Posted by sunny10 on April 28, 2005, at 11:27:04
In reply to Re: There are Some Things I cannot ever tell you » sunny10, posted by Susan47 on April 27, 2005, at 13:07:38
now that enough time has passed, I found out that he was just so ashamed with himself that he ws incapable of making apologies. He was mortified to learn that he is capable of losing control like he did.
It took some more "business" conversations before he realized how much he was hurting me by acting like that. The last time he was afraid to talk about his feelings, he did the "business talking" again, but this time it only took him fifteen minutes to realize that he said, "well, I'll call you when I hear from the rental agent" when he MEANT "I miss you so much that it hurts to talk to you, so I revert to talking about the house instead of telling you how much I miss you. I'm sorry, that must have really confused you."
Since then, we have had conversations about communication skills and saying what we feel instead of bottling hurt feelings up until they manifest as anger. He admits he does this. We also talked about how we moved in so quickly together because it made "financial sense", but that we probably rushed into it before we were truly ready for it and how it turned into us taking each other for granted.
I have not entirely let down my guard, Suze. I know that there is often a "honeymoon period" involved with an ongoing violent relationship and I am resolved to use my logic more than my emotions right now because if he is truly violent, it will start coming out again; starting with arguments and escalating. I am watching his body language a lot while we're having these conversations, et cetera. I refuse to become a statistic if this DOES turn out to be a "honeymoon period" and not steps toward improving the relationship.
But thanks for always being there with support and downright nagging when I've needed it- 'cause we do sometimes need it!
hugs and kisses to BC,
sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:480254
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050419/msgs/490841.html