Posted by sunny10 on February 22, 2005, at 14:51:52
In reply to Valentine promised, but not received, posted by AdaGrace on February 21, 2005, at 18:01:46
AdaGrace,
I don't know whether I've told you this or not, but my last love lasted four years with a married man.
I had ended it, he kept begging me back- we worked together and he would press me about it at work, too.
I had to quit my job to get away. But then I let him back. But I had "frightened him so badly" (his words) that he "knew he couldn't live without me". He spent a Saturday morning in my bed, asking me to marry him when his divorce was final. When he left, it was to tell his wife that he wanted a divorce. I knew that he wouldn't be able to tell me how it went until Monday, and I told him that I understood that.
On Monday, he called me at my new job (that had taken me six months to find- I was unemployed and very poor for those months...). He told me that he talked to his wife, and that "they had decided to go to couples therapy and save their marriage". He told me that he was never allowed to see me or talk to me ever again.
I was in a major depressive episode for two years before I went to the outpatient day program.
It was the hardest thing that I have ever been through in my entire life. There was nothing that helped other than time, meds, and lots of therapy for me to find myself again.
A great guy found me, though, AdaGrace. I had given up looking. I had become determined to learn how to enjoy my own company and had to learn the fact that I was actually capable of taking care of myself; I didn't "need" love; I had gotten to the point that I would only accept love that I "wanted", not needed. That took a long time in therapy, too.
But it does feel better after time, honey, it really does. You need to let yourself grieve for the relationship that you thought would continue on. That relationship died, sweetie, you need to mourn. It's okay, and it's normal, and it hurts A LOT. And at some point, you will be able to look back on that relationship with some detached fondness. You will be able to hold on to the parts which were good, and realize that not all of it was. And that he wasn't the right one for you- no matter what the reason.
I very firmly believe that there will be a right one for you, sweetie. Love yourself; faults and all; and the right one will love you exactly the way you are.
And if you feel that I am talking out my butt, and that I am full of sh*t, you have that perogative as well. All your human rights and feelings are yours; you own them..... grab them.
hugs and mucho kisses,
sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:461477
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050211/msgs/461816.html