Posted by susan47 on July 10, 2008, at 22:53:02
In reply to (Rant - but Well Justified) » susan47, posted by susan47 on July 10, 2008, at 18:14:59
Posting without proofing, without reading it ... my psychiatrist actually said, something like this "I'd be more concerned about your alcohol consumption than your marihuana smoking, actually" .... but what does it matter, does it matter that he wasn't concerned about my mj habit, does this matter at all? Does it matter that my ex-T never told me I couldn't see him if I'd toked, and I told him I toked before I came, and he was tongue-tied. Tongue-f*ck*ng-tied, yes, did not say a bloody word about it. In fact, seemed interested in the special effects I shared with him .. and this is not his fault, either, as he is human, a human being with curiosity I suppose, some desire to understand or empathize with an experience ... perhaps one he shared, perhaps not ... psychs can be sick, as well, and share symptoms with their "patients" .. God, how I love that terminology, it's almost funny .. because they too are someone's patient, aren't they, then? Unless they don't believe in their own medicine. If they do, they're hooped, as hooped as those they "treat".
I want to explain myself because what I have written is so disordered, there are typos and things not correctly expressed .. like boats, what is boats about? It's about status, that's all. but S47 loves boats, and thinks sailors are sexy, so that's why boats, she could've said Mercedes or how many times a week the good doctor golfs; whatever has meaning, use it, baby. And is it the doctor's fault if his education is psycho-pharmaceutical in nature, is it his fault that his life's work is based on a trend in psychiatry, in mental health, and the system supports him totally, that private insurers prefer prescriptions to therapy as Rx's are much more cost-effective .. do you have stock in these companies, Phil? Mutual funds? Is that a blue-chip stock, honey? What is your RRSP worth these days? What is your Health worth, what is your mental status worth to you, to the world; yesterday I rode into town on my bicycle and passed people like me sleeping by the railway tracks at the bridge, dirty and sick and needing human love and finding only illness and pain and misunderstanding? Too much pain to live in the world in any one place, too much pain to bear to the office, to any home ... too much sickness in the holes in the brain, that warm three-pound mass living inside my skull, and yours ... here lies agony.
And what is disease and disorder through unhappiness? Unhappiness causes symptoms of mental illness, including hallucinations (a symptom of schizophrenia, one I had at five .. the symptom, the waking dream, the elves ... unhappiness causes this, and of course it is true. Of course it is. Doctors are afraid of being unhappy, especially when this stage of life comes on, the fear of death gets really strong, I have it on me and I have to let go, just let it go, and remember to live like this is everything, because it might be.
More than likely, most people would say.
I don't know, though.
I just don't know about that.
What is Everything?
(laughing) God, I charge all over the place.
All over the place, my counsellor had a hard time keeping up with me, and I was Not Under the Influence at the time, so it Is me.
poster:susan47
thread:468123
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20080605/msgs/839204.html