![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 153 to 177 of 495. Go back in thread:
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 19, 2014, at 6:38:01
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 18, 2014, at 23:44:28
Oh, I'm sorry you had this particular lesson. What a rotten way to spend an afternoon.
There has been a lot of discussion locally (in my area) about how underfunded and misunderstood mental health is. Some places are pretty good about it, and treat us with dignity and respect. Most other places are just not prepared to "deal" with us.
I hope today's a much better day.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 19:29:14
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by Partlycloudy on June 19, 2014, at 6:38:01
Thank you.
I think the situation here is fairly different...
I say this because they really don't seem to be run off their feet. I mean... I'd been there for a few appointments now... Maybe... 7 times? There was NEVER more than two other people in the wait room... Often there wasn't anybody else waiting at all...
One of the receptionists seemed to have trouble coping when someone arrived and the phone went at the same time... One can only suppose... Because she wasn't used to it. Sitting in the wait room... Can hear chatter coming back from the communal workspace... Health workers chatting about writing poems to try and win tickets to the Ellen show... Stuff like that.
I think the situation is more about it being a hell of a lot cheaper to hire nurses to do things for the most part. And so... You have a bunch of old school nurses running the show. You have two gatekeepers (minimum) before you get to see a doc. I think the situation is that you are supposed to... Show appropriate respect for the fact that it is silly, really, that they need to get a doc to sign off on this and that because clearly they know everything and they are the real movers really.
I've been in meetings with psychiatrists where nurses were suggesting medications... Expressing disapproval of a doc's decision to trust me with small amounts of benzos. I've been in meetings with psychiatrists where nurses would barely let me get a word out - they thought that it was their job to talk to the psychiatrist and tell them what should be done about me.
The docs... Well... Best I can figure... They suck it up for 2 years. At which point citizenship comes through for them. At which point... Hello Australia. Or Canada. Or f*ck*ng whatever.
I'm just not appropriately... Supplicant. I don't come with an army of people who are appropriately supplicant on my behalf. I can't communicate with them, for the most part, because they are fairly full of assuming that I'm so stupid to have not thought of this and that... Because they are fairly quick to lump me into whatever simplistic f*ck*ng stereotypes they've got and tell the f*ck*ng world their theory of 'what is wrong with me'. I mean... They probably did some weekend workshop course so they'd know - right? That makes them the expert?
They aren't all like this. You can tell in the first few minutes whether a person is actually 'assessing' you or whether they've set to 'obstructing' you. She was a f*ck*ng rock, alright. So... There wasn't anything to be done, really. I just lost it... Needed to let off steam. Screaming would probably have been the better strategy in hindsight. The f*ck*ng crazy thing about this all is that she informed the police that I didn't need a psychiatric assessment. Because here's the thing... You don't get a psychiatric assessment... Unless the nurses assess that you need one. And her coming out and repeatedly telling me to 'go to my gp' (when I don't f*ck*ng have a gp)... Is her bringing her top game. Clearly.
But now, of course, no psychiatrist can see me. Because idiot nurse commands it so.
Oh, the savings are considerable. We have the highest rate of suicide (in some respects) in the world. It isn't that people don't ask for help... It is that we are sure to hire people who can't f*ck*ng well listen. We have the highest rates of domestic violence in the world. Want to know one of the things that keeps the reporting of that down? The f*ck*ng inability of health workers to keep confidential information confidential. E.g., receptionists big f*ck*ng mouths at reception. Keeping people silently abused for years to come... Speak out and... Well... People can't f*ck*ng organize their way out of a paper bag with respect to getting you (and your kids?) out of there... Yak yak yakkity yak going on making the whole thing f*ck*ng worse.
F*ck.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 19:42:20
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 19:29:14
i went to the center associated with the city mission, today. the receptionist was... professional.
well... actually... she did insist on reading my address out loud so anyone in the near vicinity now knows where i live... but apart from that.
same deal... have to spend however long with a nurse before i get to see the doc. i suspect the aim of it, really, is to reduce the amount of time that people spend with the doc. the assumption is that people go to the doc in order to get as much tlc out of it as possible... and most people will yakkity yak yak and it takes someone a bit special to get out the heart of it. (like how the police can spend hours with people to get a few sentences of statement). they probably found that the more touching the nurse does the less needy the client is when they see the doc. that's probably what all the unnecessary groping is about.
i mean... this doesn't need to be assessed - right? law of averages?
anyway... i said i didn't much like to be touched. i have information about my height etc so it doesn't need to be collected again. that so long as the nurse wasn't going to get upset that i didn't want them to touch me... whatever.
and of course this is information i tell the receptionist where anybody who cares to can have a good old listen in.
oh, yeah, it's called 'being friendly'
Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 20:07:36
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 19:42:20
i'm sorry.
i'm just... not alright, really. i'm not really alright.
it isn't just me... one of the cops tried to help me... well... they established fairly swiftly early on in my 'processing' that i didn't have any priors and i was calm and rational and... well... in the strangest way... we all sort of clicked. maybe because they weren't all yakkity yak yak about sh*t.
i mean... all i needed was a f*ck*ng pawprint on a form. i didn't even need to *see* a doc. simplest of things... the cops got to see just how f*ck*ng busy they all were when they were seeing how many people wanted to get superinvolved in the whole 'situation'. see just how run off the feet the docs were... how a 'yes, this person has been diagnosed with an autistic spectrum disorder' (was all the testimony on the form amounted to) wasn't likely to be setting a bad precedent with respect to creating masses of through traffic for them in future...
hearing... all the f*ck*ng excuses about why this could not be done... for a person with documented communication issues... we discharged her (to the care of nobody) she should see a gp (she doesn't have a gp)...
it isn't that they are too busy.
if they were too busy the fastest thing of all would have been for the receptionist to say to the doc 'hey, there's someone popped into the wait room saying it is important and they won't take up more than 10 minutes of your time'. the doc could have arrived to reception 'what do you want'? I could have said 'you guys are the only health people who have my records of my diagnosis. please can you sign the form to say it's true i have this diagnosis?' they wouldn't have even needed to look it up since yak yak yakkity yak everyone knows it's true about me. it wouldn't have even been any kind of a breech of my confidentiality since there wasn't any f*ck*ng body else in the wait room.
done.
but no... reception has to tell nurse. who tells nurse who tells nurse. who tells reception to... who tells me to... then reception tells nurse.... then after a while nurse comes out. only to find that nurse can't help me because nurse can't sign form. at which point nurse tells me that i've been discharged and i should go to my gp. at which point i say that while i've tried to find a suitable gp i don't have one yet and finding one and their retrieving my notes will take time... it'sa process and nobdoy f*ck*ng helped me with that when they decided to just f*ck*ng drop me by discharging me. at which point she tells me to go to a gp... at which point i say 'what did i just tell you about the gp thing' at which point she tells me a p-doc can't see me because i've been discharged... at which point i start hitting her repeatedly for being a willfully obnoxious pig.
we mustn't forget the point of the mental health system. helping nurses feel more powerful since... well... since they are just so very much cheaper than doctors (even when they crap about more than twice as much).
it's a f*ck*ng joke.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 21:22:05
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 20:07:36
actually, after some thought, that's not quite fair of me.
we are required (by law) to be on the electrol roll (voting, jury duty).
the electrol roll is public information. you can pay $80 or whatever to access it.
so i guess that means your address is public information, even if you chose for it to be unlisted with directory.
that's why you have to change your name if you really want certain people not to find you. and then be careful to cover the paper trail of 'formerly known as'.
whole thing's a joke, really.
with the domestic violence thing... i guess a huge part of that is that it only counts if the community doesn't approve of it. and thus... making what happened as broadly known as possible gives the community the opportunity to take a stand. and if not... well... that's democracy for ya. i mean... that's the problem with me / people like me... not socially embedded. and if not... who the f*ck cares. and the cost of that is... being trampled. people can see you are an easy target. if they choose to feel victimised by you and they are the kinds of people who need the whole 'any friend of mine must take a stand against my enemies!' then i'm a low cost - easy target. standing up for me is... risking the wrath of the group. and not winning you any friends more generally. because people don't value things like... fairness. or honesty. or anything like that. what most people seem to value is... people who are prepared to be unfair and dishonest... insofar as it serves THEM. and that is why you be friends with those people... because the potential cost of not being friends with them means they might employ those things against you on someone elses behalf...
seems that the cops didn't have any choice but to charge me since they had several witness statements. the will of the group...
politics...
i don't have the... ability to hold onto longer term goals in the face of... something. i probably could have got the nurse to have got the doc if only i had the ability to play smile and coo with her for a while first. without that... given that she was incapable of doing the 'repeat back to me what i just said' thing... no good was ever going to come of it.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 22:20:56
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 21:22:05
sorry people...
i think i will do the health science option for next year.
best case... i get into medicine because of it. because it is about picking the load lightening options that genuinely are load lightening. and labs... aren't fun for me. tutorial discussions (do your reading and say one sensible thing which shows you have thought *about* the reading) is much (much much) more of a load lightener for me. especially since it typically only requires (when pushed) a two minute perusal of the abstract... i just have... lots of hooks to hang things off. new variations on 'simple titrations'... not so much.
worst case... i don't get into medicine. in which case i can see about switching to bio-med *at that point*. sure it will add another half a semester or whatever to my degree, but i'm not exactly in a hurry. i suppose it is possible that the health science stuff turns out to be more interesting than i give it credit for... and maybe i'll learn to love the satellite campus i have to trek out to once per week (not likely). but the sports people live out there... so... i kinda want to see what facilities they have out there... force plates and the like... how much people are coming from sports sci vs engineering...
anyway... chemistry ho!
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 19, 2014, at 23:00:19
In reply to Re: refocus..., posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 22:20:56
You handled the entire nurse / doctor / police snafu so well.
Being acclimated to the system means a lot. And being able to refocus straight away is really admirable. I'm up at night because my brain refuses to let go of the smallest thing today.
Bad dreams the night before that wouldn't let go of me all day.
I'm just trying to say that you are (have become? Are showing yourself as) so adaptable. That is such a great trait to have. Being smart helps, obviously helps. But being able to shift your goals according to your strengths is something that frankly, many of us lack.
OK, so you have a fan club.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 23:50:39
In reply to Re: refocus..., posted by Partlycloudy on June 19, 2014, at 23:00:19
aw. thanks for being here pc. hugs if safe. i kinda feel like a hug.
i... don't suppose being charged with assault signifies that i handled things well :(
i, uh, don't quite know what to say. i feel... a little guilty that i don't feel remorse. but that seems to be about as close as i can get to actually feeling remorse. i'm still trying to refocus, honestly. so it has taken a couple days... maybe not so bad... i have been working pretty intensely and steadily on chem... maybe it was time for a little bit of a break. i'll get back to it tonight...
i just checked out the health science pathway again... the first semester paper (at least) couldn't have been any more of an easy pass for me than if i had gotten someone to design a paper to be just that. it is basically stuff about health systems. very much analytic philosophy (what is 'efficiency' what is 'health'? who gets to decide? etc) / social policy / law. i'd imagine it would be hard work for 18 year olds... developing... the idea of trade-offs and problems with measurement and different people having different objectives... but an interesting new content to be philosophical about (like how i got to tutor 'politics and rights' to a bunch of australian lawyers and learned a lot about the legal system in australia while helping them develop their notion of 'rights' in more philosophical directions...) more of that... except they were second years...
second semester... social psychology and another paper that looks a little like the above... but a little less... uh... thought out. need to write about either gender or age inequalities (yawn) and propose a way of improving the system in that direction (yawn again. i'm sure they'll basically tell us what to think - basically tell us to think whatever new policy just got through / is on its way through / get us motivated to work in aged care!! or, uh... maternity?? i don't f*ck*ng know..)
anyway... the point is... they only involve 2 one hour lectures per week and a one hour tutorial. so... three contact hours. if i do bio-med... each paper is 4 contact hours and a 3 hour lab every second week. i guess... a bunch of people get to be all like 'i got a scholarship for high school physics so i can do the physics paper and do no work and still pull an A'. i guess... i sort of get to do the same thing... the readings / writing that length essays... really won't take me very much time at all.
the point is: to focus on the overlapping 4 (which is involved in my ranking). The fillers... are just about your making the overall cutoff (B+/A- overall GPA somewhere around there).
I... did want to do physics... but i get to do physics next semester. so... uh... so there. and as for biochemistry... if i don't get a place in medicine... then i can switch back to a science degree (bio-med even) the following year...
so... all's well. i... i'm grateful that i'm learning about equations now and i get more practice with them next semester. and i suppose... uh... i'll be really grateful to have not quite so many labs next year... a lot more hours in bed... with a book... ha.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2014, at 20:58:22
In reply to Re: refocus..., posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 23:50:39
chemistry is just... too much, really. the idea seems to be to test the chemistry knowledge by requiring you to apply different / novel mathematical procedures to it... and i don't have any mathematical knowledge except for what i need to kludge together in order to solve past problems... and that doesn't seem to be helping me solve other ones so... i'm just kind of... overwhelmed by it all, really. and of course... they told me so.
i don't suppose it matters. all that mattered was organic... and i got some confidence with that, yeah. not sure how i'll do on that in the exam... just feeling... a bit burned out by it all, really. started really enjoying reading again... for the first time since... well... since my very first year at uni as an undergrad... all the way back when i was majoring in english. i mean... waking up at 3am and reading a couple chapters...
started reading a bit of animal biology, too. just to remind myself... that things will come right. that i will turn out to be good at something. that i know how to study for that. most of it is... seems to be a fairly thin attempt to disguise a human biology course. i mean... there are token bits about how this and that animal does this and that... but mostly... they actually use humans as the example case. so we do tissue types and organ systems. a little comparative... but basically... a primer for next year, indeed. and of course... i've done HAPS already for sports science... more musculo-skeletal than we'll do... stuff on neural and muscular tissue... cardio-respiratory system (the sports people wanted to call it)... i know i'm good at that stuff... and digestion, too. nutrition... of course.
it was odd, though... reading some of the cell stuff. different things seemed... salient. meant something to me. stuff on surface area of cells and diffusion and... well... i have learned a lot in chemistry after all. and conceptually... it is very interesting, indeed. it is just... well... designed for kids with years and years of science and math behind them... and for me... it is just all a bit too much.
i feel... hurty. it isn't just me... i don't understand why community mental health receptionists / nurses are... some of the people with the poorest communication skills that there are... i mean... how did that get to be? is it managers? that the people making the hiring decisions don't have to work with them? that the whole point is to hire people who most people will... quietly run the hell away from? is that the idea?
i'm so... confused.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2014, at 21:08:47
In reply to Re: refocus..., posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2014, at 20:58:22
maybe i will end up doing law... if i don't get into med. maybe i'll forget about bio-med (which might turn out to be the end of the road for me GPA-wise)... do physiology... do a double degree with law... patient law... that's a big deal... or... criminal. forensics... it is odd... but in many respects i do get on pretty good with homeless people etc.
i also... uh... really genuinely don't have moral qualms about a defendants job being to defend their client as best they can (including utilizing obscure technicalities) and with respect to guilty or innocent... that's for juries to decide.
city mission...
only trouble is it is bringing back stuff... bringing back stuff... drug contact stuff... being noticed by people... picking up what's locally on offer... this... isn't so good for me.
i better not get community service. sigh. only thing potentially worse would be being required to attend drug rehab...
Posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2014, at 21:34:51
In reply to Re: refocus..., posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2014, at 21:08:47
my bad... youth...
Posted by alexandra_k on June 24, 2014, at 21:09:35
In reply to Re: refocus..., posted by alexandra_k on June 20, 2014, at 21:34:51
well... that was pretty crap. something something about diversion. i don't even know what that means. something something about how i'll probably have to do something... help clean up a school or write her a letter of apology 'i'm so sorry your listening skills suck so bad'. they said i kicked her which i didn't. they said i wanted a doctors form signed (she didn't know that - she never even asked me what i wanted to see the doctor about before deciding that i couldn't). but... whatever.
apparently diversion might not be an option. something something about how it might be outside police jurisdiction to do that since she was a government worker. in which case i'll get a forensic lawyer next time. couple weeks.. go back..
Posted by alexandra_k on June 24, 2014, at 21:15:54
In reply to Re: refocus..., posted by alexandra_k on June 24, 2014, at 21:09:35
the problem is... people who aren't appropriately sensitive. i can't... i can't deal with them. and there are an awful lot of them in mental health in particular. and when you need someone to be appropriately sensitive to you for a bit... and these other people who aren't... and the people who aren't are the gatekeepers.... and they will never let me past. never. that always becomes their main aim in life. to stop me. if they can't help me they'll sure as hell make it so nobody else is allowed to. they'll move heaven and earth to do so.
this dynamic... for me... always.
those whose very job it is to help... are those who i need most protection from. mother and co. community mental health.
bitch woman. i hate her so.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 25, 2014, at 21:56:33
In reply to Re: refocus..., posted by alexandra_k on June 24, 2014, at 21:15:54
i could do law, i think. it is... structured. ordered. procedural. rule based ahahaha. formal... i like all of that. it is... comforting.
i know everyone wants to do criminal law (though an awful lot change their minds when they learn they don't get to pick and choose who they defend)... and i know lots of lawyers are *ssh*l*s... but still... it is a very verbal field... and lots of hunting out cases... and claiming they are just the same in certain relevant respects to what you want to happen over here... and it's philosophy, really. i'm good at that. at those connections. at that way of thinking... analogy...
and the lawyers i talked to were... reasonable people. and so were the police, actually. and the judge was nice. he even asked if i had managed to get to see a doctor and showed some kind of concern that i wasn't allowed to go within 20 meters of community mental health...
the lawyer kept saying 'minor minor minor' and i did get the impression that they were... puzzled... that someone had decided to phone the police and waste everyones time on this... the cop at the station was like... said something about how she is bound to get hit all the time in her job and it was just that today was the day she choose to try and do something about that. he seemed a bit sheepish about that. like... how she sort of waited for the most harmless person to persecute, uh prosecute, uh, defend herself against. whatever.
i am surprised she lied. or that the cop guy did to make it sound... less crappy. i did not kick her or try. she did not say that i could see the doc in a couple weeks. she did not know why i wanted to see the doc. she did not even ask. she did not assess me (she told them i did not need to see a doctor). she was... full of f*ck*ng sh*t, she was. she only came out to throw her weight around... and you should have seen the f*ck*ng grin on her face when i hit her.
anyway... whatever...
at least... i'm not getting... uh... camus... had me worried. worried about the appropriate remorse thing. hitting people is not okay. of course. i understand that. but as for remorse... nobody seems to actually expect me to feel it. under the circumstances. next hearing.. i might have to meet with a police officer to discuss the terms of the diversion... whether i have to write her a letter or whatever. apparently i get to tell them my side of things... and they help figure out what is to happen. apparently she needs to decide whether she's happy with my getting diversion or not... but i'm sure they will want to teach her a lesson too about wasting police time...
and there it is.
so... feeling better about law. which is good. because, uh, given labs... it might come to that.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 25, 2014, at 22:04:22
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 19, 2014, at 20:07:36
> but no... reception has to tell nurse. who tells nurse who tells nurse. who tells reception to... who tells me to... then reception tells nurse.... then after a while nurse comes out. only to find that nurse can't help me because nurse can't sign form. at which point nurse tells me that i've been discharged and i should go to my gp. at which point i say that while i've tried to find a suitable gp i don't have one yet and finding one and their retrieving my notes will take time... it'sa process and nobdoy f*ck*ng helped me with that when they decided to just f*ck*ng drop me by discharging me. at which point she tells me to go to a gp... at which point i say 'what did i just tell you about the gp thing' at which point she tells me a p-doc can't see me because i've been discharged... at which point i start hitting her repeatedly for being a willfully obnoxious pig.
huh.memory is a... funny... funny, thing.
that's right. i remember now. i did start to try and explain the situation a bit... because i wanted to emphasise the whole 'less than 10 minutes' thing... then her inability / unwillingness to follow along the chain of reasoning... got me frustrated.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 1:09:42
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 25, 2014, at 22:04:22
oh... so... the perfect job thing turned out not to be. before the deadline... heard back that the funding wasn't approved for the project or they decided not to go ahead with it or... whatever.
i had a moment of paranoia... maybe they talked to my adviser and he advised them not to have anything to do with me... or... whatever... whatever... then i realized i was probably being paranoid.
think of things the other way:
i was concerned before about it being too many hours, really. i wasn't sure how to work it in with my study and the grading... disability... i can't work too much. and i... uh... i shouldn't work too much. i need to be a bit gentle with me, really. and i don't know how to claim for work like that. i did some subject indexing once and my particular study habits of spending hours staring at a blank screen and then... working at a rapid rate of knotts... i... uh... don't know how to bill that. i ended up, uh, i heard at the end that it cost a lot less than he thought it would... because i underestimated the hours, of course. i don't understand how you estimate those... and then of course all those sleepless nights when you figure out bits that are to be done on it. i see why people pay for *targets* rather than *time spent*. the latter is so hard... and you see people... faffing about and it is so hard to know how to be responsible...
and so, yeah. and there it is. a little sad. but i guess i can get myself into the spirit of this perhaps being for the best.
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 26, 2014, at 7:16:25
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 1:09:42
It sounds like the court was properly embarrassed by the complaint brought against you.
And, as far as studying law, I would wonder about billable hours with your style of study and work. To me, the "unbillable" time of processing in your head is as valuable as the documenting of it. It IS part of the process. I shouldn't think you would be easily distracted. Am I right?
I wonder how your lasagna turned out. I made a Mexican casserole equivalent last week, with corn tortillas instead of the pasta layer, and salsa instead of the spaghetti sauce. Chesse was cheddar and something innocuous but very meltable and stringy. Yum.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 18:07:00
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by Partlycloudy on June 26, 2014, at 7:16:25
hmm... well... i looked at law... seems that if you are into criminal then you might well want to think about a minor in drama... i see that, actually. media presentation etc... image... public image... not entirely sure that is me. talking to the judge is one thing (no worries there)... talking to juries, well...
rhetoric... popularity... politics... of course.
i mean... what did one think democracy was going to be about?
?
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 26, 2014, at 18:22:50
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 18:07:00
I do think it depends on the country you practice in! And the type of law. Some people specialise in Patents, Estates, rather than civil or criminal. Some of them are quite dry and "rules are rules". If the t's aren't crossed and i's not dotted, the law stands.
So, if you want drama, it's there. It can also be circumvented completely.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 18:26:10
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 18:07:00
they say it takes 9-12 months to settle into a place. to... make friends or whatever. i think that is partly why things have been so frustrating for me since moving back to nz... there simply is no fast tracking the process... and then it taking about that amount of time to figure out that... things weren't working for me.
i mean... i guess i bailed on the looking for work in wellington thing a little bit early... but then sport science didn't work out... and then physio didn't work out... maybe i could have pushed on... but the living circumstances were unbearable...
i have come to the right place. stay here... i mean. will stay here. but other things are... taking time, yeah. will do... that's life. there simply is no fast tracking the process.
i just have to believe... things will work out for me. somehow... someway... people are looking out for me... there will be a place for me. something... happy. some sort of... security. eventually. knowledge that... i have a space that is mine. and one day... if / when it comes to it... if i need to go into care or something... that i'm protected by the insensitive space invaders. that latter bit... fills me with fear, actually. i've been looking into health insurance... seems like there really isn't much... isn't any guarantee... a private room should i get hit by a bus... the ability to say 'not that nurse - i don't want that nurse 'looking after' me'...
i... uh... don't know what to say.
most GP's seem to work... 2 or 3 days per week. they are self employed. there were protests or somesuch a while back... the government gave... more to GP's... because of the shortage. to try and recruit them... keep them... because they are cheaper than specialists, i think. government is trying... to get them to work longer hours... after hours especially... cheaper to have patients go to their GP after hours than to go to the ER in the hospital... I mean... There are patients waiting on trolleys in the hallways in the hospitals because we don't have enough hospital beds... Sleeping in the wait room... GP's don't seem to be biting, though...
the lifestyle, apparently.
I think that is what I need. to work... 2 or 3 days per week. spend the rest of that time preparing and decompressing. then actual *quality work* where i can hold my head high about it. feel some kind of self respect.
i think a huge part of the problem is that i'm too old... i should be... nearly there. not starting over. philosophy didn't work for me... people told me so... no portable other... no supportive family... i can't afford to ship myself across the other side of the world for a 1 year post-doc position where my job is to find my next job... wait the couple month it takes for payroll to come through... pay interest on a credit card for late reimbursement... i can't even afford to take up something like a 3 week full time equivalent position without losing the security i've got with disability. whatever...
maybe law. maybe... we'll see. see if medicine comes through for me, i guess. see if... i can do science. labs... who knows. i don't know what to say...
Posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 18:27:02
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by Partlycloudy on June 26, 2014, at 18:22:50
crosspost...
yes.
yes. the real work. tax law, or whatever. yeah.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 18:27:33
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 18:27:02
like science, i guess. the difference between being a lab geek or a face for medicine.
heh.
Posted by Partlycloudy on June 26, 2014, at 19:43:40
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 18:27:02
:-)
I wouldn't feel so badly about not having settled on a career by now. It's no longer typical for individuals to be educated in, and then work at the same type of job for an extended length of time.
Wearing many hats (and considering doing so) is more realistic in my book.It's much different doing it all without support - be it family or a relationship with another person. You really are doing this on your own. At the same time you recognise your personal requirements for privacy and quiet.
Posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 19:55:00
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by Partlycloudy on June 26, 2014, at 19:43:40
thanks pc.
i have an exam tomorrow. i feel...
usually i'd be reading... in a relaxed way... consolidating concepts. but equations are different... mental burnout is possible. so i'm, uh, well...
i found a brand new edition of "Campbell Biology" it is a WONDERFUL book. really, very. got an email about the biology coursebooks being available... only they aren't. poor bookshop people are going to get harrassed by students looking for them all day...
Posted by alexandra_k on June 27, 2014, at 19:29:16
In reply to Re: today's lesson, posted by alexandra_k on June 26, 2014, at 19:55:00
well...
exams have changed a little bit since i was an undergraduate.
seems now it is considered perfectly acceptable to ask a row of people to move so you can get out / leave early.
that will be why people ask for 'disability accommodations' for a quiet examination room.
unbelievable.
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