Psycho-Babble Medication Thread 45620

Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

dependency, depression and mutilation

Posted by Mare on October 1, 2000, at 22:39:04

Okay, I'm gonna take advantage of a babble page and babble so I warn you that this may get kinda long. Right now, I am attending college, if you can call it that since I rarely attend classes. I was recently taken off Prozac and it kept me in bed quite a lot from headaches, nightmares, stomache aches ect. Hopefully, my new drug will work at least until I can get caught up with some stuff. I have a boyfriend who I am way too dependent on. We have been dating about 10 months and I am so dependent on him because he pulled me out of my roughest spots. I used to hurt myself a lot. It was beginning to get out of control. I would black out and when I "came back" I'd be bleeding or burnt or something like that. So he pulled me out of at least that pit and now I feel like I can't get enough of him. I rarely go out without him, I barely eat unless he reminds me too or when I take my medicine, and I just can't feel motivated unless I can somehow work him into the equation. Recently, he hasn't been as supportive or loving or much anything. And I feel myself being swept away. I've tried talking to him about it and he says he does still care for me very much but he doesn't have time for me. And I do love him and realize that part of the problem is that I need to give him some space. But whenever I do, I get depressed! The worse part is that I have started cutting again. It's very, very minor, it's more like a bad habit, I've been absent-mindedly cutting skin off of the bottom of my feet (weird, I know). I didn't think of it as really hurting myself but when I told the crisis hotline girl (who I had to call on a really bad night to keep from doing worse) she flipped. And now I'm getting worried that I'm going to slip more. I'm stuck and don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend and wish things were better between us. I need to ween myself off of him somewhat but don't even know where to start. I am just starting this new medicine and I hope it does miracles. And mostly, I don't want to hurt myself. I've gone almost a year (!!!!) since the last major breakdown of that type (if you don't include the feet thing) and I want it to be many, many more. But sometimes it feels like that is the only way to get control of myself and get relief...
Please help! Does anyone know what I'm talking about? I'm sure someone does and I'd love some support right now. That and some way to start to fix things. Thanks so much for reading!
Mare

 

Re: dependency, depression and mutilation

Posted by stjames on October 2, 2000, at 1:10:45

In reply to dependency, depression and mutilation, posted by Mare on October 1, 2000, at 22:39:04

Cutting behavior indicates past abuse of some sort
and utill this abuse is delt with in a theriputic
setting meds alone will not be effective. Have you done any kind of therapy ?

james

 

Re: dependency, depression and mutilation

Posted by Mare on October 2, 2000, at 6:46:29

In reply to Re: dependency, depression and mutilation, posted by stjames on October 2, 2000, at 1:10:45

Tried therapy, 4 times. All times did more harm than good and I'm very nervous to try again.

> Cutting behavior indicates past abuse of some sort
> and utill this abuse is delt with in a theriputic
> setting meds alone will not be effective. Have you done any kind of therapy ?
>
> james

 

Re: dependency, depression and mutilation

Posted by cmm on October 3, 2000, at 2:17:23

In reply to Re: dependency, depression and mutilation, posted by Mare on October 2, 2000, at 6:46:29

Mare

I don't know anything about cutting, but with respect to the therapy - I've seen 4 or 5 people (at varying lengths) over the past few years, only one of whom I actually liked and connected with. The others made me feel like I was wasting my life, my energy (my money...), but that one did more for me in a few months than I can possibly describe. It really IS worth it, if you can make the step to try again.

You said your in college - is there a student counselling service available? That one therapist I liked I saw through my university (for free!), and she was a psych PhD student unlike the useless other ones.

Good luck -


> Tried therapy, 4 times. All times did more harm than good and I'm very nervous to try again.
>
> > Cutting behavior indicates past abuse of some sort
> > and utill this abuse is delt with in a theriputic
> > setting meds alone will not be effective. Have you done any kind of therapy ?
> >
> > james

 

Re: dependency, depression and mutilation

Posted by stjames on October 3, 2000, at 11:21:52

In reply to Re: dependency, depression and mutilation, posted by Mare on October 2, 2000, at 6:46:29

> Tried therapy, 4 times. All times did more harm than good and I'm very nervous to try again.


James here.....

As I said it is the only thing that will get you better so look for another person that you connect
with. This is your only choice if you really want to get better. Yes it will hurt some, you have to deal with the hurt in the past so it can no longer
hurt you. Otherwise you are not going to get better on just meds alone.

james

 

Re: dependency, depression and mutilation

Posted by ksvt on October 4, 2000, at 14:46:42

In reply to Re: dependency, depression and mutilation, posted by stjames on October 3, 2000, at 11:21:52

> > Tried therapy, 4 times. All times did more harm than good and I'm very nervous to try again.
>
>
> James here.....
>
> As I said it is the only thing that will get you better so look for another person that you connect
> with. This is your only choice if you really want to get better. Yes it will hurt some, you have to deal with the hurt in the past so it can no longer
> hurt you. Otherwise you are not going to get better on just meds alone.
>
> james

I concur with what James says. Just from reading your post, it sounds as if you are terribly isolated. You need to establish some connection to create a support system for yourself that extends beyond your boy friend who may be chafing a bit at your dependency. I, too, have seen several therapists and probably spent alot of money needlessly but there is no future in worrying about past experiences and those bad experiences certainly don't mean that therapy won't help. Please try to hook up with someone. ksvt

 

Re: dependency, depression and mutilation » Mare

Posted by shellie on October 4, 2000, at 15:43:26

In reply to Re: dependency, depression and mutilation, posted by Mare on October 2, 2000, at 6:46:29

> Tried therapy, 4 times. All times did more harm than good and I'm very nervous to try again.
>
I am especially interested that you didn't just say "not helpful", but actually "did more harm than good." For example, was the therapy paced too fast, therapists not able to understand, etc. Just wondering if you can pinpoint why, so you can know what you are looking for in choosing a therapist--if you're willing to go that route again. shellie

 

Re: dependency, depression and mutilation

Posted by MicheleR on October 4, 2000, at 18:20:21

In reply to dependency, depression and mutilation, posted by Mare on October 1, 2000, at 22:39:04

Mare,
First of all congratulations on going almost a year not cutting. I am also glad that you had the courage to call the crisis line before you did anything worse. I would like to say that I am a former cutter, but unfortunately I have had some setbacks recently. I can relate to alot of what you are saying. I have been in therapy for many years, and it has helped alot and literally saved my life. I really hope that you give therapy another try..... I am not sure about your past experience with therapy.....there could be many reasons that you feel it did more harm then good. Sometimes working through issues causes alot of distress initially, but in the long run helps. I can relate to feeling the feeling of cutting to feel in control and for relief. Please keep yourself safe, call the crisis line if you need to, and really consider giving therapy another try.


> Okay, I'm gonna take advantage of a babble page and babble so I warn you that this may get kinda long. Right now, I am attending college, if you can call it that since I rarely attend classes. I was recently taken off Prozac and it kept me in bed quite a lot from headaches, nightmares, stomache aches ect. Hopefully, my new drug will work at least until I can get caught up with some stuff. I have a boyfriend who I am way too dependent on. We have been dating about 10 months and I am so dependent on him because he pulled me out of my roughest spots. I used to hurt myself a lot. It was beginning to get out of control. I would black out and when I "came back" I'd be bleeding or burnt or something like that. So he pulled me out of at least that pit and now I feel like I can't get enough of him. I rarely go out without him, I barely eat unless he reminds me too or when I take my medicine, and I just can't feel motivated unless I can somehow work him into the equation. Recently, he hasn't been as supportive or loving or much anything. And I feel myself being swept away. I've tried talking to him about it and he says he does still care for me very much but he doesn't have time for me. And I do love him and realize that part of the problem is that I need to give him some space. But whenever I do, I get depressed! The worse part is that I have started cutting again. It's very, very minor, it's more like a bad habit, I've been absent-mindedly cutting skin off of the bottom of my feet (weird, I know). I didn't think of it as really hurting myself but when I told the crisis hotline girl (who I had to call on a really bad night to keep from doing worse) she flipped. And now I'm getting worried that I'm going to slip more. I'm stuck and don't know what to do. I love my boyfriend and wish things were better between us. I need to ween myself off of him somewhat but don't even know where to start. I am just starting this new medicine and I hope it does miracles. And mostly, I don't want to hurt myself. I've gone almost a year (!!!!) since the last major breakdown of that type (if you don't include the feet thing) and I want it to be many, many more. But sometimes it feels like that is the only way to get control of myself and get relief...
> Please help! Does anyone know what I'm talking about? I'm sure someone does and I'd love some support right now. That and some way to start to fix things. Thanks so much for reading!
> Mare

 

Re: dependency, depression and mutilation

Posted by Mare on October 4, 2000, at 18:27:16

In reply to Re: dependency, depression and mutilation » Mare, posted by shellie on October 4, 2000, at 15:43:26

> > Tried therapy, 4 times. All times did more harm than good and I'm very nervous to try again.
> >
> I am especially interested that you didn't just say "not helpful", but actually "did more harm than good." For example, was the therapy paced too fast, therapists not able to understand, etc. Just wondering if you can pinpoint why, so you can know what you are looking for in choosing a therapist--if you're willing to go that route again. shellie

I'm not especially looking forward to it at all. I just really don't see the point at all. My first one tried to have me fill out this little "book on me" thing and every day I would have to fill out a page on something I liked about myself and if I did really good, I got a scratch and sniff sticker and then we talked about the page. (and no, this wasn't when I was in kindergarden) The second one made me feel like she was yelling at me and everytime I opened my mouth, she had some kind of smart ass remark back. And the third and fourth just drove me nuts because they used the method where you repeat back what the person said in either another statement or a question. I know it's a common method but it sucks. It makes me feel like I'm not being listened to at all or that they completely don't get what I'm saying. And another thing I just generally don't like is having a scheduled time to be upset and vent. I would be having the best day and then, I would have to go to the doc's to talk about all the bad stuff ('cause that's all the last two ever wanted to talk about) and then I would leave, not having accomplished anything but feeling bad about all that had happened that week and dreading coming back next week. So, that's why I don't like shrinks. And my number one reason is because I am very big on touch and affection and they aren't aloud to touch you. I understand why and all, but it just sucks. I love touch, it's like a link.

 

Re: dependency, depression and mutilation

Posted by stjames on October 4, 2000, at 22:52:25

In reply to Re: dependency, depression and mutilation, posted by Mare on October 4, 2000, at 18:27:16

It sounds like you did not find the right person, for you, to work with. Don't give up the search, there is someone out there that can help you.

james


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