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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lisa Simpson on May 5, 2000, at 7:49:50
One thing I find about being depressed, is that I can't stop consoling myself with food. I'll eat anything that doesn't move, almost. I even steal my seven-year old daughter's chocolate, when she's not looking (how's that for desperate?!) Does anyone know of a plan for losing weight quickly, that really works? I'm going on holiday at the end of the month, and presently can't fit into any of my shorts and things. So if I'm depressed now, imagine how I'll feel when the time comes to go on the beach, and I have to wrap myself up in a tent with just my head poking out, so no-one can see me...
Any advice would be much appreciated.
Lisa S
I was prescribed Duramine at one time (appetite suppressant), but I understand now that it has been withdrawn from sale throughout Europe
Posted by CarolAnn on May 5, 2000, at 9:37:24
In reply to Watch out - elephant coming through..., posted by Lisa Simpson on May 5, 2000, at 7:49:50
Lisa, my experience has been that the more desperate I am to lose weight, the less likely I am to lose it!
The most important thing to realize is that most people are way too caught up in their own life dramas to pay any attention at all to some stranger on a beach, no matter how much she weighs.
I know you don't want to hear this, but my advise is: buy new shorts and summer things, not just ones that fit but things that make you feel comfortable both physically and emotionally.
In my life, I have been thin and I have been fat, but I never once enjoyed a vacation until I stopped focusing on whether I was one or the other(I cried the whole time I was packing for my honeymoon because none of the clothes I wanted to take fit!).
I decided a while ago that I've lost(and continue to lose) too much of my life with depression. I'm not going to waste anymore of my time on weight worries. Now, I shop for clothes that I *like*, clothes that feel right on me, right now! I have a pair of overalls which, I know, aren't physically flattering, but for some reason, I feel so content and comforable when I am wearing them. Go to the stores and experiment. You *will* find a style that suits your inner being, clothes that make you feel good, no matter what your weight is.
It is a fact that most people will not lose weight permanently, until they have learned to appreciate themselves exactly as they are, at whatever weight they are. Best wishes and good luck! I hope that you have a great holiday, no matter how much you weigh! CarolAnn
Posted by Cynthia M on May 5, 2000, at 10:09:46
In reply to Re: now, now, Lisa...(we are what we think we are), posted by CarolAnn on May 5, 2000, at 9:37:24
Lisa - CarolAnn is soo right. I have had a weight problem all of my life but it wasn't until about 6 years ago I decided to stop hating myself because of it . I hated the fact that I had to think of everything I ate and I hated the power struggle I had with myself over food. I say now if you want the cookie eat it and don't beat yourself up about it. I think that you will find as I have that I have been missing so much of my life because of my weight . I would "punish' myself for eating and then not eat at all which started the cycle all over again. I have found that by not focusing on losing weight I have at least stopped gaining weight. Also , one thought is that I have had to have my thyroid continually adjusted and that can account for some depressions too. I think you are being too hard on yourself. I am not a "fat activist" I have just taught my children (all nine of them ) that people come in different sizes and have not berated myself for my weight ( at least not in front of them , ( I know it is very hard) . I don't have one child with a weight problem. Life is too short to worry about what other people think. Carolann- I love overalls! I think I will go get some today! Hang in there and know that real friends , the people who matter , don't judge who you are by your size. {{{{{HUGS}}}}-Cyndy
Posted by M on May 5, 2000, at 10:24:29
In reply to Re: now, now, Lisa...(we are what we think we are), posted by Cynthia M on May 5, 2000, at 10:09:46
Lisa, I don't know of any way to lose weight *quickly*--the closest I can come is to tell you that I've noticed that my stomach is flatter when I haven't eaten much the day before. The best way of eating I know of is to cut way back on carbs, eat more protein, allow yourself some good fat (like olive oil), and lots of fruits and veggies. Add regular exercise to this and you will probably drop some weight and keep it off. Strength training is great--it improves the shape of your body, raises your metabolism, . And most importantly, don't worry about food! Having been through just about every eating disorder there is at some point, I can tell you that the most "successful" diet I ever tried was when I stopped worrying about calories and just focused on eating what would be healthy for my body. Good luck!! :-)
Posted by Noa on May 5, 2000, at 17:00:30
In reply to Re: now, now, Lisa...(we are what we think we are), posted by M on May 5, 2000, at 10:24:29
I think research is beginning to emerge showing that carbo craving and obesity associated with depression is not at all an issue of behavior or will power, but a physiological problem. Something about serotonin production?
Maybe a consult with an endocrinologist is in order.
I agree with others that you should stay away from thinking weight loss, and head in the direction of learning to read your body's signals. Hunger and craving aren't always the same, and it is good to learn to be aware of whether eating something you crave actually satisfies the need. Also, I have found that if you think in terms of "forbidden foods", it can perpetuate the feeling that foods are calling out your name and you can't resist. When you have ample supplies of the foods you crave, sometimes the feeling of deprivation goes away.
Overcoming Overeating by Jane Hirschman is a good book.
Posted by Janice on May 5, 2000, at 20:19:48
In reply to Re: now, now, Lisa...(we are what we think we are), posted by Noa on May 5, 2000, at 17:00:30
All these women above me are right!
Go out there and get yourself some comfortable clothes because no one can enjoy themselves in tight clothes.
Have a good time.
When you get home, start working on the real problems…depression, low self-esteem or whatever.
weight problems & food are symbols of deeper problems, and it's these problems that need to be addressed. Weight and food are superficial.
I especially like what Noa wrote;
I think research is beginning to emerge showing that carbo craving and obesity associated with depression is not at all an issue of behavior or will power, but a physiological problem.i am not a doctor, Janice
Posted by steveG on May 7, 2000, at 21:53:52
In reply to Watch out - elephant coming through..., posted by Lisa Simpson on May 5, 2000, at 7:49:50
> One thing I find about being depressed, is that I can't stop consoling myself with food. I'll eat anything that doesn't move, almost. I even steal my seven-year old daughter's chocolate, when she's not looking (how's that for desperate?!) Does anyone know of a plan for losing weight quickly, that really works? I'm going on holiday at the end of the month, and presently can't fit into any of my shorts and things. So if I'm depressed now, imagine how I'll feel when the time comes to go on the beach, and I have to wrap myself up in a tent with just my head poking out, so no-one can see me...
>
> Any advice would be much appreciated.
>
> Lisa S
>
>
> I was prescribed Duramine at one time (appetite suppressant), but I understand now that it has been withdrawn from sale throughout EuropeLisa,
I have a friend who gained 80 pounds on depakote and couldn't take it off despite discontinuing the medication. Her PDr then put her on Wellbutrin and she lost all 80 pounds over about 10 months. It did make her paranoia worse, though, so she had to stop taking it.
Good luck
Posted by Lisa Simpson on May 8, 2000, at 11:40:17
In reply to Re: Watch out - elephant coming through..., posted by steveG on May 7, 2000, at 21:53:52
Thank you all very much for replying to my post. I would love to do as you suggest, and stop thinking about my weight, and just get some comfortable clothes. But it's not only me, you see. What has really got me going is something my husband said. He said, in a bad temper, that I had been sick for nearly all the time we had been married, and that he had made an effort to look after his body, and I certainly hadn't made any effort to look after mine. Basically, he made me feel very horrible and ugly. He said as I didn't like myself very much, why should he?
Lisa S
Posted by JudithC on May 8, 2000, at 13:06:07
In reply to Re: Elephant..., posted by Lisa Simpson on May 8, 2000, at 11:40:17
Lisa,I will answer your post in the best way that I know possible considering that vanity is a private issue (to me) and this is a public posting board. I am pushing 60 years of age; and many years ago I was married to a very vain man who made pointed statements, such as your husband has,about my weight and this was devastating to me and to my self of being. I was afraid to eat at times for fear of gaining a pound. I loved him dearly and I realized in time that appearances were very important to him;that he would never change. This I address to you: you must be young so you have a full life ahead of you hopefully wed to this same husband so I would advise that you begin a diet immediately and do your utmost best to maintain a weight which you look your best at and please yourself as well as him. Sure this sounds so simple,but you can do it.
Dieting especially while on so many of these medications is difficult so determine that you can overcome the pull of food and make serious changes in your life. You'll be so much happier.
The best of all to you.....
Posted by Greg on May 8, 2000, at 13:30:45
In reply to Re: Elephant..., posted by Lisa Simpson on May 8, 2000, at 11:40:17
Lisa,
Sorry, but I have to disgree with Judith's idea. My wife is heavy and it makes her unhappy, but I don't love her for what her weight is. I love her so much for the kind, caring, sensitive, and loving person that she is. I've always told her that if she wants to lose weight, she MUST do it for her. I hope that if you do decide to diet (a sensable one) that you will take care of yourself and do it first for you, and anybody else second. Remember that when we speak out of anger, we often say things we don't really mean, I hope this was the case with your husband. I wish you all the best!Hugs,
Greg> Thank you all very much for replying to my post. I would love to do as you suggest, and stop thinking about my weight, and just get some comfortable clothes. But it's not only me, you see. What has really got me going is something my husband said. He said, in a bad temper, that I had been sick for nearly all the time we had been married, and that he had made an effort to look after his body, and I certainly hadn't made any effort to look after mine. Basically, he made me feel very horrible and ugly. He said as I didn't like myself very much, why should he?
>
> Lisa S
Posted by Noa on May 8, 2000, at 17:18:18
In reply to Re: Elephant..., posted by Greg on May 8, 2000, at 13:30:45
> Lisa,
> It sounds like some couples treatment is in order, because clearly, your husband has been sitting on some feelings about your illness, which has affected both of your lives. The weight is just the surface issue, I imagine, and there is probably a lot of discussion needed to explore just how each of you has been coping with the illness, and what might help you cope more effectively together.Another resource to look into is one of the support groups that has meetings for people with depression as well as for their families.
Posted by Gail on May 8, 2000, at 23:23:06
In reply to Re: Elephant..., posted by Noa on May 8, 2000, at 17:18:18
> I agree with Greg, to lose weight it has to be for youself not anyone else. Sounds like he has issues with the depression more than the weight. The weight is something visable that he can argue about. Kind of tough for some to argue about depression when they don't see it, smell it, or taste it. We here in babble land know all of the above. I am heavy and cannot use 6 kids as an excuse but the truth is unmotivated. My husband loves me, no he just thinks I'm a hot momma. That poochie belly made his babies including that change of lifer and we are partners forever, better or worse, in cellulite or not. Diet for yourself and your own mind not for someone else.
Gail
Posted by Cecilia on May 9, 2000, at 17:42:25
In reply to Re: Elephant..., posted by JudithC on May 8, 2000, at 13:06:07
>
>
> Lisa,I will answer your post in the best way that I know possible considering that vanity is a private issue (to me) and this is a public posting board. I am pushing 60 years of age; and many years ago I was married to a very vain man who made pointed statements, such as your husband has,about my weight and this was devastating to me and to my self of being. I was afraid to eat at times for fear of gaining a pound. I loved him dearly and I realized in time that appearances were very important to him;that he would never change. This I address to you: you must be young so you have a full life ahead of you hopefully wed to this same husband so I would advise that you begin a diet immediately and do your utmost best to maintain a weight which you look your best at and please yourself as well as him. Sure this sounds so simple,but you can do it.
> Dieting especially while on so many of these medications is difficult so determine that you can overcome the pull of food and make serious changes in your life. You'll be so much happier.
> The best of all to you.....To Judith: Perhaps you meant well but reality is that (with or without meds) thinness is not attainable on a permanent basis for everyone. (And even if it were, why should the appropriate response to a verbal abuser be to change to fit their needs?)
Posted by JudithC on May 10, 2000, at 5:44:06
In reply to Re: Elephant..., posted by Cecilia on May 9, 2000, at 17:42:25
> >
>
> To Judith: Perhaps you meant well but reality is that (with or without meds) thinness is not attainable on a permanent basis for everyone. (And even if it were, why should the appropriate response to a verbal abuser be to change to fit their needs?)I worded that post as carefully as I could. When a mate complains about his/her partner's weight,I do feel that this is a major issue simply because it IS the issue....how lovely it would be if others would accept us all with "flaws" and warts and even fat yet this is not how it truly is no matter what someone says especially when it's an unhappy spouse complaining about one's weight. Sad to say,appearances do make a difference. From what I have seen and heard over the years,there aren't many husbands who will "accept" a wife's ongoing weight increases...and,too,it would appear that Lisa is unhappy with her weight gain and that she wants to maintain her marriage.
Posted by KarenB on May 10, 2000, at 11:57:01
In reply to Re: Elephant..., posted by JudithC on May 10, 2000, at 5:44:06
Dear Lisa,
I have to agree with Judith. Weight and appearance are very real issues and it sounds like you want change as much as he wants you to. Words spoken in anger, though, are often harsher than what we truly need, which is encouragement and acceptance. But, is it wrong for your husband to want you to be the best you can be? I think not. BTW, I would not categorize your husband as a "verbal abuser" because he made a careless choice of words in anger. If this is an ongoing problem, yes...but I think we have ALL said stupid things to those we love when anger was doing the talking. The most important thing you can do for yourself and him regarding this is resolve to FORGIVE HIM for what he said, and go on. OR...you can resolve to resent him and grow bitter...and fatter for it. It's up to you.
Weight is not just a vanity issue, either - it's a health issue. I know too, that when on meds that are not working, exercise is the last thing I want to do. Cooking and eating well is not easy, either, as I just don't have the energy.
My husband and I put the kids in their double stroller and go for a fast, kick-butt walk as often as we can after he gets off work. It's a great time to have the conversation I so need with him and we are doing something positive for our bodies - and minds - together. These walks are usually over and hour and some of the best quality time we spend. We have also been getting up at 7:00 am lately, before the kids are awake, and doing a few minutes devotion and then a 1/2 hour toning video together. This is great stuff, for our relationhip, our spiritual life and our bodies.
I suggest you humble yourself (I realize this is not a popular concept) and tell your husband you are truly sorry that your illness has been a burden to him. It is beyond your control but it really IS a burden. We underestimate sometimes the effect our suffering has on those who love us and feel so powerless to help. Powerlessness leads to frustration which leads to...ANGER. BUT, you need his love and support, NOT his condemnation, in order to be well and have a healthy marriage. I think you need to tell him that.
Him walking and exercising with you can make him your partner on your road to wellness. He may not feel so powerless if he is part of the solution.
Sorry this is so long but I really wanted to encourage you that YOU CAN DO IT. And you will feel better and be better for it.
Karen
Posted by Lisa Simpson on May 11, 2000, at 6:09:30
In reply to Re: Elephant..., posted by KarenB on May 10, 2000, at 11:57:01
Thank you all so much for all your advice and opinions. I shall sit down and ponder over it all, and come back later to let you know what I've decided to do about this. And one thing I've learnt from all of you so far, at any rate, is that I really ought to pull myself together and do something to help myself, as it won't just come to me!
Lotsa love,
Lisa
Posted by Tailah on July 15, 2001, at 3:00:53
In reply to Re: now, now, Lisa...(we are what we think we are), posted by CarolAnn on May 5, 2000, at 9:37:24
Lisa! Hi how ya going? Just thought i'd let you know that I have just started taking Duramine 40 and I hate it!! I'm only on my first box, and although my weight is already 'falling' off me, i feel really bad! I'm getting reaccuring dizzy spells where I fall over and faint! I'm also vomitting a lot. I know you have been on Duramine and was wondering if we could have a chat about it. Please e-mail me: Spunkaramas@hotmail.com I look forward to hearing from you!
Posted by Fenka on July 20, 2001, at 4:31:52
In reply to Re: Elephant..., posted by KarenB on May 10, 2000, at 11:57:01
Karen,
I thought you wrote a very insightful and compassionate post. I think the concept of humbling is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but somehow it was so freeing. Really....
your post reminded me of that and I appreciate it.
Fenka
Posted by giselle on October 10, 2001, at 6:21:01
In reply to Watch out - elephant coming through..., posted by Lisa Simpson on May 5, 2000, at 7:49:50
> Hi all!
i weight 55 kg and i wanted to lose 6 kilos that i had put on throughout the last 2 years!i tried duramine 40mg once but just seemed way to strong for me! i had dizzy spells, felt faintness and just could not sleep! i found i lost 3 kilos in 4 days! should i be using something not as strong such as the 15mgs?
Posted by Lisa Simpson on October 10, 2001, at 11:05:47
In reply to HELP, posted by giselle on October 10, 2001, at 6:21:01
Hi Giselle. It's a shame that you didn't find Duramine a help, because I thought it was brilliant. I lost all the weight I wanted on it - unfortunately, put it all back on when I became ill! I wish so much that they sold it in England still - but they took it off the market some time ago. Do you drink much alcohol? That is full of calories. I keep trying to stop drinking so I can lose weight, but am finding it difficult. I also can't seem to find the ideal diet. Hopefully someone will reply to your post with some wonderful ideas! (I'm sorry I'm not.)
Good luck.
Lisa
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