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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 57 to 81 of 134. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 12:58:44
In reply to Re: stated purpose, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 12:57:08
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 13:21:03
In reply to Re: stated purpose » JenStar, posted by JenStar on July 25, 2005, at 18:34:31
I think I may actually appreciate a clear statement of intent. When someone says something about themselves, something that one doesn't ordinarily say about oneself, I tend to believe what they say.
I'd hate to discourage people from dispensing such valuable information about themselves.
It allows others to develop appropriate expectations .
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 14:30:40
In reply to Re: stated purpose, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 12:57:08
Although I should really be working.
> Perhaps there could be ways in which impact on the community is minimized when someone wishes to ummm... expose problems with the administration. Perhaps we could all give it some thought?
How about in times like this, in the future, if you address the board, or respond to distressed posters, reassuring them that you are ok, the board is in no danger, and that you would prefer to handle things yourself. Or something validating how frustrating it is to feel (xxx - insert appropriate feeling), but telling them something reassuring or warning or whatever. Or whatever it is that you actually are thinking. (That would be helpful. No need to share the unhelpful thoughts.)
As moderator, and leader, of the forum, mightn't it be a good idea, in the interests of finding a way to peacefully coexist, to address these sort of things? And certainly to reassure people that the act of exposing problems with the administration actually caused no real threat to the existence of Babble, something important to many people here, or to you, someone important to many people here.
Or maybe to remind people that certain feelings can be contained in different ways. For example, if someone feels like the mouse tied to the end of those sticks they sell in toy stores, one way to regain control is to refuse to play and walk away. Or if someone is feeling protective, one way to respond is to support the person they feel protective of, without actually mentioning anyone else or the behavior of anyone else. In other words, a good leader (as opposed to a civility automaton that some would propose) could forestall problems by validating feelings and proposing alternatives.
And by reassuring posters of the overall state of the board, as it were, and the ability of the leader to maintain it and himself in good health in the face of exposition of problems.
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 14:41:22
In reply to An idea already, Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 14:30:40
Chuckle.
I'll bet you think I'm asking you to expand your role here at Babble, by calling you a leader as well as an administrator or moderator. But I'm not, you know. Will you or nill you, you are a leader at Babble. Not a group therapist or anything, but a leader. Perhaps you could think of leaders you admire from nontherapeutic fields for guidance?
Lincoln? Churchill? Captain Kirk?
Posted by partlycloudy on July 27, 2005, at 14:59:49
In reply to An idea already, Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 14:30:40
Well said, Dinah.
pc
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 15:51:12
In reply to Re: An idea already, Dr. Bob » Dinah, posted by partlycloudy on July 27, 2005, at 14:59:49
;)
I'm hoping he chooses Captain Kirk. I'm already practicing my
"D*mnit. I'm a deputy, Bob, not a. . . ."
Anyone else have on of those Starfleet Security shirts with a bullseye printed on it?
Which is just a nonsequitur.
(Leaving Dr. Bob open to redirect nonsequiturs to Social.)
I think I'm giddy with anxiety.
Posted by partlycloudy on July 27, 2005, at 16:03:44
In reply to Re: An idea already, Dr. Bob » partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 15:51:12
Dinah, you have mail, btw.
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 16:07:43
In reply to Re: An idea already, Dr. Bob » Dinah, posted by partlycloudy on July 27, 2005, at 16:03:44
You do too. :)
Posted by Nickengland on July 27, 2005, at 16:42:49
In reply to Re: stated purpose, posted by Dr. Bob on July 27, 2005, at 11:51:10
>Well, I know he doesn't give me virtual hugs..
LOL Yep, thats one way to put it I guess!
>but if he exposes problems with the administration, that could help the site, couldn't it?
Very true. I do agree totally.
Is the help perhaps, the wrong kind of help though? More trouble seemed to arise last time. It could be like 10% of help could be gained, whereas 90% of trouble is started..
Does the help outweigh the un-helpfullness? (of course my percentages are rough guess')
Kind regards
Nick
Posted by JenStar on July 27, 2005, at 17:12:01
In reply to Re: stated purpose, posted by Dr. Bob on July 27, 2005, at 11:51:10
Dr. Bob,
thanks for taking the time to read & respond to our messages. I appreciate it! It's nice to know that I was heard, even if you don't agree.I don't mind co-existing with people who have different outlooks and beliefs than I do; in fact, I think it makes life more interesting and varied. And I learn and grow from it.
But I DO mind co-existing with people who seem unwilling to debate in a logical fashion, or who seem to enjoy stirring up trouble simply for the sake of the trouble, or with people who are just jerks. Some people really ARE just jerks, you know!
Maybe there is a psychological reason for the jerkiness, including traumatic childhood, abuse, chemical imbalances, genetics, etc -- but it doesn't make the person in question any less jerky! And it doesn't make me want to spend time with them!
In all honesty I'm not really such a "gentle soul" that I can't handle the admin board. I just get frustrated by certain posts. I know that ignoring it is a viable option.
But it sort of reminds me of this: Imagine a kid on the playground who is tossing stones at another kid. The other kid is yelping and crying. Certainly the stones are not hitting ME. I could easily walk away, unharmed. But something about the situation impels me to do something and stop the stone-throwing. I reason it out like this: If I let the stone-throwing go on, it's possible that the thrower will gain confidence in his strength and will only increase his stone activities over time. Maybe in the future he will expand his stone operation to include me or my loved ones as a target. And the person getting hit will see bystanders watching silently and will feel worse. Possibly he will become warped by the situation, or angered. It seems that it's better for the society as a whole to stop the stone-throwers. (Esp. if I'm not put into mortal danger by trying to help! If I were in such danger, my outlook and actions might change.)
I kind of see certain posters as stone-throwers, as bullies. I wish we could stop them from being so disruptive. I guess I have patience up to a point, then I snap. What's the point, I think to myself, of hoping and wheedling and coaxing and sweet-talking a person who is just not listening?
It also drives me NUTS when other posters act all sweet and kind and understanding towards the 'mean' posters. What is THAT supposed to accomplish, I wonder to myself. Is it a way to try and ingratiate oneself with the bully, hoping to avoid future trauma? Is it a way to try and befriend the bully so as to be the important ONE who understands him/her? Is it a way to be shocking? Is it a way to be different? It is a fascination with power and abuse? --Of course, Dr. Bob, I don't expect you to answer these questions! They're questions I'm thinking "aloud" (atype?).
I agree that SOME people are not aware of the consequences of their behavior, including people with certain disorders of the brain, and "normal" people who are on the thoughtless or unaware side of the equation. BUT - I think there are other people who know exactly what consequences they will derive from certain actions, words and phrases, or people who hope for certain consequences. And I know it's not a 100% guarantee that one can tell this from posts alone, but I think we can give it a decent shot at times. I also think that posters who come back again and again, with new names, but always the same agenda -- those people clearly know what they want to accomplish and are aware of the consequences that they hope to achieve and will achieve.
But I agree to disagree, and I like Babble, and of course I plan to stay here! Thanks for encouraging us to stay here even if we disagree. It's really nice to hear you say that. And I like Babble a lot, even if there are troubled posters and even if things get rocky from time to time! And even if I'M rocky from time to time!
Thanks for letting me vent!
JenStar
Posted by JenStar on July 27, 2005, at 17:15:42
In reply to thanks for replying! More of my thoughts... » Dr. Bob, posted by JenStar on July 27, 2005, at 17:12:01
hi all,
I hope my previous post didn't offend anyone. I re-read it and it sounds rather strident, which is honestly how I am feeling. BUT I wanted to make it clear that I am venting and sharing my feelings, and in no way was attempting to upset anyone here. Thanks for listening!
jenStar
Posted by AuntieMel on July 27, 2005, at 17:16:55
In reply to An idea already, Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 14:30:40
How 'bout if people are required to register with a "permanent" email address. Meaning that gmail, hotmail, etc aren't allowed. People change their ISP fairly infrequently and this might cut down the number of times a person can come back with a different name.
It's not that hard to change an IP address.
Posted by JenStar on July 27, 2005, at 17:39:45
In reply to Re: stated purpose, posted by Dr. Bob on July 27, 2005, at 11:51:10
Posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2005, at 17:58:59
In reply to Re:Another idea, posted by AuntieMel on July 27, 2005, at 17:16:55
I think that it is nice that we are allowed second chances. And third chances. And so on... I would imagine that anyone who keeps up that sort of behaviour would get onto the 3X blocking system fairly quick so their negative impact would be minimised. And the block lengths mean that people get some time to 'come right' in between being able to post.
I think it is especially nice that we are allowed second and third and fourth chances etc because this is a mental health board. I'm not suggesting that this is what is going on in this particular case - but I do want to suggest that we just don't know. Sometimes people do have episodes. Where they have forgotten to take their meds or whatever. They might start taking them again and come to sincerely regret their actions later. Who here hasn't done something they regret? I don't know where I'd be in the world if people just wanted me gone on the basis of an episode...
I agree that it is hard when people post things like that about the boards. This has happened before though. About Dr Bob being sued, about the closure of the boards. That seemed to be dealt with by posters okay... Posters managed to reassure each other that things were okay. I think we should have faith that things are okay. Especially those of us who have been here for a while. Lots of sh*t happens over on admin lots of sh*t and the boards have survived and so has Dr Bob.
It is hard...Because if you throw someone out because of saying things about Dr Bob or the boards then that just looks worse at the end of the day. It looks worse for all those people who might just have a little niggle that there is something to what is being said. It might start to look like a cover up. And if that happens... Well, then I expect we would get a lot more of that.
So isn't here to stir sh*t. Or, I can say definately that he isn't *just* here to stir sh*t because I have had interesting conversations with him.
But... What happened is unfortunate.
And it is a shame that he seemed to turn on other posters.(((Dinah)))
I guess that is something that can happen in virtue of the deputy role. It must be really hard...
I hope the good helps balance some of that.
Because you help a lot of people here.
And if you hadn't been able to block him when you did then the conversation probably would have escalated so even more babblers would have ended up blocked.
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 18:20:08
In reply to Re:Another idea, posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2005, at 17:58:59
I think the one year block cap is Dr. Bob's desire to give someone a second or third chance. I'm not sure I approve, because once you hit a year, you're free to do just about anything.
I also think people wonder just how many people want to shut down Babble and Dr. Bob. This being the internet, there's no real way to know is there?
I think Mel's idea is a good one.
I haven't been particularly hurt by a poster in some time. Well, not on purpose anyway. The people I've given power to hurt me haven't chosen to use it. Bless them.
Second and third chances are all well and good. If no one stands to be hurt by them.
Posted by JenStar on July 27, 2005, at 19:00:09
In reply to Re:Another idea, posted by AuntieMel on July 27, 2005, at 17:16:55
I think this is a great idea!
JenStar
Posted by Deneb on July 27, 2005, at 19:23:18
In reply to Re: stated purpose, posted by Dr. Bob on July 27, 2005, at 11:51:10
> I'm not sure what you mean, what rules and what agreement? He needs to email me himself or herself, and I'll post something if I do shorten it?
You did it again Dr. Bob! "'He' needs to email...herself,..."
LOL :P
> I understand that. But I think it would be nice to find some way to co-exist, too.
Just like in real life!
> Well, I know he doesn't give me virtual hugs, but if he exposes problems with the administration, that could help the site, couldn't it?
>
> BobI like the way you think. Thanks for being you. You're way more enlightened than me. I think it's important to be able to take "criticism" and handle it in a constructive way.
Deneb
P.S. No idealization here :o)
Posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2005, at 20:31:26
In reply to Re:Another idea » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 18:20:08
>once you hit a year, you're free to do just about anything.
yeah. once a year you could go off. but i'm not sure how likely it would be that someone would harbor such a grudge for say... 7 years. and even if they did that would be say... 7 episodes.
i guess there is the point that people may be prevented from posting because of their past behaviour. people who would learn things here and / or who have something positive to contribute. while it is true that we don't want people here who aren't going to do either of those things how much do we judge them on the basis of past behaviour? is it better to block people 'just in case'? or is it better to give someone another chance and have a repeat occurance? i reckon give people a chance. they'll get blocked if they blow it. after a while the blocks will be one year long and they won't have all that much of an opportunity to do much damage till they get blocked again.
i kind of like the idea that babble might be a bit more accepting than RL. because it is safer here. here the danger is in words words words. while words can harm its a bit different from someone being thumped or something.
> I also think people wonder just how many people want to shut down Babble and Dr. Bob. This being the internet, there's no real way to know is there?you could conduct a poll...
but then all those blocked people out there would probably want a say too ;-)
i really wouldn't worry too much abotu that.
i mean...
i'm well aware some posters here would prefer me to not be here (anonymous emails)
but i don't let it bug me too much.
you can please some of the people some of the time...
and some people have their own issues.> I think Mel's idea is a good one.
yes. because i trust the server now. i wouldn't have initially signed up if i couldn't use an anonymous email address because i was verrrrrrry fussy about my confidentiality. that was one of the issues people had with having to register with uni email accounts to the students board.
> Second and third chances are all well and good. If no one stands to be hurt by them.yeah.... but.... i do wonder about the people who find it hard to get along on babble. i wonder whether RL is much much harder for them. and i worry... that it just might be.
if i could take all the hurt i would
but i can't
i guess i just think it is worth it.
babble has made a huge difference in my life and i wouldn't want to deny anyone else that opportunity.
and i'd gladly feel a bit hurt of pissed off or whatever with them if it meant that they gained something worthwhile from being here too.of course i say that now because i am in a relatively good mood ;-)
Posted by pinkeye on July 27, 2005, at 21:02:28
In reply to Re:Another idea, posted by AuntieMel on July 27, 2005, at 17:16:55
Becuase I don't have one other than my work email, and I don't want to use it for registering in online discussion forums. I really like the idea of registering with hotmail/yahoo/gmail..
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 21:48:12
In reply to Re:Another idea » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2005, at 20:31:26
Shrug. I guess it's one of those things we'll have to agree to disagree about. If it helps any, I think Dr. Bob agrees with you.
(I'm sorry about the anonymous emails. That must hurt a lot. If they're uncivil, you can forward them to Dr. Bob, you know.)
Posted by gabbii on July 27, 2005, at 22:51:00
In reply to Re:Another idea » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 21:48:12
> (I'm sorry about the anonymous emails. That must hurt a lot. If they're uncivil, you can forward them to Dr. Bob, you know.)
Yeah, I've had them too, maybe it's a babble right of passage.They don't really bother me, except on principal.
Posted by gabbii on July 27, 2005, at 22:52:53
In reply to Re:Another idea » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 21:48:12
> (I'm sorry about the anonymous emails. That must hurt a lot. If they're uncivil, you can forward them to Dr. Bob, you know.)When I forwarded e-mails to Bob from a poster here, ones that did bother me, because I felt harassed. Dr. Bob told me he didn't get involved with e-mails.
Which is fine, I can understand Dr. Bob's feelings on that, but I just wanted to clarify.
Posted by gabbii on July 27, 2005, at 23:14:32
In reply to thanks for replying! More of my thoughts... » Dr. Bob, posted by JenStar on July 27, 2005, at 17:12:01
>
>
> I kind of see certain posters as stone-throwers, as bullies. I wish we could stop them from being so disruptive. I guess I have patience up to a point, then I snap. What's the point, I think to myself, of hoping and wheedling and coaxing and sweet-talking a person who is just not listening?
>
> It also drives me NUTS when other posters act all sweet and kind and understanding towards the 'mean' posters. What is THAT supposed to accomplish, I wonder to myself. Is it a way to try and ingratiate oneself with the bully, hoping to avoid future trauma? Is it a way to try and befriend the bully so as to be the important ONE who understands him/her? Is it a way to be shocking? Is it a way to be different? It is a fascination with power and abuse? --Of course, Dr. Bob, I don't expect you to answer these questions! They're questions I'm thinking "aloud" (atype?).
>Or gee, maybe they just like the person?
Nice is often defined by whose ox is being gored. Mental illness doesn't always present itself in ways that charm, perhaps some can relate to others better, and aren't as bothered by the things others find so offensive.
You can't label someone "Mean" or a Bully and expect everyone else to have the same opinion, and therefore having ulterior motives for being
conversatsional.
I have found lots of things to be mean and cruel that on the surface pass the civility guidelines, but that doesn't mean my feelings aren't valid. Does that mean I think that everyone else should take offense too? Hardly.
Or is it that someone offends lots of people, so somehow there's justification for expecting that they be ostracized by everyone?
Not in my world.
I've even felt harassed by off board e-mails, and people knew about it, I didn't expect everyone to suddenly ostracize the person.I can't understand why, if it's up to Dr. Bob whether or not the person is posting, why it would bother you who speaks to who? Your feelings are your own.
Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 23:44:22
In reply to Re:Another idea » Dinah, posted by gabbii on July 27, 2005, at 22:52:53
Hmmm...
I don't care for that much. I mean, I know he can't police them, but...
Well, he's the only one who can do anything at all.
Still, that explains the deputy email thing better.
Guess I've been lucky not to receive that particular rite of passage. I don't think I've gotten any anonymous emails at all.
I too disapprove of them on principle. If someone has something to say to me, I'd prefer they do it under their own posting name.
Posted by gabbii on July 27, 2005, at 23:58:52
In reply to Re:Another idea » gabbii, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2005, at 23:44:22
> I too disapprove of them on principle. If someone has something to say to me, I'd prefer they do it under their own posting name.
Yes, that's what makes them not hurtful to me.
I've always thought anonymous notes (whether left by co-workers, or e-mail, or whatever the situation) are highly indicitive of the character of the person who sends them.
And that alone is enough to make me disregard what they may think of me, or even take it as a compliment.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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