Posted by MoTucker on June 13, 2004, at 17:11:50
In reply to Re: New Lex user, posted by nicko on June 13, 2004, at 0:49:05
Nicko - No wonder you felt like you were schitzophrenic (sorry for the spelling)! You were trying to be two people! I have a good friend that knew all along he was gay and didn't want to come out. He said it was like he was two people for a very long time, gay Joe and Straight Joe - in one body... You'll be happy to know that soon after he came out, he was doing very well. The need to hide things from people and be secretive all ended. It causes me anxiety just thinking about having to go through what you did. It seems very normal to me that your body and mind would have reacted the way that it has.
Enjoy your new freedom to be yourself! It must feel so wonderful to know that your mother loves you for who you are and not have to hide anymore! I am so happy for you! Even if you don't feel instantly better, don't be discouraged. Give yourself time. It sounds like you are on the right road. Cyber HUG right back at you.
M.T.
> Thank you Mrs, C and everyone else,
> Yes i still read some of the posts and I'm really glad and thankful for everyone's help, it has meant alot to me.
> But yes i had decided to get off the drugs, i wont be taking them anymore, i decided enough was enough and i am now on the road to facing my demons.
>
> Firstly after 30 years i finally came out and told my parents i was gay, WOW big one.lol, see one of the reasons my anxiety started was because i got sick a while back, and i thought i had a dreaded disease, HIV or similar, let me tell you that week of wait nearly killed and because no one knew about me being gay! i couldn't share my fears or concerns with anyone, all my results came back negative thank god but i was then told it isn't conclusive for 13 weeks and that i would need to be retested, so for 12 long weeks i worried, panicked, cried and put on a brave face infront of everyone, cause no one knew, but i started thinking negatively, im gonna die, i felt ashamed of myself and guilty. Well i got my results back again and all were negative again YAY but for some reason i couldn't let it go, what if its wrong, what if they made a mistake etc. I guess because thinking i was going to be positive for 13 weeks.
> So i had a deep and meaningful with my mum, i thought it was about time, i even told her about the months of worry and fear i felt!, she basically cried, more at the fact that i went through all that alone, she wasn't upset i was gay, she even made a joke and said GOOD i didn't want any more grandchildren.LOL Its weird to think after all these years of worrying, omg what if my parents find out, what if i see someone i know while im out with my parents etc, what if they hate me, what if it sickens then.
>
> So i have finally after all these years accepted i am what i am, i use to hate myself, i use to cry and say i don't want to be gay, but the truth is no one choses this, its just the way you are born or something, ive always known.
> I just cant explain the weight off my shoulders, It feels good.
> I know i have a long way to go, but i will get there, I might try some natural stuff and see how it goes, maybe St johns wort, But i feel most of the pain and suffering had a reason, it has been a tough year and i want to stop living this lie and see what happens, if after a few weeks or months i don't start to feel better, I'll go back to the dr for meds.
>
> I'm so glad i found you guys, you have helped me more then you know, giving you all a cyber HUG, would it be ok if i stay in touch?
>
>
>
> > Hi Nicko, I am not sure if you are still reading the posts. I read that you have already decided to quit the lexapro. It's been a few days since I have read the posts. If you are still here, I'm glad. Maybe reading about how well everyone is doing will help you. I remember very well dreading having to take my next dose of lex. I was just starting to feel "normal" again when it was already time to take my next one. But I hung in there because of the people here on this site. All the support you need is right here from wonderful human beings who have been there. I hope that you feel better no matter what you decide. Best of luck. Mrs. C
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poster:MoTucker
thread:109458
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040608/msgs/356330.html