Posted by Susan47 on September 26, 2007, at 14:13:32
In reply to Dear Ex-T, dear man ..., posted by Susan47 on September 26, 2007, at 14:01:51
> Well.
> Today I drove up your street
> Because it was the shortest way
> from x to z, and I remembered
> an emerald green jacket one day, there.
> Where I actually really expected to see it, but was yet surprised ... Surprise. My god you exist, in body not just in imagination ... you have a physical body, and There
> There.
> There it is.
>
> My dear therapist.
> A man, like many, very many of your kind .. hard and soft, wonderful, delicious .. hah. I wouldn't know, now.
> Which is a good thing, is it not? I have no wish to make anyone whimper. Not because of who I am, nor who they are ... They. You. All of you. All of them, the men.
> Listen.
> Here is an attitude.
> One I've imagined, and seen, and not wanted to see .. but there it is.
> A man. Seeing a lot of women.
> Daily.
> Alone.
> A man. Seeing a lot of couples.
> Daily.
> Alone.
> A man. Experienced. Worldly. If not through direct experience, then certainly through vicarious means. Yes.
> All right, then.
> A man with imagination.
> A man with dignity .. soul, humour .. expressiveness .. oh yes, those eyes. Your bbe's. Ah.
> Yes. And you do know how to mirror.
> So very well, so well in fact, that it's a way of life.So to continue with my imaginary friend, now. The one I've built, out of my "dependent personality" ... the mirroring I do is another kind, perhaps. Yes? No? Perhaps it's all nothing, now.
All right. This man needs scaffolding.
There she is, there she stands. She walks in front, protective and demanding.. giving, always giving. It's a difficult way to live, but she does it. She manages. She is His foundation. This is where he feels strongest, in coming home to her.. she is his advocate, and he does everything he can to keep her .. operable. Loving, to the degree that he requires that; satisfied, happy, secure. We all need that.
Well.
Some of us just don't have that, darling.
We're not there, yet.
We have to learn to provide it for ourselves.
To be our own goddamn muse.
F*ck you.
F*ck you, darling, (see now I'm just being Angry, again ... is this my transference? IS IT???) for not being there, for being weak, and protected, and using your safety net, your personal strength who is your wife, to go forth and misbehave .. so mild are your misbehaviours, that anyone would be a fool to try and wrestle with you. Which is why I do what I can, now, to retain any level of sanity and self-respect .. and that can only be done by being helpful, and kind, and understanding. Loving, in fact.
It's why an open heart is the only possible way.
You fool.
poster:Susan47
thread:785322
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20070425/msgs/785324.html