Shown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dragonslayer on March 18, 2003, at 7:01:14
I read, with interest, your posting on Klonopin and the reasons for quitting, in particular. I'm on a low dose - really low, just at night and am reluctant to give it up. Been on it continuously for coming up on a year. The *symptoms* noted for you wanting to quit the drug describe me. The lack of fun and, the always sought after, happiness. Also, lack of drive and motivation. Nothing much *moves* me. I function ok, but just don't feel a lot of what I wish I did. I can't sort out if it's the K or an underlying depressive state. It really doesn't feel that depressive ( weird to say, but true ) - just blah. Tell me, if you would, did stopping the Klonopin help with the reasons you sited for getting off of it ?? Did joy return to Mudville (ha,ha)? It's scary, I hate the anxiety, but I don't really like this either - maybe I'm asking for too much. I've tried other meds. Side effects were unbearable. K worked really well, but it feels like I want to see how it would fly without it. My Dr's ok with this, we've discussed it, I just can't seem to commit to the doing it. It's like my security flake of K ! I realize anxiety will return some and the not sleeping thing, man I hate that !! I can't go lower on dose, unless I do some kind of liquid preparation. Anyway, sharing your experience with this would be appreciated. Thanks.
Posted by falconman on March 18, 2003, at 9:32:47
In reply to falconman.. A bit of your time ???, posted by Dragonslayer on March 18, 2003, at 7:01:14
Hi,
I know how scary it can be to drop off a drug like Klonopin, but I also understand the need to find out what your like drug free. I Kept finding myself blaming my medication for my emotions(or the lack of them more like) and my bland personality that I didn't perceive to be correct for me.
I found once I'd got down to 1mg, (75%reduction) I was much more anxious and panicky outside the house(sociallising went to pot),however with close familly I felt more like myself. I got a little sense of humour back, me and my sister would play around together, something I hadn't done for months, I played guitar for the first time in ages. Yeh, in ways I felt better although I still had a pretty profound emotional numbness. Although I didn't feel great, I was able to act around familly which I didn't have the energy to do before.
However since I've come completely off it, there's been a sudden change for the worse. I haven't left the house(9 days now) and I'm starting to feel distressed by depersonalization and free floating anxiety 24/7.
You've caught me at a point where I'm fairly lost as to what next step to take.However if you think the Klonopin could be dampening down your emotional well being,(and if your anything like me)unless you give reducing the dose a go you might always be asking yourself if you are missing out.
At the end of the day you can always put the dose back up if it isn't too sucessfull.Have you got the 0.5mg klonopin tabs, because you can split them into four 0.125 pieces(if i got my maths right). I don't see the need for titrating doses with a liquid preperation.
Remember when you first come off, give it a good 2 weeks before you start gaging how you feel. I've heard someone on here say that it took them as long as 6 weeks for it to be rid of her system.
I think there's a lot of psychological addiction to benzo's too. If your used to using it just before you go to bed, its only natural for your subconcious to be telling you that you won't be able to sleep without it.
Try and relax about the whole thing as much as possible, and remember I came all the way down from 4mg in about 5 weeks. My last drop to nothing was directly from 0.25mg. If you do it sensibly (unlike mysely) you shouldn't really have most of the withdrawel I describe.
Best of luck and let me know how you get on, I'm sure it'll be easier than you perceive. ANXIETY won't kill you!!
Peace
Falcon
Posted by Dragonslayer on March 18, 2003, at 11:52:05
In reply to Re: falconman.. A bit of your time ???, posted by falconman on March 18, 2003, at 9:32:47
Falconman,
Thank you for your honest response. I really appreciate. Actually, what I take now is the .125mg at night. (thus, the flake) I occ. throw in .125mg during the day. Rare - the last month I haven't done that. I do still have problems being out, at times. My first big panic thing happened out - it's a bit of a haunting experience. The Klonopin didn't help the *being comfortable* outside my house as much as I would have liked, but that was a problem for a while before the REAL anxiety and panic hit last year. I try to remember if I was always like this (the uncomfortable out, the lack of drive, etc.) I know I was to a degree, but I do think the Klonopin dampened things a bit. Unlike some report, and you discovered too, I never had the *Damn, I feel great, let's party* thing with the Klonopin. I guess I'm glad I didn't, in a way. The tolerance and dependence thing may have come into play more so than it has.
I'm sorry your situation isn't as you would like it. It's rough stuff, this head game. Hard to figure out and when you think you got it - you find you don't.
I think I was (still am, really) always looking for the perfect *better living through chemistry*. I don't think it's there. For me, and this is only my opinion for myself, the adding drug upon drug - for this and to conteract what that's doing, well I'm just not wanting that whole scene for myself. If I have to end up with that, so be it. Just can't see it right now.
I do feel like I traded a big problem for a much smaller, but very annoying one. But, was in dire straights at the time. What's did is DID. I know the anxiety problem is something I will have to deal with forever and that's real scary. It will always be in the back of my mind, if it's not in the forefront.
I guess I just want comfort and some energy and motivation to enjoy it. I also know I have to realize the low, low dose of K may not be the problem. It works for the big A ... I may stay with it or try to fly solo. I really haven't decided. One moment to the next, I change my mind.
Thanks again. I hope you work things out and get back to where you wanta be.
Posted by falconman on March 18, 2003, at 19:17:12
In reply to Re: falconman.. A bit of your time ??? » falconman, posted by Dragonslayer on March 18, 2003, at 11:52:05
> Falconman,
> Thank you for your honest response. I really appreciate. Actually, what I take now is the .125mg at night. (thus, the flake) I occ. throw in .125mg during the day. Rare - the last month I haven't done that. I do still have problems being out, at times. My first big panic thing happened out - it's a bit of a haunting experience. The Klonopin didn't help the *being comfortable* outside my house as much as I would have liked, but that was a problem for a while before the REAL anxiety and panic hit last year. I try to remember if I was always like this (the uncomfortable out, the lack of drive, etc.) I know I was to a degree, but I do think the Klonopin dampened things a bit. Unlike some report, and you discovered too, I never had the *Damn, I feel great, let's party* thing with the Klonopin. I guess I'm glad I didn't, in a way. The tolerance and dependence thing may have come into play more so than it has.
> I'm sorry your situation isn't as you would like it. It's rough stuff, this head game. Hard to figure out and when you think you got it - you find you don't.
> I think I was (still am, really) always looking for the perfect *better living through chemistry*. I don't think it's there. For me, and this is only my opinion for myself, the adding drug upon drug - for this and to conteract what that's doing, well I'm just not wanting that whole scene for myself. If I have to end up with that, so be it. Just can't see it right now.
> I do feel like I traded a big problem for a much smaller, but very annoying one. But, was in dire straights at the time. What's did is DID. I know the anxiety problem is something I will have to deal with forever and that's real scary. It will always be in the back of my mind, if it's not in the forefront.
> I guess I just want comfort and some energy and motivation to enjoy it. I also know I have to realize the low, low dose of K may not be the problem. It works for the big A ... I may stay with it or try to fly solo. I really haven't decided. One moment to the next, I change my mind.
> Thanks again. I hope you work things out and get back to where you wanta be.Hi,
when you talked about a very small dose I never realised it was as low as 0.125 once a day. This is tiny, and obviously I'm no doc, but I'd say the negative feelings (dampening of emotion etc.)probably has little to do with your clonazepam use. But this isn't discouraging!! It means you can treat this in another way.You seem maybe reluctant to try other meds, but you could find an answer and you shouldn't have to deal with this forever. Have you been on other meds? If so what were they? what dose?
Remember depression can come in all different shapes and sizes. Many people don't see themselves as suffering from depression when they actually are. My depression manifests itself as a deep emotional numbness. I never cry and when I hear of people balling their eyes out, sometimes I think ...hey I can't be depressed.
Also for many, if anxiety is the prodominant symptom, it maybe causing the depression and in which case a drug like Klonopin can work wonders if administered at an appropriate dose (1-4mg). The dose you've been given seems like a tiny aid for getting to sleep and nothing more.
Anyway take care
Falcon
Posted by Dragonslayer on March 18, 2003, at 21:03:24
In reply to Re: falconman.. A bit ofdragonslayer, posted by falconman on March 18, 2003, at 19:17:12
Yeah, the Klonopin dose isn't even therapeutic for an ant. I have tried Paxil and Zoloft - 4 week trials for each. Suffered badly with side effects. Lost ALOT of weight and phyically was really messed up. I would rather feel the way I do now than how I felt then. Maybe I am selling myself short and should think of using something else, but it's at almost phobic level for AD's. TCA, MAOI's, and Mixed meds, etc have been suggested. Just can't at this point. I had someone very close to me try EVERYTHING short of ECT and the outcome wasn't good - and suicide was the answer. Rough to deal with - I do carry baggage from that experience. All the therapy hasn't helped me with that. So, I do what works. It probably could be better. It could be worse, too... I've been where it's worse and I don't want a return visit.
Thanks for the concern. What meds are you taking at present ?? Do you consider the lack of Klonopin a factor in how you feel presently ?? Or not ?? Take Good Care !!!
Posted by falconman on March 18, 2003, at 22:03:01
In reply to Back to ya, falconman, posted by Dragonslayer on March 18, 2003, at 21:03:24
hi there,
from your last post I can clearly see why more AD's seem out of the question at the moment. I will say though, that 4 week trials aren't great. Quite often in this time you get the brunt of the side effects without any anti-depressant results. I feel like a hypocrit saying this, as I've done trials on the meds you've been on and they didn't work after 5 months + the side effects didn't really ease up at all. I'm just trying to be as objective as I can.I've been on over 10 AD's and other drugs anti-convulsants etc. I'm now on nothing (first time in 5 years). The only AD's i've not tried are the MAOi's, so i'm interested in giving maybe Nardil or Parnate a shot. Could be a life saver or maybe i'll feel as rough as I did on the others (thats if I can convince a doc to try me on one).
I was never this panicky/anxious when I was on Klonopin, but I think I'm maybe a bit less depressed, don't really know. Thats why I put up a post on benzo's reducing dopamine function, as a possible theory for why taking klonopin might lower mood and drive. Trying to figure it all out. Got a feeling i'll be doing that for the rest of my days!
Anyway about Klonopin. It allowed me to function, in that I could go out socially etc. But I didn't enjoy peoples company, i was always too spaced out. I had no drive for anything and experienced no pleasure.
Now without the klonopin I can't really function at all. I've not left the house since I came off it, but you know what. I don't no which reality is better. I can't stand the thought of going through life like a life-less empty shell, speaking to people and pretending I'm interested all the time.
Maybe I should try augumenting Klonopin with Nardil or something.I could go on all day going round in circles.
Despite what has happened to you and if things don't improve naturally, I hope one day you give yourself a chance with a different type of med such as an MAOI It could really turn things round.
Good luck
Falcon
Posted by Dragonslayer on March 19, 2003, at 5:09:08
In reply to Re: Back to ya, dragonslayer, posted by falconman on March 18, 2003, at 22:03:01
I appreciate you kind post. I'm gonna give it some time and see how it goes. I'm not totally closing the door to the idea something else could help me. Have you done the no med thing before ?? It works out for some after some time. The anxiety gig is awful to deal with. With me, it's strange... guess it is by defination, but the fear for me on the going out is of feeling bad out. I have alot of phyical symptoms and I fear feeling like that while I'm out. It's almost a preformance thing, too, but I interact fairly well (Type A personality). Again, I'll see how it goes. Do you really have a level of comfort at home ?? Mine has been known to hit at home, usually during really stressful times - more a generalized anxiety thing. I hope to work it out. I hope you work it out, too. You're a kind person. A good life is deserved !! Take Care.
Posted by falconman on March 19, 2003, at 8:43:42
In reply to Re: Back to ya, dragonslayer, posted by Dragonslayer on March 19, 2003, at 5:09:08
Hi,
This is the first time in 5 years i've been off meds, and i'm not sure if i can put up with it any longer. The panick and depersonalization is very intense at home, but if I leave the house it will escalate to a new high.
I want to have a wash out period from the meds so I can tell what my baseline symptoms are again. I need to give it another month med free to be sure I'm not still being effected by klonopin withdrawel.
I wish I could go to sleep for a month or two!
This depersonalization is very weird by nature and never lets up. I'm not sure if this is what you meant, but if I go out I feel I have to act with other people. When I speak to people, I've always got the running commentry in my head saying....can they tell I feel this weird.....can they tell I'm pretending to listen to what they,ve got to say...ect.I'm sure you'll get where you want to be
Peace
Falcon
Posted by Dragonslayer on March 19, 2003, at 9:16:34
In reply to Re: Back to ya, dragonslayer, posted by falconman on March 19, 2003, at 8:43:42
I'm really sorry things are tough for you right now. I'm really having a pretty good day, I'm proud to report. I do hear your description of your findings when you're out. Mine are really phyical. I can talk to about anyone and don't tend to have the running of the movie in my head. Mine is : I'll just feel *bad*, not comfortable, achy, muscle tension, etc.. no more heart pounding anymore, did have that for a while at first - kinda a vague yucky feeling. The accompanying emotion now is more pissed off and irritable I feel that way. Actually, I beleive it that's a step forward. The intial stuff was just plan terror and COULD NOT think as the anxiety was just taking over. I'm actaully better when I go on errands alone. I don't require that safe person or places really. Driving doesn't bother me and new places are getting better to handle - slight apprehension, not too bad. I have come a long way, really. I hope you can come to the place where you are feeling like ya wanta. I enjoy talking with you. Do what is right for you - only you know how you feel.
Posted by falconman on March 19, 2003, at 9:53:32
In reply to Re: Back to ya, dragonslayer, posted by Dragonslayer on March 19, 2003, at 9:16:34
Hi,
Hope your good day turns into a good year!!
Thanks for your kind words, good luck
Falcon
Posted by Dragonslayer on March 19, 2003, at 9:58:55
In reply to Re: Back to ya, dragonslayer, posted by falconman on March 19, 2003, at 9:53:32
This is the end of the thread.
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