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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by LynneDa on June 11, 2004, at 10:16:50
In reply to Re: New Lex user, posted by nicko on June 11, 2004, at 10:13:08
Good luck Nicko, let us know how you're doing tomorrow!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Thanks Lynne and mystic, it means alot to me right now! It just sucks that i was basically ok before i started this and now everything is so much worse, i don't get that, it doesnt make sense to me.
> i think will take a sedative cause im sick of thinking, ive had enough for one day
>
>
Posted by nicko on June 11, 2004, at 10:33:14
In reply to Re: New Lex user, posted by h on June 11, 2004, at 10:14:40
How did that go? did you feel much better doing it that way? oh yeah im still awake lol, did it make a huge difference? i cant see or speak to my dr till tuesday, i need to try something or i will just go off them.
>
> Hey there! I'm new too. I felt like I was getting poisoned when I started a few weeks ago on my first 10 mg dose. I called my dr and said I can't take this stuff, it's making me sleepy and nauseous and sick. He suggested I cut the pills in half. I did better than that: I cut them in quarters and took just those (2.5 mg) for the first week. Then up to a half. Then 3/4. Now I'm at a whole and it does make a difference. I would talk to your dr about trying that. After all, if the point is to stay on the med, it's better to ramp up slowly. Best to you! h
>
>
Posted by Tweek on June 11, 2004, at 10:48:22
In reply to Re: New Lex user, posted by nicko on June 11, 2004, at 9:32:23
I know exactly how you feel! I started at 10 mg and went through the exact same thing. Cut it in half, then decided to stop taking it until I saw my gp this past Monday. I'm started taking it again, and am at 5 mg now, day 3. Still having trouble with it, but it's much easier to deal with than the 10 mg! The morning anxiety is enough to make me want to quit taking it, especially since I'm still having trouble accepting the medication, but I'm gonna try to stay on at least a couple more weeks! I have a bottle of clonazepam (klonopin), have been trying to avoid taking it, even though I should probably take it for a little while. But if I can get through this, then anyone can! :)
> Hi all im a new lex user,
> i have been little down for a few months now and went to the dr and was told i have mild anxiety and mild depression, i took my first LEX tablet this afternoon 10mg and i have to say it took alot, i didn't want too, i almost had to force it down. sigh
>
> Within an hour or so of taking it, i felt funny, tired but unable to sleep, and alittle spaced out and TENSE, i had only slept a couple of hours the night before so i know that didn't help, so i tried to lay down and i feel asleep for about 40 minutes and when i woke i was in a major panic, i jumped out of bed and turned the light and felt horrible and took me almost 2 hours to calm down, the whole time ive felt my heart pumping ,racing, im sure you know the sensation im talking about, i felt like i was going mad!
>
> Its now night time here and im too scared to go to sleep, im not tired yet anyway, but i don't want to feel that again, i don't think I'll take it anymore if its going to make me like this, can you guys offer any help or something :(
Posted by Tweek on June 11, 2004, at 10:58:07
In reply to RE::: Tweek, posted by mystic on June 11, 2004, at 8:57:42
The 5 mg is easier w/ side effects than when I started the 10 mg, but still having bad morning anxiety. It's really almost unbearable, but I'm not comfortable taking a sedative in the morning before I drive to work. I wake up about 2 hours before my alarm goes off all panicky, worrying about everything, and if and when I drift back off to sleep, it's not restful at all. I hope this stops soon...
> Tweek..how goes the battle...are you on 5mgs is that working ok for you..just checking in..Mystic
Posted by LynneDa on June 11, 2004, at 11:02:50
In reply to RE::: Tweek » mystic, posted by Tweek on June 11, 2004, at 10:58:07
Hi Tweek - Have you tried Melatonin to help you sleep? I find that if I take 1/2 of a 3mg dose I can sleep all the way to the alarm. If I remember to take it by 9pm (instead of 11pm when I go to bed!), I'm not groggy in the morning. You'd have to play with the dosage and times a bit. But, Melatonin is natural so maybe it would be easier to take. It may help you sleep all the way through and maybe you won't feel so much anxiety when you wake up. Just a thought!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>The 5 mg is easier w/ side effects than when I started the 10 mg, but still having bad morning anxiety. It's really almost unbearable, but I'm not comfortable taking a sedative in the morning before I drive to work. I wake up about 2 hours before my alarm goes off all panicky, worrying about everything, and if and when I drift back off to sleep, it's not restful at all. I hope this stops soon...
>
> > Tweek..how goes the battle...are you on 5mgs is that working ok for you..just checking in..Mystic
>
>
Posted by nicko on June 11, 2004, at 11:36:20
In reply to Re: New Lex user » nicko, posted by LynneDa on June 11, 2004, at 10:16:50
Im still here lol 2.30am YAY not, i havent taking the sedative yet, still a bit nervous, but i will, its saturday so if i sleep the whole day away it wont matter.lol do you think i could cut my medication down? i cant speak to my doc till tuesday and i honestly can;t bare to take it again later on today:(
> Good luck Nicko, let us know how you're doing tomorrow!
> ~ Lynne
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
> Thanks Lynne and mystic, it means alot to me right now! It just sucks that i was basically ok before i started this and now everything is so much worse, i don't get that, it doesnt make sense to me.
> > i think will take a sedative cause im sick of thinking, ive had enough for one day
> >
> >
>
Posted by Tweek on June 11, 2004, at 12:59:00
In reply to RE::: Tweek » Tweek, posted by LynneDa on June 11, 2004, at 11:02:50
I think I actually considered it a long time ago. Can you recommend a good brand of Melatonin? I've heard some brands aren't as good, like the Target/Walmart brands, but not sure. Way back when I started the Paxil, I would take a whole clonazepam (.5 mg) before I went to bed, and it seemed to work, but I'm more reluctant now. I'd rather go the natural route as much as possible!
> Hi Tweek - Have you tried Melatonin to help you sleep? I find that if I take 1/2 of a 3mg dose I can sleep all the way to the alarm. If I remember to take it by 9pm (instead of 11pm when I go to bed!), I'm not groggy in the morning. You'd have to play with the dosage and times a bit. But, Melatonin is natural so maybe it would be easier to take. It may help you sleep all the way through and maybe you won't feel so much anxiety when you wake up. Just a thought!
> ~ Lynne
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Posted by LynneDa on June 11, 2004, at 13:05:50
In reply to RE::: Tweek » LynneDa, posted by Tweek on June 11, 2004, at 12:59:00
Well, actually, I think I got mine at Wal-Mart! I think it's Sundown or something like that? You can buy it in 1mg tablets as well as 3mg. Good luck!
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I think I actually considered it a long time ago. Can you recommend a good brand of Melatonin? I've heard some brands aren't as good, like the Target/Walmart brands, but not sure. Way back when I started the Paxil, I would take a whole clonazepam (.5 mg) before I went to bed, and it seemed to work, but I'm more reluctant now. I'd rather go the natural route as much as possible!
>
> > Hi Tweek - Have you tried Melatonin to help you sleep? I find that if I take 1/2 of a 3mg dose I can sleep all the way to the alarm. If I remember to take it by 9pm (instead of 11pm when I go to bed!), I'm not groggy in the morning. You'd have to play with the dosage and times a bit. But, Melatonin is natural so maybe it would be easier to take. It may help you sleep all the way through and maybe you won't feel so much anxiety when you wake up. Just a thought!
> > ~ Lynne
> > >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>
Posted by Tweek on June 11, 2004, at 13:20:17
In reply to RE::: Tweek » Tweek, posted by LynneDa on June 11, 2004, at 13:05:50
Hmmm, it's worth a shot! Can't wait to start therapy next week--hopefully it will help! Actually, it's one of the few things I'm pretty confident about. I know the meds alone won't fix my issues; I need to be able to deal with them on my own in a healthy way. In the meantime, proper sleep will help a bit, I'm sure! One other question, though. Has anyone noticed themselves a bit thirstier when starting the Lexapro? I can't seem to stop drinking water!
> Well, actually, I think I got mine at Wal-Mart! I think it's Sundown or something like that? You can buy it in 1mg tablets as well as 3mg. Good luck!
> ~ Lynne
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Posted by 2gethappy on June 11, 2004, at 13:40:18
In reply to Re: New Lex user, posted by nicko on June 11, 2004, at 9:32:23
I just read your posts. I'm on day 15 of Lexapro...also for anxiety (moderate) and very mild depression. I have suffered panic disorder in the past and am VERY med phobic, so starting was scary for me, too.
I once tried Zoloft and it made me 'tired but wired' and I panicked and stopped taking it two days into it.
This time, when my new doc asked me to try Lexapro, I was really freaked, but READY to FEEL BETTER. So, I broke the pills in half and took 5mg the first 5 days. I still was very wired, yet tired those first days. And got a headache every day, too. But day 6 I felt great! Like I hadn't taken anything! So, I upped to 10 mg the next day and have been doing 10 mg ever since.
The first few days, I was so scared, I took a half a xanax with my Lexapro in the morning and a whole xanax at bedtime. But, that left me WAY too exhausted, so then I switched to just taking a xanax at bedtime. I'm still taking a xanax every night.
The first 2 nights, even with the xanax, I woke up a few times, but that quickly passed and I was so calm on the xanax that I easily went back to sleep.
It seems that most people get through the initial junk of Lexapro a lot faster than with other anti-d's so don't give up. And don't try to convince yourself that you were fine before so you should just quit...because if you were fine, you wouldn't have had the courage to take that first pill...you know? You obviously felt you were suffering the effects of the anxiety and depression.
Two weeks into it and I am feeling so much more ALIVE than I have in a longgggg time and so free from the anxiety! It is amazing!
K
> Hi all im a new lex user,
> i have been little down for a few months now and went to the dr and was told i have mild anxiety and mild depression, i took my first LEX tablet this afternoon 10mg and i have to say it took alot, i didn't want too, i almost had to force it down. sigh
>
> Within an hour or so of taking it, i felt funny, tired but unable to sleep, and alittle spaced out and TENSE, i had only slept a couple of hours the night before so i know that didn't help, so i tried to lay down and i feel asleep for about 40 minutes and when i woke i was in a major panic, i jumped out of bed and turned the light and felt horrible and took me almost 2 hours to calm down, the whole time ive felt my heart pumping ,racing, im sure you know the sensation im talking about, i felt like i was going mad!
>
> Its now night time here and im too scared to go to sleep, im not tired yet anyway, but i don't want to feel that again, i don't think I'll take it anymore if its going to make me like this, can you guys offer any help or something :(
Posted by mystic on June 11, 2004, at 16:00:24
In reply to Re: New Lex user--NICKO, posted by 2gethappy on June 11, 2004, at 13:40:18
Posted by Dr. Bob on June 11, 2004, at 23:37:52
In reply to RE: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by Tweek on June 10, 2004, at 11:59:14
Posted by nicko on June 12, 2004, at 0:44:39
In reply to RE: thanks (nm) » Tweek, posted by Dr. Bob on June 11, 2004, at 23:37:52
hey all im back, first question i want to know is, i just looked at my packet again and it says laxapro, not lexapro, same thing or different? LOL
thanks for your advice so far, i ended up taking a sedative lastnight (well i should say this morning) it helped but i still woke up many times but went back to sleep.when i finally decided to get up i felt terrible, massive headache, blocked nose, and worrying about everything and anything i couldn't eat and my mouth is dry, yeah i am complaining alittle too much, but i just needed to get it off my chest, i honestly feel like im going insane and all i keep thinking about is that little pill and the fact that i don't want to take it anymore, My anxiety would be about 9 just thinking about it, i wonder if its doing me more harm then good.
Ok i guess its time to come clean with myself and you guys whats really making things worse, i have a family member whom i care for and have for basically my whole life who suffers schizophrenia, its obviously in my genes so i worry about it, I've discussed that with dr's before, what are my chances most say low about 2% etc but that doesn't make me feel better, ive been told I would have shown symptoms years ago, im in my early 30s now.
What makes it real tough is i know how they think, what they worry about, what stresses them and what doesn't, if that makes sense, for example i know a certain situation would make them feel uneasy, or a horror movie would make then feel its possible true or related to them some how, so then i wonder am i feeling that too? or am i just saying that to myself? god its hard to explain! hope you guys can understand what I am trying to say, that's why taking this drug is making me feel so uneasy, i feel like it will trigger that sleeping GENE i have.sigh, lastnights panic i had scared shit out of me, i thought here i go, im going mad, I think this constant worry is what started my mild depression in the first place, that plus i had many month of ill health.Sorry for the long post guys, I just needed to get some things off my mind, its kinda coming time to take the tablet again and i don't think i can do it..*cries* this feeling really sucks.
Posted by nicko on June 12, 2004, at 4:35:03
In reply to RE: thanks, posted by nicko on June 12, 2004, at 0:44:39
> hey all im back, first question i want to know is, i just looked at my packet again and it says laxapro, not lexapro, same thing or different? LOL
>
>
> thanks for your advice so far, i ended up taking a sedative lastnight (well i should say this morning) it helped but i still woke up many times but went back to sleep.
>
> when i finally decided to get up i felt terrible, massive headache, blocked nose, and worrying about everything and anything i couldn't eat and my mouth is dry, yeah i am complaining alittle too much, but i just needed to get it off my chest, i honestly feel like im going insane and all i keep thinking about is that little pill and the fact that i don't want to take it anymore, My anxiety would be about 9 just thinking about it, i wonder if its doing me more harm then good.
>
> Ok i guess its time to come clean with myself and you guys whats really making things worse, i have a family member whom i care for and have for basically my whole life who suffers schizophrenia, its obviously in my genes so i worry about it, I've discussed that with dr's before, what are my chances most say low about 2% etc but that doesn't make me feel better, ive been told I would have shown symptoms years ago, im in my early 30s now.
> What makes it real tough is i know how they think, what they worry about, what stresses them and what doesn't, if that makes sense, for example i know a certain situation would make them feel uneasy, or a horror movie would make then feel its possible true or related to them some how, so then i wonder am i feeling that too? or am i just saying that to myself? god its hard to explain! hope you guys can understand what I am trying to say, that's why taking this drug is making me feel so uneasy, i feel like it will trigger that sleeping GENE i have.sigh, lastnights panic i had scared shit out of me, i thought here i go, im going mad, I think this constant worry is what started my mild depression in the first place, that plus i had many month of ill health.
>
> Sorry for the long post guys, I just needed to get some things off my mind, its kinda coming time to take the tablet again and i don't think i can do it..*cries* this feeling really sucks.Ok the best i could do was take a 1/4 i know i shouldn't self medicate but that is all i could do considering my anxious state, that or nothing.LOL
This time i said, Nopeeeeee not gonna think about it, i took it and come on the pc and started chatting to a friend on chat. but then i started i started to feel so called (high) again, dizzy (light headed) sleepy etc.
When that starts i get anxious even more, i feel not in control if that makes sense, See ive never taking any drugs in my life and i rarely drank because i hate the feeling of having no control.(wow i think im a control freak) lol
I then start thinking and thinking, wondering what if i lose control and do something stupid or silly, i didn't help that i did some web surfing and read that some people taking these sorts of anti depressant drugs acted violently, then i get myself more anxious and worried for thinking that, i go through omg did i really think that? why? and then i feel my face getting flushed and my heart racing and here we go again. I know it all boils down to the fact that ive lived with a schizophrenic family member my whole life and have heard their fear after fear of this that and the other thing happening, and offcourse i know none of it is true, but if i think something silly, like i did above, i start getting really tense thinking omg i have it, does that make any sense what so ever?
Posted by ramsea on June 12, 2004, at 6:00:23
In reply to RE: thanks, posted by nicko on June 12, 2004, at 4:35:03
You make perfect sense. I have had a similar situation. The thing is, I have had to accept that my condition is not the same as my family member's. If Lexapro caused you to have disordered psychosis it would still be a side effect of the medicine--maybe even more a drug-induced manic response rather than schizophrenic.
Your doctors are right of course--most people display schizophrenia before age 30. But there is a thing called psuedo-schizophrnia, or something like that. This describes a person who displayed a kinship with their close partner or family member who suffered a severe, possibly delusional and/or hallucinatory disorder, which led the non-schizophrenic person to act/think in some likeness to their schizophrenic partner. But it is easy to see that it's an anxiety reaction rather than being schizophrenia. The non-schizophrenic person is much more "in touch" in every way. They aren't faking, it's just due to closeness and maybe over-empathy, maybe even guilt. Or some other factors. But it isn't due to actual psychosis.
Have you ever considered working specifically on this belief system that you've acquired from your carework with a person suffering from a severe thought disorder (i.e. severe and chronic schizophrenia)??
I mean this in the nicest way, not trying to be critical, as I am the last person on earth to feel critical of mental health problems. I've been truly helped by cognitive behvioral type therapy, also dialectical therapy. It's very specific to your own thinking patterns and how those patterns are not helping you live as fully and well. DBT is supposedly for so-called "personality disorders", but can help anyone with a health or adjustment problem. It gives practical tools for sorting out one's disturbing and unhelpful thoughts.
I really recommend it. Even a life coach can be a help once you get the medical side of your severe anxiety under control. Maybe you can find ways to put a better barrier up. Not lacking in care and love, but just taking care of your own separate, individual identity.
If you started doing the thinking exercises, along with the medicine if it proves helpful, you might get a new toolbox for working matters through more easily. You've obviously had a lot of stress, and careworkers are documented now as being very suseptible to health problems themselves, including anxiety/depression. You;ve been taking care of someone but it sounds like you deserve and require some TLC yourself. It's just an idea. Wishing you relief.
Posted by nicko on June 12, 2004, at 9:20:14
In reply to RE: thanks, posted by nicko on June 12, 2004, at 4:35:03
Ok me again, i have the most serve migraine you can imagine at the moment, i can hardly type this i still feel out of it, But after just 1 and 1/4 tablet ive decided enough is enough, i know most people will say stick with it, it'll get better etc but i can't do it anymore, its not for me and if its this hard to get on it, god only knows how you can get off it in 6 months time.
I mean to be honest i only have mild depression and mild anxiety, i had more great days and less bad ones, i think dr's are too quick to use meds some times, the fact that i really didn't want meds hasn't helped and that fact that it has increased my anxiety, I'm getting scared easy by noises etc something ive never had, plus is making me feel mentally ill rather then better, scared to sleep cause of the panic attack it gave me, its not worth it to me, atleast before i could sleep without problems,
I feel i need some help no doubt, but i think most of my issues need to be spoken about rather then covered up, i might even give some natural therapy a go, if after a few weeks i feel worse, i will have to seriously consider the drugs, but i feel i need to give it a go first.
thanks again everyone, you have been great!lastly, im assuming after only 1 and 1/4 tablets i wont suffer any withdrawal systems right?
Posted by mystic on June 12, 2004, at 9:35:41
In reply to RE: thanks, posted by nicko on June 12, 2004, at 9:20:14
Nicko..you need to do what is best for you...We are here for you if you need us...Let us know how you are doing??..come over to social Redirected Lexaproers that is a non med post...Take care and you should be fine there shouldnt be any s/e for going off the med after only 2 days...Take care..Mystic
Posted by Mrs. C on June 12, 2004, at 22:24:56
In reply to RE: thanks, posted by nicko on June 12, 2004, at 4:35:03
Whoa!! First you must chill out! Lex can make you feel a little bit nervous, dizzy, sleepy, spacey and many other things. Keep telling yourself that you are just feeling side effects from the med. Secondly, just worrying about becoming schizophrenic is a good sign that you are not.
Give yourself a little break from worrying. What you are feeling is a normal reaction to the meds and it will pass soon. Probably in a few weeks or less. Hope this helps. MRs. C
Posted by Mrs. C on June 12, 2004, at 22:49:29
In reply to Re: Lexapro Wearing off after a year?, posted by MoTucker on June 10, 2004, at 9:16:19
Hey Mo, sorry that I haven't been able to write back sooner. Sometimes talking to openly and honestly to others about how you are feeling can really be helpful. It has been eye opening for me to realize how many people there are out there who experience the things that we do. I always thought that I was crazy and that I just had trouble dealing with things. I know differently now and I am so thankful that I spoke to my doc about it. Lex has made such a huge difference in how I handle things, especially stress. I hope it does the same for you. Mrs. C
Posted by Mrs. C on June 12, 2004, at 23:06:46
In reply to Re: New Lex user, posted by nicko on June 11, 2004, at 11:36:20
Hi Nicko, I am not sure if you are still reading the posts. I read that you have already decided to quit the lexapro. It's been a few days since I have read the posts. If you are still here, I'm glad. Maybe reading about how well everyone is doing will help you. I remember very well dreading having to take my next dose of lex. I was just starting to feel "normal" again when it was already time to take my next one. But I hung in there because of the people here on this site. All the support you need is right here from wonderful human beings who have been there. I hope that you feel better no matter what you decide. Best of luck. Mrs. C
Posted by Mrs. C on June 12, 2004, at 23:07:58
In reply to RE::: Tweek » mystic, posted by Tweek on June 11, 2004, at 10:58:07
Tweek, been there, done that. Mornings can be brutal. You will start to feel better in about a week. Hang in there cause it's worth it. Mrs. C
Posted by nicko on June 13, 2004, at 0:49:05
In reply to Re: New Lex user, posted by Mrs. C on June 12, 2004, at 23:06:46
Thank you Mrs, C and everyone else,
Yes i still read some of the posts and I'm really glad and thankful for everyone's help, it has meant alot to me.
But yes i had decided to get off the drugs, i wont be taking them anymore, i decided enough was enough and i am now on the road to facing my demons.Firstly after 30 years i finally came out and told my parents i was gay, WOW big one.lol, see one of the reasons my anxiety started was because i got sick a while back, and i thought i had a dreaded disease, HIV or similar, let me tell you that week of wait nearly killed and because no one knew about me being gay! i couldn't share my fears or concerns with anyone, all my results came back negative thank god but i was then told it isn't conclusive for 13 weeks and that i would need to be retested, so for 12 long weeks i worried, panicked, cried and put on a brave face infront of everyone, cause no one knew, but i started thinking negatively, im gonna die, i felt ashamed of myself and guilty. Well i got my results back again and all were negative again YAY but for some reason i couldn't let it go, what if its wrong, what if they made a mistake etc. I guess because thinking i was going to be positive for 13 weeks.
So i had a deep and meaningful with my mum, i thought it was about time, i even told her about the months of worry and fear i felt!, she basically cried, more at the fact that i went through all that alone, she wasn't upset i was gay, she even made a joke and said GOOD i didn't want any more grandchildren.LOL Its weird to think after all these years of worrying, omg what if my parents find out, what if i see someone i know while im out with my parents etc, what if they hate me, what if it sickens then.So i have finally after all these years accepted i am what i am, i use to hate myself, i use to cry and say i don't want to be gay, but the truth is no one choses this, its just the way you are born or something, ive always known.
I just cant explain the weight off my shoulders, It feels good.
I know i have a long way to go, but i will get there, I might try some natural stuff and see how it goes, maybe St johns wort, But i feel most of the pain and suffering had a reason, it has been a tough year and i want to stop living this lie and see what happens, if after a few weeks or months i don't start to feel better, I'll go back to the dr for meds.I'm so glad i found you guys, you have helped me more then you know, giving you all a cyber HUG, would it be ok if i stay in touch?
> Hi Nicko, I am not sure if you are still reading the posts. I read that you have already decided to quit the lexapro. It's been a few days since I have read the posts. If you are still here, I'm glad. Maybe reading about how well everyone is doing will help you. I remember very well dreading having to take my next dose of lex. I was just starting to feel "normal" again when it was already time to take my next one. But I hung in there because of the people here on this site. All the support you need is right here from wonderful human beings who have been there. I hope that you feel better no matter what you decide. Best of luck. Mrs. C
Posted by mystic on June 13, 2004, at 14:05:37
In reply to Re: New Lex user, posted by nicko on June 13, 2004, at 0:49:05
Wow Nicko..that is fantastic...you have found the courage to be yourself and I commend you for that...As far as the meds go you should do what you want to do..I want you to come over to social..which is the Redirected Lexaproers as you are not on meds..Dr Bob will redirect you for talk other than or along with meds...Congratulations on you new found freedom..something and I pray for everyday freedome to be myself again with out anxiety/depression..take care Mystic
Posted by MoTucker on June 13, 2004, at 17:11:50
In reply to Re: New Lex user, posted by nicko on June 13, 2004, at 0:49:05
Nicko - No wonder you felt like you were schitzophrenic (sorry for the spelling)! You were trying to be two people! I have a good friend that knew all along he was gay and didn't want to come out. He said it was like he was two people for a very long time, gay Joe and Straight Joe - in one body... You'll be happy to know that soon after he came out, he was doing very well. The need to hide things from people and be secretive all ended. It causes me anxiety just thinking about having to go through what you did. It seems very normal to me that your body and mind would have reacted the way that it has.
Enjoy your new freedom to be yourself! It must feel so wonderful to know that your mother loves you for who you are and not have to hide anymore! I am so happy for you! Even if you don't feel instantly better, don't be discouraged. Give yourself time. It sounds like you are on the right road. Cyber HUG right back at you.
M.T.
> Thank you Mrs, C and everyone else,
> Yes i still read some of the posts and I'm really glad and thankful for everyone's help, it has meant alot to me.
> But yes i had decided to get off the drugs, i wont be taking them anymore, i decided enough was enough and i am now on the road to facing my demons.
>
> Firstly after 30 years i finally came out and told my parents i was gay, WOW big one.lol, see one of the reasons my anxiety started was because i got sick a while back, and i thought i had a dreaded disease, HIV or similar, let me tell you that week of wait nearly killed and because no one knew about me being gay! i couldn't share my fears or concerns with anyone, all my results came back negative thank god but i was then told it isn't conclusive for 13 weeks and that i would need to be retested, so for 12 long weeks i worried, panicked, cried and put on a brave face infront of everyone, cause no one knew, but i started thinking negatively, im gonna die, i felt ashamed of myself and guilty. Well i got my results back again and all were negative again YAY but for some reason i couldn't let it go, what if its wrong, what if they made a mistake etc. I guess because thinking i was going to be positive for 13 weeks.
> So i had a deep and meaningful with my mum, i thought it was about time, i even told her about the months of worry and fear i felt!, she basically cried, more at the fact that i went through all that alone, she wasn't upset i was gay, she even made a joke and said GOOD i didn't want any more grandchildren.LOL Its weird to think after all these years of worrying, omg what if my parents find out, what if i see someone i know while im out with my parents etc, what if they hate me, what if it sickens then.
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> So i have finally after all these years accepted i am what i am, i use to hate myself, i use to cry and say i don't want to be gay, but the truth is no one choses this, its just the way you are born or something, ive always known.
> I just cant explain the weight off my shoulders, It feels good.
> I know i have a long way to go, but i will get there, I might try some natural stuff and see how it goes, maybe St johns wort, But i feel most of the pain and suffering had a reason, it has been a tough year and i want to stop living this lie and see what happens, if after a few weeks or months i don't start to feel better, I'll go back to the dr for meds.
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> I'm so glad i found you guys, you have helped me more then you know, giving you all a cyber HUG, would it be ok if i stay in touch?
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> > Hi Nicko, I am not sure if you are still reading the posts. I read that you have already decided to quit the lexapro. It's been a few days since I have read the posts. If you are still here, I'm glad. Maybe reading about how well everyone is doing will help you. I remember very well dreading having to take my next dose of lex. I was just starting to feel "normal" again when it was already time to take my next one. But I hung in there because of the people here on this site. All the support you need is right here from wonderful human beings who have been there. I hope that you feel better no matter what you decide. Best of luck. Mrs. C
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Posted by MoTucker on June 13, 2004, at 17:19:05
In reply to Re: Lexapro Wearing off after a year?, posted by Mrs. C on June 12, 2004, at 22:49:29
Hey no worries Mrs. C.
I know what you mean about realizing how many people feel what we do. I sort of wonder what that says about our society? Or if it's the "human condition?" My mother was telling me today that she is thankful we have meds today to help me deal with my problems. In the "old days" I may have ended up a bum on the streets... self-medicating with alcohol and goodness knows that else. Anxiety and Depression run thick in my family - as does the associated alcoholism and suicide.
I've been pretty up and down the last few days. It's like being one of those mylar balloons that is low on helium. You kind of bounce on the bottom... skid a bit... slowly lift up a few inches... maybe float up a few feet... and then you skid across the floor some more.
I see my doctor tomorrow to discuss my meds. Will keep everyone posted. In the meantime I've gotten my "The Language of Letting Go" book back out. That's one fantastic book. Really plants the right seeds, you know? A close friend of mine who also suffers from anxiety inscribed it for me. It's a very special book.
Cheers everyone!
M.T.> Hey Mo, sorry that I haven't been able to write back sooner. Sometimes talking to openly and honestly to others about how you are feeling can really be helpful. It has been eye opening for me to realize how many people there are out there who experience the things that we do. I always thought that I was crazy and that I just had trouble dealing with things. I know differently now and I am so thankful that I spoke to my doc about it. Lex has made such a huge difference in how I handle things, especially stress. I hope it does the same for you. Mrs. C
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