![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 134. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by witchblade on December 8, 2003, at 10:21:41
My pdoc started me on Effexor XR and Topamax last week. So far I've had no problems with the Effexor. Been taking 25 mg of the Topamax, doing great.
Then Saturday night I up the dosage to 50 mg per docs orders. Sunday was a nightmare - literally. I slept all day and woke up screaming. I felt like I was sleep walking all day. I also had numbness in my lips and hands. Today (Monday) is only slightly better - no more numbness and still feel out of it, but not as much. At this point, I'm ready to just get off this drug. I am supposed to keep upping the drug to 100 mg. I should have done that over the course of this past week but I can't even imagine what I would have been like if I had.
I know if I were to stick it out I would probably get thru these effects and be ok...but in the meantime...I just want to feel good. I have been in a pretty deep depression for 6 months now and I just want to get back to normal...and this drug is not a step in the right direction for me. And then I think of the possible side effects...is it really worth it? I just want to be myself.Any advice?
Posted by platinumbride on December 8, 2003, at 11:48:40
In reply to Quit the Topamax?, posted by witchblade on December 8, 2003, at 10:21:41
I can relate to several of the things you mentioned in your post.
I ultimately chose to go off of topamax because of side effects. It was hard for me to decide this because I kept wanting the drug to work!!!
I just guess I'd like to say that it is OK for you to NOT stay on the med. I got the sense that you are kind of looking for someone to say that, based on the tone of your post.
If you are in mega depression mode, you probably don't need something making you feel worse right now....
It is a tough drug....well, at least it was for me. Good luckDiane
Posted by Karen_kay on December 8, 2003, at 14:31:17
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by platinumbride on December 8, 2003, at 11:48:40
I am currently on Topamax for Bipolar Disorder. I too had side effects, and still have them from time to time. My biggest problem was with slowed mental cognition. I would confuse the letter "E' with the letter "I". But, the side effects do go away. They will get worse as your dosage goes up, then gradualy taper off about a month or two after you reach your highest level. Do you think you can handle the side effects? But, if you don't htink you can at this point, I'd talk to my doctor about other options. Just curious, why are you taking it? If it is as a mood stabilizer, I would say the side effects are better than that of most of the others, except Lamictal, but with Lamictal you have to worry about that dreaded rash! I know personally Topamax saved my life. It is my "Miracle Drug". I wouldn't trade it for the world. (I know, I sound like a commercial) At first, it was rough, but almost immedietly I saw relief from my depression and mania. Now, that's what I'm talking about. I can take "being stupid", numbness, stomach cramps, heartburn, and weight loss (oh yes!!) for a few months to have restored mental health! You just have to see if you can handle the side effects at this point. If not, talk to your doctor about a different drug. Soemtimes finding that perfect cocktail takes a while, but when you do, it is pure bliss!!!!
Good luck in your decision. But, the side effects do go away about 1 month after you reach your full dosage.
Karen
Posted by sarita0001 on December 8, 2003, at 17:51:20
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by platinumbride on December 8, 2003, at 11:48:40
Hi,
It sounds like you're learning towards going off. I say follow your instincts- there are other options out there that may be less troublesome. The side effect issue and worrying what might happen next can just cause more worries and who needs more of those!
Sara
Posted by mags on December 8, 2003, at 21:41:00
In reply to Quit the Topamax?, posted by witchblade on December 8, 2003, at 10:21:41
It sounds like you are titrating way too fast! I would ask the doctor if you could back off and up the dose slowly...that will halp a lot with the side effects...it did for me...I have been on it for 2 months and I have just now increased to 75 mg....but I am a wimp when it comes to S/E's ;o)not everyone needs to go THAT slow!
Maggie
Posted by K222 on December 9, 2003, at 21:53:08
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by mags on December 8, 2003, at 21:41:00
I'm surprised by how often people on this board are switching meds. I would think it would take the body at least a few weeks to get used to a new stimulus and have you feeling its real effects.
Posted by katia on December 10, 2003, at 0:21:21
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by Karen_kay on December 8, 2003, at 14:31:17
Are you only on Topamax? What's your dx? Have you tried Lamictal?
Posted by elizabethia on December 10, 2003, at 10:08:21
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by K222 on December 9, 2003, at 21:53:08
> I'm surprised by how often people on this board are switching meds. I would think it would take the body at least a few weeks to get used to a new stimulus and have you feeling its real effects.
<<<thats what i was thinking myself... i was always told by my doctor that it would take 2 -3 weeks at least to feel any of the effects of the meds..at the very least 10 days... but then again like ya'll say everyone is different...i still don't understand it though hope we all get it right one day... elizabeth
Posted by Maxime on December 12, 2003, at 15:05:09
In reply to Quit the Topamax?, posted by witchblade on December 8, 2003, at 10:21:41
Hi Witchblade. I had an awful reaction to Topomax that just got worse and worse to the point where I went psychotic and ended up in the psych ward. You experience sounds somewhat how it started for me. I wouldn't increase if I were you and I would consider stopping the drug altogether.
Take care of yourself.
Maxime
Posted by Karen_kay on December 12, 2003, at 16:55:29
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 10, 2003, at 0:21:21
I started on Topamax, Neurontin and Abilify but discontinued both Neurontin and Abilify myself without dr's consent.... Ooopsie :) I don't like being on anything except what is entirely necessary. And since my anxiety wasn't as severe I quit Neurontin. And I figured out why I was hallucinating so I quit Abilify (combination stress and PTSD and issues in therapy made me realize that it had more to do with childhood trauma rather than psychotic episodes, ect.. blah blah..)... Anyway..
I am diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder, so I take Topamax as a mood stabilizer. I tried Lamictal, but it was in combonation with Lithium as well as Zyprexa. So, I was too drugged up. I wasn't able to even leave my house. I was fearful that "something was going to get me"... And I again discontinued on my own.. I guess I have a history of that.
Well, as for Topamax, I'm not fearful that anything is going to get me, except maybe the creditors because of the price :) I feel great on it. My mood is very stable. The cognition problems have deminished. My excessive weight from Lithium is gone. And my mental state is lovely, except maybe a bit of the holiday blues :)
Karen
Posted by katia on December 12, 2003, at 17:22:46
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on December 12, 2003, at 16:55:29
Hi Karen,
Do you think the lethary was caused by Zyprexa and not Lithium?
Did you try just the combo of Lamicatl and Lithium?
Topamax enough for BPI? Wow. I wouldn't have thought that. But you never know....
yes I know about the holiday blues...esp. in the face of quitting drinking!
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 13, 2003, at 12:05:09
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 12, 2003, at 17:22:46
Hello!!
Well, i started on the Lithium first and it actually made me hypomanic (odd huh??). Then depression started again so they added Lamictal. Then I started hallucinating so they added Zyprexa on top of all of it. I became afraid to leave my house and quit showering because I was scared something was going to get me in the shower. I almost refused to keep living basically. So, I just decided one day that I actually did make it to class that I wasn't going to take any more medications. And I was going to see a different doctor. This first doctor actually started me on 100 mgs Lamictal as the starting dose. I read a lot about it and I knew this was wrong (because of the rash). I questioned him about it and he said it was fine. So, I started it (I was so severely depressed I didn't even care at that point anyway.) But, I didn't get the rash. Later on when I told him about it, he was horrified. He didn't realize that we didn't taper up. He was cute, so I forgave him :) I'm a pretty forgiving person..My new doctor is really surpirsed that Topamax works too! He constantly checks up on me! I still see him once a month. But, it works for me. He wanted to keep me on Abilify (antipsychotic) to help control manic episodes but I discontinued that myself as well (I'm a bad girl!!). I told him I quit it about 2 months after the fact. He was a bit concerned but what could he do?
Topamax works great for me and I'm not going to question it! I've tried Lithium 2 different times. The first time it worked for a while (until I started hallucinating) and the second time it just made me sick. I tried Depakote for a couple of weeks and decided I didn't like the potential side effects. Lamictal didn't pan out too well, but it was in combination with others. Topamax has really been great for me. I'd do commercials for them if they asked me!!! I love the creators of this drug! It has helped me get my life together. I mean I still have a lot of things to work on and I still struggle, but I haven't been depressed for a while and the suicidal thoughts are gone. And I can shower!!! Yahoo! No more stinky Karen! My boyfriend loves that :) as I'm sure most other people who come into contact with me do to!So, you quitting drinking? Congrats!!! Alcoholism runs in my family so I am very careful!! I have an aunt and uncle who are afflicted with it. Good luck in your journey (??) is that the right word? I know it must be hard, but the reward is so much better than the gratification from the disease. I'm sure you can do it! Just don't let the stress from the holidays ruin your plans of staying sober. Continue to post to me and keep me updated!
Oh, are you taking Topamax? Are you dx Bipolar? You seem pretty knowledgable on the subject. Just curious.. Karen
I didn't realize how long this was... Ooopsie! :(
Posted by katia on December 13, 2003, at 14:45:37
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on December 13, 2003, at 12:05:09
> Hello!!
Hi Karen,
It's good that you sought out a new doctor. I don't care how cute you are, if someone prescribes a med that is potentially - highly - deadly without regard to this side effect, and this someone is supposed to be TRAINED in this, I'd have to chuck them right away. How incompetent to say the least. It's not a laughing matter and sometimes I wonder who's more ill AND ignorant on the subject of meds - doctors or the patients??
When you say you tried Lithium until you started hallucinating? Is that what you consider hypomanic? What did you hallucinate? When were you diagnosed? What has been your experience of mania (since you're BPI)?I'm *tentatively* BPII/Mixed. I also tried Depakote for a couple of months and decided I didn't like the potential side effects either, mainly the PCOS, which BTW I found out about by myself not my pdoc...
That's so wonderful that the Topamax is working for you. How long did it take you with trial and error to get to this point? I've been in the works for 18 months now! One year was mistakenly on antidepressants to finally get the dx of bp. I'm on 200mg of Lamictal and 12g of fish oil. I'm starting to feel a dip in my mood though - again. nothing sticks. It could be PMS or the holidays or the fact that I'm not drinking. yes, that's makes me more depressed because it's like my medication. I've not tried Topamax.> So, you quitting drinking? Congrats!!! Alcoholism runs in my family so I am very careful!! I have an aunt and uncle who are afflicted with it. Good luck in your journey (??) is that the right word? I know it must be hard, but the reward is so much better than the gratification from the disease. I'm sure you can do it! Just don't let the stress from the holidays ruin your plans of staying sober. Continue to post to me and keep me updated!
**I'm not even going to try and remain sober on x-mas. it's not because it'll be so jolly, it's the opposite, I don't really have anywhere to go and will probably spend it alone. and that trully sucks.
>
take care,
katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 13, 2003, at 23:05:03
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 13, 2003, at 14:45:37
> > Hello!!
> Hi Karen,
> It's good that you sought out a new doctor. I don't care how cute you are, if someone prescribes a med that is potentially - highly - deadly without regard to this side effect, and this someone is supposed to be TRAINED in this, I'd have to chuck them right away. How incompetent to say the least. It's not a laughing matter and sometimes I wonder who's more ill AND ignorant on the subject of meds - doctors or the patients??<<Hiya~!!!! He was Really VERY VERY cute! And that was the only mistake he ever made so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. It turned out well, so I did find another doctor.... All's well that ends well I suppose...
> When you say you tried Lithium until you started hallucinating?
<<<I was on Lithium and started hallucinating while I was taking it. But I had been taking it for a while. Odd circumstances I suppose? I think it had to do with stress mainly and depression.
Is that what you consider hypomanic?
<<<No, not at all! Hypomania for me is wonderful!!! :) I welcome hypomania compared to depression and stress!What did you hallucinate?
<<< My dead father, skeletons walking on the side of the road, my walls bending, that sort of thing...When were you diagnosed?
<<< I was dx August of 2002What has been your experience of mania (since you're BPI)?
<<<< Ahhhh!!! Ummm, well.. Not good! When manic I instigate sex with complete strangers off the street, spend money that I don't have, walk down the street naked (oopsie, is that wrong?), sometimes have auditory hallucinations (hear things that aren't there) such as someone whispering my name and people crying, I have flashed a police car before, drive like a maniac... that type of thing...>
> I'm *tentatively* BPII/Mixed. I also tried Depakote for a couple of months and decided I didn't like the potential side effects either, mainly the PCOS, which BTW I found out about by myself not my pdoc...
> That's so wonderful that the Topamax is working for you.How long did it take you with trial and error to get to this point?
<<Well, I started on AD's 3 years ago, then they suggested therapy. I called my GP and said some unkind and psychotic words to his nurse. I moved to Muncie to start University, where I met my former GP. He dx me Bipolar (thank goodness!!!).. From there he put me on Lithium. After a brief hospitalization and a couple of med changes and a year or so of mixings, I found Topamax. So, I've been working on it for about 3 years total with about 1 year of therapy, which has helped tremendously! I too was put on AD's which didn't aid in my recovery. I can't believe my old GP didn't pick up on it. Some doctors seem to be just plain uninformed!
I've been in the works for 18 months now! One year was mistakenly on antidepressants to finally get the dx of bp. I'm on 200mg of Lamictal and 12g of fish oil. I'm starting to feel a dip in my mood though - again. nothing sticks. It could be PMS or the holidays or the fact that I'm not drinking. yes, that's makes me more depressed because it's like my medication. I've not tried Topamax.
><<<I hear you about PMS... I recently started the pill which adds to the mix.. Talk about being emotional! And I thought I didn't have emotions! Ha!!!
> > So, you quitting drinking? Congrats!!! Alcoholism runs in my family so I am very careful!! I have an aunt and uncle who are afflicted with it. Good luck in your journey (??) is that the right word? I know it must be hard, but the reward is so much better than the gratification from the disease. I'm sure you can do it! Just don't let the stress from the holidays ruin your plans of staying sober. Continue to post to me and keep me updated!
>
> **I'm not even going to try and remain sober on x-mas. it's not because it'll be so jolly, it's the opposite, I don't really have anywhere to go and will probably spend it alone. and that trully sucks.
> >
> take care,
> katia<<<<I'm in the same situation... My mother lives in a different state. My boyfriend invited me to his parents, but I feel out of place. I spent last xmas there, but still... I may spend the holidays alone.... It does suck.... I feel like they feel obligated to buy me as many presents as they buy there kids. And I feel like I'm imposing. Waaaaa....... Why can't I have a normal family.......??????????I hate the holidays.....
Posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 1:09:13
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by Karen_kay on December 13, 2003, at 23:05:03
Hi Karen,
> What did you hallucinate?
> <<< My dead father, skeletons walking on the side of the road, my walls bending, that sort of thing...
> Ahhhh!!! Ummm, well.. Not good! When manic I instigate sex with complete strangers off the street, spend money that I don't have, walk down the street naked (oopsie, is that wrong?), sometimes have auditory hallucinations (hear things that aren't there) such as someone whispering my name and people crying, I have flashed a police car before, drive like a maniac... that type of thing...
**Wow! If that's a description of BPI, then I'm definitely not that. However! I do remember now "running naked through a field" with some guy that I grabbed at a party - just because I liked the sound of it - we went out back - I grew up in a rural area! I was 17 at that time. I have done some wild things - was nominated as Most Wild for senior superlatives in high school. I've had impulsive affairs with strange men and drive like a maniac, but never hallucinated - auditory nor visual. I can't even imagine it. My hypomanias have been far and few between and apart from about six months of a very distince high when I was 17/18 and again when 21, i've rapid cycled. It's been awhile (apart from the past year) that I've felt that wonderful hypo state of inspiration, euphoria, and feeling of being in love with life - giddiness. hypomania can exist in one day for me or for one week, two weeks, but it's mainly mixed state of agitation and irritation, which is where my alcohol comes in - when I"m up, when I'm irritated, and when I'm depressed - mainly the mixed and hypo states. My main thing has been debilitating chronic depression. I"ve become crazy with boyfriends and huge fights etc. So I'm not sure what my dx is - I guess BPII/Mixed.** Where's Muncie?
>I hear you about PMS... I recently started the pill which adds to the mix.. Talk about being emotional! And I thought I didn't have emotions! Ha!!!
**Have you had your hormones tested to see how much of this is hormone related? I'm wondering about me.
<<<<I'm in the same situation... My mother lives in a different state. My boyfriend invited me to his parents, but I feel out of place. I spent last xmas there, but still... I may spend the holidays alone.... It does suck.... I feel like they feel obligated to buy me as many presents as they buy there kids. And I feel like I'm imposing. Waaaaa....... Why can't I have a normal family.......??????????I hate the holidays.....
Ditto on that! I just want a "normal" life and a normal family and I HATE the holidays.
I'm 33.
How old are you and how old were you with your first manic episode?
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 9:38:28
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 1:09:13
Hiya!
I can't remember exactly when I had my first manic episode, but I would say it was about 18 or 19 years old. It had the regular symptoms: decreased need for sleep, euphoria, talking like a mad woman (those are clinical terms :) , I vadalized a public restroom once with a hammer and a baseball bat once. And I used to shoplift all the time when I was manic.There is a great book you can buy called "The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide" It is really good and straight forward.
I don't rapid cycle. I was depressed once for about 2 years straight. Now that sucked. Rapid cycling doesn't seem like it would be much fun at all.
Have you been dx? Are you scared to go to a doctor?
I've not been tested to see how my hormones relate, but I've not had problems with hormones until I started the pill.
Muncie is in Indiana. And I'm 24.
Posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 15:17:37
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 9:38:28
Hi Karen,
> There is a great book you can buy called "The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide" It is really good and straight forward.**I've got that book. It is good.
> I don't rapid cycle. I was depressed once for about 2 years straight. Now that sucked. Rapid cycling doesn't seem like it would be much fun at all.
Nope. None at all. My main thing has been chronic depression. i can't remember a time except those two distinct periods of hypomania (each lasted about six months in 1988 and 1991) that I wasn't depressed or in some agitated mixed state.
> Have you been dx? Are you scared to go to a doctor?
** yes I have. I'm on Lamictal now at 200mg and 11ish grams of fish oil a day. I'm sliding down the shute though. The Lam. is not holding. I see my pdoc on the 19th and possibly going on Lithium to enhance the effects of Lam. and to also bring in it's own qualities. I'm SCARED TO DEATH of developing a permanent hypothyroid because of Lithium tho'. And I hear that the weight gain happens often.
I'm sick to death of all of this. Depression and feeling like hell and having my life in shambles and no medication working and worrying about side effects...blah blah blah...I envy the person who goes to sleep easily, sleeps the night through, has a stable mood, (and that's enough right there), but plus, has a fulfilling creative career, has a healthy relationship, and has a home and children.
I have seen of such people. I've hear that they are out there - amazing huh? I"m sick of being tormented. There's only so much a person can take. This is no life.It's how I"m feeling today. Oh did I say it's how I've felt ALL my life???
I"m coming to the end of my energy with this trial and error and with this constant state of torture.
So there you go a real letter without any embellishments.BTW - anyone out there on Lamictal get very dizzy and nauseous at 200mg?
katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 16:05:59
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 15:17:37
Ahhh, hun/!!! I think that once you get the medication bit sorted out, a lot of the rest will start to fall into place (the career, family, ect...)
When I first started Lithium I actually lost weight. But, when I became depressed once again I began gaining, as I usually do when depressed. So, don't worry too much about hypothyroidism until you get warning signs. What bothered me the most about Lithium was the bowel problems (if you catch my drift). But, at least I stayed regular...
I too suffered with chronic depression for about the last 3 years and Topamax has helped with that dramatically! But, my doctor is amazed at that. He is rather shocked. But, it works for me so I'm not questioning it.I can't really comment on Lamictal, because I took it in combination with Lithium. But I guess that is what you will be doing too. I was still depressed and lethargic. Really, the only thign that I have found to help me with wonderful results is Topamax. But, again, my doctor is really amazed at that.
Good luck with your struggle to find the right combo... Once you do find it, it is great! It takes some time. I did take 200 mgs Lamictal and 1500 mgs Lithium per day.
Posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 16:13:26
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by Karen_kay on December 14, 2003, at 16:05:59
Hi again,
So you were on the combo of Lam/Lith? Did it ever work for you for any amount of time?
I'm just feeling disheartened b/c I've dealt with this my whole life and finally when I open my eyes to the fact that it's not me, it's an illness and I can be treated and then SOUGHT out help 18 mos. ago and I STILL haven't gotten it right - it can look a bit hopeless.
That also amazes me that Topamax alone helps BPI.
When you say don't worry about hypothyroid until symptoms appear, won't it be too late then?
thanks for you posts - they help.
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 16, 2003, at 14:14:47
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 14, 2003, at 16:13:26
Well, my memory is pretty severly impaired, so I don't really remember the combination of Lithium and Lamictal working for me too well. I remember I was pretty lethargic at the time and terrified to leave my house.
I understand what you are going through. /You get dx and you are like "Greta! Now they can "fix" me. It just isn't quite that simple. It does take a while to figure out which drug/s work/s for you and at which dosage. And whether you can handle the side effects. It can bring you down. But hang in there. Once you find the right cocktail, it makes all the difference in the world. And I strongly believe you will find the right cocktail. It just takes some time. Have you tried Lamictal with an AD? It is safe to take an AD with a mood stabilizer if you have stubborn depression. Some people can handle it. I was taking Lexapro with Lithium at one point, as well as Klonopin. It was a good combination for me at the time. It realy is trial and error. If you have a good supposrt system and you trust yourself to know the signs of hypomania and mania, why not try and antidepressant along with a mood stabilizer? It's something to ask your doctor about. If you aren't getting relief from depression, it is time to find a more aggressive approach. You should stick with an SSRI though, and Wellbutrin is suggested as the best for preventing a manic episode from occuring. Have you taken an AD in the past? With what results?
I'm not sure about hypothyroidism. I do know that there is medication you can take to help if you do develope it. This is a concern you should address with you doctor. I wish I knew more about it, so I could help you.
Are you happy with Lamictal?
Is you main problem now depression?
Why not suggest adding Wellbutrin to the Lamictal?I'm going to do some research on hypothyroid and direct another post when I catch something.
Thinking about you, Karen
Posted by katia on December 16, 2003, at 22:21:36
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by Karen_kay on December 16, 2003, at 14:14:47
Hi Karen!
> Well, my memory is pretty severly impaired, so I don't really remember the combination of Lithium and Lamictal working for me too well. I remember I was pretty lethargic at the time and terrified to leave my house.
**Do you think it was the Lithium making you lethargic? That's what I'm worried about. I think I"ll try the Lithium with my Lam. (200) first - and then add wellbutrin or something. I have been on the depressed side much of the past two months and two days ago I spun out into a terrible mixed state - today the energy is subsiding. see below another post I wrote last night
"Today felt like a day that everyone was mean to me! just got worse and worse... AFter that I went to my therapist and cried, ranted and RAVED for 50mins. She even wanted to have me call my pdoc to put me on Lithium or somethiing! I worked tonight and it's just been one thing after another. I can't explain what is happening to me....I'm losing it completely and spiraling out of reality. At one point tonight I thought - ok, well nothing left but suicide. And then I thought - "chuck the ATkins diet and have a glass of wine if it means something that will save you from yourself". And the combo with the resignation that I would end it and then the fact that I had something else (the glass of wine)(and I'm not even a big drinker) or not even that glass of wine. just the thought and plan (but no action ) of suicide helps me to actually live more? does that make sense to anyone? Once I decide I'd had enough and started planning a suicide, then suddenly things got lighter....it's odd. Mixed states are when suicides happen the most. it's awful. it's like you're in that backwash of water going back out to sea. you have no idea where to take stand - I feel like a wild animal has gotten loose and is banging up against the insides of my mind - I feel out of control with emotion and I'm scared."
**so that's a pretty good description of the other side of depression for me - maybe Li. and Lam. will work well together. IN any case, I decided yesterday that I can't deal like this and lamict. just not cutting it alone.>> I understand what you are going through. /You get dx and you are like "Greta! Now they can "fix" me. It just isn't quite that simple. It does take a while to figure out which drug/s work/s for you and at which dosage. And whether you can handle the side effects. It can bring you down. But hang in there. Once you find the right cocktail, it makes all the difference in the world. And I strongly believe you will find the right cocktail. It just takes some time.
**Thank you so much for those words of encouragement - really. I need to hear that I"ll find the right combo and things will fall into place.
>>Have you tried Lamictal with an AD?
**Nope. Since getting a BP dx, I have stayed off ADs.
>>Have you taken an AD in the past? With what results?
**Oh yeah. What a nightmare. I tried 5! over the course of almost a year - hypomanic on two and a zombie on the others. I can't believe it took everyone that long to figure it out. In june I got the dx.
> I'm not sure about hypothyroidism. I do know that there is medication you can take to help if you do develope it. This is a concern you should address with you doctor. I wish I knew more about it, so I could help you.
**I know. But the last thing I need is permanent damage to my thyroid, esp. the way that makes you gain weight and cold.
> Are you happy with Lamictal?
> Is you main problem now depression?
> Why not suggest adding Wellbutrin to the Lamictal?**I will do this if Lithium and Lam. don't do the trick.
>
> I'm going to do some research on hypothyroid and direct another post when I catch something.
> Thinking about you, Karen**Thanks!
take good care,
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on December 17, 2003, at 13:17:22
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 16, 2003, at 22:21:36
I don't think Lithium made me lethargic because I took it and had no problems with it. I did not have problems until I added the Lamictal. But, it could have just been a problem with my mental health in general, nothing to do with the medication. It is still very confusing to me. But, I did try Lithium a second time as well. And, it didn't make me lethargic. So, my gut tells me the combination of lithium and lamictal together made me lethargic.
I really can sense the pain coming through in your post. It was both wonderful and very sad at the same time. You express yourself very well. I'm sorry that you are going through a tough time right now. I think you should demand answers and solutions from your pdoc. What is taking so long? If I have a problem with meds or my moods, I call him and tell him I want a workable solution and yesterday. I don't pay him so that I can sit around and be miserable! You deserve to be happy. Talk to your pdoc about finding a solution and finding one soon!
It concerns me that you are talking about suicide.. You know, last summer I was hospitalized for trying it. That was before Topamax. I am certain there is a medication/s for your particulra brain chemistry. It is just a matter of trial and error.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more certain I am that I became lethargic due to my own "demons", not the medication.
And, ADs are quite safe if taken with a mood stabilizer. Ask your dr about it.
Please, I know it is hard not to get discouraged. But, once you do find the perfect fit it makes all the difference in the world. Just hang on until you do! Talk to your pdoc. Try the lamictal/lithium combo and see how that treats you. If you are still feeling depresed, try adding an AD. If that still doesn't work, talk to your pdoc about an alternative. I would think from there it would be something like lamictal and an AD?? But, your pdoc knows more than I do...... Hang on! I'm counting on you :)
Karen
Posted by katia on December 17, 2003, at 14:57:43
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax?, posted by Karen_kay on December 17, 2003, at 13:17:22
Wow. Thanks Karen.
Although I moving into insomnia now, I am not so crazy. The night I was thinking about suicide as an option out of pain if nothing else works, I had a dream. I dreamt that I had a terminal illness and I was looking onto my life and feeling like "no, I can't leave yet! I've endured the bad, now I want the good!". I was very sad and I realized that I trully love life, I"m just sad because I haven't had the ability to feel it and appreciate it.
I'm better now. The impulse passed. Thanks for your concern.
I'm seeing my pdoc in two days and I'll probably go on Lithium.
take care Karen_Kay
Posted by Karen_kay on December 18, 2003, at 9:41:07
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on December 17, 2003, at 14:57:43
I'm glad that you've changed your mind. Sometimes dreams do that. I'm also glad that you have an appointment with your Pdoc soon. I remember when I started the Lithium, it began working for me immediately! Within the first few days. Results may vary from person to person, but for me it worked fast. And at first I loved Lithium. I almost wish I had stayed on it the first go around. But, m=y pdoc at the time just kept adding medications to it to counter depression and psychosis (which wasn't the case at all, I just needed a good therapist :) which I had a bad therapist at the time..But, you just have to learn.. I guess everything i life is a big learning process, as much as it sometimes sucsk... Good luck at your dr appointment..
I hate the holidays.. I think I'm going to be alone this year :( I have places to go, but I just feel out of place no matter where I go. I think I'll just stay home this year with my dog and think about things. It will be a pain travelling and working around everyone's schedule anyway. Blasted holidays!
Posted by katia on December 18, 2003, at 13:57:05
In reply to Re: Quit the Topamax? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on December 18, 2003, at 9:41:07
Hi karen,
Yes, I think I'll go onto Lithium. I can't deal with the depressions and then the mixed states. God they come out of nowhere. I just hope I don't gain weight. I'm going to be really on top of it. I just can't sleep now unless I take Seroquel and Neurontin. Then I sleep like a baby. In your BP experience, have you ever experienced a mixed state?Remember when you said you walked down the street naked (oopsie was that WRONG?), I laughed and laughed. Just curious, what led up to that and had you been drinking?
I'll think of you on xmas! I'm going up north (2hrs) and spending it with a long long time friend. We're both from Virginia and knew each other there and both seemed to have made our way out here about ten years ago (Cal.). she's like my family here. However, we are double trouble and normally there is lots of wine involved. Which is why I was hesitant before. But f-it. I don't want to be alone! I'll try and be good! I just want to be around people, with a tree, and a fireplace!!!
take good care,
Katia
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