Posted by just plain jane on January 19, 2005, at 13:51:22
In reply to Re: mother love, posted by sunny10 on January 19, 2005, at 10:15:45
> yes, we had similar mothers.
>
> Have you heard the song "Daughters", by John Mayer? My only complaint about it is that he doesn't delve as deeply into what our mothers do to us, too!I'm not sure, I'd have to hear it to say. Delve, Sunny, he couldn't know.
> And, yes, "it's the same skin she's standin' in"...forever.
>
> The T's all tell me that since I KNOW why I feel the way I feel deep down, I should be able to "just decide to change it"...Something I wondered about for a long time. It's not until I let the feelings I recognized, and knew the source of, and kept locked away be wholly painful again that I found the ability to change anything.
>Did anyone ever teach you how to think for yourself?
Constantly heard "think", "use your brain", but when I stated or acted on the thinking I did for myself I got punished.
>Always walking on eggshells to keep others happy so I didn't get hurt is how I learned to think.
For me it wasn't eggshells, more like barefoot running through the broken glass, trying to help them see the danger of their paths into the miseries they chose. My family did not think nor communicate deeply. I was alone. The Monster... "Monster Ann".
>How do you learn (and trust) to turn off those instincts and figure out "what you like" ?
Not the way I did, please, spare yourself the self-inflicted continuation of the beating you have suffered so far in life.
What I like and how I live now is what I always dreamed. Although I've learned sociability, trust is reserved, and I would never want to be without my instincts.
It may be "the same skin", but the innards and soul, if you will, are uniquely yours. I had to consciously make the effort to allow myself to be comfortable in my own skin, then it came much easier to allow myself the indulgence of figuring out "what I like", in all ways, what makes me tick.
It is a life's work.
> Your poem spoke to me. I had to let you know you are not alone. I just wish I could help. Help all of us...
Participating here IS helping, in and of itself.
Thank you for sharing.
jpj
poster:just plain jane
thread:444070
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20050118/msgs/444246.html