i get hurt, make poor decisions, lose my appetite, sleep and drive? This is rediculous, now my problem has gone global into every area of my life. Currently my rage has calmed down since i initially posted but i cannot bring myself to get out of the house on this Saturday nite during the prime of my life? I didn't spend christmas with my family either but that was the least of my problems to deal with. I usually isolate when feeling this poorly. Now i am getting angry but not enrarged
writing this. I look forward to hearing of your progress in the near future and your positive attitude is appreciated! No more in 2004,let it end!S
Posted by katia on January 3, 2004, at 21:31:09
In reply to Re: Lamictal and Anger? - Cancer of my consciousness, posted by stavros on January 3, 2004, at 20:45:38
Hi,
What meds have you tried? How long have you had this dx? What did you do in the medical industry? I hope you're right. At first I was in tears, but then paged my pdoc and he reassured me that it probably wasn't the SJ rash. But the bad part is, I have to go off of Lamictal. Maybe being on Lithium will let me go on ADs again. I was misdxed for a year and tried about 5 ADs to no avail/hypomanic/rapid cycling/mixed. Have you seen or heard of people getting the non-dangerous rash? I've got it all over my body.
yes, let this end in '04.
Katia
Posted by stavros on January 3, 2004, at 22:33:41
In reply to Re: Lamictal and Anger? - Cancer of my consciousness » stavros, posted by katia on January 3, 2004, at 21:31:09
K,
You don't want to know what I have taken and how much. I am sort of negative right now so it might not be the best time for me to communicate. I don't want to discourage you as i think there is more hope than you probably realize. I am feeling very hopless and in despair right now. I am not convinced of my Dx for sure which is my biggest concern. Do you ever chat on yahoo? We could go back and forth easier. Keep your chin up and maybe tomorrow we can chatS
Posted by katia on January 3, 2004, at 23:02:50
In reply to Re: Lamictal and Anger? - Cancer of my consciousness, posted by stavros on January 3, 2004, at 20:45:38
Hi,
Sorry to hear you're feeling so badly. I have never chatted on yahoo, but I have yahoo as my home page. How do you do it?
Katia
Posted by stavros on January 3, 2004, at 23:54:12
In reply to Re: Lamictal and Anger? - Cancer of my consciousness » stavros, posted by katia on January 3, 2004, at 23:02:50
> Hi,
> Sorry to hear you're feeling so badly. I have never chatted on yahoo, but I have yahoo as my home page. How do you do it?
> KatiaThis post may get put over on social babble? but i think to chat/IM on yahoo you need to establish a yahoo email (free.) I also go to
http://www.walkers.org/ to chat. leme know if you go on that site, my name is atypical thereS
This is the end of the thread.
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