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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kerry on June 19, 2000, at 11:05:42
I just couldn't make it in today. Couldn't face my clientele...9 and 10 year olds (teacher here). I was so unproductive this weekend--mostly stared at the walls and at this computer instead of attacking the stacks of grading I've been putting off and the lesson plans I need to write. My laundry and my apartment--ugh, you don't want to know. Called my HMO this morning to try to get in to talk to someone...no appts. until July. Am I really sick? In the head, yes--so it's okay to call in sick, right? I've become expert at ignoring this illness until it builds up and I fall apart. Just thought I'd purge my sins here.
Posted by CarolAnn on June 19, 2000, at 11:46:50
In reply to Calling in sick GUILT, posted by Kerry on June 19, 2000, at 11:05:42
Kerry, I'm a stay-at-home mom now, but years ago when I was single and worked full-time, I was the queen of calling in sick! I even got reprimanded for it once. But, I NEVER once felt guilty about it. Because, you are right, we are ill. It's true most people wouldn't except this as an excuse to miss work, but as far as I was concerned, as long as I didn't get fired, it was nobody's business what I was sick from when I called in.
I heard an interesting talk on illness once. The doctor asked what is disease? Then he broke it down: dis - ease, and the prefix 'dis' has the basic meaning of 'not' or 'not at'. So, illness is actually a state of 'not' being 'at ease' in some way. This is a particularly comforting concept to me. Rather then the negative sounding, "disease" of the mind(depression)I think of it as 'not' being 'at ease' in my mind.
Sorry this got so long winded and confusing, but hopefully you get the basic idea! NO GUILT! We have enough going on in our heads without that. Take Care. CarolAnn
Posted by Libby on June 19, 2000, at 12:15:02
In reply to Calling in sick GUILT, posted by Kerry on June 19, 2000, at 11:05:42
>Am I really sick? In the head, yes--so it's okay to call in sick, right?
I reschedule meetings fairly often because I lack the mental resources to deal with a particular issue on a given day. If I'm having an emotional day, one where I'm crying constantly or agitated,
I've found it's best for everyone if I stay home.
I used to feel intense guilt over it because I didn't see depression as a real illness, but as a personal failing. Over time, I have begun to see it as a real illness, with real symptoms.What I used to see as laziness, I began to see lack of motivation. I saw that my fatigue wasn't because I didn't take care of myself. It was because sleep wasn't refreshing for me. And so on. That's not to say that depression is 100% physical. I believe there's a significant behavioral component to it... but my experience in the past has been that once the physiological problem is solved, the behavioral issues become much easier to handle.
The guilt is optional. I used to feel guilt whenever I thought I had failed someone. I had terribly high expectations of myself and others. I was perfectionistic and self-critical. Gradually, I am learning to adjust my own expectations of myself so that they are appropriate to my current physical, emotional,
and mental capacity. Meanwhile, I am trying to make sure all the physical symptoms are being addressed: the lack of sleep, the inability to concentrate, the eating disturbances. My hope is that once my body is functioning well again, I can begin to make some lasting changes in my behavior and mental state. Til then, I'm just trying to do what I can to manage.Best of luck to you... L.
Posted by tina on June 19, 2000, at 13:14:43
In reply to Calling in sick GUILT, posted by Kerry on June 19, 2000, at 11:05:42
I used to face the guilt thing when I just couldn't go to work because of the way I felt. Been there, done that. Try not to beat yourself up about it though. I'm sure as a teacher you bust your butt everyday so a day off now and then ain't a crime. Just try to do something you enjoy and is relaxing. It's always better to face the next day refreshed and clear-headed. Have a great day off.
> I just couldn't make it in today. Couldn't face my clientele...9 and 10 year olds (teacher here). I was so unproductive this weekend--mostly stared at the walls and at this computer instead of attacking the stacks of grading I've been putting off and the lesson plans I need to write. My laundry and my apartment--ugh, you don't want to know. Called my HMO this morning to try to get in to talk to someone...no appts. until July. Am I really sick? In the head, yes--so it's okay to call in sick, right? I've become expert at ignoring this illness until it builds up and I fall apart. Just thought I'd purge my sins here.
Posted by afatchic on June 19, 2000, at 13:44:49
In reply to Re: Calling in sick GUILT, posted by Libby on June 19, 2000, at 12:15:02
Libby, Your post made me feel better about my life and the things I've been putting off. It seems I always feel guilty, I even feel guilty about feeling guilty. Thanks for your input.
> >Am I really sick? In the head, yes--so it's okay to call in sick, right?
>
> I reschedule meetings fairly often because I lack the mental resources to deal with a particular issue on a given day. If I'm having an emotional day, one where I'm crying constantly or agitated,
> I've found it's best for everyone if I stay home.
> I used to feel intense guilt over it because I didn't see depression as a real illness, but as a personal failing. Over time, I have begun to see it as a real illness, with real symptoms.
>
> What I used to see as laziness, I began to see lack of motivation. I saw that my fatigue wasn't because I didn't take care of myself. It was because sleep wasn't refreshing for me. And so on. That's not to say that depression is 100% physical. I believe there's a significant behavioral component to it... but my experience in the past has been that once the physiological problem is solved, the behavioral issues become much easier to handle.
>
> The guilt is optional. I used to feel guilt whenever I thought I had failed someone. I had terribly high expectations of myself and others. I was perfectionistic and self-critical. Gradually, I am learning to adjust my own expectations of myself so that they are appropriate to my current physical, emotional,
> and mental capacity. Meanwhile, I am trying to make sure all the physical symptoms are being addressed: the lack of sleep, the inability to concentrate, the eating disturbances. My hope is that once my body is functioning well again, I can begin to make some lasting changes in my behavior and mental state. Til then, I'm just trying to do what I can to manage.
>
> Best of luck to you... L.
Posted by KarenB on June 19, 2000, at 16:24:42
In reply to Re: Calling in sick GUILT: Libby, posted by afatchic on June 19, 2000, at 13:44:49
Kerry,
Every once in a while, I think we all need a "mental health day." It should be a subcategory of "sick days," and be included in every employee benefits program. Like, once every two months, when I just can't take it anymore - I take a MH day and everything, especially my attitude, is better when I come back to work. Sound good?
Anyway, now that have decided to be home today, please enjoy it. Sleep a lot. Take a bubble bath. Listen to some really great old music you used to love. Have Chinese food delivered and eat it out of the boxes. Watch a little daytime TV something truly dreadful - it might make you feel more stable:)
You can do something productive, like pray for your students or think of new strategies for getting through to those difficult to reach.
Enjoy your day - don't spend the day thinking how bad you are for staying home. And if you wasted today feeling terrible about it all, call in sick tomorrow and do it right. I am not suggesting that you lie - you don't have to lie - you are simply not well enough to come in. Not sure what's wrong... you just feel awful. That would be true, wouldn't it?
It's not good to make a habit of this but when it's necessary, it's necessary.
Karen
Posted by Zannah on June 19, 2000, at 21:39:32
In reply to Calling in sick GUILT, posted by Kerry on June 19, 2000, at 11:05:42
> I just couldn't make it in today. Couldn't face my clientele...9 and 10 year olds (teacher here). ~~~~~~~~ Called my HMO this morning to try to get in to talk to someone...no appts. until July.~~~~~~~~~ Am I really sick? In the head, yes--so it's okay to call in sick, right?~~~~~~(snipped)
My dear Kerry~
YES! You are sick, 'ill' actually (the literal meaning of 'sick' is nauseated, vomitous, hurl-worthy, etc.!)
I can't tell you how deeply I relate to you on this subject. I have called in sick more times tham I wish to remember. DId I feel guilty~you bet!I also have waited til the roof fell in (psychologically speaking) before I allowed myself to understand the fact the I have (mostly untreated) mental illness.
Due to back problems, I was forced to quit my job a yr. ago. The herniated discs made my 'escape' feel legit.
But, deep down, I know that my mental illness is as much, or more, the reason I cannot walk out that door to hell each morning. And I liked my job, I just couldn't face the fear of having to speak and think and act F'ing NORMAL, day after day.And I feel deep (albeit perhaps, irrational) guilt over my 'weakness', on an almost daily basis. You are NOT alone!
Kudos to you, Kerry, for hanging tough with your job. I admire you for that, and I know you deserve that 'illness' day!
Sincerely~Zannah
Posted by Kerry on June 20, 2000, at 19:53:41
In reply to Re: Calling in sick GUILT, posted by Zannah on June 19, 2000, at 21:39:32
Thank you to everyone for your supportive comments. This is such a tough issue for me. I went back today and decided I should have taken two days off. Oh well, only a few more days until the weekend. I'm scheduled to teach Saturday School but I think I'll cancel.
I felt so bad that I just wanted to quit today. I need some distance from that place...those kids...but that's another story.
Posted by danf on June 20, 2000, at 21:30:37
In reply to Guilt eased/tough going back, posted by Kerry on June 20, 2000, at 19:53:41
Guilt ? it is appropriate ? You did not do your job.
You have control over you ! You have to fight this ! If You quit the emotions will win !!
They are not your emotions. They are wrong !!!!
You are stronger than that, if you give up, the dark will consume everything. Fight back !
There is light & happiness. It is not always easy, but it is always there.
We are with you & pulling for you all the way.
This is the end of the thread.
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