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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 105 to 129 of 163. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 22, 2005, at 4:49:44
In reply to Re: a complaint, posted by alexandra_k on July 17, 2005, at 15:52:50
> certain people seem ... interested in getting me PBC'd / blocked
Please don't jump to conclusions about others.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues, as well as replies to the above post, should of course themselves be civil.
Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 22, 2005, at 4:51:44
In reply to ESPECIALLY, posted by crushedout on July 18, 2005, at 11:30:36
> > Favoritism is often a concern in groups.
>
> Does this mean that you acknowledge that sometimes your responses are affected by favoritism?
>
> Deneb> Do you think you could at least take a closer look and see if there is some validity to this?
>
> gabbii> will you agree to try to be conscious of this in the future? i'm not looking for an apology -- just a commitment to try.
> this is just one example in a long line of injustices
>
> crushedoutI try to be fair, but I know I'm not perfectly objective. And this isn't always easy! I've tried to be conscious of this in the past and will try to be conscious of it in the future.
Maybe one reason it's a concern here is that people here have been subjected to a long line of injustices before?
--
> I ordered that book and read a bit of it to gain a better understanding of you since you quoted it. It seemed a bit depersonalizing, you know?
>
> DinahBecause it generalized? Or because it focused on groups rather than individuals? Did you gain a better understanding of this group? Did it give you any ideas about administration?
--
> I would think that eventually frequency of occurence should affect your response too.
>
> gabbiiIt does, blocks tend to lengthen...
--
> she so much as tells us she's trying to violate the rules. and all she gets is an oops.
>
> crushedoutI thought she was trying to find bugs in the program. Which is why I said oops. But it was an opportunity to get away with something, too...
Bob
Posted by AuntieMel on July 22, 2005, at 8:17:30
In reply to Re: favoritism, posted by Dr. Bob on July 22, 2005, at 4:51:44
"Maybe one reason it's a concern here is that people here have been subjected to a long line of injustices before?"
Favoritism should always be a concern, even to those who have never experienced it.
But it is possible because of past injustices that people here are more determined than most to *not* have it happen on babble.
Posted by AuntieMel on July 22, 2005, at 8:27:30
In reply to Re: favoritism, posted by Dr. Bob on July 22, 2005, at 4:51:44
Posted by Dinah on July 22, 2005, at 8:29:13
In reply to Re: favoritism, posted by Dr. Bob on July 22, 2005, at 4:51:44
> Maybe one reason it's a concern here is that people here have been subjected to a long line of injustices before?Gotta agree with Mel on this one. This is the sort of statement that tends to make people upset, Dr. Bob.
>
> --
>
> > I ordered that book and read a bit of it to gain a better understanding of you since you quoted it. It seemed a bit depersonalizing, you know?
> >
> > Dinah
>
> Because it generalized? Or because it focused on groups rather than individuals? Did you gain a better understanding of this group? Did it give you any ideas about administration?
>
Because it seemed to see individuals as the organisms that make up groups and to consider them interchangeable. I don't think it gave me any better understanding of this group or administration, because I tend to see this group and administration in terms of individuals.If you ever get the time or inclination, perhaps you could give us hints about how the book pertains to us and to administration.
Regarding favoritism, I hope I don't offend if I ask you about evolutionary psychology and gender differences. Do you think there may be some male-male competition at play at times? Or a tendency to want to protect females? Maybe especially traditionally feminine females? Totally unconscious of course.
I could be totally off base of course. I'm reading first year psychology texts. :D
Posted by AuntieMel on July 22, 2005, at 11:27:58
In reply to Re: favoritism » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on July 22, 2005, at 8:29:13
If he favors "traditionally feminine females." I've never been occuse of being traditional *or* feminine.
Posted by Dinah on July 22, 2005, at 11:39:37
In reply to Re: well, then I'm out of the favorites list » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on July 22, 2005, at 11:27:58
Well, I've never thought of myself as traditionally feminine either.
But I do think I have a trait or two.
I guess what I was thinking of is that some people have speculated that Dr. Bob lets females get away with more than males. And there's a bit of debate about whether it's because, as a male, Dr. Bob doesn't always recognize agression in women (because it's sometimes displayed differently, certainly not always), or whether there are more primal forces at work.
I was just wondering if Dr. Bob had considered it.
Although I suppose he would say he treats men and women equally. And that may well be true, and it's the perception that differs.
I just thought it was a subject for thought, even if it is ultimately rejected.
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 22, 2005, at 17:08:25
In reply to lol » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on July 22, 2005, at 11:39:37
> If you ever get the time or inclination, perhaps you could give us hints about how the book pertains to us and to administration.
I haven't read the whole book, either. But I did post excerpts I thought were relevant:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20040902/msgs/388862.html
> Regarding favoritism, I hope I don't offend if I ask you about evolutionary psychology and gender differences. Do you think there may be some male-male competition at play at times? Or a tendency to want to protect females? Maybe especially traditionally feminine females? Totally unconscious of course.
> I guess what I was thinking of is that some people have speculated that Dr. Bob lets females get away with more than males. And there's a bit of debate about whether it's because, as a male, Dr. Bob doesn't always recognize agression in women (because it's sometimes displayed differently, certainly not always), or whether there are more primal forces at work.
>
> I was just wondering if Dr. Bob had considered it.
>
> Although I suppose he would say he treats men and women equally.Well, I do try to treat men and women equally... I can't say I've considered all the possibilities you're proposing. What do others think about gender differences here?
Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2005, at 22:01:39
In reply to Re: please be civil » alexandra_k, posted by Dr. Bob on July 22, 2005, at 4:49:44
Posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2005, at 22:44:28
In reply to Re: gender differences, posted by Dr. Bob on July 22, 2005, at 17:08:25
>What do others think about gender differences here?
I have wondered about whether males might be more likely to compete / conflict with a perceived authority while females might be more likely to idealise.
I wonder if that tendancy would be reversed in a group with a female moderator (are their any non-consumer run forums with a female moderator?).
Posted by gardenergirl on July 23, 2005, at 0:50:09
In reply to Re: gender differences, posted by Dr. Bob on July 22, 2005, at 17:08:25
I know that when a new poster shows up who is er, shall we say, on a different page than me...ahem...I tend to think of that poster as a man unless specifically told otherwise.
Hmmm, wonder what that means?
gg
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 23, 2005, at 13:59:31
In reply to Re: sorry (nm) » Dr. Bob, posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2005, at 22:01:39
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 23, 2005, at 14:01:04
In reply to Re: gender differences, posted by alexandra_k on July 22, 2005, at 22:44:28
> I wonder if that tendancy would be reversed in a group with a female moderator (are their any non-consumer run forums with a female moderator?).
Would it need to be a non-consumer? How about female consumer deputy moderator? :-)
Bob
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 15:14:43
In reply to Re: gender differences, posted by Dr. Bob on July 23, 2005, at 14:01:04
What would be the feminine variation?
I'm not sure it's as much an issue for a deputy, since there is little discretion available to deputies. There is no real room for subtlety, unless you are out of town for a while.
I'm wondering at so little comment, since I know it was discussed quite often. But perhaps that was among my friends that are no longer active at Babble.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 16:12:39
In reply to Re: gender differences » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 15:14:43
I'm trying to remember my dogs. There was definitely alpha b*tch behavior. But that is a particular b*tch's behavior toward everyone. She would dominate males and females.
While the behavior was much more gender linked in the males. Even the gentlest males (unless neutered young) behaved differently towards males than females. Some were excessively submissive toward other males. Usually there was posturing and dominance challenges, no matter how short lived.
Anyone familiar with the behavior patterns in primates?
Does the fact that a female was responsible for raising children of both sexes change the dynamic?
Posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 16:33:52
In reply to Re: gender differences, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 16:12:39
I think dogs and chickens and horses etc are a bit different because of the pecking order in packs. I think... There is meant to be the most conflict between a member and the member that is the next highest in the order as they challenge them for their place.
I'm not sure that it is quite the same with people...
> Anyone familiar with the behavior patterns in primates?Not really. You could probably do a google...
> Does the fact that a female was responsible for raising children of both sexes change the dynamic?Might do.
Sibling rivalry might be interesting...What do you think about gender differences and conflict, Dinah? I'm not sure that you get a lot of conflict directed your way specifically. Gender differences?
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 16:52:45
In reply to Re: gender differences » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 16:33:52
I'm not sure what you mean?
I don't get much conflict directed at me from other posters for being deputy? Or from other posters as a poster?
Posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 17:09:34
In reply to Re: gender differences » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 16:52:45
> I don't get much conflict directed at me from other posters for being deputy? Or from other posters as a poster?
Oh. I had thought both - but I also get that you get more from the former than the latter.
I mean... You do get into some conflicts in virtue of the deputy thing - right?
If thats right then what do you think about gender differences? More likely to be male or female? Is the nature of the conflict a bit different?
I also think that you don't get half of what Dr Bob does. Thats why I wondered if any female clinicians had boards. I mean, there is Doc John and Dr Bob and conflict seems to be handled a lot differently on the different boards. Not sure if there are consistent gender differences... But if there were then it would be interesting to see whether it was the same / reversed / just different on a board with a female moderator.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 17:48:24
In reply to Re: gender differences » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 17:09:34
No I don't nearly get as much as Dr. Bob because the roles are different. I reminded him of that above.
The difference would be in comparing Mark and I, not Dr. Bob and I. But the deputy role is so limited, that I don't think there's a chance to study it that well.
I'm not sure I agree though, that humans aren't pack animals like dogs. I certainly have seen the same behaviors. Dogs are just less subtle about it.
Dr. Bob is most likely a self aware individual. While I may look up a book or two and see if I can get hints, I imagine once the prospect comes to his attention, he can monitor himself if he's interested in the idea. As an unneutered male, I'm quite certain that he has at least occasionally experienced the behavior commonly known as p*ssing contests with other males. And he is likely aware of the feelings associated with that behavior. He's probably also aware of protective feelings towards females and what that feels like. There is a difference in the internet, in that the attractiveness of the female isn't readily apparent. Only he can be aware of any feelings he has.
As far as not recognizing feminine aggression. Hmmm.... I'm not sure whether he does or not. But also, it may not fall within the civility guidelines as well, because it is usually not overtly uncivil. So even if he recognizes it, he may not act on it.
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 18:09:14
In reply to Re: gender differences » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 17:48:24
Hmmm... I seem to be falling of the trap today of thinking in abstract terms. Which may not be terribly thoughtful of me on a per-person basis.
Certainly gender differences are not universal and not displayed in the same way by all members of a particular sex. I'm more than well aware of that, since my husband and I always joke about our role reversal.
Dr. Bob, even though an unneutered male, may not have engaged in p*ssing contests, and may have no idea what it feels like. Because certainly not all men do. And not all women display aggression in an indirect and overtly civil manner. And certainly not all, or even most, men display aggression in an overt and uncivil manner.
There, I've taken back as much as I could of what I said. Which leaves me with nothing to ask Dr. Bob about gender differences. :)
If he thinks it's worth thinking about he can. Or he can totally dismiss it as it may be well worth dismissing.
Posted by Deneb on July 23, 2005, at 18:13:42
In reply to Re: gender differences » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 17:48:24
I don't think there would be many gender differences. Is that just incredibility naive of me? :-) Maybe the differences come from other people, who interact differently with male/female administrators.
Maybe Dr. Bob should change his name to Dr. Ann or something to see if people treat him differently. ;-)
Deneb
Posted by Deneb on July 23, 2005, at 18:17:57
In reply to Re: gender differences, posted by Deneb on July 23, 2005, at 18:13:42
Posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 18:19:21
In reply to Re: gender differences » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 17:48:24
> No I don't nearly get as much as Dr. Bob because the roles are different. I reminded him of that above.
Yes.
> The difference would be in comparing Mark and I, not Dr. Bob and I.Yes, that seems fair. Though I think you post more actively than Mark.
>But the deputy role is so limited, that I don't think there's a chance to study it that well.
Yeah. Thats why I was interested in whether there might be a board out there moderated by a female...
> I'm not sure I agree though, that humans aren't pack animals like dogs. I certainly have seen the same behaviors. Dogs are just less subtle about it.Well, we are social animals like dogs are, yeah. But there are all sorts of other dissimilarities (pair bonds, care of infants etc) and a big enough difference in degree can amount to a difference in kind...
There are hierarchies sometimes. When the accountants required departments to rank peoples positions in order of importance, for example ;-)
>I'm quite certain that he has at least occasionally experienced the behavior commonly known as p*ssing contests with other males. And he is likely aware of the feelings associated with that behavior.Maybe its a little like the role triangle thingimie that we were talking about over on social. (I haven't checked the thread yet..) But there you have roles that it is only so easy to get caught up in. So when you start to get those feelings then that probably indicates that it is only too easy to slip into playing out one of those roles. Whether the situation arises due to transference or countertransference first. Well.. Who knows?
>He's probably also aware of protective feelings towards females and what that feels like. There is a difference in the internet, in that the attractiveness of the female isn't readily apparent. Only he can be aware of any feelings he has.
Yeah. But then he doesn't have to worry about getting thumped by someone either. And idealisation can result in conflict too when the person doesn't live up to the ideal and gets really mad...
> As far as not recognizing feminine aggression. Hmmm.... I'm not sure whether he does or not. But also, it may not fall within the civility guidelines as well, because it is usually not overtly uncivil. So even if he recognizes it, he may not act on it.So females might be better at expressing uncivil thoughts in a way that doesn't really breech the civility guidelines?
I think I've seen females lash out about as much as males (though maybe I'm wrong there). I just thought it might have more to do with feeling like one has been let down rather than feeling like one has to prove something...
But I think I'm just making this up as I go along...
I don't know how you would check.
Compare lots of case studies???
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 18:29:56
In reply to Re: gender differences » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on July 23, 2005, at 18:19:21
> And idealisation can result in conflict too when the person doesn't live up to the ideal and gets really mad...
>
> I just thought it might have more to do with feeling like one has been let down rather than feeling like one has to prove something...Got anyone in particular in mind? :)
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2005, at 18:36:58
In reply to Re: gender differences, posted by Deneb on July 23, 2005, at 18:13:42
Quite likely there are none at all.
It's dangerous to read first year psychology books. :)
I've been part of other forums moderated by women, but with only or mostly women posters. I think they wouldn't be comparable, even if you assumed there just might possibly be gender differences.
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