Posted by alexandra_k on June 8, 2009, at 3:10:57
In reply to Re: helllllllllllllooooooooooooo? » alexandra_k, posted by twinleaf on June 8, 2009, at 2:12:05
Hey. I think we cross posted with the last two. I got scared when I read your post and saw you say about the 'perfect therapist'. Worrying that maybe I was expecting too much of him. But then you said that you had found one.
He... Does everything but bear me in mind when I'm not there. It is obviously hard for him... He has been making an effort. He came around to the idea of email contact. While he isn't particularly verbal with them he does seem to have developed an appreciation that it isn't about my being avoidant so much as my embracing a medium that allows me to explore things (with him) in more depth than I could or would otherwise. He even downloaded Skype and we had a couple of Skype 'interactions' if not sessions while I was away. Not as many as I would have liked (some extra contact after my father died would have been nice - but he said he didn't have the time) and then... He wasn't being paid for those sessions... In some respects he really does seem to have gone out of his way to stay in contact with me (being okay about the emails, giving Skype a go) but in another sense... I really don't feel that he holds me in mind at all.
It is the only problem we have. So hard for me to know how much to make of this. I guess... I guess I have a sneaking suspicion that it will sort itself out. That he will happen to get cancellations and I'll happen to get more or less frequent sessions until we are back to once a week. Even though once a week isn't ideal for me. I don't know. I just feel so very hurt about this. And I do wonder... About how much he thinks of me. About whether subconsciously at least he simply doesn't want to keep working with me. I feel like he has been dissuading me... But then I wondered if that was because he was going to amp the 'you are avoidant' thing and make me really work for an additional session. Now I'm seeing that... If I just fell out of contact with him... How much would he really notice or care?
Sob.
Geez I'm pathetic.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:896926
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20090424/msgs/899946.html