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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Karen_kay on February 4, 2004, at 12:58:16
In reply to Re: Hi Karen Kay, posted by Eve1 on February 3, 2004, at 15:12:37
I'm sorry to hear of all your troubles. At least you got good drugs in the hospital, right?? :)
Are you planning on tapering up the Topamax? since you only take 50 mgs a day, that doesn't seem like a very high dose. I take 300 mgs a day. Hmmmm.... I'm no expert so I don't know?? Are you also taking an AD with the topamax? You said you previously took Celexa (Oh, those were the days... My sister used to give me those and they were called '""Karen Crazy Pills@!!!!!") but are you currently on them as well??? We have to keep this topic on meds, so I can't really chat. If you'd like to chat more, go to the Social board. I don't frequent this board often, as don't have much input on meds.... But, I'm ont he Social and Psychology Boards quite often. But, I'll respond to your posts here, don't get me wrong :) Let me know what all you're taking and I can tell you what to expect as you taper up, if you do....
And by all means, finsih your story..
Posted by katia on February 4, 2004, at 13:18:44
In reply to Thinkin of stickin » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 4, 2004, at 12:51:56
Hi karen,
I wouldn't say that I was hypomanic - edging on it though. I am starting to come down a bit from that. That was a long run - like 4 weeks. I'm usually a two day cycler. I don't think I'm heading the other way (depression), but I have to be careful. I am just on about 12mg of Seroquel for sleep and 12gs of fish oil a day. Yesterday, I started Antabuse. It's expensive - 62$ for a month's worth. so I cut them in quarters and it will last me four months. It's psychological- if i know I'm on any of it, I won't drink. My system's sensitive anyway and less does more for me.
I've got Trileptal samples here if I feel I need to go on something. At this point it feels good to be somewhat med free - minimal meds - after a year and a half of trial and error and being in a daze. Now I can start from ground zero. I was over medicated I think. It'll be interesting to see how no alcohol will affect my mood as I've used that in the past as medication. Not in the past four weeks though. I haven't had much of a craving. I'm excited to see what I become sans alcohol.
You know, have you thought about reducing your topa dose? You could be overmedicated. Just a thought. And sorry, no can do. I NEED a sugar daddy. Everyone says that this is a bold aggressive move on my part to buy a 350K house with no money saved and working as a waitress. But I'm determined. Things appreciate here quickly.
katia
Posted by fluffy on February 5, 2004, at 10:36:33
In reply to Re: BP freakin' » fluffy, posted by katia on February 2, 2004, at 3:01:42
Hello gals.
Honestly, I don't really understand not wanting to be on meds at this juncture. I am feeling sooooo much better now. I'm taking 500mg of Depakote, and I've been solid as a rock for a month now. No more rapid cycling, no more depressions. I thought that Depakote wasn't as helpful w/ depression, but it sure has been for me, unless it's some kind of fluke. It feels like it took the edge right off. Within a week, I had no thoughts of suicide, my energy was back, and I'm sleeping OK. I still have a bit of a problem with sleep, but oh well. I've never felt better.
I'm not gaining weight and my appetite hasn't increased. As far as PCOS is concerned--who really knows? Whatever. I'm just glad I'm not rapid cycling and depressed out of my mind.
You guys sound like you are doing well, but I'm really concerned about the drug vacation business. I think it's too risky, and could cause more harm than good. But that's my conservative side talking.
Be careful and take care. Something will click soon.
Katy
Posted by katia on February 5, 2004, at 14:07:37
In reply to Depakote is not a sexy drug, but it works, posted by fluffy on February 5, 2004, at 10:36:33
Hi katy,
Good for you! Glad to hear it. i had a feeling it would work. I have been feeling better for the past month - very good. But I feel like I'm starting to lose my grip. The good mood is starting to become ugly and I feel the depression creeping up. Sigh. Maybe I am bipolar after all...I've been crazy obessessed with buying a house. I put my first offer in yesterday to a townhouse that was JUST put on the market that day and already there were two others outbidding me. It's starting to get to me. It's tough process buying a house esp. in this cut throat envirnonment. I'm losing my enthusiasm and energy and stability...is it the house situation or my mood disorder? It's so confusing. Maybe I'm just having a bad day. I just started Antabuse that could be it. I'm sick of being on meds and think I do better w/o at this point. Even the antabuse is too much I think.It is amazing the assurance I feel when (possibly?) hypomanic- the absolute conviction that I have finally transformed and gotten to solid optimistic ground; that I have a clear head now and won't let depression creep back in - I feel too in control. But it does. It's so crazy how much I don't want to admit that my good mood was hypomanic. I just can't do it. I think what happens in the next few days will be an indicator as to if I'm cycling or not. And it's the f-cked up mixed states that get me - I'm experiencing a mild one today - a prelude to more to come? Hope not.
Oh boy....this is not easy.
I'll ride this out and see if it gets worse or better.
good to hear from you. I was wondering what was happening.
katia
Posted by fluffy on February 5, 2004, at 14:26:31
In reply to Re: Depakote is not a sexy drug, but it works » fluffy, posted by katia on February 5, 2004, at 14:07:37
Hi Katia--
I don't really understand. Have you been wondering whether you are bipolar or not? Sounds like you keep testing the waters and doubting your diagnosis. This is healthy to a point. You want to make sure you are getting correct treatment. Sounds like you've been doubting for awhile now. Maybe do one of those questionaires again to be concrete and objective. I remember you telling Barb-cat and I about your depressions, and they sounded very real. You have bad reactions to AD's. Sounds like bipolar to me. (me no doc, though) Have you and your therapist been very concrete about your diagnosis? Or has your pdoc given you any indication that there is something else going on or a comorbid condition?
Not knowing if you are hypomanic is unfortunately a SYMPTOM of being hypomanic. It's very possible you are. Too bad that can't happen when we're depressed, right?
Buying a house is like, um, a HUGE decision!! Is there a rush on buying a house for you?? I don't know your financial situation, but from what you say, you are a student, and you wait tables. A $300,000 house is waaaaaayyyyy out of your ballpark financially unless you have some mega-money tucked away. Again--not trying to be preachy. But if you are indeed hypomanic, then you might make a hasty decision on something you can't own up to later. I'm feeling kind of protective of you right now!
If you must test the waters though, then waiting to see what happens with your mood may indeed tell you if you were hypomanic and are still cycling. My bet is that you are, since you aren't taking a mood stabilizer right now. Fish oil alone just doesn't cut it for most people. And I don't know the seroquel dose, but if it's for sleep, then it's probably not an optimal dose. At least you have that. What's the hesitation on taking Trileptal? You have some squirreled away you said? did your doctor prescribe this for you? I'd get to it. Trileptal had very few side effects for me (i.e. feeling groggy or drugged.) it was very mild, and I only stopped it because of the adverse sodium weirdness.
Keep me updated on what you decide to do.
Take lots and lots of care,
Katy
Posted by katia on February 5, 2004, at 18:40:56
In reply to Re: Depakote is not a sexy drug, but it works, posted by fluffy on February 5, 2004, at 14:26:31
> Hi Katia--
>
> I don't really understand. Have you been wondering whether you are bipolar or not? Sounds like you keep testing the waters and doubting your diagnosis. This is healthy to a point.
** Hi Katy,
500mg of Depakote I think is a good dose. It's not too much, but just enough to help you, esp. with your weight.I just keep feeling like I've just transformed out of an old state of being - a spiritual sort of transformation. I guess there are many factors to it all, but I want to ride out being un-medicated for awhile to see where I go. Pre-meds, I was UNAWARE of being bipolar; so it was all confusing. AND then I was on ADs for a year - you know how that goes - then all this overmedication with the wrong MS. Now, I have the awareness of BP w/o all those drugging hazy meds and I just want to see what happens w/ minimal meds. I'm not on nothing. Seroquel is big b/c it gets me to sleep and that's the big key to stopping mania. I think there's something to be said for the fish oil. My psychic (who lives in Dallas BTW)(who I really believe in) says that my system is very sensitive and i need less meds than the average person and I have been feeling that as well. I'm actually ok at the moment - not too much of either high or low. And I have passed through major astrological cycle (I believe this) and astrologically speaking I'm more balanced now than I have been in over 80 years. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel it to my bones a shift in energy on a deeper level than just "mood" related. I feel like I've come into my own skin and power and it's just getting better. AND it's important to let the old energy run out without medicating that to see where I stand with this new energy. I'm not opposed to going on meds later, but if I do now it'll confuse things. I need to start from ground zero.
I guess I am second guessing bipolar for myself. This may be something I need to go through. Yes, I fit the description, but it's not everything of who I am. I'm still in the process of sorting out what's what.
buying a house...yes very risky and bold. But it feels like a good move. I'm sick of being a poor person renting. I want to get my foot in the door and if that means taking a risk then so be it. BTW, a 300K house here is more like a 80K house anywhere else in the country. i promise - it's like comparing rubles to dollars. You just can't make the comparison. It just has to be done. I'm determined and there's no going back.
So what if this is hypomania? Good things come out of this energy too. It can make things happen.
(me no doc, though) Have you and your therapist been very concrete about your diagnosis? Or has your pdoc given you any indication that there is something else going on or a comorbid condition?Yes, on a "clinical" level I'm bipolar. It all seems so vague anyway.
>
> Not knowing if you are hypomanic is unfortunately a SYMPTOM of being hypomanic. It's very possible you are. Too bad that can't happen when we're depressed, right?The depression has been real that's for sure. And more than likely I am bpII. And i am delicate. I can be thrown off balance easily and I'm just trying to monitor myself now.
I'm feeling kind of protective of you right now!
>
**Good to know you care!**I do have Trileptal at hand in case I need it. I honestly am just not up to getting drugged out right now and going through all that trial and error again. It made me worse. Again, I need to start from ground zero and address the current symptoms, not that old stuff that is probably being washed away for good. Do I make sense? To me I do!
I thought about you when, unfortunately I got sucked into the bachelorette - that guy from Texas is absolutely adorable! Are they all like that there? The accent is so charming.
take care!
katia
Posted by Eve1 on February 5, 2004, at 20:36:23
In reply to Re: Hiya Eve! » Eve1, posted by Karen_kay on February 4, 2004, at 12:58:16
Hello: Karen
I thank you for replying to my posts. And yes I think this 50mg of topamax a day is to little. I feel all anxious,and sad. "I have had numbness and tingly feeling in my hands, very strong Did you?" I had to take my old leftover celexa pills, until I see my Doctor. I hope I could wait, its supposed to be in two weeks. I have had insomnia for many years, for which I take ambien, will I need to take the ambien always? or you think that the topamax at a higher dose cause some sleep? I also take Lorazepam "ativan" 1mg 6x a day for anxiety. What you think will I have to continue the ativan? increase or decrease? I'm sorry If I'm asking to many questions, I know your not a doctor, but you know the effects of this medication topamax better than anyone else I know. Any little insite could help me.
Thank You Very Much,
From
Eve1
Posted by Karen_kay on February 5, 2004, at 23:02:42
In reply to Re: Depakote is not a sexy drug, but it works » fluffy, posted by katia on February 5, 2004, at 18:40:56
So, I'm a moon child (being a Cancer and all) and the full moon's coming. Is that what's wrong? Or is it, "Say it and it happens" philosophy? Well, I've been recently wanting so badly to be hypomanic and *bam* all of the sudden, my prof asked me if I was on some sort of medication that was making me "speedy." He noticed that I "seemed to get a kick" out of a film we were watching, and no one else thought it humorous! Imagine that. Also, I've noticed that the language German sounds rather similar to Pig Latin, whereas I decided to interupt class and ask the person behind me "in an outside voice" (of course I can't distinguish between inside and outside voice just yet, they sound the same to me right now) "Does this sound like F- Pig Latin or what?" And of course the prof and the class heard my outburst.
And I've been having giggling otburst in class. Which I don't know how to even begin to explain. And I can't stop giggling. And I always have 5 songs in my head at once, but I become confused, as I can't choose 1 song to sing. I took a math test today and I couldn't begin to tell you anything aobut it, except that I'm quite confident I did well.... Though I haven't a clue what it was about :) Oh dear me..... Say it and it happens???? The full moon, as I am heavily influenced by the moon, being a moon child... The only problem is that my law prof wants an email explaining my outburst... And I can only imagine what it will say :) Maybe I will try to seduce him... Thinking of calling my Pdoc, but not to raise my meds, he's rather sexy too... Oh, I must get sex off my mind... But what else is there to think aobut right now?? ARG!!!! Sorry! Should I even bother to post this? Sure, why not? You don't mind, do you? Just a note to tell you how I'm doing. I really hope everyone else is as fabulous as I am.... But, I'm quite sure outsiders aren't seeing that I'm feeling quite so well :( That's rather sad, isn't it???
Posted by Karen_kay on February 5, 2004, at 23:13:49
In reply to Re: Hiya Eve!, posted by Eve1 on February 5, 2004, at 20:36:23
Oh Eve.... If you read my last post, you could surely tell that I'm not quite in a state to answer your questions, though I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY LOVE TO ANSWER ANY AND ALL QUESTIONS YOU EVER HAVE!!! Don't get me wrong. As for the tingleingyness (huh??? you understand that right??) I could say it, just not spell it :) it is VERY common and DOES go away in time... Most of the side effects go away in time, it just takes awhile.. The rest of your questions, I'm barely able to concentrate right now, so I know if I tried to answer them, the anwers would end up being about puppies and plantations, with something about common law marriage. So, let me get back to you about that... Wait, let me take another looksie... Hold tight for a second..
Well, for me personally, Topamax didn't affect my sleep. But I am very medication resistant (did that come out right???) I'm like the medication Terminator.... Not very many drugs affect me. I have very little side effects with drugs... I know that headache queen takes (or used to take) topamax... she may be able to tell you more aobut the side effects as well.... I know my mom used to take ambien for sleep.
OK, what I can say.... Once you get your mood stabilized, I would think that your anxiety should decrease. I know mine has quite a bit... If your mood is stabilized, then you should have a more normal sleep cycle, as well as less anxiety. If that doesn't happen, you may want to look into therapy. Are you currently involved in therapy? I'm in LOVE with it! And my therapist. In fact, I called him yesterday to proclaim my undying love and devotion to him... Oh, I'm pathetic :) Nope, I'm hypomanic....
Posted by Eve1 on February 5, 2004, at 23:53:04
In reply to Re: Hiya Eve!, posted by Eve1 on February 5, 2004, at 20:36:23
Hi,
Thanks for your prompt response. I'm sure lol reading your "ladies!" post, your are having a great time. And thanks again for the info.From
Eve1
Posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 2:58:17
In reply to Depakote is not a sexy drug, but it works, posted by fluffy on February 5, 2004, at 10:36:33
Hi all fellow bunnykins!
Ok, since being diagnosed and finally being off of meds, i have a questions for all BPs out there.
When you feel manic, does your skin buzz and you feel in your lungs an exhileration to where you can barely breath? Like its fibrating? like your skin is alive and pulsating? I've been experiencing such intensity the past night. I feel like I can barely contain myself and just need to interupt everyone and scream and yell ONLY and JUST to relieve this exhilerating vibrating feeling I have inside of my body.
It's like the inside of me is chewing on tobacco. there's this juice and it's - whoa! Now I know how to describe - my whole body feels like on the verge of an organsm, but not in a sexual way - just tipping on breathlessness. Almost like an itching.
My question is - is this hypo/mania? I'm trying to monitor myself right now and see where I am in the mood monitoring range,as I am NOT on meds now (besides Seroquel for sleep). I just took my Seroquel so hopefully I'll die down.
Feed back from fellow BPs out there? What does mania feel like to you - the euphoric kind?
KATIA!
Posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 12:22:11
In reply to Bunnykins! Mania anyone?, posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 2:58:17
Oh girlie, seems we are on the same page!!! I have a problem with this energy inside of me that I can't get out... My WHOLE body is alive and moving and I don't know what to do! So, I giggle and laugh! And people don't like it! Or maybe they do! Or I just don't care! HA! Screw them, I say!
I giggle a lot. I called my mom and wouldn't stop talking. She tried to talk and I wouldn't let her. And I don't really always make sense. And I overdisclose. And I flirt. With old men, with profs. I blew my German prof a kiss today! I don't yell, but I talk. To EVERYONE!!! And I LOVE everyone! I feel like I have enough energy to run a marathon.
That's what hypomania feels like to me. I have songs in my head and I sing them out loud. While I'm walking to class.
Now, mania, I get naked in the streets. And my mind doesn;t have a clue what;'s going on! Everything that's pretty now turns scary and ugly and confusing. UI can't find a pencil or use it when it's right in front of me. I'm overexcited to the point that I'm just plain confused. I don't know what's oging on and I'm scared.
Posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 14:02:41
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 12:22:11
Hi,
Yep. that's sounds familiar. Let's see - last night at work I disclosed the fact that I haven't had a bowel movement in three days to the chefs and people I work with in a loud funny way due to the fact that I race out of bed in the past few mornings and look for more houses to buy... fight or flight - digestion is the first thing to shut down. I "mooned" a coworker (flipped my top up). A good mood can instantly turn sour and back again in a matter of minutes if something doesn't go right - esp. at work. I can go from tears to laughter and back again thrice. But all this feels normal for me. I seem to lack appropriate "disclosure" boundaries *sometimes* and wear my heart on my sleeve. Everyone knows everything about me. And then I cringe and feel I need to hide away in shame afterwards when the energy dies down. I'm also skipping therapy appointments - which could be a sign. I can't stand sitting in there for a whole 50min. trying to "process". And therapy is normally my lifeblood. (I'm talking therapy, not seeing my psychiatrist - he just prescribes meds).
And the energy can get ugly - I guess you could call it a mixed state. I think you described it earlier. This whole cycle that you described - how long is it? days? weeks? months? I think I go in and out of highs and lows in general ways that last month(s)- I'm in a high now I think (or is this normal?) and within the general high or low I rapid cycle within it I'm seeing. Like some days are normalish and some days are very activating/energized and some days are irritable and sad; but energized so. So I guess it would be mixed states when I appear to cycle. It's a racy alive pulsating time. It's this whole buying the house thing that is stimulating me. Sensitive types...anything can loop me.
Are you still on Topamax? How old are you? I'm 33.
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 15:08:33
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 14:02:41
Hiya, I'm 23 (or 24.. I can never remember....) But, that at least gives you an estimate, right? My mood doesn't turn ugly until I become manic. Hopefully that won't happen. Crossing fingers and toes as I type....
I'll go to my therapy appointment. And I go to class, usually. This is when I get my stuff done! I get projects done for class. I take tests and think I do well, not sure jsut yet how I actually did, but I think I got an A... Though, I have no clue what was on the test... We'll see! Maybe things will turn sour after I get the test back???
But, I don't have mixed episodes at all. And I'm glad for that one. Mine's pure heaven, until I become manic. Then, I shoplift, get nakie (and I mean completely!) in public, spend money that I can not spend, ect.... And my driving, we'll not even talk about that.
I'm still on Topamax. I don't understand what happened. I don't care right now, as long as I do't become depressed. If that happens, I'll go see my Pdoc and spit on him if I have to!!!!
My cycle is strange. I was depressed for over 2 years... My manic phase once lasted for a little over a week. Hypomania just strikes me, I don't really have a certain cycle... It's strange like that. I can have several episodes of hypomania with or without mania, then a year later have a bout of depression that lasts for over a year... I don't understand this crap one bit. Maybe I'm not in tune with my mind or body? Maybe it's the state of the world or stressors? I haven't a clue. When my dad died, I turned manic. Strange, I would have thought I would have become depressed. But, a year later, I became depressed and basically stayed that way for 2 years. Except that I took soem antidepressants which made me manic, but it was UGLY!!! I recall calling my md (not Pdoc because I wasn't dx or anything) and saying, "If I kill myself tonight, it's on your head!" That was a pretty scary time for me. Once I quit the AD, I was somewhat normal, but still depressed and started seeing a doctor who dx me with Bipolar. He "couldn't handle" it so I started seeing a Pdoc and the rest is history baby!!!!
Yeah, I remember once when I was hypomanic, I started telling everyone around me, who I didn't even know, my medical history!!! OMG!!! Could you imagine?? Glad I'll never see them again, and if I do, I won't remember who they are! Shew!
Be careful not to sign any papers until you are a bit more stable hun, ok! Don't want to end up like Tom Hanks in "The Pit" now do you???
I'm lucky though, I don't get sensitive or irritable... Just happy and a bit "out there" Heck, half the time, I don't even know what I'm talking about !!!!
Posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 18:16:09
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 15:08:33
Hi,
Yes, interesting the hypomania is peeking through on Topamax. Again - it is Topamax...you've gotten unusual results.
After a week of mania, what happens? Do you start meds or does it just go away on its own?
I'm just trying to get a feel for other's experience so I can see what's "normal" and what I am experiecing...
Oh, btw, too late on the signing of papers! I just put a bid on a house!
I feel grounded in this decision at least. It's just the process of buying the house (good decision) that induces some hypo stuff.
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on February 11, 2004, at 15:13:42
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on February 9, 2004, at 18:16:09
I don't understand why the hypomania is peaking through either. It just hit me in the head one day. And now it's starting to turnugly, I fear. Oh, darn the luck.. Maybe a visit with my Pdoc? He's rather yummy! I'll ask aobut his wife. And if they're happy. And if i could make him happier, just for a moment anyway....
In the past, it's gone away on it's own. Again, my cycles, as they call them???, are strange... I can have a year of depression at a time. And i can have spurts of hypomania, a well as mania, without depression following. At least I think. My memory is so screwy. Guess we'll find out, woj't we. My vision's not so well. I think I should go lie down for a while. But, I think typically mania, or hypomania if Bipolar II is followed by depression or vice versa. I'll let you know what happens with me. I feel like your little guinea pig. Will you feed me and hug me and kiss me good night?
When you put the bid on the house, were you hypomanic, or did that cause it? Crossing my fingers for you hun! I think if i talk to my Pdoc, he would raise my med (topamax) or add lithium to it to make sure I don't cycle itno mania. But, this is starting to turn ugly, as my assignment from my therapist wasn't a good one and my thoughts aren't bright and fuzzy anymore.... He's a jerk sometimes and he knew I was hypomanic. Why do they do that? Does anyone know?
Posted by katia on February 11, 2004, at 16:05:00
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 11, 2004, at 15:13:42
Hi-
When you say turn ugly what do you mean? And I am not totally clear on the below - what assignment and why do they do what?>>But, this is starting to turn ugly, as my assignment from my therapist wasn't a good one and my thoughts aren't bright and fuzzy anymore.... He's a jerk sometimes and he knew I was hypomanic. Why do they do that? Does anyone know?
**I ask everyone questions about their patterns - just to get my head around what this means. You're not my only little guineau pig!
Yes, I've been in a good up awake mood for over a month now. I am not so sure it's hypomania. It could just be a new me sans meds. The process of buying this house has definitely elevated me some, but that's been ok b/c I need energy during this crazy crazy time. I put my bid and I won out three other bidders! Yah! Now I just have to get an inspector in there and check it out before we close.
I'm VERY excited about this!Sorry to hear your mood's turning ugly.
And yes, what is it about these crushes on our pdoc - esp. when hypomanic!? What are you studying?
katia
Posted by Eve1 on February 13, 2004, at 4:13:18
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 9, 2004, at 15:08:33
Hi Karen,
Good to hear from you. Now I could picture you a little better. Your so young, and smart. I'm twentynine, been married for 11 years and mother to three. I sure hope for both of us topamax really is the best treatment for our BP simptoms.
The side effects are weird though, the other day I got kind of lost in familiar streets. It happened 3 times that same day. Oh how stupid I felt. Then I got home feeling numbness and tingling on my lips. When I looked in the mirror my top lip was crooket to oneside! OH !!! But I got to admit I have not felt this happy and energetic in years. I'm still on a low dose 100mg a day. I can't sleep still, and I get anxiety during the day, but a little less.
Thanks to you all for reading!!!!!!
Eve1
Posted by Karen_kay on February 14, 2004, at 14:57:49
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on February 11, 2004, at 16:05:00
First of all, where did Bunnykins come from??? It's very cute I must say... Am I a Bunnykin? May I be one, Please????? (On my knees, begging..)
As in my thoughts turning ugly.... Well, my assignment dealt with thoughts that weren't pleasant. So, if my mood is great and happy, and Ihave to think bad thoughts, then my mood generaly turns ugly. But, I've given up that assignment, asI recalled several memories and decided to stop at that... Let's leave well enough alone, I say,.....
You must know that everyone's patterns aren't going to fit yours. My "cycles" are very odd indeed. And my meds that work for me are again very odd. But, I understand completely why you want to look at patterns.
As for mine, I again am still having racing thoughts, general hyperness, giddiness, ect... Telltale signs of hypomania... Another kick inthe pants is the fact that my insurance is being a dick and I have to now pay for my meds, whcih is about 200 for 10 days supply. My boyfriend decided it is "uneeded" and it scares the crap out of me, as I am already hypomanic, and if I discontinue my meds, I bel8ieve Iwill become all out manic.... Now, this is Carazy Karen,.... Karen who takes her clothes off in the middle of the street. Karen who sleeps with strangers she met at a coffee house while getting her morning cup of coffee... Karen who is arrested ofr shoplifting a houseplant and laughs when they take her picture inthe store... I'm terrified, butr I'm going to do it, just to prove everyone wrong. Jsut to say, "LOOK IT!!! You're wrong! I need this medication to STAY SANE!!! NOW ARE YOU GOING TO F)*^T*^%(^ LISTEN TO ME??" I know it's not right to get myself in trouble to prove a point, but maybe now my friends and family will believe me that I'm sick and need meds to stay sane! ARGGGGGGG!!!!!
I'm studying telecommunications, BTW!!! Sorry to come onhere and gripe, but I'm just frustrated with people who think that my meds aren't a necessity! And who think that playstations, cell phones, expensive dinners, ect are!!! Let me go out and cause trouble! Let me get put back in the hospital! If that's what I have to do to prove I'm sick, I'll do it! Maybe soemone will finally listen to me!!!! I guess actions do speak louder than words!
Posted by Karen_kay on February 14, 2004, at 15:02:18
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone?, posted by Eve1 on February 13, 2004, at 4:13:18
Hello Eve!
I had the exact same side effects! I would frequently miss the street to my house, as well as my driveway to my house. And the "pins and needles" too! I also got severe heartburn.
But, after a while, it goes away, I promise!!!! Promise, promise, promise!!!!!
If you read my previous post, you'll see I'm a bit revved up!!!
Hang in there though, you're doing great. I do swear, the side effects go away! They get worse as you taper up if you don't go slow. But, in time, they go away!
How are you children? I love children. Just glad I don't havethem!!! I'd go nutso! :)
Thank you for the kind words... I agree, I am young and inteligent. However, you forgot to include how extremely beautiful I am!!! I'll forgive you this time! :)
Posted by gardenergirl on February 14, 2004, at 15:24:56
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 14, 2004, at 14:57:49
KK,
Let me talk to your old man. I'll set him straight, or kick him in the *ss. Please, please, please! Do not go off your meds just to prove a point. You are too beautiful of a person to do that to yourself. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. I'm sure it's still a wonderful nose (thinking of that beautiful little girl in the picture).Take care,
gg
Posted by Karen_kay on February 14, 2004, at 15:49:18
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » Karen_kay, posted by gardenergirl on February 14, 2004, at 15:24:56
But... he has control of the $$$$.. And he doesn't know about the inappropriate sexual behavior, and he's insanely jealous... I feel that I don't have a choice in the matter... What's a girl to do?? I can't very well give him head for $200 dollars. That's jsut too much.... Yes, we do have a strange relationship. I'm trapped..... OH PRINCE CHARMING, CAN YOU HEAR ME CALLING????
Posted by gardenergirl on February 14, 2004, at 15:55:39
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » gardenergirl, posted by Karen_kay on February 14, 2004, at 15:49:18
Well, I'd still like to kick him. All I'd have to do is use a mallet on my kneecap and my reflexes will take him out, thanks to Nardil.
Sorry about the situation. But please take care of yourself. Any way to get meds assistance? I may have a resource list somewhere in my email file if I didn't delete it. Have to go now, but if I find it later, I'll post it for you.
Take care,
gg
Posted by katia on February 14, 2004, at 17:45:35
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » katia, posted by Karen_kay on February 14, 2004, at 14:57:49
Hi Karen,
Oh dear - it sounds like you're having a rough time. I didn't realize your boyfriend and family were questioning your dx.
there might be aid programs out there to help you - order from Canada if you can. there is an "American Drug Company" in San Leandro Cal. that imports drugs in from Canada. Get samples from you pdoc. Maybe Topamax company gives programs to lower income people. I know that Trileptal does. There are ways to get the drugs. Why did your insurance company not cover anymore? I've also heard that there might/is a law out there - if you have been dxed as bipolar while under coverage that company HAS to by law keep covering you for life and I would think that means covering for meds. All things you should look into before going off meds and letting yourself go manic to prove a point. It could be life threatening.
Bunnykins came from another thread at Substance abuse board - there are figurines from Germany called Bunnykins and I liked the name.I still don't understand what you mean about your "assignment". What is that?
take care,
Katia
Posted by Karen_kay on February 16, 2004, at 18:33:11
In reply to Re: Bunnykins! Mania anyone? » Karen_kay, posted by katia on February 14, 2004, at 17:45:35
Hey Katia! How are things your way?
My mother and sister both offered to pay for my meds. They're sweet, aren't they? I could take them up on the offer but I HATE being dependent on others. I'm already dependent on my boyfriend and that's bad enough. Besides, I was talking earlier about taking a med vacation anyway... Letting my mind take a breather for a while. I don't know, I'm just stubborn.
I did ask my Pdoc about samples, and he didn't have any available. So, that theory is shot. And I ran out last night. So, it's kinda late in the game to try to find solutions. I'm a "play it by ear" kind of gal anyhow :) I'll be ok! I'll keep posting. If things go wrong, I can always go back on Lithium which is cheap, until my insurance company quits being stupid. Or, I can take my mother up on her offer, as much a I hate it..I like Bunnykins too. How's the house looking? Did it pass inspection?
My assignment was to think unpleasant thoughts for an hour a day. Hmmm, talk about a buzz kill. I did it for 2 days, remembered some things and quit there... Baby steps hun, baby steps :)
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