Posted by JLynn on March 21, 2005, at 22:33:39
My T suggested I write a letter
to my mother
who died almost a year agowhat do I say
how do I begin
what is the purpose
how will this help
I don't understand it
And the words wont come
I'm so angry
So many things she didn't do
Things she didn't see
Or chose not to
I love her
And I hate her
Then I feel guilty
This is torture
I want to scream
I want to break something
Hit someone
Be held
That's what I really want
I long for it
I crave it
I don't know that feeling
Never had it
But I push people away
when they get close
I fear rejection
while I long to be close to someone
what is wrong with me
why can't I be normal
I see all that I longed for
as a child
and even now
and I promise
to try to give my daughter what I never had
to let her know I love her
by my words
my actions
hug her
kiss her
hold her
and let her know it's okay to cry
to talk to her
and make her feel comfortable talking to me
so she will be happy
safe and secure
So that she will be able to express her feelings
Unlike her mother
and her mother before her
So now maybe I can write the letter
Tell her about all I missed
And all I am still searching for
the love I didn't feel as a child
just to be held
poster:JLynn
thread:473826
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050321/msgs/473826.html