Posted by alexandra_k on December 11, 2004, at 20:47:16
my whole body pumped with lead. My eyes scrapey like sandpaper. A dull headache and feeling of nausea. I curl up in bed and close my eyes and even my thoughts are slow and sluggish. They wander of their own accord. I remember lots of painful stuff but it doesn't hurt to sharp it is numbed and deadened. But I remember round and round its not like I am processing it away or processing it better of more manageable. But I can't stop the cycle. I can lie in bed like this for days.
Last night I went to bed about 6pm. My flatmates thought I had gone out. They had a party. I did not want to join them. They went out around midnight and I just cried and cried. What is it that estranges me from people real people in the real world - I am just too caught up in my ruminations.
My supervisor said I was shy and wasn't confident.
I used to be thought of as a loudmouth.
I am transparant
Other peoples take on me
Is strange
eerie
Is that me?
Do they see me?
Who the hell am I?
I am living many years ago.Sometimes I just want to be held.
To go to sleep in anothers arms.
You wouldn't believe the things I'd do
Just to fall asleep in anothers arms.
But then again
Maybe you would.Maybe I need to start taking my effexor again.
Maybe thats it.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:427968
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20041210/msgs/427968.html