Posted by susan47 on June 18, 2006, at 23:18:02
In reply to Forever, posted by susan47 on June 18, 2006, at 22:54:10
And btw, know this ...
know this.
You've shown me well
that in your world,
I do not exist,
I have no meaning,
outside of that bed ...
You have done no one any favours.
No.
You have not shown trust, nor humanity,
nor heart ... not even patience
nor interest.Who am I?
Does it matter?
Would you ever have known,
or appreciated,
trusted or given me my due,
what is mine,
because I am Me. Worthy
More than you would ever know
or care,
and that is not my problem.
It is none of my business,
really,
what you think of me,
or what you thought then ..
I suspect it was gentler.
Gentle before ...Because I agreed, in my lust,
I agreed that I could do this ..
this thing ...
this thing that I cannot do ..
what I believed could be a carryover
from my past, something new I could
change history,
my history .. well, it does not exist.
It no longer matters, none of it.
Nothing matters,
because in my desire to be close,
I f*cking sold my heart for far
far too low a price.
That
is my history.
The trail I leave behind ...The passing silver trail...
words softly spoken, whispers of desire ...
traitor ...
traitor ...
traitor .... the heart
opens like a flower,
bleeds colours of hope,
knowing that the past is history
yesterday is gone
tomorrow is new.
This moment is mine
to live the way I choose
This moment is my real hope.
Because there is nothing so wonderful,
and I know this because I have it,
and I have had it and I will have it
ever more often in my life,
what is left of it, ... there is no magic
like that of desire.And nothing more wicked,
more guaranteed to cause pain.
Nothing more wicked
than the total and complete
annihilation of oneself
to the wrong person
the complete absurdity
of the idea
that one could ever have been worthy
of being loved. This is the feeling
this is the reality
when it is the wrong person.
Because the truth is that of course
I am lovable. Beautiful,
in my own way.
Wise, and wonderful.
Damaged. But whole again.
I can rise from this.
Because my reality
is the one I create.
Ahd I make wise decisions.
Yes.
I do.
poster:susan47
thread:658538
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20060523/msgs/658543.html