Posted by Atticus on September 6, 2004, at 21:21:03
In reply to poem...Boundless, posted by malthus on September 6, 2004, at 18:56:17
Hi Malthus,
I really like the way the language of this poem operates on multiple levels. There is the sense of our lives being shaped by vast and unknowable and powerful forces beyond our comprehension. Then there is the understanding that other people are also "writing" our lives, through their actions, whether loving or hurtful, and through their perceptions of us, by which they define us and by doing so create a version of us beyond our control and often without our knowledge. I tried to explain to my mother today, while day-tripping to my parents' house in Jersey, that she needn't worry about my illness. The problems I had over the past week had really put her head in a spin. I thought I'd explained carefully enough that my mental illness can be managed but never controlled and certainly never eliminated. But as you and I both know, in regards to love and lost love, understanding something intellectually and accepting something on a more emotional level are two very different animals. I think that since there hadn't been any major problems or new bouts with depression since my hospitalization, she somehow believed I was now in the clear for good. But it's now obvious to me that my relapse into a depressive spiral was more distressing to her than she let on. She now sees me as someone with a big red "Fragile" stamp on my forehead, and every bump I experience along the way as I live my life -- and the anticipation of future bumps -- is causing her to literally lose sleep. I didn't want to lie to her and say everything's fine now, but I didn't want to cause her more anxiety. It's a very difficult line to toe. Meanwhile, I do feel as if "boundless" forces as deep and mysterious as the night are toying with the chemical balance in my brain. I was as rattled by the recurrence of a severe depressive state as she was, but the increased meds seem to be now holding that at least in check. The side effects are making my thinking a little blurrier than it was, but not as sad. I really feel this poem in my bones right now. Thanks for sharing it. ;) Atticus
poster:Atticus
thread:387319
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/write/20040828/msgs/387357.html