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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by fairywings on November 3, 2005, at 8:09:16
In reply to Countdown, posted by Dinah on November 2, 2005, at 21:36:45
Gosh I hate those long waits. Sometimes I wish the time away, and that's not a good feeling. I hope you appt. goes well, and that you reconnect right away. Hope it's productive. Will it be a long appt.? Hope so.
fw
Posted by Dinah on November 3, 2005, at 8:45:36
In reply to Re: Countdown, posted by Tabitha on November 3, 2005, at 0:55:35
Ah, now there's probably my problem. :)
My family of origin was more of a mutual need situation, and my parents continue(d) to need me all along.
I'm not used to this.
Posted by Dinah on November 3, 2005, at 8:48:51
In reply to Countdown, posted by Dinah on November 2, 2005, at 21:36:45
I'm surprised at how upset I am now that he's back in town. Somehow I managed to put him away in my mind except when I heard from him by email. Nothing's really changed. He just as well still be thousands of miles away. But the way I feel about it has changed.
That's a very bad sign. I thought I had begun to break this accursed dependence on a mother figure that just doesn't deserve it. Any more than my own mother deserved any reliance I put on her. I've always known this guy had a majorly unstable life. Why did I allow myself to get in this situation?
Posted by LadyBug on November 3, 2005, at 11:35:15
In reply to Re: Countdown, posted by Dinah on November 3, 2005, at 8:48:51
So he "IS" back in town? You don't need to drive for 3 or 4 hours to see him? I guess I missed something here. If this is true, this is nice for you right? Sorry if I seem to not understand or I'm lost.
LadyBug
Posted by Annierose on November 3, 2005, at 11:40:02
In reply to Re: Countdown, posted by Dinah on November 3, 2005, at 8:48:51
Hi Dinah -
Maybe you just miss him. Now you know he is in town, yet, you are still unable to see him, hence your internal conflict. Our minds surely work in complicated ways.Your last thought:
>>>I thought I had begun to break this accursed dependence on a mother figure that just doesn't deserve it. Any more than my own mother deserved any reliance I put on her. I've always known this guy had a majorly unstable life. Why did I allow myself to get in this situation? <<
seems like a sentence worth discussing with your T. I think attachement in therapy is important, a good thing. My T is psychodynamic so she is clear to dismiss my attachement as irrational (as I tell her it feels that way sometimes).
Is this one of your double sessions??? I hope so. I feel for you. It's a very tough spot.
Annie
Posted by gardenergirl on November 3, 2005, at 12:18:44
In reply to Re: Countdown, posted by Dinah on November 3, 2005, at 8:48:51
>
> That's a very bad sign. I thought I had begun to break this accursed dependence on a mother figure that just doesn't deserve it. Any more than my own mother deserved any reliance I put on her. I've always known this guy had a majorly unstable life. Why did I allow myself to get in this situation?Hi Dinah,
Just a comment..you didn't get into this situation alone or by yourself. He's part of it, too. He plays his role.I hope your session goes well and is helpful.
gg
Posted by daisym on November 3, 2005, at 13:41:02
In reply to Re: Countdown, posted by Dinah on November 3, 2005, at 8:48:51
I think what you are feeling is that typical stress response -- you HAVE to hold it together while he is gone, but since he is back, closer to home, the cracks begin to show and the stress leaks out. As you've described, knowing 'mom' is there to catch a months worth of fear and pain is really powerful.
I think you are remarkable and you have shown amazing resilence through all of this. I hope you can let it all out when you see him and figure out where to go from here. I know it won't be easy but I have faith you can get through this.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
Posted by Dinah on November 3, 2005, at 14:53:15
In reply to Re: Countdown » Dinah, posted by LadyBug on November 3, 2005, at 11:35:15
No, he's back to three hours away. He had been out of the country for a month, so I won't have seen him for six weeks. And I couldn't call him. Now I know I can call him.
But to make it more complicated, he does come actually back to town one or two days a week, most consistently Sunday, sometimes Monday. So I can see him on Sundays without travelling. Had I been willing to travel three hours each way I could have seen him earlier this week, but I was in a snit and refused when he offered before he left.
Posted by Dinah on November 3, 2005, at 14:55:49
In reply to Re: Countdown » Dinah, posted by Annierose on November 3, 2005, at 11:40:02
I daresay we should discuss it. We've talked about his sudden job changes, and sudden trips out of town, and the fact that he rarely knows he's going on vacation until the day before he leaves other times. It migh be worth visiting how I interpret that again.
I'm more in the mood of folding my arms and turning my head away all session. ;)
Posted by Dinah on November 3, 2005, at 14:58:47
In reply to Re: Countdown » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on November 3, 2005, at 12:18:44
Well, I'm not sure that he had much of a role in fostering my dependence. He discouraged it as much as possible the first few years, until he discovered that that just made me more clingy and needy.
On the other hand, in the last few years he may have encouraged it. But no more than many of our therapists do. (For example, he encouraged me to come in more frequently when I was in distress.)
I'm just hoping it's not a disaster. Low expectations are the key to happiness.
Posted by Dinah on November 3, 2005, at 15:00:10
In reply to Re: Countdown » Dinah, posted by daisym on November 3, 2005, at 13:41:02
That does make sense. End of schoolday syndrome.
And being angry with him makes sense too.
But I'm not sure how much I trust him to be consistently there anymore, and maybe that's for the best.
Posted by Shortelise on November 3, 2005, at 22:21:57
In reply to Countdown, posted by Dinah on November 2, 2005, at 21:36:45
I am thinking of you Dinah.
ShortE
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 4, 2005, at 7:20:37
In reply to Re: Countdown » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on November 3, 2005, at 22:21:57
Dinah, hi. I was wondering about you son's play therapist, whom you thought so highly of. Is she able to practice now? From what you've told us about your son, he sounds so intelligent and warm-hearted, but exquisitely sensitive as well. It might be an awful lot for him to lose his Montessori school and his therapist- both of which seemed to be so helpful to him.
That said, I am getting the impression that your therapist's life is pretty disorganized now, and that he's not able to offer you the steady support and treatment you would like.
If you moved to a place like Huntsville, do you think you would be able to find another therapist for you and your son, plus another Montessori school? It seems that your husband can miraculously keep his work where=ever he goes! Would it be worthwhile to visit Huntsville and see exactly what there is there for you?
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 8:49:32
In reply to Re: Countdown » Dinah, posted by Shortelise on November 3, 2005, at 22:21:57
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 8:54:52
In reply to Re: Countdown » Shortelise, posted by Pfinstegg on November 4, 2005, at 7:20:37
It's me who won't lose my job, unless telecommuting doesn't work out. My husband will most likely have to take a pay cut (hard to believe when working in New Orleans, but he has specialized skills).
I know there are no schools like my son's in Huntsville, and public schools would be a huge shock to his system. My husband says he'd have to go to public school there because they have good ones.
I don't know the quality of therapists up there. If he needed help, I'd definitely try to find one for him. But I'm not sure that I'd try to find one for me. I'm really beginning to think that it's not therapy that's helpful to me so much as my therapist. After ten years, I think I know the actual therapy part of stuff. At any rate, I haven't been particularly excited about what I've found out there.
His play therapist will be back in December, but he seems indifferent as to whether or not he sees her again. Not opposed, but not excited either. Understandable, I guess.
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 8:59:01
In reply to Re: Countdown » Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 8:54:52
Not unless I can find someone to watch my son. Which is doubtful. My mother is the only one around, apart from one school friend whose number I'm not sure I know.
My poor husband had to go up to where my grandmother in law is. Believe it or not she's in the hospital. We haven't heard from the emergency room doctors yet, but she was in the hospital a bit more than a week ago with heart problems.
I figure I'm going to go to h*ll over not being able to put up with the vomit phobia and let them stay here. His two remaining family members. He should hate me.
Posted by Gee on November 4, 2005, at 11:00:21
In reply to I can't go Sunday after all, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 8:59:01
That must be a huge disapointment. I'm so sorry. I hope you can find someone to watch your son
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 11:07:00
In reply to Re: I can't go Sunday after all, posted by Gee on November 4, 2005, at 11:00:21
My mother will watch him, but I think it'll have to be a single, not double, session. :(
Posted by fallsfall on November 4, 2005, at 11:59:36
In reply to I probably can, actually, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 11:07:00
You should go. He'll be fine with your mother (even for a double session). He can take care of himself with just a little guidance. Can your mother come to your house?
Your inlaw's health issues are not your fault. They needed more care than you could give them - irregardless of your phobia. You knew that at the time, and that is why you placed them where you did. It was the right thing to do.
I wish for Sunday to come quickly for you.
(((Dinah)))
Falls.
Posted by 64bowtie on November 4, 2005, at 14:49:00
In reply to Re: Countdown » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on November 3, 2005, at 12:18:44
> >
> > That's a very bad sign. I thought I had begun to break this accursed dependence on a mother figure that just doesn't deserve it. Any more than my own mother deserved any reliance I put on her. I've always known this guy had a majorly unstable life. Why did I allow myself to get in this situation?
>
> Hi Dinah,
> Just a comment..you didn't get into this situation alone or by yourself. He's part of it, too. He plays his role.
>
> I hope your session goes well and is helpful.
>
> gg
>Hey, (((GG))) and (((Dinah))),
Let me add that he brings his stuff and even some other folks stuff into the circle y'alls create... Czek out "Games Alcoholics Play", not for the substance abuse stuff, but rather the group dynamics stuff that makes it so hard to break habits... The authur, Dr. Claud Stiener may sound experimental, but remember, he wrote the book in 1968 & 1969, back when 'dirt was still new'!
Rod
Posted by Tamar on November 4, 2005, at 15:41:59
In reply to Countdown, posted by Dinah on November 2, 2005, at 21:36:45
I can understand that it feels harder when you know he’s in the country. That makes perfect sense to me. I remember when I had to go a month without seeing my therapist the last few days were absolute agony. I think it’s a proximity thing: the nearer something is, the greater the need feels. (This isn’t a pretty image, but when I was in the last couple of days of that month without my therapist, I was privately comparing my feelings to that feeling of being in a car a mile from home and really *really* needing to pee… the closer I get to home, the worse it feels, until by the time I’m in my street I think I’m going to embarrass myself completely. Yeah, welcome to Diabetes World… I don’t know if you get the same thing… Anyway, I haven’t yet had an accident in the car and I managed to get to the end of that month…)OK, unpleasant imagery over…
I’m glad he isn’t planning to terminate you. And I hope you get through the next two days without too much stress.
(((((Dinah)))))
Posted by Annierose on November 4, 2005, at 16:19:17
In reply to I probably can, actually, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 11:07:00
If I lived closer, I'd be happy to watch him! I think he is close to my son's age, prehaps a year or two older (my son is 7). Like Falls said, they can pretty much entertain themselves now, I hope you keep your double session. You'll need that time to reconnect.
Sorry about your husband's grandmother.
The weekend is here. You are in the home stretch!! Keep busy to help pass the time.
Posted by gardenergirl on November 4, 2005, at 16:38:58
In reply to Re: I probably can, actually, posted by Annierose on November 4, 2005, at 16:19:17
Glad you worked it out. I hope it goes well.
gg
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 20:15:30
In reply to Re: I probably can, actually, posted by gardenergirl on November 4, 2005, at 16:38:58
My mother said she'd be delighted to stay as long as I like at our house. She hasn't seen much of my son since Daddy died, she said. So unless something comes up, it's a double session.
My grandmother in law sounds like she's not in too bad shape, though it's hard to tell because my husband hasn't spoken to anyone in authority yet. We are going to make moving her closer a priority, though how or where we can't begin to fathom.
And my therapist told me as much of his plans as he knows (which isn't all that much), so I don't have to wonder till Sunday. It's not good news. It looks like they'll remain in their new location, and his realistic ability to see me depends on what he chooses to do for a living, although he swears he has no intention of terminating me.
I hate Katrina.
Still, this way is better. My attachment can die a slow boring death, which has got to be better than a sudden ripping away. I don't know that it can stand up to long long car drives, anxiety and fear of loss, and all those things that will undermine the sense of safety that was the basis for the attachment to begin with.
But I think another therapist isn't the answer. The other two have seemed totally irrelevant. I'll just go it alone, with dependence on Risperdal. At least Risperdal isn't going to abandon me.
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 4, 2005, at 21:13:40
In reply to Re: I probably can, actually, posted by Dinah on November 4, 2005, at 20:15:30
Maybe look for a new male therapist for you?
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